My sword was glowing white hot as I raced toward him, but Cerberus got there first, crashing down with one mighty paw upon where Lovely stood. But Lovely was not there, having spun upward off the sand through the snapping heads of Cerberus, then jumping off the colossal demon hound’s back onto the ground. Cerberus whipped his heads to and fro, looking in confusion for Lovely, but instead only finding me with the Blade of Truth burning a swath of pain into his right forefoot. Garlic barked at the huge beast, but her bark only served to make Cerberus even angrier, and he swatted Garlic away with a glancing blow. “Hey, that’s my dog,” I said, slicing into Cerberus’s left paw. Garlic attacked again, flying back across the sand, a white blur heading straight for Cerberus without stopping. “Bad idea, Garlic,” I yelled. “He is too big for the likes of you!”
She did not listen and hurtled herself at Cerberus’s chest, knocking the wind out of herself in the process. “Damn it, Garlic,” I yelled, jumping between Cerberus’s paws and slashing furiously at his chest. The girls had recovered and joined the fight. However, it seemed their weapons could only annoy this demonic beast and not do any real damage. They were in more danger than anything else. Cerberus swung his tail and took Mary Grace’s feet out from under her, but she was quickly pulled to safety by Lovely.
“Fall back, girls!” the Queen shouted. “This is your father’s battle.”
With each blow of the enchanted Blade of Truth, Cerberus retreated toward the gateway to Hell. Garlic had recovered and would not leave my side, and her barks were finally starting to have an effect on this creature from the ultimate darkness. But Cerberus made one final rush at me, and although I opened wound after gaping wound in the side of the demonic beast, on it came. Garlic leaped up and sank her sharp teeth into the tender lower lip of Cerberus’s center head. The beast whipped that head back and forth in a frenzy, trying unsuccessfully to dislodge the vampire Maltese. But the more Cerberus swung its head, the more the cut Garlic had opened grew wider, and Cerberus’s foul blood fell like hellish red rain upon the beach. Cerberus stumbled backward toward the gateway, and a slow rumble came from below.
“Let go, Garlic,” I yelled. “To me!” I rushed forward only to take a huge paw to the chest, which sent me somersaulting backward on the beach. I stood up quickly, but was so dizzy from the blow of the demonic dog that I dropped to one knee for a second to catch my breath. The portal began to close in a flash of fire and brimstone. Mary Grace ran for the gateway after Garlic, screaming, “Jump, jump!” And still Garlic held tight with nary a whimper. Her plan was all too clear.
“No!” Mary Grace screamed, and I watched, helpless, as she was just two steps from entering a gateway about to close, trapping her in Hell—forever. But Lovely tackled her from behind, and they tumbled to the sand as the entrance snapped out of existence with a small pop, leaving only the sound of Mary Grace crying as she beat her small hands on Lovely’s large chest.
Chapter 16
My heart was heavy as I examined from every possible angle the area of the beach where the gateway had disappeared. I could not really believe the Hell hole was gone just as quickly as it had appeared. Or rather, I knew all that was possible, I just couldn’t fathom that Garlic was gone. And her sacrificing herself in the process—maybe that was part of the Lord of the Underworld’s plan all along. If he wanted to punish me for my supposed misgivings, he had succeeded. But I vowed to make his success temporary. And I think I knew just how to get my dog back.
My thoughts were interrupted by a confrontation on the beach. “I hate you,” Mary Grace said to a bewildered Lovely. “Why did you stop me? I could have—”
“Could have what?” Contessa interrupted. “Gotten your runt-ass self stuck in Hell forever?”
“Hell is listening to you prattle on and on,” Mary Grace said, making a face at her sister. “I could have reached Garlic and gotten back out of the gateway before it closed. No one is faster than I am. At least I could have—if this . . . this . . .”
Lovely had turned his big green eyes upon her. “The gateway was closing,” he said. “You would have been trapped. I caught you from behind, so I am even quicker than you, and I am telling you that I could not have made it out with the dog. I am not going to apologize for saving your life.” He folded his arms across his chest and stood his ground. As much as it pained me to admit, I was beginning to like Lovely.
“Oooooo,” Mary Grace howled, her inner Blackheart getting the best of her. “I don’t care,” she screamed. “I still hate you.” She paused, unable to break eye contact with Lovely. “Why do you have to be so blasted beautiful anyway? Ugh!” Mary Grace ran down to the water, crying uncontrollably, and Beatrice gave me a glance and slowly followed her.
“She will be okay,” Adelaide said. “Her feelings get the best of her sometimes. It is not personal, Lovely. It is just Mary Grace’s nature.”
“Yeah, she is such a blasted little baby,” Contessa said sweetly, and then, realizing it did not sound so sweet, added. “I mean sometimes she can be a baby . . . or, uh . . . maybe just when her dog gets sucked into a Hell hole. I mean . . . never mind . . .”
The Queen sent Lovely down along the beach to ensure that there was nothing threatening left in the area, and Adelaide and Contessa joined him. “My deepest sympathies to you for the loss of that wonderful dog of yours,” she said to me.
“She is not dead,” I said. “I would feel it if she was. And she is not lost, because I know very well where she is! Hold your sympathies, because where she is, it is probably more accurate to say that she is not dead, yet. I have to do something to save her. She has saved my neck many a time, and now it is time for me to repay the favors.”
“Sirius,” she said, her face lit by the glow of the sun now lowering to the horizon, but so much more radiant. “What are you going to do? March up to the Gates of Hell, kick them down, and walk up to the Lord of the Underworld and demand your dog back from him?”
“Pretty much,” I said. “I am not sure if you know this or not, but aside from the tortured souls of evil mortals, it is not exactly easy to get into Hell. In fact, I only know one way.”
“What is that?”
“For starters, get married,” I said. “Quickest way to Hell.”
“Is that a proposal?” the Queen retorted.
“Yes, will you marry me?” I asked.
“You don’t have to ask just because I am pregnant,” she said. “I do not need a king who can’t breathe underwater, you know.”
“You are pregnant?”
“Yes, thanks to you,” the Queen said.
“Now wait just a minute. It’s been five years,” I sputtered. “If that was the case, shouldn’t we have a toddler by now?”
“No, let’s just say, Justice’s library isn’t the only place where time behaves differently in the world,” the Queen said. “And, I do really mean thanks to you. That is why I was looking for you for a hundred years. You are the only man in the entire world that could give me what I wanted most—a baby.”
I was absolutely speechless. Contessa caught my eye from across the beach and waved. She was such a good girl, that one. I returned the wave. And now, I was responsible for making a baby with the mermaid queen?
“I have been the queen of my people for about two hundred years,” she said. “I don’t need a king to rule with me. My people are good and strong, aside from a few bad sea apples. Everything was more or less perfect for me under the sea—except one thing. Our oracle foretold that I could never, would never, have a child. I accepted the word of the oracle for one hundred years and focused on my subjects and my kingdom. Until one day a hundred years ago, I visited the oracle, and it told me of a man that had consorted with Persephone—a man that could give me what I wanted most. That man is you—Sirius Sinister.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She looked away, ashamed. “Our meeting in the Irish Sea
was not pure chance,” she said. “My spies had tracked you to Peel Castle, and I was coming to see you when the Winter Witch attacked. Your exploits are legendary, Sirius. Half of immortal mankind wants to be you. All immortal womankind wants to be with you. The Blade of Truth had been in our armory for five hundred years. But the oracle told me it was now yours to possess.”
“But, why me?” I asked her.
The Queen merely shrugged. “The oracle does not answer questions, it merely tells its truth. A truth that is sometimes clear and sometimes a mystery. But the blade let me wield it for the express purpose of bringing it to you. So I took it and was going to use it to free you from the chains of the Winter Witch.”
“And of all the fish in the Irish Sea,” I scoffed, having been lied to once or a thousand times by women so I was quite the doubter, “you find me? You expect me to believe that?”
“I was going to tell you on Lundy Island,” she pleaded. “Really I was. But I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be with me. What man wants children?”
I looked down the beach at my four daughters. “Actually, me,” I said. “I could not love those girls any more than I do. And, honestly, if you had told me on Lundy Island about what the oracle said—or showed me a shiny shell or something—I would have lain down with you anyway. Have you seen yourself?”
“Thanks—I think,” she said.
“But that does not answer the question. How did you know to come to Sardinia?”
“After I returned to my, my spies at Immortal Divorce Court brought word that the Lord of the Underworld had put a mark on your life. I found out where your daughters were and had a hunch they would be somehow involved, so I tracked them here.”
“All right, you answered as to how you knew, but what I really want to know is why you came here? You got what you wanted from me,” I said. “You could have just gone back to your merry undersea kingdom, never given me or my girls a second thought, and let Hades exact his revenge. So, why are you here?” One look at her face gave me the answer. “Ah, you felt guilty.” I looked away, feigning hurt. I glanced over at my girls to see them all sitting with Lovely in polite conversation. He was certainly a calming figure—even to a firebrand like Mary Grace.
The Queen sighed and gently turned my face back to her. I found myself looking at her, trying to sell anger but only feeling that familiar, old lust. I wondered what exactly separated lust and love, because they couldn’t coexist, could they? I stared at the Queen, and yes, she was so undeniably gorgeous, and yes, she was also carrying my child to boot. And just why did this oddly make me want her even more? The reality was that her having my baby definitely increased the naughty factor for me. Oh, what I wanted to do with her right there in the sand but for the host of youths awaiting our direction.
“Sirius,” the Queen said. “I did not expect to be so attracted to you, or to enjoy it so much. You did things to me that I have never experienced. I could barely feel my face, and my tail kept twitching as I was swimming all the way back to my castle because you brought the pleasure to me so often and so strongly.”
I bit my lip to keep from smiling at what the Queen said. But I couldn’t speak without laughing, and I was having the hardest time not wanting to congratulate myself on a job well done. Made her tail twitch—indeed!
“I was so focused on becoming with child it did not matter what you looked like, or even what kind of person you were—you could provide what I needed,” the Queen said. “What I’ve always needed!”
“So you used me,” I said, looking away again. “And you don’t even . . . love me . . .”
“I don’t even know you,” she said, exasperated.
“Well, that didn’t stop you from being with me, now did it? You owe me.”
The Queen nodded. “Yes, I do.”
“Good,” I said. “It is settled. You will marry me. You will divorce me. We will go to Immortal Divorce Court, and I will get myself found in contempt and get sentenced to Hell. I am going to get my dog back!”
“Are you sure that is a good idea?” the Queen asked. “Hades wants to torture you for all eternity for being with Persephone—even if they were divorced when you did it—and he knows that she really, really liked it—and I have to agree with her! Thus, he is suitably enraged. You have done what most would think impossible—you made a god look bad in the bedchambers.”
“Lucky me,” I said. “It’s always been my goal in life to have an all-powerful deity out to exact his pound of flesh because of my skill in the bedchambers.” I thought for a moment. If it weren’t so dire, and my dog wasn’t imprisoned in the ultimate inferno, it actually would be kind of funny in a sick, twisted way. I just knew Justice would find it hilarious. He probably hadn’t been with a woman since the great landmass split.
“He is going to kill you,” she said. She put a hand to her belly and then looked over to my girls. “You can’t leave these girls without a father.”
“What choice do I have? I have to get Garlic back,” I said. “I can’t just leave her there while I know she is alive.”
“It’s a trap.”
“Maybe,” I said. “But I have a plan. And I am not so entirely sure he wants to kill me.” Then it hit me. “You said ‘girls’ just now when you were holding your belly. How do you know that?”
“The oracle,” the Queen answered.
I reached out and put my hand on her stomach and felt the very faintest of kicks. “The oracle . . .” I echoed, amazed at what I had just felt.
“She knows her daddy.”
Just then the girls and Lovely came up the beach, tired of waiting for the Queen and me to join them. “Girls,” I said, “you are all about to have a sister.”
“Oh, what blessed news!” Contessa said, clapping her hands with excitement. Adelaide and Beatrice smiled, still in awe of the Queen. Mary Grace looked from the Queen to me and back to the Queen. I thought she was going to have a snide comment, or even throw up her breakfast. Instead, she just looked at Lovely with an evil grin on her face. “You are not related to the Queen, are you, Lovely?” she asked.
“I am not of royal blood,” he answered. “I am but a common soldier.”
“There is nothing common about you,” Mary Grace answered, to my great chagrin and her utter delight. Lovely was apparently forgiven.
The Queen had managed to have her soldiers summon two ships—one to take the girls back to Sa Dragonera and the other to take the Queen and me toward Greece and Immortal Divorce Court. We set up a camp at the tower, and Adelaide got a fire going, which was quite a shock to Lovely. The Queen merely chuckled as Mary Grace had to grab his hand to keep him from touching the fire. I gave her my best fatherly look of disapproval when she suggested taking a walk on the beach with Lovely since he wasn’t fond of the fire. Lovely avoided the father-daughter confrontation that was brewing, declined the walk ever so graciously, and settled in with the rest of us by the fire. The ships were due to arrive in Sardinia in the morning, so I had a captive audience—an audience that turned out wanted to hear every word I said about their mother, how we met, and ultimately where I had been these last sixteen years.
I focused on the good of that relationship, telling them that the Howler and I had reunited the true love of Jova and Cornelia, whom the girls said now had two beautiful little boys. They laughed at my tales of Oliver and grew wide-eyed as I described the fight with the goblins, the earthquake, and our eventual escape to Harvis’s farm via Garlic’s crystal-enhanced collar. We all grew silent, clearly missing our valiant vampire Maltese. I saw the Queen nodding, and I think she finally understood why I was going to the very Gates of Hell and beyond for Garlic. That dog was simply family, and my lesson to these young ladies was that you never ever abandon your family.
In the end even Mary Grace grew to understand the circumstances that led me to be away from them, oh, these many years. My daughters were smart, an
d when I explained about Angus’s plot to imprison me, I saw them all exchange glances. Clearly, though sixteen years old and maturing by the day, they already had an accurate view of the kind of man their maternal grandfather was, and for that matter, they saw who their mother was as well. They all hugged me when I finished speaking, including the Queen, leaving Lovely sitting alone by the fireside, and he just beamed happily.
“I believe every word you have said, Father,” Contessa said. “For right before we were sent to train with Granddaddy, I crossed Mother by disobeying her and showing mercy to a servant, who had ruined a prized ball gown, and well, let’s just say we did not part on the most pleasant of terms.”
“I never saw you two have a cross word. It was the rest of us she had no use for,” Mary Grace said.
“There was a lot I dealt with that you never saw,” Contessa retorted.
“That still sounds so odd to me,” Mary Grace pressed. “You are the favorite.”
“That is a pretty low threshold, dear sister,” Contessa said. “You should not tell lies to our father.”
Mary Grace shrugged, not taking the bait. “I can only say what I remember, and what I have seen with my own eyes,” she said.
“If I was so much the favorite, why did I get locked in that dark closet by dear Mother with all of you, and all the rats, when we were smaller, huh?” Contessa retorted.
“That was awful,” Adelaide said. “I can still hear the skitter-skitter of claws on stone.”
“Yeah,” Beatrice agreed. “First thing I ever killed—a rat.”
My Ex-Wife Said Go to Hell Page 33
