by R. G. Angel
I looked up and blinked a few times to stop the tears from coming. I couldn’t hurt him, no matter what, I couldn’t.
I sighed in defeat, putting everything back into place. I had to find another way to save myself, but I vowed not to hurt my brother in the process, he had been hurt enough.
My beautiful boy, mom kept calling him in her journal. She was so sure he was going to be okay, she was sure she would be coming back for him.
Could I save him? I shook my head. No, I couldn’t, he didn’t want to be saved anymore.
I was about to exit the room when my brother opened the door.
I was frozen in the middle of the room, like a deer caught in the headlights.
“What are you doing in here?” He barked with a scowl looking around his bedroom.
I was about to find some kind of lie but the look on his face was different, his lines taught, his face paler than usual.
“What happened? Why are you back so early… weren’t you supposed to do stuff with Caleb?”
He took a deep, shaky breath, “Theo died.”
“No!” I wailed as sorrow crashed into me. “You,” I reached for Archie but stopped as the familiar burn of tears reached my eyes and for the first time since I’d arrived I didn't try to stop them. Seeking comfort from him would be foolish. “I-” I sat on his bed, unconcerned with his scowl. I’d only met with Theo a handful of times but he had been so happy, so luminous- It was impossible not to love him.
Nobody could not love Theo, even the coldest of hearts. I jumped up at the thought, Caleb, cool Caleb had to be devastated.
“How’s Caleb?”
Archie raised one eyebrow, visibly surprised by my concern. “Caleb… is Caleb, Esmeralda - nothing touches him.” It sounded a lot like a warning, yet again. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought he cared.
I knew better though. There was so much you could fake, but I knew deep down that not everything in Port Harbor had been an act, especially not his love for his brother.
I extended my hand toward Archie. “Can I borrow your phone?”
He took a step back, his scowl deepening. “What for?”
“I needed to call Caleb.”
He sighed. “No, you really don’t. Caleb Astor doesn’t need nor wish for your solicitude, Esmeralda.”
“And you know that because…” I trailed off. “It doesn't matter, I need to do this, please be a decent brother and just for once, give in,” I added, and couldn't help my voice from breaking under the weight of my emotions.
He buried his hand in his pocket, his face reflecting his internal conflict. If only I could see in his head. He shook his head and looked up as if he was having an internal debate which I hoped I’d win.
He grunted, extending me his phone. “You’re going to regret this.”
I shrugged, grabbing his phone before he had a chance to change his mind.
The phone rang about 10 times before I reached the voicemail. It was so impersonal and clinical it seemed to belong more to a 50-year-old man than an 18-year-old.
I called again straight away because if I gave the phone back to Archie, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get it back again. “What do you want, Forbes?”
I was taken aback by the coldness of his tone. How did he know it was me?
“Oh Caleb, I’m so sorry,” I blurted, unable to stop my voice from cracking.
“Esmeralda?” His voice turned into a whisper which carried his surprise. I was somehow relieved not to be the only Forbes getting his cold, lashing tone. Frenemies for sure.
“Yes, how are you holding up?” I looked up and met my brother’s eyes. His lips were pursed, his eyes slightly narrowed. He was clearly calculating. I pointed at the corridor and exited the room, closing the door behind me before he had a chance to refuse. The call was innocent but I wanted the intimacy.
“He had a sick heart, it was to be expected.” He replied so evenly that he sounded robotic.
“I’m not asking pragmatic Caleb Astor, I’m asking Cal.”
He was silent for a while, his slow breathing the only hint that he was still with me. “I’m not sure,” he replied with a sigh. “I knew it would happen and yet…” He took a deep breath. “I need to process.”
I nodded, before realising he couldn't see me. “Of course, I just wanted to see if you were…” ‘Okay’ seemed like the wrong word – of course he couldn’t be Okay, he loved Theo so deeply – I saw that in his face at the engagement party or when he talked about him on the Ferris wheel. “…coping.”
He sighed. “The only way I know how.”
I was about to ask him what he meant by that but he kept on going.
“Why are you using your brother’s phone? You could’ve asked for my number.”
I frowned, looking at Archie’s bedroom door. Didn’t he know I was banned from any communication devices?
“I don’t have a phone.”
“You don’t have a-” He stopped. “Why?”
I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t sure if he was ready for this conversation and I was confused too – I thought he was aware of all of this. I was about to respond when his mom shouted his name.
He sighed again. “I have to go but –”
“But?” I asked when he stopped talking and his mother now screeched his name.
“Just, thank you for caring about me, Esmeralda,” he replied and hung up before I had a chance to reply.
I looked down at the phone in my hand. I did care, cared more than I wanted to, more than I ought to and now I knew that I was attached to Caleb and his pain, to Archie and his conflicting feelings tearing him apart, I cared enough to break down when I eventually walk away but there were too many uncertainties to make me stay, I couldn’t bet on these two loose cannons. No, I would leave as planned and I would heal, forget and move on. I had to. I owed it to my mother, I owed it to Luke and, most of all – I owed it to myself.
Chapter 18
I didn’t put any make-up on and ignored my father’s disapproving glare as I joined him, Sophia and Archie in the limousine for the funeral.
I folded my hands on my lap, I didn’t have to fake my pain, my loss. I might not have known Theo for long but he was so kind, so childlike, I couldn’t help but grow attached.
I was going to miss our games on Wednesdays, I was going to miss his unrestrained joy at seeing me.
When we reached the cemetery, my father pushed me toward Caleb. I tightened my lips; everything was about appearances for my father and he couldn’t care less about Caleb or Theo – he just wanted to show the alliance between the Astors and the Forbeses.
As for me, I really wanted to be by Caleb’s side. I walked toward him, meeting his stoic face, straight posture, his shoulders were tense, he held his hands tightly in front of him.
No matter how much he was trying to hide it, he was grieving. I stopped by his side and pulled one of his hands from his tight hold and intertwined our fingers.
He looked down at me silently, his eyes full of wonder. I couldn’t blame him, we were not friends, not lovers, we were some weird enemies with conflicting feelings.
I gave him a small smile. He could fake it as much as he wanted but I knew how much he loved his brother; I knew about their secret meetings. He was ‘BB’ for his brother and burying Theo was taking away some of his softness, the little he had left.
Caleb turned back toward the casket but squeezed my hand, a silent thank-you for being here.
As the ceremony went on, I didn't have to fake the tears running down my face. Caleb pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned my head against him and it felt like he was the one providing me comfort – he’d just lost his brother and he was comforting me.
As the casket was lowered into the ground, A Beautiful End by J. R. Richards played in the background and I couldn’t contain the sob escaping me. I felt as if Caleb kissed the crown of my head. I looked up, and he was looking right ahead, did I imagine it? Of course, I did, it was not in Caleb
’s nature to be caring or tender unless it was his way to act in public settings.
As soon as the funeral was over, Caleb and I split as I followed my own family to the car. I threw him a last glance before getting in and was surprised to meet his eyes, he was looking at me too.
Once we made it to the Astors’ manor, the place was already buzzing with guests offering their sympathy.
“I won’t be able to stay for long,” my father quickly announced, looking at his watch.
I nodded. There was no point talking and my mind was elsewhere, I was trying to find Caleb in the sea of people.
“Sophia and I will be away until Tuesday. You will be answering to your brother, do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal,” I replied, not able to conceal the underlying sarcasm in my voice.
He sighed, turning to Archie. “We’re going to the fundraiser for Senator Keaton in Washington. Make sure she behaves.”
I wanted to scream but now was not the place and I only had 48 hours of this misery to deal with, anyway.
“If you’ll excuse me, I need to find my fiancé,” I offered and walked away before any of them could stop me.
I looked for Caleb everywhere to no avail. I exchanged a hug with Taylor and Antoine, who for once was on his best behaviour.
“Have you seen Caleb?” I asked him, knowing he was my best source here.
He nodded. “I saw him sneak upstairs.” Antoine sighed. “Caleb doesn't deal with emotions well, you see.”
Taylor snorted. “What emotions?” But she quickly recovered, looking sheepish. “Sorry, it was uncalled for.”
Antoine shrugged. “Maybe, but not totally inaccurate. Caleb feels though, but he doesn’t process feelings like normal people. He usually retracts from the world. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to go to him now.”
I shrugged. “I’ll try, anyway. Which one’s his room?”
Antoine eyed me for a few seconds before shaking his head. “Eh… if anyone has a shot of making it out alive, it’s you. Take a right at the top of the stairs, fourth door on your right.”
I moved before I had a chance to overthink it. I was one of the few ones who knew how close Caleb and Theo really were, and if he sent me away, fine, but I owed it to Theo to try.
I knocked at his door but I was not surprised to get no reply.
“Here goes nothing,” I muttered as I opened the door without invitation.
I was not sure why I walked into his room, I didn’t even know what made me go up there to him, somehow, I saw his distress, his sorrow but he was so stoic. He was heartbroken but had to keep up appearances
He had taken off his suit jacket and his tie, both discarded carelessly on the floor, so unlike him.
He glanced at me, before looking down again. “Not now, Esmeralda.” he let out with a weary sigh.
“I just want to make sure you’re OK,” I replied, resting my back against the door.
He shook his head, staring at his hands linked together on his lap. “Do you even care?”
I frowned, taking a couple of steps toward him. “Of course I do! You just lost your brother, Caleb.”
“He was defective,” he shrugged.
“Don’t!” I walked closer to him, “Don’t pretend. I know you loved him and he loved you too. There’s no shame in that.”
“I am not really a jealous man, I have never been envious of my brothers and yet today – today I would have wanted your tears to be for me.”
“Do not envy Theo for my tears, Caleb – I have cried because of you much more than anybody else.”
“This is not –” he sighed, looking up at me. “Would you?”
“Would I what?” I asked, confused, taking a step to stand between his legs.
“Cry if you lost me?”
“Caleb…” I whispered at the vulnerability in his voice, resting my hand on his shoulder.
He shrugged my hand off. “No, never mind this was stupid, I-”
I rested my fingers on his lips to stop the strand of coldness from coming out.
He looked up at me with surprise and it was true that it was probably the first time I was touching him willingly, not because of the audience we had or because I felt compelled to.
I looked down at him, letting my hand trail from his lips to his jaw, resting on the side of his neck.
I leaned down and kissed him tentatively, half-expecting him to push me away, but instead he pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me.
I broke the kiss, but he kept me in his arms and this gentleness was so unexpected.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” I admitted truthfully.
He closed his eyes, resting his head against my stomach, and I buried my hand in his hair. I sighed, it was just as thick and soft as I expected his blond locks to be.
He moved slightly and kissed my stomach through the dress. “You made today so much more bearable,” he whispered a little wistfully, kissing my stomach again.
“Why don’t you take it off?” I asked, surprising myself. I was going off-script here. I had planned to run away with my virginity intact, but maybe giving it away was best. There was no denying I wanted Caleb, and if my brother was correct about his character, he would use this as a way to free himself from me.
He jerked back, keeping his hands on my hips. “What did you say?”
I brought my hand to his jaw and cupped it. “I said why don’t you take it off.?”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Don’t tease me, Esmeralda,” His voice was thick with lust, containing a hidden warning.
I shook my head. “I’m not, I’m giving you what you want.” Your freedom back.
“How do you know what I want?”
“If you don’t-” I tried to step away but his grip on my hips tightened, preventing any movement.
“If we do this, there’ll be consequences.”
“I know.”
He let go of my hips and let his hands trail down to the hem of my dress, running his thumbs back and forth over it where it connected with my thighs. “There’ll be no turning back.”
“I know.”
He slid his hands under my dress and pulled it up slowly, discarding it on the floor.
I was standing in front of him in black lace and silk underwear and sky-high stilettos, but I didn’t feel self-conscious. Caleb’s breathing became more erratic, as he slowly licked his lips drinking me in, taking in every detail of my semi-naked vulnerability. His body language made it loud and clear that he found me desirable.
He pulled me closer again and ran his hands from the dip in my lower back to my feet. He lifted my right foot, removing my shoe delicately before kissing the top of my foot. He repeated the same ministration with my left foot.
His lips left a trail of fire in their wake, traveling up my legs and taking root in my lower belly. My heart was beating so hard in my chest, it felt like it would escape my body any minute.
“You are perfect,” he whispered breathlessly and it was clear despite his stoic face that he was just as affected as I was.
He trailed his nose over the bare skin of my stomach, inhaling my scent deeply, making me shiver.
He gave my burning skin a quick lick and my knees buckled.
“Coconut and -” he gave another, longer lick.
I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. Lord have mercy. If he continued like that, I was going to come standing there with just some small touches and tongue plays.
“Papaya. I like it,” he licked again. “Very much.”
I sighed, resting my hands on his shoulders. “You’re killing me.”
He chuckled darkly. “We wouldn’t want that now, would we?”
He stood up and swept me off my feet, carrying me bridal-style to his bed.
I squealed as he pulled on my legs until my butt rested on the edge of the bed.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he kneeled on the floor.
“Revering you, Esmeralda.” He hooked his f
orefingers into the side of my panties and pulled them down and off.
I held my breath and he smiled a wicked smile. He raised my left leg and kissed the inside of my ankle, letting his lips trail up my calf leaving fire in his wake. He kissed the inside of my knee, making me shiver, I felt his lips move up my inner thigh just before reaching the most intimate part of me.
I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed as he pulled back, resting my leg on his shoulder and turning toward the other leg, giving it exactly the same attention.
Except this time he didn’t stop and he hovered over my sex. “Tell me Esmeralda, has anyone ever kissed you here?” he purred so close I could feel his hot breath on me. There was no way he could not see or smell my arousal from where he was standing.
I chewed on my bottom lip and shook my head before falling back on the bed.
The first lap at my seam made me gasp. I closed my eyes, grasping the sheets on my side.
“Oh God!” I breathed.
“You can call me Caleb too,” he teased before starting to explore me more thoroughly, alternating sucking on my bundle of nerves and slipping his tongue into me in a shallow rhythm.
This was the most earth-shattering sensation I’d ever felt, my whole body was quivering. My legs tightening around Caleb’s head as I mewled shamelessly, not caring how needy I sounded.
My orgasm was building relentlessly inside me, as the tiny electric pulses shot out to every nerve ending in my body. “Caleb!” I shouted as I was blinded by the most powerful orgasm I’d ever experienced, as wave after wave overwhelmed me.
I was boneless and when Caleb removed my legs from his shoulders, they fell on the floor.
He made his way up my body alternating between kissing and nibbling until he reached my lip, giving me a bruising, possessive kiss. This was the quintessence of him, the possessiveness, the domination, the alpha attitude – it was all there, in one kiss.
He brushed his lips down my neck and grabbed my bra strap between his teeth, pulling it down.
“It needs to go,” he growled against my throat.
I arched my back in a silent invitation to unhook my bra.
Once it was on the floor with the rest of my clothes, Caleb stood at the bottom of the bed detailing me, my nipples puckered under the heat of his eyes.
