Reading that diary, at that point, just a bit before falling asleep, Eric sadly smiled, realizing from where the Deja-vu had come from about the sweater story. It was ironic, ambiguous and could've been Marie, the girl with the hair on fire. Maybe it was the reason why he was so strongly running away from her. She was a ghost. She represented a ghost: Probably the worst of them, and she was bringing them back, somehow. He was afraid that with her it would be the same thing as it had already happened: It had way more than just one similarity between the two stories.
Love ends, that's a fact, and the bigger it is, the worse it is to face it. No, he couldn't let it happen again.
Marie was sitting in one of the many balconies to where she had access to in Paris. She was observing the city completely alone and in silence, she was so alone and in such silence, that she was feeling like she was the last person on earth. She was thinking about Eric, almost in a fatherly way. She was remembering a lot of things that he said that were quite good advices to her. She had been thinking about him quite frequently these lasts months: It had been months and months and no sign of him. No kind of news... and she was actually afraid of receiving any. She had no idea how she would react to them.
Eric told her it was understandable her position, but that Paris was indeed the city of lights. Of course she had a completely different view: Paris can bring you to your knees and make you hate it, especially when it comes to someone like her, born and raised there, with so many responsibilities and expectations to meet. Paris, too, can make you feel trapped.
At some point during those few days they've spent together, Eric had said he was in the same place as her, a few years ago, until he decided to do something about it. He wanted to get rid of everything he hated so bad. It's a first step to this surreal road that is called life: Chase the life you really want to live.
Something as fighting for your destiny:
Destiny doesn't reveal itself for us until we are ready. And that's entirely up to us.
It's like some sort of vain God: we have to show how bad we are fighting to deserve its blessing so after that...just after that, he can think about it. We can pray for better days, a better future, and religion has nothing to do with it.
I guess you need to buy a lottery ticket to have a chance to win, right?
“Hold on to something, and fight for it. The rest is useless, disposable. Seriously, you'd be surprised on how much bullshit in this life is disposable... and the worst part is is that people keep accepting it in their everyday lives. Let it go, and fight for what you really want.”
Marie was going through some really hard times those days, and she would finally start to pray how Eric would do: wishing for better days, because she was getting just too tired of living in fear and agony, feeling like anything she would do wrong could make a fragile house of cards to come down and destroy the world. It really doesn't matter how much you want to rationalize it, that the world doesn't turn around you: it's practically impossible to control that kind of terror inside you.
It was funny, maybe even ironic, but Eric, in his own way, inspired faith in people around him in an undeniable and weird way: It was probably the fact that he represented the way of life that every young lad secretly wants to live... Got it? Showing someone that his dream is possible, that there's someone actually living it, can prove that it doesn't matter how weird the dream can be, it's doable. To see someone that made his dreams come true or by making your own dream come true, releases us from fear. That's what Eric represented: he represented the weird punk kid that made it. For good or bad, our whole society is based on this feeling.
It's ironic too, the fact that some people – it doesn't matter how hard they try - can’t hide the fact they have a good heart. Eric was one of them. It doesn't matter how hard Eric would try, anyone who would spend more than five minutes talking to him would just know that he had a good heart. Marie's modesty and at the same time pride wouldn't allow her to admit the same.
She read somewhere that the ability to love doesn't come from the outside, but from within, from yourself. When you love someone, you're not creating love. You're sharing the love that already exists inside of you, and that ability of loving and opening your heart is what differentiate people.
Those were the kind of thoughts she had during that night, being the loneliest person in the world. She was just too tired of being alone. After suffering insomnia for only one night, she couldn't help but feel bad for Eric, who apparently would suffer that quite often. When the day finally broke dawn, she had taken some decisions (after all, her life couldn't just stay the way it was at the moment). Without knowing it, some things were coming to meet her, and they were coming at full speed. Without being sure of anything she had thought during that night, she went back to her life.
There's always a certain quietude before a storm. And that quietude was about to be over.
As the time went by, Eric started a new phase on his life. His band was gaining more popularity, his label and the company responsible for his tour and image increased even more the interest on his band, what caused the things already explained before. With all the drugs he was taking to sleep, he started to sleep a reasonable amount of hours every night, but ended up with a side effect: he started to have nightmares again.
His life apparently got a bit better after the initial adaptation phase. He was enjoying as many girls as possible that appeared on his concerts and in the parties he'd go, but soon enough he started to feel pathetic. He was literally smelling the scent of Marie's perfume every time he was sad or feeling alone, as she was there, by his side. Or just as he would put his sweater on, his favorite: he could swear it still smelled like her even after he had washed it a hundred times. He would see her smile if he was lost too deep in his thoughts, even dreaming about her telling him how much she missed him, and asking her to come meet him. Or she would be asking him to just go and spend some more time by that magical pool, or just sleeping by her side. But no, he couldn't let the same story repeat. He couldn't get that hurt again.
But it became an unbearable job: everyday was feeling like a battle he couldn’t win: He couldn't keep denying the fact that she somehow had touched him deeper that what he thought. Than he would like to admit. Maybe it could work, maybe, just maybe... I mean, she's nowhere near like that girl right? His life is nowhere near as it was, and he definitely wasn't the same guy anymore, he thought. He knew how the world worked now. He would knew how to play it safe now: How you should never ever give you heart in a silver plate to someone else.
Eric couldn't help it, but several times he caught himself fantasying about the possibility of being in love with her. He'd already done that a couple of times, but that have never meant anything. Why the hell was that so different with that girl?
Another month passed, while he kept refusing to give in, until he was forced by his guts to admit that that girl was different and that he should fight for her. He'd done everything he could to stop it. Every single thing. Finally, there was only one thought on the back of his head, one thought that was hunting his days, more than anything else: What if?
After all, he didn't want to end his life because of alcohol, or because of all the drugs he was taking, no matter what he thought. And Paris, above all, was definitely a city that he had always loved. Eric, who didn't give a damn about almost anything, liked Paris. Didn't that mean something? Marie wasn't...couldn't be just an ordinary girl to him. The way she smiled, and how she was just funny and romantic, and how they just felt so good around each other. How she just connected with him, and with his friends. How she was so close to Tom, and how all his friends had loved her. All of those things should mean something.
Somewhere inside his heart, a hopeful fifteen yea
rs old kid smiled and gave him the strength to go fight for someone again.
They would have a ten days break soon and he would use it to go to Paris and meet her, almost four months and a half after meeting her.
Eric landed on Paris on a Friday, really late at night. He started to wander around Paris, because he wasn't sure at all about what exactly he was doing and how he should do it. In the next day, he went for a walk around the hotel, and ended up scheduling a lunch with Beatrice, the only phone number he had to call from the people he knew in Paris (He didn't feel like involving Tom on that), who got really excited with the idea of seeing him.
They met less than one hour later, in a restaurant that she recommended.
- Hi!
- Heey! How are you? I can't believe you’re in Paris!
- I’m good, I'm good. How are you doing? - He smiled
- I'm great... Come, sit, sit.
- Aaaalright
- Good morning sir, would you like to order? - The waitress
- Ahn, sure – He looked at Beatrice, she recommended something and he just accepted her suggestion
- But hey, tell me, how long have you been in Paris?
- I arrived last night...
- Oh, how come? Work?
- No, just for a break...
- Hmm I see... Well, Marie did mention that you like Paris...
- Yeah... I decided to come and have some time off. Clear my mind a bit... You know...
- Yeah, I do...
Beatrice smiled and after a moment of silence, she just continued:
- Yeah... But hey, tell me. As I never heard anything from you anymore, what have you been doing?
- Hmm... Not much. I've basically been working all this time... It's been a bit overwhelming, to be honest...
She smiled
- Yeah, your job seems so boring... I so wouldn't like to have your job...
Eric smiled
-Yeah, I guess a lot of people would...
- What about Marie? - Eric finally asked
- Well... - A bit of fear appeared in Beatrice's eyes. - She's doing well, Eric. But I'm not sure I should get in the middle of your story that much...
Eric didn't need much more than that to understand. Their eyes met.
- It's ok. You can tell me...
- Her life... Hasn't been easy Eric... She's had problems with her friends, parents... And...She's... dating this guy now again...
Eric felt his shoulders getting tired, letting his head down. Those news had hit him harder than he would've imagined. In a millisecond, the reason of his trip was over, and he felt it would be stupid to even see Marie at that point.
- Ah really? That Filipe guy? - He tried to be cool about it. Probably didn't work that well.
- Yeah. You know, I don't really like him...but what can I say? It's her life.
Beatrice might have not notice it, but a little light was shutting down inside Eric's soul. It was just too much what was happening. Too much. He deserved it though, he thought.
Lunch went by and soon enough they were finished when she surprised him with an invitation.
- But why don't you come with me to our dinner? I bet you would get surprised with the Montini family anyways. I'm sure you'd have some fun and ...it would be good for you and Marie to see each other again. I'm sure she'll like to see you. You know, having you guys in contact again...
After thinking for a second:
- Sure, why not, right?
- Great! It will be tomorrow. Can you meet me at my place around four?
- Sure? Should I suit up or anything? - Eric smiled
- Hmm... How do you say? - She was having fun looking for the right word – Casual Sport I’d say... But kids will probably be at the pool, so...
- Ok – Eric smiled – Prepare yourself to see the most awesome casual sport you've ever seen. -
Beatrice smiled
- Oookaay.... - After looking at her watch: Shall we? Unfortunately I have a lot of things to do today, darling...
The next day, Eric and Beatrice were heading to the Montini residence. She really got surprised with how elegant Eric was, complimenting him a couple of times and obviously joking about it. When they got to the house, Eric got completely astonished by it. It was ridiculous, the house was basically a castle, and the yard was just unbelievably big for a real state in Paris, one of the most expensive cities in the world. Even for Eric was hard to stipulate a price for that house. I say “even for Eric” because he was always the guy that would impress other people with his money and had never, ever been impressed or intimidated by it. Never, until that moment. He tried to play it cool.
Eric was getting in the middle of one of the wealthiest families in Europe. Fuck.
He searched on his mind for anything that could've hinted it to him before: Well, by her aunt's house, it was pretty clear her family had money. One of Marie's sister was a good friend to Katherine, and Tom apparently knew that family well enough, so yeah... All of that should've meant something, but not that...
There was actually an iron gate and bodyguards.
It was a really nice day, so the family was going to have dinner in this big table, under this magnificent, huge tree in the yard. Eighteen people were being expected, said Beatrice, and they were: The all-powerful boss Montini and his wife, their five kids, with three of them bringing their dates, a couple of girlfriends of one of Marie's sister, a couple of friends of the big boss Montini that also brought their kids (adults) , Beatrice and Eric.
He was taken to the table by Beatrice, where he met Marie's parents and the business partners of their company. He couldn't stop thinking about how much that whole scene was like some Italian mafia movie. He just couldn't believe it. Beatrice had introduced him as her and Marie's friend from out of town, without giving any more details. Either way, Mr. Frederic Montini was looking at him with a malicious smile. It was clear he was suspecting Beatrice and Eric were a couple. And if that would be the case, he would probably be judging them at that very moment.
Frederic got then interested about Eric and Marie's friendship. He got even more intrigued by that when Eric didn't give him many details. Luckily, the conversation changed subject soon after and they went back to talking about business. Eric, once again, caught their attention when he started talking about his parents company: He, in a way or another, had gotten used to put a mask on and get along in that kind of conversation, and people at the table started to listen very carefully about the story of that company and how it grew so fast and how much potential it still had, bearing in mind the field of the company and its projects. At some point, Eric mentioned Tom's name and something clicked on Mr. Montini's mind. “Oh, ok....Yeah, I heard about you already” He ended up saying.
Eric, in a weird way, liked that kind of situation and he knew it would have been somewhat his life had his life... stayed in its old path.
At some point in the conversation, Frederic pointed the direction of the pool to Eric, where all the youngsters would be, and asked Beatrice to take him there, so he could say hi to Marie. It was pretty random, as if he had just approved Eric's presence there. It didn't matter: Eric knew he was playing with fire and that he could lose any kind of chance he had with Marie if that situation, for any reason, did indeed become a disaster. That was everything he was hoping for: Not letting it become a disaster, because for sure he didn't have and couldn't possibly have any control of
that situation.
With this kind of thoughts in mind he was walking towards the pool, with Beatrice on his side, holding onto his right arm. Time had seemed to slow down and everything got completely quiet. Beatrice was talking to him, and even though he was pretending he was listening, he had no idea what she was saying anymore. The only thing he was hearing was his own heartbeats and his breathing. “What am I doing here again?” Finally, he saw the pool. In slow motion, one by one, everyone noticed their presence.
- ....Eric? - Marie couldn't believe it, as she froze for a couple of seconds
- Hey, Marie.... surpriiise
- Oh my god... - She got off the pool, grabbed a towel and went to talk to him, almost running.
Marie was looking Eric's eyes with an unbelievable excitement.
- Heey, maaan... W-..Whaat are...H- How are you? - She asked, smiling
- I'm great, how have you been doing?
- I'm great
- Awesome...You're not going to introduce me? - Smiling, he made mention to everyone else.
- Ahn... sure, sure... - And one by one, she introduced Eric to her siblings and their dates and/or friends.
Eric thought it was weird to know how close Marie's sister was with Katherine.
To the Paris of our dreams Page 6
