by D. D. Chance
“No, thank you,” Wendy said, and then she broke into the most beatific smile. “Thank you so much.”
And she wheeled around and practically skipped back to her friends—leaving me standing there on the sidewalk, holding Zach’s hand.
He turned back toward me and half-heartedly gestured us on, presumably toward my class that I had now absolutely zero interest in attending. I couldn’t even remember the name of the class anymore, let alone why I should find it.
I didn’t move.
“You’re going to be late,” Zach said, but his eyes flashed dark and hot. Late, I thought. I wasn’t sure I trusted time anymore. I wasn’t sure I trusted anything.
“Ah…so I should let go?” I asked in a low voice.
There it was again. The flash of darkness, of possession, completely in opposition to his soothing, quiet words. “I shouldn’t have put you in that position,” he admitted as he released my hand, turned with great deliberation, and started walking again. I fell in line beside him, surprise and embarrassment bubbling up at his unexpected reply. I didn’t know what to do with my hand now that it wasn’t connected to his anymore, so I clenched it into a fist. “It wasn’t fair.”
“Fair to whom, exactly?” I asked far too bluntly, the question coming out before I could stop myself. “Fair to Wendy or to me?”
Zach winced. “Nina…”
“No, I’m serious,” I said, a surge of unexpected anger fueling my embarrassment. Ordinarily, I liked to believe I could play things at least somewhat cool, but now my emotions were raw, unvarnished, stripped away by that fiery wind. “You told your dad there was nothing between us, we both agreed there wasn’t anything between us, but then you kiss my brains out and go and make some poor freshman with a crush on you think there’s something between us? How does that make any sense?”
His eyes flashed with an irritation that matched mine, toe to toe. “I was handling the situation without hurting someone who didn’t deserve to be hurt,” he countered, completely skipping over the brain-melting-kiss part. “Would you rather I just told her the truth?”
“Yeah, I would,” I came right back. “Especially since I have no freaking idea what the truth is. I told you that I wanted you to kiss me, and you kissed me, and then you apologized for it and said you were taking advantage of me. I’m the one who asked you to kiss me, remember? How could you be taking advantage?”
He winced. “You don’t understand.”
“Okay, well, why not try explaining it to me? I’m the kid of a college professor. I’ve probably read all the same books you have. Whatever super-complicated reason you have for rejecting me, I can take it, I assure you.”
Zach’s eyes flared. “Whoa—look, it’s not that at all. You’re making this sound like I’m choosing to not, you know, want to be with you. It’s not that way at all.”
“Really? Because it sure does seem like that.” I couldn’t seem to get control of my runaway mouth, or the jackhammering heart that seemed to be fueling it. “I heard you with your dad, Zach. Maybe that was wrong of me, but I was right freaking there. You told him you didn’t care for me, so this question should be easy for you. Do you have feelings for me or not?”
“I can’t have feelings for you, Nina, okay?” Zach lashed out, anger jolting off him. “I can’t. The second I officially have feelings for you, like real feelings and not just wanting you so bad that you make my head want to fall off, you die. That’s the curse I have—same curse as my dad and his dad before him. You think that sounds like a fun way for our relationship to go? News flash, I don’t. I’m sorry I kissed you. I couldn’t help myself. I’ve been wanting to kiss you since Tyler hauled you free of that land worm, God help me, and I’m going to continue wanting to kiss you until the friggin’ day I die, which is going to be sooner rather than later if I don’t get my act together and demon hunter the fuck up. So this is the end of this conversation, and I’ll do my damnedest never to breathe a word about my feelings to you again.”
He stopped short, and I realized that our argument had carried us all the way to Cabot Hall. He jerked his hand toward the building, as if there was any doubt that he was about to leave me again. “There you go,” he said, his voice cold, uninflected. “This is where your next class is. And now I’ve got to—”
“Wait,” I blurted, and it was a testament to how strong the not-something was between us that Zach stopped midturn and looked back at me. His eyes were blazing now, such a deep, dark purple that he looked otherworldly, and his fingers straightened and curled into fists like a fighter looking for something to slug. The emotion radiating off him was palpable, and so was the desire. I just hadn’t seen it before, swamped by my own anger and embarrassment.
But there was something he needed to know, dammit. About me, about us. Especially if demons were about to hit campus.
“I can help you,” I finally managed. “Because I joined the collective.”
He blanched and shook his head. “Yeah, not hardly. I wasn’t going to give Dad the satisfaction, but I do think our Run is what finally triggered the bastards. I don’t care—I wouldn’t change it for the world, but—”
“No,” I cut him off. “Just listen to me. I read about it in one of Frost’s books. The fact that I’m a girl joining a group of guys—well, it changes things. It means that if I choose to create a bond with you—me, not you—I can make you stronger.”
“Nina—”
“I’m serious,” I insisted. “It’s not about your emotions for me, okay? I run the show. If I’m into you, and you need my strength, just by us…well, connecting, I can help you. I just have to be willing to create some sort of intimate bond. That’s it. And I’m willing to do that. More than willing. Like, I’m willing a whole lot.”
By the end of my little speech, Zach was staring at me, which didn’t lessen the deep crimson of my cheeks or the wincing grimace I couldn’t wipe off my face. Could this conversation seriously get any more embarrassing?
Yup.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, sounding slightly strangled. “You want me?”
Oh my God. “It’s not about that,” I heard myself reply as if I were standing over in the corner, watching some other girl make a fool out of herself and feeling really, really bad for her. “I’m just saying that I think it’s a way around your, um, curse. Even if you end up deciding that you don’t feel anything for me, we can still take advantage of the side effects of me being part of the collective.”
“Like Tyler has,” Zach suddenly said, as if it all had finally come together for him. “He’s stronger now, isn’t he? You did that for him.”
I blew out a heavy breath. “I did that for him, yes. And I could—I mean, if you wanted it, I would totally do it for you.”
I tried really hard not to think about the fact that I was trying to sell someone on the advantages of getting busy with me. Making it all about how it would help him, never mind how much I just wanted to wrap my arms around Zachariah Williams and never let him go.
Ladies and gentlemen, Nina Cross, humanitarian of the year.
It didn’t seem to do the trick, though.
Giving me a long, measured stare, Zach stepped back, looking more stressed now than I’d ever seen him.
“Well, thank you. That’s great,” he said, though it didn’t look like he thought it was great. His face was even paler than usual, and his hands had never stopped their clenching and unclenching. Sort of like my stomach right now, which was currently squeezing the life out of a million and one butterflies. “I appreciate that. Really.”
I nodded, feeling like an idiot. “Um, you’re welcome,” I offered, unaccountably trying not to cry.
And this time when he turned away, I let him go.
10
How I got through the next hour and fifteen minutes of animal husbandry, I couldn’t say. Apparently, the teacher had saved the last few sessions of school for breeding behaviors, and I was in no mood to deal with any creature’s pri
mal urges other than my own. At least nobody looked at me strangely, or more strangely than usual. I didn’t recognize anyone in this section, but they all looked way younger than I was. I suppose everyone thought that about underclassmen.
Class let out, and none of the guys were waiting for me at the door. That surprised me a little, and then I became annoyed at how much it surprised me. I was capable of walking myself back to my apartment, thank you very much, or even all the way to my next class. Up until a few short days ago, I had been capable of entertaining myself in an entirely new city, all on my own. I held up my phone to see if anyone had texted me, but no go on that either.
I felt unreasonably hurt, like I’d somehow been abandoned. I didn’t like it. I’d gone for a long time without really thinking much about anybody else but myself or Mom. I’d gotten used to that, and I’d never minded my own company. So why was I now so unsettled at the prospect of being left alone for a minute and a half? I needed to hit my apartment again, regroup. Maybe pick up the search for Mom’s family, at least until I got word of Zach’s apparently imminent demon attack.
As if my feet were listening to my brain without requiring further direction, I found myself heading for the edge of campus. With every step, I felt better. Maybe I needed to reset. I should go through the notebook I’d made of Mom’s past, try to make a few more calls. I should focus on anything that wasn’t Wellington Academy. And clearly, given what had transpired between Zach and me, I could do with the time-out.
I reached the walls of the outer campus without incident and breathed in the fresh spring air. I could understand why Mom had loved it here so much, especially in the springtime. From everything I’d read, Boston winters were murder, so spring always felt like a bit of a resurrection. The city was certainly putting on a show this morning, with chirping birds and blossoming flowers, pollen heavy in the trees. I took a deep breath and let it out again, already feeling better. Everything was going to be okay.
Something snapped behind me.
I whirled, my hands going out in a defensive posture, adrenaline jacking into the stratosphere. A squirrel sat frozen on the sidewalk, caught midtheft, a bright, shiny treasure in his tiny paws. We stared at each other for a long moment while my heart rate stuttered and slowed, and I shook my head.
“Sorry, buddy,” I muttered. “I guess I’m a little on edge.” He dropped what he was holding, chittered something that sounded vaguely offended, and bounded off, leaving his treasure behind. I stared down at the small round object. It seemed odd lying there on the sidewalk, so I took a step toward it, then squatted down.
It didn’t look like a nut and, now that I thought about it, probably wouldn’t be a nut this time of year. I also understood the sound that had distracted me. The squirrel had clearly been trying to crack the thing open by smacking it against the pavement, but it was never going to have succeeded. I picked up the shiny metal pellet, turning it over in my hands. It wasn’t ammunition, I didn’t think, but I also didn’t think it was a piece of jewelry. There was nothing to string it on a necklace, and it would’ve made for a pretty heavy necklace anyway. The gleaming gray metal bead was about a centimeter wide and perfectly round—was it pure silver? Nickel? It felt a little heavy for nickel, but…maybe?
No guns shot pellets like this, at least not modern ones—no way. I pinched the bead between my thumb and forefinger, but that didn’t help me figure out what it was. Were there any monsters that were attracted to silver? I didn’t think so. I knew plenty of them that were afraid of silver, including demons, so maybe this was a good sign. I stood and tucked the bead into my pocket, resolving to ask Tyler or maybe even Liam about it when I saw them next. Tyler was the leader of our little collective, but Liam was the Encyclopedia Brown of monster hunters. If there was something important about little silver beads, he would be the one to know.
I continued on, feeling better with every step I took away from the academy. Did I really need those guys? It seemed wrong to even think that, especially now that I’d joined their group, but we’d done that without really thinking it through, and there were ramifications still unfolding from that action. Dean Robbins certainly wasn’t a fan of mine, and I didn’t think Zach’s dad liked me all that much either, though he’d seemed really nice at first. Maybe too nice?
Zach, on the other hand…
I sighed—I really didn’t know Zach well enough to pass judgment on him. All I knew for sure was—I wanted him. A lot.
My cheeks blazed with heat as I passed one of the pocket gardens that were among the things I loved so much about Boston. A mother and her young son sprawled on a blanket in the center of the green space, rolling a ball back and forth to each other. The perfect May morning, with summer about to burst into full flower. Even if the academy wasn’t for me, I loved it in Boston. I wanted to stay here.
I stepped into the next shadow, and a surge of unexpected fear washed over me. Something was lurking, out there in the woods. I looked back. The young woman and her child were still on their tidy patch of grass, but though the area directly around them was bright with sunshine, everything else had turned dark and shadowed. And that darkness was moving closer to the woman. She laughed, her child laughed, but though they were only about fifteen feet away, the sound seemed far too distant. Like a faint echo from a TV show heard through a window, not something right next to me.
My hands went out again, and I turned in a slow, tight circle. I couldn’t see anything, but there was definitely something wrong here. Something evil? Something strange, for sure. Moving as slowly and carefully as I could, I slipped my hand back into my pocket and pulled the silver bead free. An image flashed in my mind, the face of the squirrel as I startled him. Had I been the one who’d startled him after all? Or was my new shiny silver pellet the problem?
Slowly, with barely a twitch of my fingers, I let the bead drop to the ground.
Light broke through the trees. The shadows scattered, and I gasped with audible relief. The woman looked up sharply, the baby’s head swiveling toward me.
“Sorry,” I said quickly, taking a few more steps away while she stopped midreach for her little boy, apparently comforted by my apology and the growing distance between us. “Sorry. I just remembered what I forgot.”
The words made no sense to me, but the woman laughed. “I do that all the time,” she confided. “Comes with having a baby.”
“Too much to think about and too little time,” I agreed, still walking away, wanting to put as many steps between me and the innocent young family that I could.
“What are you doing here?”
“Geez!” I jerked away from the harsh demand, but somehow still made the wrong decision with my direction, because I ran smack into a wall of muscle, my hands pressing against the broad, unforgiving chest of Grim Lockton. I could feel his vital heat through the thin blue cotton of his shirt, and I whipped my hands away, stumbling back a step. I really needed to stop running into the guy.
“Why do you do that?” I demanded. “Keep sneaking up on me, I mean. Can’t you announce yourself from a clear distance?”
He didn’t respond to any of this, merely studied me with his maddeningly cool eyes, dark in the gloom that once more seemed to gather close. Grim’s thick white-blond hair, pulled back in its heavy braid, seemed particularly colorless in the shadows, and his pale golden eyes were catlike as he stared at me. My heart now bounced and skittered around, as nervous as the squirrel I’d surprised, but it wasn’t because I was attracted to Grim, thank God. He merely pissed me off.
Right?
“What are you doing here?” I finally responded to his original question as he remained silent. “I live off campus. I have a reason to be out and about. You don’t. What do you want?”
The words came out a bit harsher than I intended, but I was super stressed-out and the guy did have a tendency to sneak up on me. Monster hunter or not, it was a little obnoxious.
Grim smiled thinly. “We’re having lunch, and the guy
s want you there,” he said. “Tyler’s been trying to text you, but you haven’t responded. So maybe stop acting like a startled little girl and let’s go.”
He turned, clearly heading back to campus, and for a half second, I thought about telling him to go screw himself. But that was uncharitable. The guys had stuck their necks out for me, protecting me from my monster entourage the best they could, getting me into actual classes. Even if I was going to skip town sooner rather than later, I at least owed them my solidarity in joining their little lunch meeting.
“Well, why should anyone bother texting if they can just send the mighty tracker of the collective to come fetch me?” I groused.
As soon as I snapped off the petty comment, I regretted it. Not because it was petty. I was a big fan of pettiness. But because it caused Grim to turn and lift a cool eyebrow.
“You like me coming after you?” he asked, the question deliberately challenging.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, shut up,” I muttered. I had enough random emotions and feelings rolling around inside me to even consider adding Grim to the mix.
But, of course, he didn’t shut up.
11
“What happened back there?” he asked as we strode back down Back Bay’s cheerful streets, his long legs eating up the distance back to campus. “You were scared.”
“First, I was not scared, and second, how can you make any sort of guess about what I’m feeling? You don’t know me. I could’ve been worried about my animal-mating exam.”
I winced internally at my unfortunate choice of words. Smooth.
Grim didn’t seem to notice. “No. It was something more immediate. Did you see something in that park? Did you feel something?”
I sighed, letting go of my mad. He really was only trying to help. They all were. I needed to relax and accept that, especially with as crazy as everything was.
