“How was your date,” he asked abruptly. Then he winced to himself. How lame that sounded.
She looked at him out of the corners of her eyes. “It was okay. Had a good steak.”
Beefsteak? In for a penny, in for a pound. “Who was the guy?”
“Sean owns the Ruiz Feeds around town.”
Shit. He was good-looking, probably well-off, and she seemed to have enjoyed herself.
And he had two legs.
That was petty, he knew, but he was feeling out-of-sorts. Actually, maybe the pain in his hand was putting him off. It was literally throbbing, and he could tell that he’d missed some spines because even the air brushing across his skin was enough to send his pain receptors into overdrive.
Being next to her made him happy. There was some kind of perfume drifting on the air, something sweet, and he could tell she was guarded. Which he didn’t blame her for. In an effort to find himself and his own path and prove to her that he wouldn’t be a burden, he’d kind of left her hanging.
“I’m sorry.”
She turned her head to look at him. “For what?”
“For being distant,” he told her finally. “I didn’t want to rely on you so much that I lose sight of myself. I should have been the one looking for opportunities like the PD job, not you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “If I had known that…”
“No, don’t apologize,” he said, reaching for her hand. “It’s just… I was pretty depressed when I was first injured. I mean, not to sound like I’m throwing a pity-party, but losing a leg is devastating. And the burns and the rest of the shrapnel injuries didn’t do anything but destroy my self-esteem. I was a bit of an egomaniac in the SEALs. You kind of have to be to do the things that we do. But that old saying about the bigger they are the harder they fall is so true. Losing my capabilities and looks like that sent me into a tailspin. I was borderline suicidal, I’m not going to lie.”
Her hand tightened on his and she leaned into his shoulder. That small movement was enough to make his throat tighten with tears.
“And a big part of it was the dog. Thinking that I’d killed him with my negligence sent me into that much more of a tailspin. We’d been together for three years and he was a part of me. We slept together and ate together. We literally relied on each other for our lives. The thought of him being blown apart shattered me.”
Luca paused to try to get a hold of his emotions. “Then I get this email,” he laughed. She snorted as well. “And all of the sudden things are looking up a little. Each one was better than the last and suddenly the things that I was facing weren’t so bad now that I knew that Wicked was facing them as well. And taking care of him, being there for him, became my main goal in life. You gave me that motivation. Then you gave me a place to stay with my dog. And space of my own to heal and reconnect with him. You’ve done so much for us. Then you give me that info packet, which is a potential life direction for us. It suddenly hit me that as amazing as you were to us, I needed to stand up and make some decisions about my own life.”
“I think you’re being a little hard on yourself. You chose to come down here,” she reminded him. “You had another option open to you.”
“You’re right. I did,” he mused.
“And you can burn that packet from PPD. You will not hurt my feelings. I just thought there was the slightest chance that you could work together.”
He shook his head, turning toward her on the step. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I appreciate what you’ve done for us, it’s all been spot on. But I need to do my part to make these things happen. That means going back to my training and manning up, getting things in order that I can.”
“I can understand that. So, is that why you pulled away from me?”
“Yes,” he sighed. “A bit. I needed to make sure that what I was doing was for me and not for you.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “Okay.”
He tightened his fingers around hers. “I really like you, Erin.”
He thought her eyes might have filled with tears. “I really like you too, Luca. I’ve missed you the past couple of weeks.”
“I’ve missed you too,” he told her simply, and he wrapped his arm around her. If he kissed her there would be no way he would walk away tonight. “I didn’t like seeing you with that guy tonight.”
She drew back to look at him. “Is that why you came over here? Because you were jealous?”
Luca shifted a little uncomfortably. “No, Wicked led us here, but we needed to talk. I could tell I was hurting you and that’s not what I meant to do.”
“Hm,” she murmured. “I’ll be honest. I kind of thought there was something there between us, and then you jerked away like I had fleas or something. It hurt and it pissed me off.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Even if we don’t move forward romantically I thought we were at least friends.”
“You are completely right. We need to find a balance. I don’t think I’m a good prospect in the romance department but I can be a fucking phe-nominal friend.”
Erin laughed, just like he wanted her to.
“And in the nature of friendship,” he said, sitting up and turning his hand over for her to see. “Can you help me out? I landed in a cactus.”
Erin hissed in a breath. “Oh, jeez. I thought you’d been here long enough to know to stay away from these,” she said, tugging him to his feet and into the kitchen. She sat him down at the island. “Wait there a minute.”
Turning, she began digging through a junk drawer on the far side of the kitchen. When she returned she had a roll of duct tape in her hand. “Is it hurting like crazy?” she asked.
He nodded, watching her rip a strip from the roll. “I thought I got them all but it’s been burning for the past couple of hours.”
She took his hand in her own and turned the outside up. Laying the strip of duct tape along the blade of his hand she pressed enough to secure it, then ripped it off again, very carefully folding it to the side. “The problem is, you can get the main spines out, but there are usually a bunch of little spines you can’t see. It’s almost like fiberglass,” she told him, applying another strip then ripping it away. Then she caught sight of the scrapes on the inside of his palms. “What the hell did you do, Carmichael?”
The tone and phrasing immediately launched him back into the Navy, to an old lieutenant that asked him the same thing more than once. It took him a moment to be able to respond to her. “My blade caught on a rock when I was hiking the trail.”
Her lips pursed as her golden eyes surveyed him, as if looking for any other scrapes. “The next time you hit a cholla you need to let me know sooner. There are a few deep punctures that are probably going to get infected.” She tugged him to his feet and over to the sink where she very carefully hosed his hand off, then very carefully cleaned the scrapes on his palms. In spite of what he’d literally just told her, Luca loved the attention she was giving him. The concern was genuine, he could see that.
After a couple of minutes under the water she blotted his hands dry, looking up at him. The urge to kiss her as they stood there in front of the sink was damn near overwhelming, but he held himself back. She seemed to sense the danger she was in as well, because she moved away. “Have a seat. I’ll be back in a sec.”
Luca took a deep breath as soon as she moved away, but his eyes lingered on her ass, clad in tiny little silky pajama shorts of some type. Moving to the stool he forced his arousal away. There would be no release for him right now.
* * *
Erin almost changed into clothes. And a bra. Her nipples were hard against the slick fabric of her night shirt, but at least it was a dark blue. Maybe Luca wouldn’t see them in the dimness of the night.
His words danced around in her mind and she didn’t like feeling like she was in trouble, but she was confused. He’d stressed that being friends was important to him, but he was watching her like he’d like to eat her up. W
as she just projecting what she was actually feeling? Because after being near him again just a couple of minutes it was very hard to think of anything other than kissing the hell out of him and maybe fucking him until morning.
Erin barked out a laugh. She wasn’t used to feeling this way.
Retrieving the first aid kit from the hallway closet she returned to the kitchen. Luca sat on the island stool, looking a little disheveled but completely delicious, his hands resting on the counter in front of him.
Damn. I have to turn on the light, she realized. Definitely should have put the bra on. No, maybe she could get away with the stove light. That would be enough.
Setting her supplies between them she held out her hands for one of his. Luca gave her his left. Squirting a generous dollop of antibacterial cream on a gauze pad she wrapped the palm of his hand, covering most of the rock scrapes. Then she requested the right. She used two gauze pads on this one, one over the palm and one over the outside of his hand, both smeared liberally with cream. The gauze caught on her rough fingers but she took care not to hurt his injuries.
When she was done he gave her an ironic smile. “Not exactly conducive to good workouts.”
“I think you can take a day or two off and heal.”
Before things had a chance to get awkward between them again she gathered up the trash and threw it away. “Maybe ice cream will make them feel better. Chocolate or vanilla?”
Luca scowled at her mock ferociously. “Chocolate, of course, woman!”
Erin dipped two bowls of ice cream, then added hot fudge sauce and walnuts. They went back out onto the patio and sat at the picnic table. Bait and Switch thought they needed ice cream as well, but Erin had foreseen the issue. She threw a handful of tiny treats out into the yard and the boys lumbered off to find them. The smaller dogs she gave little mini Kongs to work on, and Wicked got a pig ear.
The two of them ate their ice cream, talking about the best places to hike nearby, and when they broke for the night it was companionable rather than tense. Erin made it a point not to linger, waving goodnight airily as she encouraged the dogs inside. Luca seemed to sense what she was doing because he turned and left, the silent Wicked on his heels.
After that night they talked a lot more, which made Erin happy, but there was still this sense of a storm about to break. There was an anticipation in their interactions, like they were waiting for some slip in the other’s control. Erin swore to herself that she would not make a move to change the status quo. If he was happy with the way things were she would be good with it. Besides, he was the one that had decided they needed to step back.
The fact that he’d been jealous of Sean was interesting. Then there was an airman that brought his Shiba Inu to board. They visited the kennel a couple of times, as well as a couple of others, before deciding on her kennel to board him at. Erin believed Airman Prince was doing his due diligence in caring for his animal, but Luca was suspicious. It made Erin laugh a little. They weren’t really anything, but it was obvious he wanted to be more.
So did she.
* * *
“Paul called,” Luca told her two nights later as they sat on the back steps watching the dogs play. It had become one of their little things, getting together every night to talk about the day. Luca cherished the time, looking forward to it as soon as he got up in the mornings. Sometimes he wandered into the covered barn when Erin was exercising the horses or cleaning the kennels, but he never seemed to catch her at the right time. In the evenings in the back yard was their time to reconnect.
And it left him wanting. He was stupid to have denied himself this.
“Is he finally taking a break from La Jolla?”
“Says he is,” Luca murmured. “I think suddenly having a daughter has maybe changed some priorities for him.”
“Good. I gave him Carolina’s number, like you suggested. Since he’s former military Helping Hands, Healing Hearts would happily provide him a caregiver for Hope that he could depend upon. And since they’re in San Diego it would be close.”
“Is that where the offices are?”
“Office, yes,” she corrected. “There’s only one, though she dispatches all around the world. Carolina has built an incredible business on her own. Well, her family helps out here and there but it’s mostly just her and her assistant.”
“Maybe the aunt will encourage him to do something.”
“When is he coming in?”
“Tomorrow afternoon, sometime.”
Erin nodded. “I’m anxious to see them again.”
As he looked at her serene smile, he could see that she was. Nothing much rattled Erin Knox. Yesterday he’d caught sight of her fighting the skittish Larry in the covered barn. He’d stayed long enough to make sure she’d gained control of the horse, then continued on with his workout. He stuck close to the barn, though, and he was relieved when she came out a little later, face creased in a smile. It was obvious she loved those big, dumb animals. Luca didn’t see the attraction.
“I told Paul he could stay in my house when he visited.”
“You did?” He looked at her in surprise. “Don’t you think he’ll stay with the aunt?”
Erin shrugged. “Not sure, but I wanted him to have options if he needed them. It’s not always cut and dried with a child.”
“Have you been around a lot of them?” he asked curiously. “Children, I mean.”
Erin laughed at his expression. “A few here and there. By your expression I would assume you haven’t.”
It was his turn to shrug. “A few. The guys on my team had a bunch of them.”
Luca must have looked as enthused as he felt. “Not your cup of tea, eh?”
“I’m not going to say never,” he said eventually, “but it will be a very long time before I’d even consider it.”
Greta was curled up on the step in front of Erin, soaking up the stroking her mistress was giving her. The two of them looked very natural together.
“Did you get anyone new today?”
She shook her head. “I was supposed to get a terrier mix at some point but the owners had to reschedule. I’ll see them next week sometime. What did you do?”
“I went to the Apache Wash Trailhead and ran for a while.”
Her hands went still and she leaned toward him. “Did you really? Which trail?”
“The long one.”
“Damn, dude. That’s a serious challenge. Good for you. How do you feel?”
He took a moment to think about it. “Not bad, actually. My body is recovering like it used to, before I was injured. The dryness here messed with my lungs for a while but after a month they’ve pretty much gotten acclimated. My ribs don’t ache any more.”
“Yeah, the dryness messes with you and the elevation. That’s good about your ribs. Were they broken in the explosion too?”
“Yes. Crushed. I thought you knew?”
She shook her head. “I knew you had pain but not the cause of the pain.”
“Most of my ribs were broken on this side, I had shrapnel all through my body. My bicep is fucked on this side.” He pointed out the surgery scars on the muscle. “And leg. Obviously.”
“When I see you running now I can tell which leg you lost but your rhythm has gotten so much better from when you first started.”
Luca smiled at that. “Thank you. Partially it’s the blade. It has more spring like a natural foot. I can feel the change in my body, too. I’m finally not feeling like an invalid.”
“Which makes you feel better emotionally which makes you work harder for that physical high.”
“Exactly,” he said, grinning at her.
The fact that she understood at least a little bit of what he was feeling made him feel… not so alone. He was fighting this physical journey for himself but it was nice to have support. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her. “Thank you for being you, Erin.”
She leaned into his hug for a minute, even wrapped her arm around his
waist to squeeze, then she pulled away. Luca tried not to be hurt by her withdrawal. He was the one that had wanted the distance, and she was giving him that.
They separated a little awkwardly, both of them looking out into the night and watching the playing dogs.
Chapter 12
Paul and Hope arrived a little after noon the next day. Erin was glad she’d shifted her schedule to get all of the horse work in early, letting her stay closer to the house. Corralling all of the dogs into the back yard she went out front to greet her guests.
Paul looked even more worn out but happy to be out of the rehab atmosphere. There was a tired grin on his face. He took her hand in both of his to shake and when Luca and Wicked came down the lane he greeted them the same.
Hope, on the other hand, looked around curiously but didn’t really engage, until she saw Wicked. With a quiet word Luca released the dog and he came to the girl’s outstretched hand, letting her pet his head. Finally, a smile played at her lips.
“Let’s go inside where it’s cooler and have some lemonade,” Erin suggested.
They all trooped inside to the kitchen. Hope went to the kitchen table and perched on a chair, running her hands over Wicked’s face.
“That’s the only thing she’s asked about. When would she see Wicked?”
Luca sat on one of the stools, legs stretched out in front of him, looking more relaxed than she could remember seeing him. Crossing to the fridge she retrieved the pitcher of lemonade she’d made this morning. The glasses were waiting on the island to be filled. There was a small cup with a popular children’s cartoon on it waiting for Hope. The girl smiled slightly and thanked her as Erin handed her the cup, but her eyes barely drifted away from the dog in front of her.
Erin laughed. She could remember being that horse crazy when she was a girl. Paul had his work cut out for him.
A thought occurred to her and she caught Luca’s eye. “Can you pour your lemonade? I forgot to bring someone in.”
If this worked the way she thought it might, Paul could kill her. Moving to the back door she stepped outside. The dogs wanted to come in and check out the new people, but she called Sophie to her. The little terrier mix wiggled with excitement as Erin lifted her up and carried her inside.
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