“No,” I said with the smallest hint of a tremble. “I’m done making deals with sirens and mermaids and pirates. The whole lot of it!” I took a long deep breath in and out. “I just…want to go home with my husband and kids.”
Ingrid slowly shook her head. “Then, I’m sorry, Dianna. But we do nae deal in souls. Only the sanctity of time.” She waited a beat and, when I didn’t respond, she added, “But if ye can manage to get ye soul back, then we’ll gladly send ye home.”
I gradually nodded. “Okay.” My lips pursed as I let it sink in. “I’ll just…find a way. One that doesn’t involve the Fae.”
Ingrid inclined her head toward me. “Then we wish ye luck, Dianna Cobham.” She gave her horse’s reins a little flick, and the beast stood at attention. “Ye’ll surely need it.”
I stayed in place long after the three of them disappeared into the forest. I couldn’t ride all the way back. Not yet. Not when my world was crashing and spinning around me. I tied the horse to a tree, and I sat down at the base of the trunk. My back molded to the rounded, jagged bark as I let the weight of defeat crush of disappointment consume me.
I had to sail for months on the ocean once again. The same ocean that nearly took my life, more than a time or two. All on the slight chance that Ben may be right about this David Jones guy. And, as much as I tried not to think it, some rational part of my mind knew who it was, or who it might very well be. I mean, David Jones? An immortal dealer of souls who also happens to have a set of keys to the underworld? Even after all these years, after everything I’d seen and experienced, my mind still insisted on fighting against the realization. The truth that blared in my face.
My only hope of returning to the future was to sail across the sea in search of…Davy Jones.
I made no sound, none at all. Just laid there, dying on the inside. But there was something new inside of me. A strange, tangible void that lived in the back of where my soul used to be. A sort of darkness, a black switch-like thing that I desperately wanted to touch. I reached out for it and pressed my mind’s hand against the black square and immediately…everything was quiet. As if the world had been shut off with a light switch. Snap! Silence.
The world around me darkened, and I spun downward into an empty but welcoming void. And that’s where I happily remained. Basking in the comfort of nothingness. I could stay there forever.
I had no idea how much time had passed when the firm grip of hands on my body was shaking me awake. My eyes slowly pried open to find that the sun had come up and my horse was nowhere to be found. I was still at the base of the tree I’d laid down at, but my body was stiff with the soreness of laying on the ground all night. Something shook me again, and I finished swimming to the surface of my consciousness where my gaze landed on Benjamin.
“Christ!” He blew out a tense breath of air and sat back on the ground as he wrung a hand through his tousled hair. “Dianna, what are you doing here?”
I blinked away the last of the sleep from my eyes and tried to find the words. Buried somewhere deep inside. I’d laid down because my emotions had been crushing me. But now…they were gone. A soothing silence left in their wake.
“I-I…fell asleep.”
His thick brown eyebrows raised high as his eyes widened in disbelief. “You fell asleep?” I just shrugged. “When your horse returned to the Keep without you, we didn’t know what to think! What happened? What did the Keepers say?”
I shook my head, slowly, heavily. As if the very movement took a great effort. I stared down at my hands in my lap. The witches hadn’t given me good news, and I knew I should feel something; sadness, anger, loss. But I felt…nothing. Nothing except the reeling sensation of a strange and dark freedom. My rational mind urged me to go back, turn the switch on, but I couldn’t do it. Not now.
Benjamin rubbed his large hand over his face and watched me. He practically brimmed with questions but didn’t dare pry further. I thought about what I must look like to him. Lost, perhaps traumatized. Little did he know the comfortable emptiness I swam in on the inside.
He hopped to his feet, his heavy brown leather boots clunking against the hard round. He bent down and held a hand out to me. “Come on,” he said and motioned for me to take his hand. “Let’s get you back.”
I slipped my palm across his and he gripped my hand firmly as he led me over to the horse he’d rode on. Without a word, he hoisted me up on the horse’s back and followed behind me, squishing me up against the horn. I let out a huff as it drove into my stomach and his thick arm wrapped around me from behind, dragging me back to sit tightly against his chest.
Benjamin kicked his heels and flicked the reins before the stallion took off across the Scottish countryside. A blanket of orange and purple followed us the entire way back until it morphed to a lovely blue that lit up the lands. The warmth of Ben’s body soaked into me until it filled the gaping hole in my chest. Chased away the icy darkness that had taken residence in me under that tree. I relished in it, the warmth, the hot steam that seemed to seep from him. His pounding heartbeat blaring against my back. His breath on my neck, sending a tickle of shivers over my skin.
I was hyper-aware of Ben’s muscled arm around my torso, holding me securely in place. But when we arrived at the Keep and he slid off the horse, taking all that lovely warmth with him, the stark cold that snapped tight inside of me washed all the treacherous thoughts from my mind. What was I doing? This was Benjamin. He was like a brother to me. Nothing more. But the eerie darkness where my soul used to be now screamed for his warmth.
I had to get back to Henry. Fast.
I couldn’t very well stay here in the past while my family, my very reason for living, were on the other side. In the future. Mourning the loss of their mother and wife. The kids would be too young to really grasp it, but Henry would spiral right about now. With days gone by and no sign of my return.
I stopped and stood in place, in the wide-open meadow by the stables, and retreated farther into my mind, searching for…what was I searching for? Oh, right…guilt. Sorrow. Sadness. But, as I raked over every inch of me, I found…
…nothing.
No emotions at all. My rational mind knew how Henry and the kids must be feeling. I knew what Henry was probably doing to get back to me. Rifling through every piece of paper in my office. Just as much as I knew how I should be feeling myself. But there was nothing. Just a tangible emptiness.
Be thankful, a voice whispered.
Startled, I whipped around, immediately nauseated by the rush of feeling…something. But there was no one to be found. My ears picked up the faint noise of Benjamin in the stables, putting the horse away and tending to other things.
A chill crept down my spine and I headed into the stables, glancing over my shoulder every few seconds for a sign of who–or what–may have whispered in my ear. Could I have imagined it? No, because I could almost still feel the brush of a breath that touched my face.
I leaned against a post and chewed at my lip as I contemplated my next move. Benjamin moved with ease, his tall and wide frame bending and lifting as he cleaned things up. He grabbed a large bundle of hay and began tearing it apart for the horses as he looked at me. His muscles moving beautifully under the thin white tunic shirt he wore.
“What’s the matter?” he asked me. “Thought you’d be running off to the sirens by now.”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“The witches,” he said. “They couldn’t help you, right?” I nodded and let my gaze fall to the ground. “Then, unless you want to take me up on my offer of sailing South, the sirens are your only hope of returning to the future.” When I didn’t respond, he added doubtfully, “Or…am I wrong?”
He sauntered over to me and when the toes of his heavy leather boots neared mine, I looked up. Benjamin peered down at me from his ridiculous height, a mix of so many things found in his inviting eyes. Yearning, friendship, torment. I wanted nothing more than to satisfy that gaze.
No! I chastised myself an
d wrapped my arms tightly around my torso as I took a step back. “I can’t make any more deals with the beasts of the sea. Look what good it’s done me.”
He shrugged and straightened a saddle that was slung over a hook. “Yeah, but we’re talking about your soul here, Dianna.” Why couldn’t I speak? I searched for words but had no reply. “Don’t you want to go home?”
No, stay here, that same voice cackled in a whisper. I stifled the rush of goosebumps that scratched under my skin, making my blood boil. Ben gave me a curious look, but I took a deep breath and held it together.
I cleared my throat, but words still stumbled out hoarsely. “Ben, I need your help.”
He straightened. “With what?”
My hands wrought together in front of me. “Can you truly lead me to this David Jones person?”
His thick brows pinched together, and he examined me. “Yes,” he said slowly and put his hands on his hips. “I can bring you where you need to be.”
“But what are the chances of us actually finding him?” I pried further. “I can’t–” My chest expanded with a deep, calming breath. “I need it to be a sure thing before I devote the time to sail across the ocean.”
Benjamin gave me a pitiful look. “Is anything in this life a sure thing?”
I guffawed. “I suppose not.”
“I can take you across the Atlantic, Dianna,” he assured and then neared me, so close his breath touched my face. “And I can bring you to the exact spot where you’d find David Jones. But, whether he wants to help isn’t up to me or you. So, the real question you should ask is…is that a risk you’re willing to make?”
I dared meet his fixed stare and swallowed nervously, but masked the unwelcome feeling with a weak grin. “What would Freya think of you sailing across the ocean with me?”
Benjamin chuckled. “Freya is very…hospitable.” When I arched a brow, he rolled his eyes. “I mean, she’s lovely. And welcoming. And has helped all of us immensely. But she’s not…she’s…a good friend.”
I inhaled deeply, accepting the next choice I had to make. “In that case, I would be forever grateful if you’d help me sail down South and get my soul back.”
He took my hand and gave a mocking bow. An unexpected giggle bubbled in my chest, quickly replaced by a searing sensation that spread to the tips of every limb as he brought the back of my hand to his lips.
“Whatever the lady needs,” he said jokingly.
But it didn’t feel like a joke to me. No, the otherworldly presence that roamed around my insides relished at his touch, at the attention, and the feel of Ben’s soft lips on the skin of my hand. When he released it, my arm fell to my side, and I breathed a sigh of relief while my insides screamed for more.
This was going to be a long trip.
Chapter Four
Even though I had slept under a tree all night, it wasn’t really sleep. Not the kind that leaves you rested. So, I passed out for the rest of the morning, and never opened my eyes until the heavy scent of supper cooking soaked the air. I smelled some kind of gravy and it roused me from my sleep.
I sat up, dazed and achy, and let my stomach settle before I stepped out of bed. It was a lovely guest room. Ben was right. Freya was hospitable. But we were also friends with her brother, the real boss around here. No one really spoke it and I wasn’t sure how Finn truly felt about it all.
I found him on the second floor of the Keep. Staring out a large open window. A few comfortable chairs laid about in front of a few short bookcases. I smiled at the way he’d cleaned himself up since returning home. His usual unkempt red hair now clean, his face not covered in smudges. A tartan still hung across his chest, but a fresh new one instead of the dirty and faded one he used to wear. I wished I could feel the happiness of seeing Finn’s face brighten at the sight of me.
“Aye,” he said, low and tiredly. “What are ye doin’ about?”
“I’m perfectly fine,” I lied and forced a smile as I tipped my chin in his direction. “You clean up nicely.”
Finn’s cheeks reddened, and he beamed with pride as he straightened the pin that held his tartan together. “Aye, well, bein’ home… there are certain expectations for me appearance.”
I laughed, but it felt hollow in my chest. “You mean people actually expect you to look like a king?”
“A laird,” he firmly corrected. But there was that familiar grin behind his expression. Then he shook his head as his face turned serious again. “Stop tryin’ to distract me.” He gently poked me in the arm. “S’what are ye doin’ up and about? Shouldn’t ye be restin’?”
I shrugged and wrapped the velvet throw I’d taken from my bed tightly around me. There was a chill creeping through my bones ever since I returned from the woods. “I rested enough. I, uh, actually came to ask you for a favor.”
Finn’s back straightened as he peered down at me dutifully. “What’s the matter? The witches nae have news ye wanted?”
I rubbed at my neck. “No. Not really. My only option at this point is to sail down South and find this David Jones guy Ben was talking about.”
His forehead wrinkled as his brows pinched together in thought. “But I thought ye couldn’t wait that long.”
A deep sigh rumbled through me. “I don’t have any other options. I refuse to deal with the sirens again. I’m done with the beasts of the sea. I just…I can’t.”
Finn’s shoulders relaxed, and he nodded as he plunked his colossal frame down into one of the chairs. It looked like doll furniture under his massive shape. I took a seat in the other one next to him.
“Aye,” he purred softly. “I ken why ye would think that.”
I fidgeted with the braided fringe on the blanket. “So, here I am, planning to sail across the ocean once again. And someone once told me you were the best sailing master on the sea.”
He waggled his thick red brows and leaned toward me over the arm of his chair. “Ye heard right, then.”
Another hollow chuckle turned over in my chest. “So, you’ll help me?”
“Was that ever a question in yer mind?” he replied, feigning offense. “Me feelin’s are hurt, Traveller.”
Nothing. I felt nothing. Not even when my dearest friend was offering his help, and maybe even risking his life, to help me. I just felt…empty. Cold. Numb. Part of my mind nagged that I should be grateful that I didn’t have to endure the pain of being separated from my family with little to no hope of return. But another part screamed that I should be worried that I’d feel nothing ever again.
No. I would. When I got my soul back. Everything would go back to normal. I just had to hold on to that affirmation. For now, I’d cling to the numbness like the drug it was.
I cleared my throat. “How long do you think it will take?”
Finn leaned back and let his wide body completely fill the chair. “I’d have to discuss some things with Benjamin, but I reckon…” he mauled his hand over his neatly trimmed beard. “If we keep to the East, and hit the Southwest current, we could easily make the trip in eight weeks. Ten at the most.”
I let that sink in. Ten weeks. I could do that, if I had to, if it were my only choice. Which it seemed to be. The choice with less risk, anyway. I could make a deal with the sirens right now; head to the water and ask for their help, beg for my soul back. But what would it cost me? What more could the beasts possibly wish to take from me?
I never wanted to find out.
A groan echoed through me as I pushed off the chair and stood up. I wrapped the blanket snuggly around my back and shoulders before turning to him. “Your sister said we could have a ship.”
Finn stared up at me from his chair as the bigger picture of what my words painted registered with him. He nodded dutifully and, in that instant, he was no longer a great laird and I wasn’t his guest. No, for a moment in time, we’d unknowingly stepped into our chosen roles, the ones that had once been thrust upon us, but we’d eventually embraced. Right then, in the dimming light of the study, Finn was
a sailing master, and I was his captain.
“Aye, I’ll ready the ship then.” He beamed. “Captain White.”
***
After supper, I went back to my room thinking I’d sleep some more, but I only rolled around on the bed in a fit of restlessness. While I felt empty of emotion, the cavity my soul left behind was quickly filling with something else. Something I couldn’t quite place. A strange feeling of…I did not know. Not desire. Not need. More of a want, but with no object of interest. Just a thick blanket of the unsatiated craving of the unknown.
When the moon was full and bright in the sky, I huffed an annoyed sigh as I got washed up and threw on my jacket before heading out to walk under the stars. Hoping the cool night air would calm my soulless itch.
My boots padded the damp earth as I wandered about the property. Dragging my fingers across the jagged wood fence. Smoothing a palm over a horse’s shiny mane. I kicked at rocks and trailed down the worn dirt path that led me outside the stone wall that surrounded the Keep until I spotted a dark figure stretched out across a large bail of hay.
Lottie.
I strolled over and when her eased state tensed, her head lifted from the hay, I knew she heard me approaching. I smiled and stopped.
“You okay?” I asked.
Lottie let herself relax back on the bail and stared up at the stars above. “Yes, just…thinking.”
“Mind if I join you?”
Her answer was a loud pat on the hay by her side. I walked over and sat for a moment before leaning back to lie down. Our arms touched. Only then did I realize how cold I was, when the heat from Lottie’s body seeped into mine. I let the sensation soothe me.
The twinkling lights that filled the black sky above shone down and illuminated her pale skin, making it appear like cream as it melded into the blonde waves that sat loosely about her face. Lottie turned her head to face me and eyed me curiously.
“The stars love you,” I told her.
Lottie let out an annoyed sound. “What are you talking about, Dianna?”
The Cursed Sea Page 3
