My heart thundered at her words and my throat tightened. “You’re giving up?”
“Not giving up,” she cooed sensually and rolled her hips, driving a taut moan from me. “Accepting what is. The sirens will never give me back my soul, no matter how much I beg, no matter what I offer in trade. This is my home now; this is my life.” Her face dipped to my ear and I shuddered at the drag of her teeth across my lobe. “And I want it to be with you.”
I’d dreamed of those words spilling from her lips. For years. Imagined a thousand scenarios where Dianna would finally be mine, in a reality where I didn’t have to live with the guilt of taking her away from the man she loved. Because I never wanted to do that, to take her. It wouldn’t be right. I wanted her to take me. I wanted her to want me. But I’d long accepted that it would never be more than hopes and dreams.
Yet…here she was. Giving herself to me.
I sat up further but let her remain in my lap, terrified that if I moved her, she’d disappear with the lucid dream I was certain I was having. I held that sweet face in my hands, put her forehead to mine, and breathed. In and out. Focused on what I knew to be real. I was real, the room, the bedding, the cool night breeze that floated in through the open window.
And she was real. And naked. And…in my bed.
“Dianna,” I whispered against her face. Tears threatened to come, but I bit them back. “Are you certain…this is what you want?”
She nodded in my hands and I brushed my thumb across her bottom lip, readying her mouth to take. Slowly, I leaned in, savouring every second of the moment that I’d dreamed of for years. I inhaled the scent of her; a mix of soap and ocean air laced with…rum? The heat that pulsed from her naked skin soaked into me and burrowed in the sheets that pooled around us. I hauled her closer, tightening the connection our bodies made, and hovered my mouth over hers.
But it didn’t feel right.
I hesitated. “Maybe we should wait–”
“Wait for when?” her voice cut through the room like shattered glass.
“For when your breath doesn’t reek of rum,” I told her as I swam out of the fog of bliss.
I tried to slide back a bit, to get a look at Dianna’s face that remained in the shadows. I noted her breathing then, how it was different. Not like the soothing rhythmic hum I’d come to know better than my own. I grabbed her arms and fought to move her into the sliver of moonlight that cut across the bed. Her eyes, completely black to the rims, flashed with anger and an unnerving sound screeched in her throat like iron against glass.
She fled from the bed in a flash and I bolted for the door before she could escape, slammed it shut, and hatched the lock. I pressed my back up against the cool wood as I scanned the room. But it was so dark. I could hear her scuttling around, but it was too damn hard to see.
Frantically, I reached for the console next to the door to swipe a candle and some matches. Some fell and trickled to the floor as I blindly lit the wick, refusing to take my eyes off any movement I found in the room's darkness. When the flame came to life, I held it out in search of her.
The room fell silent. Only the quick in and out of my own ragged breathing touched my ears and I waited. Frozen in place.
“Dianna?” I said cautiously and dared move away from the door. My heavy foot caused the floor to creak and, as fast as lightning, she appeared from behind the canopied bed in a flicker. As if manifesting from thin air. My eyes bulged at the sight of her and I nearly dropped the candle. “Christ…”
I wished her bared form were shocking enough, but it was the black veins that crawled over her entire body like spilled ink. Moving, alive, and pulsing like a heartbeat. Her blackened eyes glared at me from beneath her lowered brow.
“Dianna is gone.” The voice had changed again, this time its glassy tone scratched at my ears and I winced. “Now she’s all ours.” A sneer spread across her lips. “All yours, Benjamin Cook.”
Rage built in my chest. “Bloody sirens.” She only cackled eerily under her breath. “Dianna, I know you’re still in there. Somewhere. Follow the sound of my voice. Come back to me.”
“You waste your energy,” she replied coldly. “There’s only one way to save her now.” Faster than I could process, she flickered and appeared right in front of me, her breath on my face as she grinned wildly. A pointed finger jabbed deep into my stomach, threatening to break the skin, and I stifled a cry of pain. “And you don’t have the guts to do it.”
Calmly, as if to not alert the beast of the thoughts rolling over in my mind, I set the candlestick down on the console and leaned my face in, touching my nose to hers. When I had an arm secured around her back, I said, “You have no idea how far I’d go for her.”
I threw my weight onto Dianna’s body and pinned her to the ground as the beast inside wailed to be released. Arms and legs flailed under me, but I was far too large and far too heavy for her to even nudge. Another wail poured from her mouth and I cupped my hand over it and her nose. Her body–it was just a body, just a body, just a body–convulsed against the floor and I stretched out to cover as much of her as I could while I choked every last scrap of air from her lungs. It felt like an eternity and I had to bury my face in the crook of her shoulder and neck because I was too cowardly to face her when the life inevitably left her eyes.
The siren’s curse was strong, embedded deep because any normal human being would have suffocated minutes ago. The fingers I used to cover her mouth and pinch her nose went numb, and I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. They streamed down my face, hot and searing and never-ending as I took the life of the woman I loved.
Finally, her body deflated, and she slowly relaxed in my arms. The convulsing subsided until there was nothing but stillness in us both. I couldn’t pull my hand away from her face; I was frozen, petrified, held prisoner by disbelief and guilt. Tears still streamed from my eyes, though, and pooled in her hair.
“I’m sorry!” I cried into the clammy skin of her neck and tensed with the crushing guilt. “I-I’m…sorry…”
When I drummed up the courage to pull away and look at her slackened face, relief flooded me when I saw that the black veins were gone, followed immediately by an uncontrollable tremble that rocked through me. She was gone. Dianna was dead. I’d…killed her. I still couldn’t stop the tears, but I managed to tug a rogue sheet from the bed and cover her exposed body, leaving her head uncovered.
I knelt on the floor as my shaking hands hovered over the body, unsure where to start. I closed my eyes to focus. Called the recent memories of the afternoon when Dianna had showed me exactly what to do. When I’d moved over the steps a few times in my mind, made sure I had it right, I opened my eyes and began.
Check the pulse. Check the airway. Tip the head back. Push thirty times on the chest. Pinch nose and cover mouth with mine. Blow twice. Repeat.
After the fourth round, I worried, and panic quickened my movements. My chest compressions became harder, rougher, desperate. Still…nothing. She was a corpse on the floor, and I was the fool trying to breathe life back into a body that had been so horribly wrecked by magic.
I wouldn’t stop. Someone would have to come in the early hours of the morning to bust down the door and pry my hands away from her. Even then, I wasn’t sure I’d let them. “I won’t give up,” I spoke through laboured breaths. “I. Won’t.” I blew twice, forcing my own air as far into her lungs as I could. “Come on, Dianna!” I urged and pushed frantically at her fragile chest. “Come on! Come back to me, God damn it!”
Suddenly, she came gasping back to life with a sharp, haunting inhale and flew upward into a sitting position. I scrambled back on my ass, stunned that I’d actually done it. The sheet fell loose, and I quickly pulled it up to cover her bare breasts, my fingers trembling, my heart in my throat. In the dim candlelight, her soft brown eyes appeared empty, but she blinked a few times and I watched as the world came back to her.
“B-Ben…” She stared at me, confused, and noted the sheet I
held against her. Her cheeks flushed with color as she yanked it away from my grasp. “What the hell is going on!”
I couldn’t form words, and tears still dripped down over my face. Shock possessed me. “I…they…I had no choice.” Every letter crumbled like dust on my tongue. “You were…the sirens. The curse. I–I had to do it.”
She shivered and took stock of herself, winced when she tried to move. Then her eyes flashed to mine and held my stare. “You broke the curse?”
Salty wetness filled the crease of my pursed lips, and I nodded. She spread a hand over her chest, slid it upward, and grasped her neck as she stared distantly into the space over my shoulder. I was falling apart from the relief that collided with guilt in my heart, but I noticed how Dianna began to tremble even more. Her emotions. I’d suspected that the curse had stifled them, and they must have been coming back to her tenfold.
And it was in that moment that I realized the stark difference between this Dianna and the one I’d been travelling with the last few months. Like comparing the sun to a cloud. Her expression wavered through them all. Shock, sadness, anger, happiness. Every emotion filled her, finding a home, and she bent over the floor as if she were about to heave. But only pained cries leaked from her mouth. Ugly sobs and sharp breaths.
Hesitantly, I placed a comforting hand on her back. “It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not leaving you to go through this alone. I’m not going anywhere.”
Through the empty retching, she turned her head to face me. “That’s the problem, Ben.” Another sound wretched from her and I felt the tension beneath my hand. “And neither am I.” She gave up and fell into a crumble on the floor. “I’m never going to get home. I’m stuck here. And now…I have to live with that pain.”
I recoiled and slunk up against the foot of the bed. “Are you…upset with me?” When she didn’t reply I grew angry, defensive. “Christ, Dianna, you were gone! The curse had taken you completely! What would you have me do?”
She slowly turned her pitiful gaze on me, tears welled in her swollen eyes. “Let me die?”
Everything be damned, I scooped her into my arms and held her as tight as I could without crushing her fragile, shattered body. “I could never do that.” The words were a whisper through the tears that tickled in my throat.
She felt tense in my grasp, almost defensive, but soon softened and relaxed against my chest. After a while, when her slender arms wrapped around my torso and her tear-slicked face cuddled my chest, my heart settled knowing she’d be alright. Eventually.
Chapter Fourteen – Dianna
The weight of human emotion was heavier than anything I could ever imagine. Being without it for so long, having adjusted to the blissful emptiness, and then suddenly having the wide range of feeling slam back into my body…it was unbearable.
After Benjamin broke the curse and my humanity switched back on, I spent two days in bed with the door locked. The madam of the brothel came to check on me a dozen times, and I knew it was just my friends showing concern but giving me space. I needed time to readjust to this…body. This life. This…existence without Henry and the kids.
On the third morning of my isolation, hunger pangs rustled me from a comfortable sleep and the sun burned my eyes. I rolled over and covered my head with the blankets, but the smell beneath them was almost too much to bear. I desperately needed a bath. And some food. My time to wallow and hide was over.
I removed the blankets just as a knock came at the door and I wasn’t surprised to find the madam there with a tray of food. She’d always come to ask, but never actually brought any with her.
“How did you know–”
She shrugged and swooped in past me to set the tray of eggs and tea down on the little table by the door. “It’s been days,” she said. “Feed that body of yours.”
She turned to leave, and I reached out to touch her arm. “Thank you,” I said as she examined my tired face. “I…I don’t even know your name.”
She smiled and I saw the beauty she once possessed in her younger years, beneath the overly tanned skin and layers of chalky makeup. “You may call me Madam Lorretta.”
My stomach growled at the scent of warm food that wafted up to my nose. “Madam Lorretta, may I trouble you for a bath?”
“Of course,” she said with a grin. “I’ll have one prepared for you in the bathing room.” She pointed at the food. “Eat.”
I chuckled, a real weighty sound that felt almost unfamiliar to me, and gave her a nod as I closed the door. After I filled my empty belly and washed away the sins that plagued me, I got dressed and headed out for some air. I had no idea where my friends were, but I was grateful they were off busy somewhere. I wasn’t ready to face them, wasn’t ready to deal with the way I’d treated Freya, or how I’d thrown myself at Ben. The memories of that horrific night were clouded, choppy, as if I remembered them through someone else’s eyes, but they were there, nonetheless. Forever etched into my mind.
I found myself trailing along one of the many beaches that surrounded the island where we stayed. I took my boots off and let my toes dig into the sand with every step, desperate to feel anchored to the world after being disconnected for so long. I realized then that I had no idea where we really were. The Caribbean, yes, but I knew it comprised dozens of islands. Cuba? Barbados?
I guess it didn’t matter.
We’d be setting sail for Scotland soon and would brave the sea once more. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to traverse the waters that seemed to hate me so much. But I had no choice. I couldn’t stay here. Maybe I could convince Finn to take the other route, the longer one that hugged the Eastern Coast of North America, and have him drop me off in Newfoundland. I’d still be alone but at least it was the closest thing I had to home. And, without a soul to mark the expiration of my life, I’d one day catch up to them. I’d see their faces again, and that was all I needed to keep me holding on.
I wasn’t sure the reason for my wandering until now, when the truth of it suddenly dawned on me. I was coming to say goodbye. For now. Goodbye to the life I once had, to Henry, to my two beautiful children–they were cared for and loved. They had each other. I had to hold on to that. I’d rather die alone in the past, knowing that my family was safe than to make another deal with a siren. I’d had enough of the treacherous sea Fae for one lifetime.
I tossed my boots aside and plopped down in the sand. I hugged my knees tight to my chest as I stared out over the calm afternoon water. The sun sparkled on the gentle waves like flecks of gold, and I inhaled the heady salt air. As much as I despised the sea for what’s it’s done to me…I couldn’t truly hate it in the end. It had always been a part of me; born and bred by its side, its scent infused in my blood.
I was a Newfoundlander, after all.
The walk had done me some good. Cleared my mind and set my thoughts on the right track. I could do this. I could say goodbye and make my peace until I reunited with the ones I loved a few hundred years from now. I had my humanity back, my emotions, friends who cared about me.
I picked up a rock and chucked it hard and far into the water. “You’ve taken from me for the last time,” I told it, and, as ridiculous as I must have looked, I knew it could hear me. The sea. A timeless beast. “I’m done. I won’t let you win; the Cobham curse ends here. With me.”
I stood and brushed the sand from my pants before grabbing my boots. But just as I was about to turn and head back over the grassy mounds that led to the port, I noticed the edge of the water suddenly and drastically recede. I watched as the water sucked back, revealing wet and glistening rocks, and I glanced around in confusion.
“What the–”
Faster than my mind could register, the water rushed back to the shore in a tremendous wave and crashed down around me. Soaking my clothes and drenching my entire body. Anger bubbled in my gut and I wiped the water from my face with a gasp.
“For an ancient being, you’re sure childish–”
There was a figure on the bea
ch that wasn’t there before. A giant lump of black leather huddled in a limp fetal position. My heart froze in my chest and I stared at it unblinkingly. To anyone else, it would have appeared to be a random body. But not to me. I’d recognize the shape of him anywhere, no matter how many centuries would pass between us. And the sea knew that.
I stumbled in the sand as I rushed to his side and turned him over with trembling hands. Disbelief pounding at my chest. But it was him, he was right there.
“Henry!”
Excitement possessed me as I took in every detail of his beautiful face, and it took me a moment to realize he was unconscious. I flew into panic mode, hauled his heavy body over fully on his back, and began CPR. Thankfully, it only took a few tries to beat the life back into him. With a gurgled gasp, his eyes flew open, and he rolled over to spew seawater from his lungs.
I rocked back and sat on my heels, practically bursting with joy. When he was done, he turned to face me with a disoriented look, but I flung myself at him, wrapped my arms so tight. And he did the same. Those long, muscled arms took me in an embrace so hard I could barely breathe. But I didn’t care.
“What are you doing here?” I managed to ask, refusing to loosen my hold. After the night I’d had–heck…the few months, even–I needed this, needed him. But paranoia stirred in my gut. The sea gifted him to me.
Henry moved in my arms, put his face to mine, and kissed me. Long and hard and painful and blissful. As if years, not months, had passed since he’d done so. I trembled on the sand, overcome with joy and worry. I shifted my hands, only to hold his face tighter as if starved of him. His mouth moved against mine.
“I once promised I’d part the seas to find you,” he replied. The sound of his raspy tone roused every new emotion in my body, and I kissed him again. He clumsily smoothed the wet hair away from my face. “Why are you crying? Are you hurt?”
The Cursed Sea Page 11
