“You’ve reached the voicemail box of-”
“Ugh!” I groan and press redial.
Tonight is not the night for Cori to be unavailable.
“You’ve reached the voicemail box-”
I pull the phone out of the hands-free holster and toss it over to the back seat. Everything is falling apart. Why would I do something so stupid? Why would I let him kiss me? Why did I kiss him back?
As the weight of tonight bears down on my chest, I feel anger brimming as the real question cracks the surface of my heart and seeps through. Why did he leave me like that? What could have possibly been so urgent that I became so insignificant in that moment, only to be cast aside in my most vulnerable state?
All the whys float around in my head and I find myself throwing my fists against the steering wheel as I turn into the mall’s parking lot. Going home right now is a risk I don’t want to take. The odds of running into my mother are high and she’ll probably have friends over. It’s one thing to deal with how little she cares about me when she’s alone. It’s a whole other ballgame watching her disdain when the room is packed with all her friends.
I just need to gather myself and get over feeling like the slut I know I’m not. Though that’s exactly how I’m sure my mother would label me if she saw my behavior tonight. Propped up on a table - in the bookroom, of all places.
Damn you, Kace!
Everything around me feels cold and still when I exit the car and head for the stairs. The parking lot is full, yet I still feel empty. I brace myself for the usual parade of happy mall couples that never seem to have anything to do in the evenings beside slobbering everyone around them with thick layers of PDA. I find myself hoping that it’s late enough to not have to endure their grand displays, but something inside me knows better.
There’s a blonde in skin-tight jeans and a cropped top sliding her hand into her guy’s back pocket and smirking up at him on the escalator in front of me. I roll my eyes as he leans down and kisses her forehead.
As soon as we’re off the escalator, I storm pass them and head over to my good friends, Ben and Jerry. As far as men go, these two have never failed me.
“What can I get for you?” the lady behind the counter asks.
“Chocolate Peppermint crunch, cookie dough and cake batter”
She looks at me quizzically, but says nothing as she rings up my order.
“Janey?”
I turn around to see CJ smiling down at me.
“I thought that was you,” he says, pulling me into a hug. “How are you?”
“I’m alright.” I manage to smile at him. “Getting anything?” I ask, moving out of his way.
“I’ll probably just grab what you did,” he says. “What did you get?”
“Chocolate Peppermint Crunch, cookie dough and cake batter!” The lady calls out from behind me and I turn around to my service bowl.
“The heartache special,” CJ notes gravely and I present another weak smile.
I slip into a booth and he joins me without placing an order.
Looking at how shredded he’s gotten this last year, I don’t suppose he makes a habit of hanging out with either Ben or Jerry. Too bad, they’re amazing company.
“What’s wrong, Janey?” he asks.
I shake my head and silently begin to eat my therapy. CJ waits patiently, and even with my head down, I can feel his steady gaze on me. Halfway through the first layer, I finally break.
“Why are guys so unpredictable?” I ask, without looking up at him.
I can hear his gasp and I cringe inwardly. “Guy trouble?” he asks, and I can’t place the tone of his voice, so I look up at him. He seems surprised which somehow feels like a slap to the face.
“It’s okay. Forget I asked,” I mutter.
CJ reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “No. I’m sorry, you just caught me by surprise, that’s all.”
“How so?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.
“We’ve been friends for a while, Janey and I am one of very few friends, let alone male friends that you have. I’ve never seen you take interest in a guy.”
I snort and push a spoonful of ice-cream into my mouth. “You’ve also never seen them take an interest in me either, so there’s that.”
He leans forward and stares into my face as if I just told him I fell from Mars. “You’re kidding me, right?” Eyebrows furrowed, he’s got disbelief heavy laden on his face. “Do you know what to look for? Because I’ve seen quite a few guys take interest in you over the years, Janey. You’ve just never let us in.”
My spoon stops mid-air.
“Us?” I squeak and he shakes his head and leans back in his chair.
“Wow,” he says softly, still shaking his head. “Seriously, I was crushing on you hard at one point. You really had no clue?”
“I’m still a little confused, to be honest.”
He smiles kindly. “Now isn’t the right time to discuss this. You’re eating the world’s most confusing combo known to man and I’ve decided to make it my mission to fix that.”
At least one of us is enthusiastic about changing the state of my mood.
“Tell me about Med school,” I encourage, and he launches off into an animated account of his experience.
As I listen to him speak about pursuing his passion and discovering how much he hates vomit, I find myself thinking about Kace and his desire to pursue medicine. I imagine he’d be this enthusiastic about describing his disdain for bodily fluids. He’d most definitely have an over-the-top, not so PG way of getting his words out there, too. Something about that makes me smile.
‘He left you high and dry tonight. Why should you care?’ I find myself thinking and groan inwardly.
That’s right. Tonight isn’t a Kace night.
I somehow manage to finish my mix by the time CJ finally concludes his demonstration of hazing week and I am in stitches.
“You have a special laugh,” he tells me and I tuck a hair behind my ear, not really nervously, but not one-hundred percent comfortably, either.
“You’re only saying that because there was no snort at the end of that one.” CJ doesn’t disagree, but instead, tilts his lips to pull them into a half-smile. There’s no missing the roll of my eyes at his expression as we exit the parlor and walk out into the corridor. But at least I’m in a much better mood than when I first showed up.
The small silence that had fallen upon us comes to a screeching halt when CJ grabs me by the crook of my elbow and starts speeding forward. “Come on, use those legs, Janey.” Try as I might, it’s not as easy as he makes it seem. CJ isn’t running, but his legs are so long, I have to jog to keep up with him.
“Where are we going?” I shriek.
“We’re going to get your heart pumping,” he responds with a silly grin on his face. “I told you, I’m a man on a mission.”
“It’s a school night. I really do need to get home.”
CJ stops walking and turns to face me. “You’re an adult, Janey. Sure, legally you can’t drink yet, but you’re just months away from college. You’ll have complete freedom then. Get some practice. Live a little.”
I can hear Kace’s question from earlier ringing in my ear. ‘What did you do to rebel?’
That just about seals the deal for me.
“Okay.” I nod.
*
“This isn’t a good idea,” I groan in protest, clinging to the railing of the rink.
“Trust me, I won’t let you fall,” CJ chuckles, and I can’t find the joke in this scenario. I am clumsy enough on two feet, the last thing I need is to be on wheels.
“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep. It’s a dangerous place to be.”
“Trust me,” he urges, and I shake my head, quirking a brow at him.
“I trust you. It’s my center of gravity that I don’t trust.”
“We’ll go slow.”
I glance nervously around the rink. There aren’t
too many people here to witness me falling flat on my ass, which I know is bound to happen. I’ve always stayed away from anything that relied on my balance for success. Dancing, skating, running were all banned activities. Honestly, it’s a bit of a miracle that I can manage to walk on my own. CJ takes my hand in his and pulls me closer to him until he’s leading me by my elbows.
“Steady,” he coaxes me, and I take one wobbly step after another, gripping his elbows with the determination of a drowning man.
“Why did you think this would be a good idea?” I squeak as my knees buckle, but his hold on me is firm, saving me from going down head first.
His grip on my arm tightens and his smile falls back into place. “I got you.”
“I still don’t know why we had to come here.”
“I thought you could use a good challenge.”
“Was it something I said?” I’m failing to see how this death trap could possibly be the answer to any of my problems.
“What are you thinking about right now?” he asks.
“Not falling and how hard I should punch you if I do,” I confess and he nods.
“Good.”
It takes me a while to get his point and when I do, I appreciate how in tune he seems to be with what I need. I wish all guys could be like this. Kace clearly isn’t.
“Hey,” CJ squeezes my elbow. “Come back.”
“Have you ever stood someone up?” I ask and he nods.
Not the answer I was hoping for.
“Have you ever walked out in the middle of making out with someone?”
His left brow arches dramatically at my question and I look away to stare at the moving ground beneath us. Dizzy is a welcomed alternative to the vulnerability blooming in my chest.
“I don’t think so,” he says finally.
“Do you think you ever could?” I ask, clinging tighter to his elbow as we make a turn.
“Not without a damn good reason, no.” He chuckles for less than a second before his face steels into seriousness. “Is that what happened?”
When I blush, he nods his head as if I just told him play by play exactly how wound up I feel in Kace’s web.
“Well maybe he has a good reason. If not, then he’s a total jerk and I volunteer to punch him in the face for you.”
“Thanks.”
“Think you’re ready to try this on your own?” he asks, and I laugh at his insanity.
“Don’t you dare,” I warn.
“Don’t worry, I won’t let go. Not until you tell me to.”
“We may as well go home now, then. I have no interest in eating concrete.”
CJ smiles, his eyes lighting up with humor.
“Thanks for this, though,” I add on quickly. “You were right. The fear was very distracting.”
He nods without saying a word and I can tell that there’s something else on his mind. I sure hope he’s not going back to the whole ‘crushing on Janey’ thing. It’s awkward enough knowing that he used to have the hots for me. It’ll be even more awkward if he still does. Not only because…well, I don’t see him as anything but a friend. But also because I’ve just gone on and on to him about Kace. I really am hoping I didn’t overstep by telling him about my boy problems? Does it really count as boy problems, though? Kace is so unpredictable I can never know if that kiss wasn’t merely his way of proving an unspoken point. He had mentioned nothing of our first kiss until tonight and in between he seemed content to pretend that it didn’t happen. But then again, given the circumstances, I can’t say that I blame him.
The thing is, I don’t understand Kace and I don’t know why I want to, but I do. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure that there’s something wrong with me. Maybe the kisses were bad. That could be it, I guess.
I feel my insides squirm at the thought of Kace telling me to my face that I’m a bad kisser. Aren’t normal girls born knowing these things? Aren’t they born beautiful and sensual? Two things I am not.
So maybe not all girls.
I really am a lost cause, then. Allison wins again.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop,” CJ says, and I realize that we’re out of the building and that I’d pretty much been on autopilot while thinking about Kace.
Kace whose presence calms me down and makes me anxious at the same time. Who somehow makes me feel safe yet hyper aware. Challenged, and judged. None of it makes sense because despite how the day with him went, I know the only thing Kace is trying to be is my enemy.
Ugh…What the hell is wrong with me?
“Sorry,” I mutter and CJ pulls me in for a hug.
“It’s okay. I can tell you have a lot on your mind. Just promise me something,” he starts and I look up into his handsome face and nod. “Open up your heart to love. You have so much love to give everyone else yet somehow you haven’t figured that part out. Unlock it.”
He leans down and kisses my forehead before opening my car door so I can climb inside.
“Let me know when you get home, okay?”
23
Kace
How the hell did I let this happen?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
One task. One order. Get home on time.
That was it. Nothing else.
How the fuck did I mess that up?
I keep replaying the day in my head. I should have known that something would go wrong. Something always seems to go wrong whenever Janey enters the equation. All calculations seem to go haywire when she pops up, just like that night she trailed me home, and I kept seeing her everywhere all damn day.
‘You did a whole lot more than just see her.’
My mind momentarily goes back to the bookroom, the softness of her plump lips and how willingly she trusted me. And the look on her face as I high-tailed it out of there, trying to somehow make it back to Kensington on time.
Get it together, dude. There are more important things to think about. Like the fact that you just lost a brother.
I shake my head at the thought, and steel my emotions as best as I can. Thinking about Janey is a fuckload easier than thinking about the death of my brother- the murder of my brother. A murder that I could have possibly prevented, had I been there.
I fight back the tears and focus on the anger and the fear. Being out here on my own makes me more vulnerable to all the anti-D’C elements. If Lucas and his lackeys find me out in the open, then there’ll be a brawl for sure and I won’t have anyone to defend me. I’m so fucking screwed.
I don’t imagine there’s anything I can say to get Cain to let me back into the house after what happened. Josh is dead and his death is always going to be held over my head. There’s simply no way to erase that.
I can’t believe I lost track of time.
I had been watching the clock all day.
Waiting to pounce all day.
Ready to go. All. Damn. Day.
It was my freaking plan for crying out loud!
How the fuck did this happen?
Janey Bradshaw.
I let my brother die because of a piece of ass?
Maybe Cain is right. I am a traitor. I put a complete stranger over my own family. Who does that?
“Family” is a bit of a stretch though, isn’t it? Since when did I start slapping that title on any of them besides mom and Abby? Still, Josh was my brother. That’s not in question, so yeah, family. If it had been Cain then maybe I wouldn’t mind so much, but Josh...man, I really fucked up big time.
How did I even wind up in the book room with Janey in the first place?
I plop down on a nearby bench, my feet aching from walking. This nonsense isn’t helping anything. I’m bound to run out of money soon and I have no access to steady food. Nowhere to shower and no bed to sleep on. The few dollars that I do have to my name need to be saved until I actually fucking need them. So yeah, I’ve got my troubles cut out for me. Janey Bradshaw should be the very least of my concerns and the absolute last thing on my mind.
Yet
, here I am, tossing and turning in the dead of night on a solid park bench, adding her to the betrayals that plague me. I need to get my priorities checked out because I shouldn’t be using her to take my mind off Josh’s death.
As I try to fall asleep with my hand wrapped around the straps of my duffel bag to prevent anyone from grabbing it while I sleep, my mind wanders back to the auditorium. I can smell the subtle fragrance of her perfume and almost hear her calling my name. I can see her smile as she waves at me.
Her voice drifts in and out of my subconscious as I try to fall asleep.
“Kace?”
“Kace.”
“Kace.”
Her scent is stronger, more present.
Homeless and hallucinating - I’ve never been more of a Kensington native than I am in this moment.
“Kace?” There’s more urgency in her voice. Like she can sense that I’m in trouble.
“Kace is that you?”
Wait...
I turn around and open my eyes and I’m quite sure my eyes are fucking with me.
“Janey?”
“Oh my God, it is you! What are you doing out here? It’s freezing!” She runs her hands down her arms, adding motion to her words.
“Janey? What the hell are you doing here? Don’t girls like you have curfews and shit?”
“I don’t think that’s important right now. Are you planning on sleeping out here?” she asks, examining my layout and I feel tension build in my stomach. This is exactly the kind of shit I do not want.
“Not your problem,” I grunt.
“You can’t possibly think you can sleep out here. It gets much colder the later it gets!”
Did Janey Bradshaw just yell at me? She must be out of her damn mind.
“You should probably calm the fuck down,” I warn her.
“You should probably be a bit more concerned,” she claps back.
“I’m really not in the mood to argue with you, Janey. You’re free to go. I didn’t ask you to come here. How the hell did you even find me?”
Infinite Fury (High School Bully Romance) Page 17
