But they were just as quick to react, as no sooner than I had reached the red rider, a volley of poison-tipped arrows came in my direction courtesy of the green rider. I swung the Blade of Truth and caught the arrows flush on the blade, deflecting them into the gold rider’s saddle, unhorsing him. The horse was startled and jumped sideways into the sickly looking horse of the gray rider, who somersaulted easily to the ground, landing with effortless grace that I would have appreciated in another time and place. The red rider swung that massive blade and engaged me in fierce swordplay from astride its mount. As my sword clashed with the red rider’s, I was momentarily unnerved by a vision in the blade of me fighting myself. What was this sorcery? I jumped to the side, avoiding another hail of arrows by the slimmest of margins. The Blade of Truth almost had me turned into a pincushion, and I focused ever more closely on my adversaries. I dodged inside the red rider’s blade and aimed a blow at his leg, making him leap from the saddle onto the sand, landing next to the gray rider.
All four riders were now on foot, the gold rider recovering its scythe, and I was struck by one surprising observation: aside from the red rider, who was nearly my height if not taller, all these warriors were, well . . . small in stature, the gray rider particularly so. “I would think you would all be a little bit bigger,” I said to them, backing slowly away as they spread out on the beach. “I guess the Lord of the Underworld will have no complaints when I make short work of you.” As I talked, I studied their stances, how they held their weapons, and even how they walked. I grimaced—there was something very familiar about what I saw. Father had apparently trained these very creatures that were now trying to kill me, which meant I was not fighting demons, but immortals of some kind. And that made the odds quite even after all. Or so I thought. I parried sword and scythe, dodged arrows and well-aimed punches all the way down to the water’s edge, where the sharks circled ever so close, their great teeth bared and their tails whipping the water into a foamy frenzy. “Damn it, Father,” I muttered as sweat poured down my face. “Did you have to train these creatures this bloody well?”
“Have you had enough?” I asked the riders, who were bunched uncharacteristically close together. I sensed that they were growing tired, having never faced a creature with my fighting skills. My blade was light as a feather, and I felt I could go on with this all day, but I had places to go and four little sweet teen darlings to see. And a father to curse out, but that could wait. I leaped forward, catching the gold rider by surprise, grabbing the scythe, and slamming its grip into the green rider and sending him flying backward. The gray rider was upon my back, small arm around my neck, holding on most expertly in an effort to choke the life out of me. But I had practiced defending that move for a couple of centuries, and the gray rider soon found himself flying through the air to collide with the red rider, sending them both to the ground in a tangle of arms and legs.
The gold rider was unarmed, but that did not stop him from attacking. I swept his legs out from under him with the scythe, and he fell hard to the ground. As I hovered above, hesitating for a moment before I decided on delivering the killing blow or showing mercy, I heard a familiar barking. Could it be? Was it possible? Racing toward me across the sand, a white blur of paws and fluff, was Garlic—a low growl coming from her throat. “Well, where did you come from, girl, because I have sure missed you all these years,” I yelled out to her, all the while keeping my eyes on my now leery combatants. “You are a little late to help. But better late than never.” I bent for her to sniff my hand, but Garlic never stopped running, slamming into my side and knocking me off my feet, and dislodging the golden scythe and the Blade of Truth from my hands in the process.
I landed hard on the sand, losing my breath for a moment, and when I recovered, I found pointed at my throat a golden scythe and a red sword, and atop my chest was a white vampire Maltese licking my chin. “Infernal Maltese,” I said, spitting sand from my mouth. “Now, now, dear Garlic, you have got me in a bit of a mess. We will talk about what is considered a proper battlefield greeting later—assuming there is a later.” As I spoke, the riders looked at each other in confusion and stepped back from Garlic and me to huddle together. I rose to my feet and retrieved the Blade of Truth. Garlic took this opportunity to put her paws up on my knee and hug me as only she could. I noticed she was still wearing her red-jeweled collar, complete with wormhole-inducing crystals. But I was certain that her summoning a wormhole would gain us no escape, seeing that the Lord of the Underworld had managed to circumvent my trip to Sa Dragonera once already. That collar would turn blacker than night in the Underworld, I was certain of it. This time we would surely end up as permanent residents of the tenth level of Hell. And I thought Sardinia was hot? I scratched Garlic behind her ears and called out to the horsemen. “Do you wish to parley?”
The red rider stepped forward, its voice muffled behind its visor. “How is it that you know our dog, and our dog knows you?”
I laughed. “Your dog? The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse with my vampire Maltese? Now that is rich.” I began to grow wary. Was this another trick by the Lord of the Underworld, who had grown strangely silent in all the commotion? I glanced back at the hole to the Underworld, but only a single snaky wisp of smoke emanated from it. Odd. Very odd.
“Who are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?” the green rider called out. That sealed it—this was definitely a trap.
But now I was the one that was confused. If it was a trap, why didn’t the horsemen take my life when they had the chance when Garlic had knocked me off my feet? “That would be you men—or maybe you are mere boys, since some of you are not yet full grown,” I said.
“We are no mere boys,” the gray rider scoffed. “Boys are no match for the four of us. And neither are you.”
More smoke began coming from the hole to the Underworld, and I could feel a low rumble beneath my feet. Something big and ugly was coming to crash our little beach party, and I did not know if these riders were friend, foe, or something in between. But depending on what the Lord of the Underworld was sending from the netherworld, it might not remotely matter.
“You are able fighters nonetheless,” I said. “Without a shadow of a doubt, I’d hate to fight all of you in a few years. But tell me, when did you train with the esteemed and revered Master Assassin Ernesto Sinestra?” I had to make these warriors my allies and forge some common bond. “I, too, trained with Ernesto Sinestra.”
“I would believe you,” said the green rider. “But our master said in this test of tests that there would be a trap. He said he sent his own son to this place for such a test.”
I did not remember any such trap from my father at this place when we fought so long ago. But maybe he was hidden in the Aragonese tower, although he would surely be given away by his unmistakable low chuckle. Perhaps that is what he meant, or perhaps this was more trickery from the Lord of the Underworld.
The gray rider sauntered forward. “Admit it, you imbecile, you are the trap the master sent. Bow down before you are defeated.” He pointed to the smoking hole on the beach. “And when you have surrendered, you can watch us dispatch whatever foul demon spawn comes forth from your foul nest of evil.”
“I see your bluster does not match your size, small one. Perhaps you and Garlic are kindred souls after all,” I said, smiling as the gray rider raised his fists. “But I lie not. I do not come from that devil-spawning hole, and I did train with the Master Assassin Ernesto Sinestra.”
The green rider rubbed a hand across his chin. “You may be truthful. For you fight just like him and have much of his skill.”
I laughed at the irony of his comment, ignoring the low hiss coming from the hole and the now steady rumble from below that made Garlic growl low and show her teeth. The riders turned back to the hole and looked uneasy, clearly trying to assess what was more dangerous—me or whatever was about to make a rather unholy appearance. I had originally thought
that they had come from that hole, but I’d been clearly mistaken since they were just as unnerved about it as I was. Perhaps the Lord of the Underworld had snagged these warriors in his scheme of revenge. “Well, I should fight like the master,” I said. “He is my father, after all.”
“You speak blasphemy!” screamed the gray rider. “Quiet your devil tongue!”
“No, I certainly do not speak blasphemy—only the truth,” I said calmly. “Do you not see the family resemblance?”
“I certainly see a family resemblance,” said the red rider. “I know who you are. We have heard a lot about you.”
“Excellent,” I said.
“That is not a good thing, assassin,” said the gray rider.
I smirked. “Do not believe everything you hear, young warriors.” I pointed at the smoking hole, noting the rumble growing ever louder. Time was drawing short. “We must parley and face what comes from the demon hole together if we are all to live!”
“You are Sirio Sinestra, also known as Sirius Sinister,” the red rider continued, reaching for his visor and quite ignoring the danger of the hole. The gold and green riders gasped and stepped backward, reaching for their weapons. The gray rider was silent, arms folded across his chest, and I imagined quite a scowl beneath its mask. What had Father said to beget such a mixed reaction?
The red visor came up, and my jaw dropped, as I was looking into a face very much like my own, except with the softer features, fuller lips, and higher cheekbones of a young woman. “But Granddaddy would not lie,” she said. “Would he, Father? I am Contessa, your daughter.” Our eyes met, and instantly we sensed each other’s kindred souls. She was truly the blood of my blood and the soul of my soul. She stepped forward, and we embraced, her head on my shoulder, and I barely stifled a tear.
“No, Contessa,” I said, stunned as she drew back. “He would most surely not.” I turned to look at each of my daughters and saw that the green and gold riders had also unmasked themselves, and they each had hair the color of their mother’s and most of her features, but stared back at me with my own eyes. They looked like twins, appearing so very different from Contessa. But while Contessa was warm and welcoming, these two were guarded and unsure of me. They did not approach and merely raised their weapons in salute. “I am Adelaide,” said the green rider with formal seriousness. “I missed you with my arrows,” she said. “My aim will be true next time to honor our family.”
“Let’s hope that next time I am not the target, Adelaide,” I answered with a smile.
“I am Beatrice,” said the gold rider. “I see I have much to learn.”
“Indeed, the journey never stops, Beatrice, but if you are willing, I will teach you,” I said. “There will be time.” Beatrice nodded and stepped back, placing her mask upon her face once again.
“You left us,” said the gray rider, her mask still on her face and her arms still crossed. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“That’s Mary Grace,” Contessa said. “If you haven’t figured it out, Father, she is the discontented runt of our litter.”
“I have had just about enough of your insults, Contessa,” Mary Grace howled. “This ends now!”
She charged at Contessa, who was grinning happily as she egged her diminutive sister on, only to slide to a stop in the sand as a bloodcurdling roar came from the hole. Mary Grace and Contessa and I would all have to work out our differences later—if we got a later, that is. Four sharks surged in from the ocean and beached themselves on the shore, changing into something long ago forgotten on this planet as they thrashed upon the sand. “All right, ladies, get to your mounts. We have an enemy to engage,” I said. They listened and instantly were on their horses and ready to attack—all but Mary Grace, who stood facing me with her arms still crossed. “Who are you to give us orders?” she said. “I am not listening to you.”
“Mary Grace, get on your horse—now!” Contessa hollered.
“Like you are any better?” Mary Grace retorted. “Who made you the boss of me? And don’t give me that Pack nonsense either. Firstborn is not the best born, my not-so-sweet sister!”
I shrugged and chose silence as Mary Grace begrudgingly took to her mount and got in line with her sisters. I was an only child and had no idea how to handle this obvious and heated sibling rivalry. They would surely have to get over themselves if they wanted to survive. Why was everything so damn personal with women, even little ones?
Garlic took her familiar place by my side and looked up at me for guidance. I sensed she wanted to be with the girls, and that was okay by me. Her loyalty to our “family” was unquestioned. “Go ahead,” I said to her. “Keep them safe.” She gave a solitary woof and leaped upon Contessa’s horse, which started for a moment but quickly calmed under Contessa’s able hand.
A great blast of fire vomited from the hole, and out of the darkness came stomping into the sunlight a huge chimera, part lion, part goat, part snake, and all bloodthirsty death. I had only heard of this vile creature in stories told to me by my father, and it was supposedly defeated long ago by the warrior Bellerophon atop the winged horse, Pegasus, but apparently the stories of its demise were greatly exaggerated. It was supposed to be the size of a normal lion, but this creature had enjoyed what the Dark Lord was feeding it, and it was easily taller than I was at its shoulder. Forget a winged horse—not that there were any of those left in the world—we needed an army!
“Contessa,” I called to my daughter in red, sitting so strong and brave in her saddle. “You girls engage the shark beasts, and I will take care of the chimera.”
“Be careful, Father,” she said. I laughed. For the first time going into battle, I felt an unfamiliar emotion—fear. Not for myself, of course, but for these girls of mine who I did not even know, yet would mourn for the rest of eternity if something happened to them. And sweet Contessa was worried about me. “I will be fine, Contessa!” I saw the shark beasts—a strange mix of shark and crab, with a hard carapace balanced on immense pinchers and a shark’s great maw with deadly jaws—were girding for an attack. “The underside is where those things are vulnerable,” I yelled. “Take out their legs, flip them, and kill them. Got it?”
Off the riders went thundering down the beach, leaving me with a huge lump in my throat. Were the girls ready for this test of literal life versus ocean-borne death, and would they survive the first pass? Of course they were, I thought. The Howler and I had created quite the quartet of natural-born fighters with werewolf muscles and channeled rage, combined with the speed, balance, and stratagem of vampires. It was the beasts that were in trouble, not my daughters!
Contessa’s red sword expertly sliced through the foreleg of one beast, and Beatrice’s scythe clipped its back leg clean off. Adelaide sent a hail of arrows low and deadly, impaling one of the creatures and dropping it to the sand. I felt another wave of heat and leaped high in the air as the chimera had almost got to me. I had better start paying attention, or I would be the hero meeting his tragic end today!
I dodged to the side, away from the flame-spitting lion head, and delivered a mighty blow to the tail end and the snake head, severing the head from its body and dropping it to the sand. But it wasn’t dead and thrust itself at my leg, and I barely kicked the venom-spitting creature away from me before its fangs nearly found my leg. I wasn’t so lucky with the goat head, which rammed hard into my chest, sending me rolling back into the path of the lion’s fire and claws. I came up quickly, flipping a double handful of sand into the creature’s lion eyes, and leaped to the side, trying to see the action on the other side of the beach. I heard Garlic bark once, then twice, and saw two shark beasts explode in an impressive show of shell, claw, and teeth. So things were going very well for my girls. Only one shark beast remained alive—I wish I could have said the same for the chimera!
Strange runes appeared on the Blade of Truth as I swung my sword hard and opened a deep wound in the
chimera’s side. What was the blade doing? Was it a warning? I had no time to guess, instead thrusting a kill shot deep in the wounded beast’s side, dodging one last feeble bit of fire as the chimera collapsed to the sand defeated. I saw the girls riding toward me—all four none the worse for the battle—and I lifted a hand in greeting. Contessa whipped off her mask and screamed, and I turned just a moment too late as the snake head of the chimera was upon me. But Adelaide’s aim was true, and her arrow appeared in the snake head, staking it into the sand mere inches from me as the last bits of its life ebbed away in a slow green drip of chartreuse-ochre onto the beach.
“I told you I would not miss next time,” Adelaide said, a slight smile creasing her face.
“Indeed, you did not.” I surveyed the beach. The girls had been impressive in battle and, aside from a few scratches and bruises, had been able combatants. The runes on my sword were glowing, and there was a slight hum as the blade was actually vibrating. Garlic looked out to the sea and began pacing uneasily, a low growl coming from her throat.
“What is it?” Contessa said.
A huge tentacle broke the water just off the beach, reaching up to the sky with its many suckers dripping with ooze and covered with bits of flotsam. “It’s a kraken!” I said. “Let’s retreat to the tower. It won’t come on land.” More and more tentacles broke the water’s surface, and finally a great mouth came into view, snapping at the air with great ferocity, then another mouth, and finally one more. Great yellow eyes the size of infantry shields accompanied each mouth, and when they spied us, the creature shrieked out of those three horrible mouths in unison, causing us to cover our ears. On it came, rushing toward the beach, its huge tentacles thrashing the water, and pulling itself onto the sand.
“It is coming on land,” Mary Grace said. “I knew we shouldn’t listen to you. If we go into the tower it’s going to bring it down on top of us.”
My Ex-Wife Said Go to Hell Page 31
