I mean, I am breaking at least three rules just being up here and I do have a spotless record. Plus, I doubt Kace would appreciate me bringing attention to his spot.
My right leg is slightly hovering over the step, waiting for me to decide. I’ve never felt so pressured or afraid to do something so simple. I can’t imagine a life of dodging authority figures and breaking rules. Is this what Kace meant when he said he’d be no good for me? Well, getting caught would certainly be no good for my record, but I’m willing to risk it.
I push open the door and peek around the corner. It’s empty. He’s not even here. After all that.
I pout as I climb down the steps and head for the main doors. Him not being here is probably a sign that I need to lay off. I mean, he’s only said it to me a million times.
Free period will be done in about fifteen minutes. If I want to stay out of harm’s way, and I mean all three of them, outside may be the best option for me. I take out my phone to respond to Erika as I make my way to my “recess tree”.
It’s been an exhausting enough day as it is without me dragging around the Erika situation. I need to lighten my load so I shoot her a quick text to let her know we can hang out later and that I’m sorry for overreacting.
Knowing Erika, that ought to do the trick and release her from whatever guilt she’s feeling. Good for her. I wish it were that simple for me.
As I pocket my cell, I find myself staring at an outline I’ve come to know by heart, sitting underneath my recess tree.
There’s smoke coming from his lips and everything inside me wants to run toward the tree, but my legs stop working when he looks up at me.
17
Kace
“Is there like some kind of a quota of daily annoyance that you have to meet or something?”
Why is she here again? She’s like a fucking bloodhound or something. It’s hard enough getting her out of my head. What I don’t need is her coming to add to it.
“Again...unnecessary.” She rolls her eyes at me and crosses her arms over her chest.
“What do you want, Janey?” I ask, turning to face her. I purse my lips and very carefully blow smoke in her direction before putting out my cigarette. She’s trying to pretend that the smoke isn’t affecting her, but eventually, her virgin lungs cave and she starts to cough.
“Well, you are sitting under my tree.” I quirk a brow at her and she retreats. “But that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to ask you a question,” she says, placing both hands on her hips after she’s caught her breath.
She’s determined, I’ll give her that. “I don’t have time for your lectures or your questions, Bradshaw.”
“What’s the deal with you and Lucas?” she cuts me off.
Well, well, little Miss Bradshaw has finally caught on.
I smirk at her and I can sense her impatience as she inches closer to me. This is the same person who keeps blushing every time she sees me, why is she approaching me like some rabid animal now?
“Well?” she asks again when I don’t respond.
“It’s none of your business.”
“As you’ve so eloquently put it before, I don’t know when to back the fuck down, so just tell me.”
I stand up and whatever power dynamic juice was coursing through her vein visibly leaks out of her as I make my way closer to her. Her lips part and she’s steadily breathing through her mouth.
I make her nervous. Good. She should be nervous. She’s just waltzed right into a steaming pile of shit.
When I’m just inches away from her I can feel the rise and fall of her chest and when I look into her eyes, I’m pretty sure her pupils dilate.
“I don’t owe you anything.” My voice is low, even to my own ears, and I can see her shifting her weight on her feet as I step even closer to her, forcing her to look up at me.
“I warned you countless times to back off, didn’t I?” She nervously bites her lip as she nods slowly without breaking eye contact. “I told you you’re not my problem, yes?” She nods again and I nod along with her. “Good. Now go right ahead and fuck all the way off-”
“No,” she whispers, and I find myself blinking back at her. Why are you being so damn stubborn, Janey?
“No?” I ask, taking a step back and examining her fully.
“No. You keep pushing me away. You keep pushing everyone away. It makes no sense. You can swear at me all you want, but I’m still not going to just stand around and watch you throw away your life. We weren’t exactly friends before, but we were friendly with each other. Something in your life changed, fair enough. But it didn’t have to change you.”
“God! You’re so...” I clench both fists before running my hands through my hair. The more she stands here pouting at me and staring back with her crazy defiance, the more confounded by her I become.
I shake my head, bite my tongue and start walking away from her. Still, I know better than to think this is over. In no time, I can hear her footsteps quickening behind me. “Go away, Janey.”
“Nope.” There’s a melody to her voice now. So much so that I’m pretty damn sure she’s mocking me.
“Janey, you know how crazy you’re being, right?” I groan and she picks up her stride.
“Right back at you Kace,” she counters. “Just let me help you, for crying out loud.”
“Christ, Janey. I don’t want your goddamn help. Don’t you get it? I don’t fucking need your help. I want you to leave me alone. I want to walk through this shit show at my leisure and leave as I choose. How hard is that to understand?”
Her eyes go from wide to simmering. This time, all her thoughts are lost on me. She looks away from me and wraps her arms around herself, but I don’t know if I’ve gotten through to her.
When she looks back at me, I can tell she’s pissed. “I never saw you as a coward,” she says. That hurt. Even though it shouldn’t. Especially not coming from her.
I take a step towards her and she instinctively steps back. “What did you just say to me?”
She looks down at the floor and shakes her head before looking back with tears brimming in her eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as emotional as her. Ever!
“I said I never saw you as a coward.” Her voice is barely a whisper, and even though my teeth are grinding furiously, I can’t seem to open my mouth and say a word.
“You’re hiding. You’re doing everything you can to stay hidden-”
“Shut up.”
“But I can see you, Kace. You may have fooled everybody else, but you’re not fooling me.”
Without thinking, my hands are on her, gripping her shoulders, holding her in place, making sure that she has no choice but to stay put. No choice but to hear me loud and clear.
“I said, shut the fuck up!”
Her lips part slightly, and I glare down at her, trying to get my head straight.
“I don’t know what kind of Mother Theresa, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen fucking DeGeneres bullshit you’re trying to pull here. I don’t know if you’re trying to score brownie points in heaven or whatever the fuck it is that runs around in that naive brain of yours. But hear me, Janey Bradshaw, and hear me clear, because I’m only saying this one more time. I swear to God…” I suck in a deep breath and heaven on earth breathing has never felt so fucking hard.
There are tears on Janey’s face, but I can’t seem to stop myself. Who the hell does she think she is?
My nostrils flare as I try to calm down. But Janey, despite every goddamn thing that has happened in the past twenty seconds and despite her crying, she’s as calm as calm can get.
In the softest voice she responds, “I’m not afraid of you, Kace. I’m not afraid of your words. I’ve heard worse.” She shakes her head at me before looking up to trap me with her gaze again. “My offer stands,” she adds and pulls an envelope from her backpack before handing it to me. “Don’t let them do to you what they did to Bubba. Don’t let them win.”
No.
No.
/> No.
No. She doesn’t get to fucking pretend like she understands. She doesn’t get to have that look on her face, like any of this cuts her as deeply as it cuts me. And she sure as shit doesn’t get to tug at my conscience and poke at what’s left of my fledgling ambitions.
I let her go and take a step back from her. As I stare into her adamant face, I see that she wasn’t lying. She’s scared, but she’s not afraid of me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know your friend. I’m sure he was great. The council has decided to do tributes at our fundraiser... all the information you need, the time and date and all that, you’ll find in the envelope. There’s also something I’d like to show you after school in the auditorium. A gift for Bubba. If you don’t show up, that’s okay. I get it and I promise I’ll leave you alone. But I do want you to see it because it was done for the both of you.”
She turns on her heel and walks away, leaving me to deal with the sandstorm she’s created with her honesty.
I can’t stand how stubborn she’s proving to be. No other girl I know has the nerve to stand up to me like that. And what the fuck is with that gentle brutal honesty of hers?
As if I don’t already have the entire world on my shoulders.
Shit.
I thumb the envelope between my fingers and watch as she heads inside, just as the bell rings. A minute passes, and then another before I storm into the building after her, heading for the roof.
18
Kace
Why the hell did I agree to this? I glance down at my phone screen. I have a few hours before I have to get home, so it’s not a time issue that I’m having.
I think what I’m having is called a stroke.
Or maybe a fucking existential crisis.
Why the hell am I heading to the auditorium?
After hours.
Voluntarily.
Without detention or anything?
Janey Bradshaw, that’s why.
She’s been in my head, under my skin and on my mind all fucking day. It’s annoying. So fucking annoying. And I know no matter how many times I tell her to stay the hell away from me, she just won’t listen. Anyone else would have taken a hint by now. What the hell is wrong with her? Even more importantly, what the absolute fuck is wrong with me?
Didn’t she give me an out? I just need to not show up to this thing and she’ll be out of my hair for good, so why am I still heading to the auditorium where I know she’ll be there planning the fundraiser?
Bubba. If this school is actually going to honor Bubba, I know I have to see it.
My boots sound as militant in the walkway as the thumping in my chest. I pad closer to the room, feeling like a stranger in this place I know so well. I can see a few juniors dotting the hallway, trying to appear invisible as I storm by them. When I push the auditorium door open, my eyes find Janey almost instantly.
She’s standing between two mountainous guys from the football team. She has her hair pulled into a ponytail, the ends brushing her butt as she tilts her head back to look up at the wall. There’s a painting there, so enormous that it wholly dominates the space, leaving only an inch or two of wall visible at the sides. Janey is giving directions to the two jocks with the laser focus of a sharp-shooter, and the ease of a drill sergeant while doing so.
I take in the painting and shake my head. There’s no doubting the fact that it cost a pretty penny. Must be nice to be able to throw money around without a damn care in the world. Another deep breath and I scan the room. Janey’s annoying friend is at another table sorting through papers while the rest of the Council is putting up lights, and decorations. I suppose they’re serious about this fundraising event.
My eyes go back to Janey, in her loose jeans, flannel shirt and sneakers and I immediately regret my decision to look at her. Despite the frumpy clothing and despite her insistence on dressing like she’s trying to be invisible, everything about her stands out to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve felt her body before. Maybe it’s because I know what her lips taste like. How her tongue feels. How quickly her heart can patter. But whatever the case, I don’t like the feeling I’m getting right now as I look at her. So quiet, but still so insistent, she seems to be annoying the guys putting up the painting. I shake my head as I cross the room. It’s great to know that it isn’t just me. She wouldn’t survive a day in the Da’Costa household, that’s for sure.
Cain would get rid of her for being any one of the two extremes. Too annoying or too quiet. The same way he won’t hesitate to put a cap in my ass if I miss tonight’s meeting.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Sam appears before me out of nowhere and I physically pull myself back a few steps to prevent myself from crashing into him. He and I used to be teammates, but that feels like a lifetime ago. I fucked shit up between the two of us in my quest to burn all my relationships to the ground. But I can’t really say he didn’t deserve half of what I dished out.
“Move,” I growl. Our eyes are locked and neither of us seem keen on backing down.
The muscles in his arms flex, and I snort at the idea of Sam thinking it’s smart to pick a fight with me. I could have easily kicked his ass back in freshman year, long before I figure out what a bench-press was. Now, I can literally knock him out in one go.
“You shouldn’t be in here,” he challenges me, and I move to step around him, but he blocks my path.
“I don’t want to dance with you, Sam. Get the fuck out of my way right now. I won’t say it again.”
He starts chuckling, the look on his face begging me to wipe his smirk clean off his body. “Are you threatening me? Who are you to threaten me, Kace? You’re nobody. Why are you even here? Are you trying to get into Janey’s pants? Is that it? You’ve fucked over your life and now you wanna fuck her and hers?”
“Watch yourself, Sam,” I warn.
“Or else? What is the big… bad… Kace gonna do to me?”
It’s not me that answers him, but instead, my rage. Without thinking, I pull back and head butt him in the nose.
“That,” I growl and walk off leaving him swearing and clutching his nose.
Janey is glaring at me when I get to her and I can tell she’s seething. “What on earth was that about? Why did you do that? Jesus Christ, Kace, you really hurt him,” she squeals at me, panic taking full control of her features.
“I’m here,” I grunt back, not answering her question at all. The truth is, the answer to the question is easy. I’m angry. Broken. Damaged. All of it.
“I can see that,” she hisses. Her hands are on her hips and she gives me an exasperated sigh before walking past me to go check on Sam.
Seriously?
I can hear him making muffled threats from where I’m standing and I watch as Janey offers him a tissue which he rudely rejects.
“This is your fault,” he barks at her, and she steps back, frightened at his rebuke.
See, this is exactly the kind of shit I was warning her about. I’ve been in here all of thirty seconds and already her people are turning against her. Maybe this is a good thing, after all. Maybe now she’ll get it. She’ll see that she has no place in my world and I have no place in hers.
I can’t hear what Janey’s response is, but Sam’s next phrase douses the flame he lit inside me with gasoline and I’m across the floor in seconds.
“Don’t you dare say a word to me, you cheap slut,” he barks at her and half the room turns to stare at a beet red Janey Bradshaw.
“Say it again,” I dare him. I’ve got his collar fisted in both my hands now, dragging him up to me. “I’ve been waiting to fuck you up all year, Sam. Please, say it again. I beg you. Call her a cheap slut again, Sam.”
He’s fuming now, his eyes burning with the kind of rage that I know all too well. Still, not a single word crosses his lips. I’m not surprised that beneath all his ego is a damn coward. He’s picked fights, but never had to man up and fight them. People like him, people born with a damn silver spoon at th
e back of their throats, they have that luxury. People like me, we know better. If you’re gonna talk shit, you need to be able to back it up. Right now feels like the perfect time to teach him just how to put his money where his mouth is.
“What’s that, momma’s boy? Nothing?” I shove him to the ground and he gets back up swinging, landing a fist to my jaw.
Atta boy, Sam. That’s what I’m talking about.
I flex my jaw and grin at him. I can hear Janey close by, begging me not to punch him, but how could I possibly pass up such a golden opportunity to put Mr. Harvard candidate in his rightful place?
Sam takes another swing at me and I block it before delivering an upper cut into his chin.
“Oh my God. Kace stop it!” I hear Janey squeal, but I’m feeling great and not at all like this is something I’m ready to stop.
Sam gets another punch in and I return with a fist to his stomach. I actually hear the air leave his lungs. Quality music. I wish I could get a soundbite and make it my ringtone.
He’s coughing and holding his stomach with an ‘I surrender’ arm raised, and I can feel disappointment rushing over me. I was just getting started, but where’s the honor in fighting someone who isn’t going to fight back?
Fuck honor. Where’s the fun in it?
“What the hell was that?” Janey screams at me when I walk over to her, flexing my jaw and massaging my face.
“That, Janey, was the real me. The me you seem to think does not exist. The me who is sick and tired of having to deal with you people and your shit on a daily basis,” I growl at her and she flinches.
“The you who just defended me? That you? That’s the you I shouldn’t help?” she asks.
Infinite Fury (High School Bully Romance) Page 14
