by Kyra Lennon
Unlike Times Square at eleven-thirty p.m. on New Year's Eve.
I'd never seen anything quite like it. Sure, I'd seen it on the TV many times, and always thought how fun and crazy it looked. Nothing could have prepared me for the real thing though. It was louder, busier and a million times more exciting than I could have imagined. The atmosphere was electric as friends and families came together to see in the new year. People were dancing, laughing, chatting and bouncing around, waiting for the infamous ball to drop. What nobody ever tells you about that particular day is that to get a decent spot for the celebrations, you have to be at Times Square early afternoon. And there are no toilets or food vendors. In preparation, we'd stuffed ourselves that morning, and taken some water with us to keep us hydrated, but not too much as we didn't want to need the bathroom and risk losing our places. If the party vibe hadn't been so strong, I'd have been exhausted, but there was just so much to look at, so many different people to see and meet. Everyone was holding noisemakers and wearing silly hats and glasses. We'd had the best time taking photos of ourselves and posting them online. I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed so hard.
"Twenty minutes to go!" Lewis shouted above the noise that had been increasing for the past hour. "And thank the sweet Lord, because I really need to pee!"
I threw my head back, laughing. "We may need to do rock, paper, scissors for who gets to use the bathroom first when we get back to the hotel!"
"Step back, woman! My need is greater than yours!"
Still laughing, I gave him a playful push then turned to Evelyn, who grabbed my hands and started dancing with me.
"So, how does this compare to New Year's in England?" she asked me.
"It doesn't. I did New Year in London when I was nineteen and it was amazing, but it wasn't quite like this."
Evelyn pulled me into a hug. "I'm so glad we decided to come here! We'd have had fun in Chicago and all, but this is on another level. It's a once in a lifetime thing!"
"I agree! This is just incredible. I'll be sad to leave tomorrow."
"Me too, but we only have a few days before work starts again." She jutted her lower lip out into a pout. "Ah, well. We still have the drive home to look forward to!"
It sounded insane, but Evelyn and I shared a love of road trips, and all four of us had had a blast taking it in turns to drive and belting out songs at the top of our voices. We planned to stop off in some different places on the way back.
I felt a hand on my shoulder as Evelyn released me from our hug, and I turned to see Luca grinning at me. "Alright, woman, there are only fifteen minutes left until that ball drops! Dance with me!"
I nodded and allowed him to take me in his arms, the two of us dancing wildly to the raucous music. We hadn't danced since Halloween, but since then, Luca had become more and more a part of our group. He was good fun to be around, and having a gang of four was much less awkward than our previous party of three. It meant Evelyn and I could go off and do girly stuff sometimes, and on the nights Evelyn and Lewis wanted to hit a club, Luca and I would either go to my place or his and watch a movie together. All three of my friends had been wonderful since what happened with Brayden. Even though Evelyn and Lewis had good-naturedly mocked me when things were good between us, they had been nothing but supportive while I tried to get myself together. In some ways, they were more loyal than my friends back home. Becky didn't seem to comprehend the depth of my pain, and had told me more than once how sweet Rachel was. I'd made the right decision in choosing not to go back. I wasn't ready yet.
It was getting more and more difficult to move amongst the crowds, and Evelyn and Lewis had gotten separated from us. We could still see them, they just weren't as close as they had been. With the minutes ticking down to midnight, I felt a flutter of panic as the noise got louder and the crowds grew more excitable. Sensing my discomfort, Luca shuffled me sideways a little, so we weren't so close to the middle of the hordes.
"Hey," he said, pulling me in closer to him then using a finger to tilt my chin so my eyes were level with his. "I've got you, okay?"
His blue eyes calmed me and I nodded. "I'm okay. Just having a moment. This is so overwhelming."
"Can't argue with that. It's insane out here, but you're safe with me. You know that, right?"
I nodded.
"Listen, Charley. I know the last couple of months have been rough on you and, right now, I don't want to dwell on that because..." he paused, and I was sure if he could have, he would have thrown his arms wide open to make his point. Instead he looked up, his face alight with joy at our surroundings before turning his attention back to me. "Look where we are. So, I've made a decision. I'm going to kiss you at midnight. Not because I'm expecting anything more from you, or because I'm trying to take advantage of you, but because we are in New Year's heaven right now. This place is magical, and... what is New Year's without a kiss at midnight?"
He raised an eyebrow, a smile tilting the corners of his lips, and I couldn't help but smile back. I was far from over Brayden, and he knew that, but I understood what Luca was offering. A seasonal kiss... nothing more, nothing less.
"Okay," I said, smiling. "Let's do it!"
Noise began to rise around us as the final countdown began, and Luca grinned at me and held me closer as we got caught up in the buzz once again, joining in with the countdown and jumping up and down. The vibe in the city had ramped up another few notches, carrying me along with it.
"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"
Cheers erupted, and cries of "Happy New Year!" could be heard as confetti fell from the sky, showering us all in an explosion of colour. Luca and I laughed loudly, totally caught up in the joy of the moment, and as his eyes met mine again, he said, "You ready?"
I nodded, and he grinned before gently pressing his lips to mine. "Happy New Year, Charley."
"Happy New Year, Luca."
He kissed me once more before pulling me into a hug, and I wrapped my arms tightly around him, unable to stop the smile on my face. It might have just been a kiss for the sake of tradition, but boy, it was the perfect way to round off the night.
"Okay, you guys, break it up. We need to get back to the hotel before I pee in my pants!"
Luca and I burst out laughing at the urgency in Lewis' voice, and we broke apart as Lewis and Evelyn shuffled closer to us, trying to slip through the gaps between people who were still hugging and jumping around.
Thankfully, our hotel was only a ten minute walk from where we'd been standing, but it took us half an hour to get back through the crowds and up to our room. Lewis practically knocked the door down in his rush to use the bathroom, and although the rest of us were equally as eager to use it, we fell into fits of laughter at Lewis' desperation.
Once we were all freshened up and changed into our PJs, Luca opened the bottle of champagne we'd had chilling in the mini fridge and poured us a glass each. We were all sprawled on our beds, high on the experience we'd just shared.
"Okay," Evelyn said, gaining our attention. "That was without a doubt the best New Year's ever, but we've forgotten the most important part."
"What's that?" Luca asked.
"Resolutions." We all groaned, and Evelyn held up her free hand and added, "Wait! Let's not call them resolutions. More like goals. I think you should always have something to aim for when January hits, so I want to know what you all want from the upcoming year."
"A boyfriend," Lewis said almost immediately. "No more meaningless flings for me. No, sir. I want to be a one man... man."
Evelyn, Luca, and I exchanged a glance and promptly burst out laughing.
"As if!" Evelyn giggled. "You are incapable! You told me you won't settle down until you're at least thirty!"
"Yeah, well, I've changed my mind. I'm tired of the bar-hopping, man-swapping scene. I want one. Just one."
He couldn't possibly have been drunk on just a few sips of champagne, and I'd had no idea what might have happened to chan
ge his outlook so dramatically, but he seemed serious. I caught Evelyn looking at me and I just shrugged in response.
"I want to run the Chicago Marathon this year," Luca said, and we all turned our heads towards him.
"You run?" I asked, slightly embarrassed by how little I still knew about him.
He nodded. "Yeah. I'd need to up my game, but I've always wanted to do the marathon."
"We'll have to run together sometime." I gestured in Evelyn's direction. "This one has issues getting up in the morning."
Laughing, Luca said, "I'm an early riser, and I'd love to run with you sometime. Maybe I can rope you into the marathon too?"
"Ooh, I don't know about that." I grinned. "I'll think about it. I do need a goal, and that would be a good one."
"And what about you, Miss Evelyn?" Lewis asked. "What do you want this year?"
"Hmm." She carefully swirled her champagne around in her glass. "This year, I would like to take some classes to learn some new things and meet new people."
"You hear that?" Luca asked, with mock indignance. "She wants new friends. We're old news!"
"No!" Evelyn laughed. "You know I love you guys, but it would be cool to meet some different people that I met outside of work. I wouldn't change what we have for anything."
I smiled. "I know what you mean, and I think that's a cool thing to do. Any ideas what you want to learn?"
"I think a language."
"I can teach you Italian," Luca offered.
"You could. But that would defeat the idea of me taking a class and meeting other people."
"A dude could get offended at all this talk of new friends," Lewis teased, and we all laughed again.
As the conversation turned to which languages Evelyn might want to learn, I picked my phone up from beside me and took a cheeky snap of them, all lounging around with their drinks. Smiling to myself, I signed into my favourite social networking site and uploaded the picture with the caption: New Year in New York was epic! Now to celebrate in style! :p
Still giggling to myself, I scrolled down the feed, looking at the photos my friends had posted from home. Some of them were in fancy dress, while others were in their best outfits, all looking sensational... and drunk. I liked a bunch of the photos as I scrolled, and then... my heart seized in my chest.
Brayden. Brayden and his girl. Kissing.
I stared at the photo for a moment, taking in the details even though I didn't want to. His hands were firmly on her waist and she clung to him, and it kind of looked like she was smiling. Happiness radiated from the photo.
I dropped my phone as if it had burnt me, and I kind of felt like it had. The image of them kissing had seared itself onto my brain and it hurt because I knew I wouldn't be able to just shake it off. I was stuck with it, and in seconds, all the joy of my evening, and the potential for the new year fell away and was replaced by that overwhelming sadness that Brayden wasn't mine. Would never be mine.
"Charley, what's wrong?" Luca asked.
I bit my lip and shook my head. If I tried to speak, I'd only cry, and I didn't want to rain on my friends' happiness. It wasn't fair on them. They'd put up with enough of my sadness. They didn't need it dampening the first day of January too.
Evelyn leapt off her bed and sat beside me, wrapping her arm around me. She'd already guessed, but she glanced down at my phone and saw the photo.
"Oh, Charley. I'm sorry."
"It's fine," I said, through a shaky breath. "It's fine."
"Don't do that. You don't need to pretend with us. It's okay."
I squeezed my eyes closed, trying so hard not to feel the pain, but it refused to stop. My tears fell anyway.
"I'm sorry," I said, trying to get myself together. "This isn't what I wanted for tonight. Why can't I just get over it?"
"You know why."
And I did. If everything had gone the way it was supposed to, it would have been me kissing him at midnight. It would have been me he was looking forward to a new year with. We would have been a couple by now and everything we wanted would have been ours.
I should have been grateful to have such amazing friends to celebrate with. And I was grateful. But my heart was elsewhere, and while I would never forget what an amazing night we'd had in New York, it would forever be tainted by that image.
I just wanted to forget, but trying not to love someone is like asking the rain not to fall, or the sun not to shine. There's no stopping it. The rain will come, the sun will light the morning sky, and you will feel every bit of heartache that comes from loving someone who doesn't love you back.
Chapter 13
Brayden
I blinked, rubbing my eyes and trying to work out what day it was and why my head felt like someone had attacked it with a hammer.
Oh. Right. New Year’s Day.
Happy New Year to me.
Most people feel happy and enthusiastic about the new year, even if they do have a hangover, but not me.
What the hell was even wrong? I’d had a pretty good night out, for the most part.
So, why did I feel empty? Hollow, like something was missing?
Rolling onto my side, I picked up my phone from the bedside table and began my morning ritual of scrolling social media. I needed a drink and some painkillers, but I wasn’t sure my legs would hold me up yet.
Post after post of people’s nights out passed before my eyes. And then I paused as one of my own posts showed up.
A picture of me and Rachel kissing. She looked happy, and I looked… drunk.
A wave of sadness washed over me as I remembered. As the realisation of why I felt so lost hit me.
It wasn’t supposed to be her.
So many times I’d thought about spending New Year with Charley. I’d imagined dancing with her all night, laughing, kissing when the clock struck midnight. I’d thought about it so much it had made me crazy.
And then I met Rachel.
I’d liked her right away. Not in the same insta-connect way I liked Charley, but she was cute and fun to be around. She reminded me a little of Charley in the way she was always so confident and liked to have a laugh.
But she wasn’t who I wanted to be with. Not really. Rachel and I didn’t have as many things in common, and that was becoming more apparent with time. She didn’t get me the same way Charley did. Her smile didn’t make my heart beat faster…
Now, it was January, Charley was still a million miles away, and I was in a relationship that really didn’t mean that much
With a sigh, I continued looking through social media, and I stopped again as Charley’s gorgeous smile caught my attention. Above the photos she’d posted, she’d written, New York, baby! There were lots of pictures of her and her friends. I knew all about Evelyn, Lewis, and Luca because she’d talked about them so much, and I’d seen photos of them before.
God, she looked so happy.
My stomach sank farther. If I hadn’t been such a gigantic fuck up, she would have been with me. At home, in my arms.
But then… maybe the adventure really was what she wanted. Maybe all that photo proved was that my doubts were right. That she was happier there than she would have been with me.
Dropping the phone beside me on the bed, I groaned, covering my eyes.
How the hell did I mess this up so badly?
Chapter 14
Charley
Eleven Months Ago
Valentine's Day. You might think someone as romantic as me would be into it, but I never was. Even when I was in a relationship. There should be no need for a designated day to show someone how much you love them. You're supposed to do that every day.
With that in mind, my friends and I decided to have an anti-Valentine's Day. Instead of hearts and flowers and romantic dinners, we were going to spend the evening at our favourite pizza place in the city, where starry-eyed couples would be kept to a minimum – it just wasn't that kind of place.
Before we went out though, Evelyn and I both had some work to do.
I had homework to go through, and Evelyn, organised as ever, had to throw together a lesson plan for the following day. The two of us sat at the kitchen table with our laptops, a comfortable silence around us as we worked.
The dinging sound from my computer made me jump. I'd been totally lost in what I was doing, and when I checked to see what the alert was for, a shiver ran through me when I saw a message from Brayden.
Brayden: Charley? Are you busy? I really need to talk to you.
My instinct was to drop everything and answer him. Yes. I was still that pathetic. We hadn't spoken since before Christmas. Before New Year when I'd seen that photo. Sure, we'd liked each other's statuses and photos here and there, but we hadn't messaged.
"Ev?"
"Mmhmm?" She raised her head to look at me.
"Brayden just messaged me. He said he wants to talk."
Her eyes narrowed. "Oh, now he wants to talk? After months of silence? Tell him to go screw himself."
"I can't. We're still... friends. Or something."
"Friends? He's barely spoken to you since he's been with that girl. He doesn't know the first thing about your life right now. He doesn't know if you're single or dating. He doesn't know that you and I have started taking a dance class, or that you run with Luca every morning because you're going to do the marathon with him. He doesn't know anything because he hasn't asked, and now he wants to talk?"
She was absolutely right, but she was forgetting that I hadn't made any effort either. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't handle it.
Evelyn rolled her eyes, but not in a mean way. She just knew me well enough to know what I was going to do. "Answer him, Charley."
