That was exactly why it was bat-shit crazy stupid to accept his dinner invitation, no matter how innocent. It gave them hope as a couple, got her thinking about what could be once again, instead of what couldn’t be with two people with different goals.
He put a big hand gently on her shoulder and guided her toward the door. She didn’t resist, even though common sense warned her to run like hell. Yet, she couldn’t leave him alone, not after last night, not after knowing how raw Tyler’s feelings were when it came to his father.
A few minutes later she sat in the passenger seat of his freaking huge SUV as it purred down the wooded two-lane country road.
“Mexican, huh?” He shot a glance at her topped off with a sexy wink.
She stared out the side window, trying her damnedest to not succumb to his charms. Tyler’s extensive arsenal could be dangerous when he chose to use it, and he was aiming both barrels at her tonight. Her own defenses faltered then crumbled, leaving her open and vulnerable, with only her resolve as her armor against him. It wasn’t much, but it was all she had, and he needed her as much as she needed him.
She inhaled the achingly familiar scent of him, and the telltale wetness between her legs betrayed how far gone she was.
A few minutes later, Tyler pulled up to the curb in front of the Mexican restaurant in Friday Harbor. He rushed to the other side and swept open the door for her, bowing low.
“You’re pouring it on tonight.” She always resorted to snarkiness and sarcasm when she didn’t trust her other defenses.
Tyler didn’t take offense; he took it as a challenge, as usual. His blue eyes lit up with pure devilment, a grin split his lips and revealed those straight, white teeth. “I’m just getting warmed up, honey.”
Just what she was worried about. “Don’t bother. This is a dinner as friends. That’s all.”
He leaned in close to her, grasping her shoulders, and pulling her close to him. “Are you sure, Vinnie?” His breath tickled her forehead.
“Positive.” Lavender called forth every measly ounce of strength she had left, knowing if he mounted another onslaught, she’d be hard pressed to turn him down.
He released her and studied her carefully, his expression puzzled. She’d fooled him, but she doubted it’d last long. Tyler didn’t take no for an answer. In fact, he loved the word no, it just meant he needed to try harder, charm more, and call forth every seduction strategy buried in his horny brain. She knew how extensive his talents were; he’d used them on her after every fight they’d ever had, wearing her down until she was a naked, writhing mess underneath him while he claimed her with his heart, body, and soul.
But eventually it hadn’t been enough. She mentally slapped herself just to remind her how powerful this man could be and remembering the real reason she’d come out to dinner with him. Turning, she walked into the restaurant with him dogging her heels. As soon as they were settled and served, she’d get down to the questions she needed to ask.
The owner recognized them immediately, gushing about how good it was to see them again. He put them in a private booth with a view of the water, served them margaritas, and left them to study the menus.
Only Tyler was studying her.
“What?” Lavender couldn’t stand how intently he was looking at her, especially the neediness in his eyes.
“You’re beautiful.”
“Stop.”
“Seriously, you are the most beautiful woman in the world, and I was a dumbshit to let you go.”
She opened her mouth to set him straight on who let who go then snapped it shut. “Not debating that one.” She shot a round of sarcasm over her bow.
He grinned, catching her salvo, and using it to power his own assault. “I’m not shitting you.”
“Whatever. But for the record, I dumped you.” She buried her head in her menu.
He leaned forward. She felt his presence mere inches from her face. She peeked over the top of her menu to find his intent blue eyes dissecting her every weakness. “You really are beautiful.” He snagged a lock of her hair and held it up to his nose, inhaling. “Your shampoo always did turn me on.”
“Everything turns you on.”
“If it has to do with you, hell yeah.”
“Tyler, stop it. This can’t go anywhere. You’ve picked your end of the field, and I’ve picked mine. Don’t make this worse than it needs to be.”
He frowned, rubbed his chin, then that slow, sexy smile came back. “How bad can it be?”
“Bad.” She met his gaze. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you have such a hang-up about marriage?” She needed to know the answer for her own peace of mind.
“I—I don’t think it’s necessary when two people are committed to each other.” He wouldn’t look at her.
“You didn’t love me enough.”
“I love you plenty. Whenever I think of marriage, I swear I get this claustrophobic feeling like I’m going to have a panic attack. It’s weird.” He lifted his head and smile almost sadly.
“It is weird,” she agreed.
He leaned forward and grabbed her hands, the uber-confident Tyler now firmly in control. “I want to fuck you.” His gaze wrapped around her, sucked her in.
“You always were a romantic.”
“No, I always say what I think. I want to fuck you. Like more than I want to breathe, more than I want to play football. I want to feel you naked.” His hand touched her knee. Strong fingers wrapped around her thigh and travelled upward. “Underneath me.”
Lavender pushed at his hand. “I said stop it,” she hissed.
He chuckled and withdrew his hand. “You won’t be saying that later tonight.”
That was what she was afraid of. Really afraid.
* * * *
Tyler was on a mission, a mission so secret he wasn’t even sure what the hell it actually was, other than the obvious—get in Lavender’s pants—despite all his internal protests about the intelligence of such a move.
He was kidding himself if he thought sex was all, though. This shit—whatever it was—
went deeper than physical, a lot deeper, because if it was just sex any number of gorgeous women would accommodate him at the hike of a football. He didn’t want any woman. He wanted Lavender, back in his bed, because she’d never left his heart.
Oh, damn. He was a hot mess of emotions totally out of his control, and he hated that. Lavender held all the cards, despite his cocky words and actions. He was screwed up, heart-achingly lonely, and missing her with every cell of his body.
One more night, that’s all he needed. One more chance to convince her that she needed him as much as he needed her. He looked up from the napkin he’d shredded into a pile and met her gaze. She smiled, warming his soul.
“What’d that napkin do to you?”
Tyler shrugged, feeling his face grow hot. He ran his hand through his close-cropped hair and made a note to himself to let it grow out again, just because he didn’t give a shit.
She grabbed his hands, holding them in her warm ones.
“Ty, are you okay? Your hands are ice cold.”
“I’m fine.” His voice sounded tight enough to crack like a brittle piece of thin ice on a pond.
“You don’t seem fine.” Her concern did weird things to him, and that pissed him off—at himself, not her.
“I said I’m fine.” He pulled his hands from hers, feeling like a real shit at the fallen look on her sweet face. She so didn’t deserve an asshole like him and was better off without him. Hell, he was a jerk. He wouldn’t even buy her a ring and follow the rest of his buddies down the aisle of no return.
Ty got a reprieve when their plates were set in front of them. Despite not being the least bit hungry anymore, he dug into his food so he wouldn’t have to talk.
His parents had had the ultimate marriage, loved each other until the day his father suddenly died when Tyler was in his late teens. Even now thinking of that day caused his
heart to seize up. His mother never remarried, never went on a single date, never wanted another relationship. Yet, after all these years, he saw the sadness and loneliness lurking in her gaze. How the hell did she do it? How did she go on day after day? He didn’t think he could. Ending this relationship before it got that far was better, because ending it any other way would kill him.
Like these last few weeks haven’t? The annoying little voice in his head was back.
He wanted to hold Lavender, feel her soft body against his hard one, hear her sweet laughter, and share his day with her—the good, the bad, and everything in between. All it would take was one little ring and his name signed on a piece of paper. That was all.
Yet the thought of marriage squeezed his chest into a vise, cut off his breathing, and threatened to send him into a panic attack. Tyler never had panic attacks, never, and this vulnerability didn’t work for him. Better to get on with his life, better to walk away and keep walking. Let Lavender find a nice guy who’d be everything he couldn’t be and didn’t know how to be.
“Ty?”
He glanced up, realizing he’d wolfed down everything on the plate and not tasted one bite. Lavender’s concern touched him too deeply. He didn’t want her concern. He’d rather have her pissed at him or disgusted, anything but concerned.
“Yeah?” He chewed his last forkful of food slowly.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Cause you’ve quit the cocky act, and now you just look damn miserable.”
“That’s because I am miserable, between what’s been going on with us and that weird shit last night.” He spoke without thinking.
“What is going on with us?”
Was she in denial as much as he was? “Not a damn thing. That’s the problem.” Even worse, he didn’t know what he wanted other than he was confused, a little off balance, and a lot scared of things he couldn’t control.
“This was a bad idea to come to dinner with you.”
“I know, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
“Me neither.” She laughed. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Get me naked?” He suggested, slipping his cocky mask back on.
She didn’t rail on him like he expected. In fact, she looked thoughtful. “One last night?”
“Yeah, we never had that last night, did we?”
“Not officially, no.”
He shook his head, holding his breath. He couldn’t believe she’d even consider his proposition, and he couldn’t believe he was desperate enough to ask.
“This is so not a good idea.”
“So what? Since when did we ever care?”
“The gang is probably back at the mansion. They can’t find us in a compromising position.”
She was caving. “No, that wouldn’t be a good idea, even though they’re sneaking off to get some.”
“We’d have to go someplace else.”
“My truck?” He suggested hopefully.
“Done that. The park?”
“Done that, too, but I’m all for encores.” Tyler signaled for the bill before she could change her mind. They sat in silence until he paid.
They hurried to the truck and they didn’t speak until they were driving down a country road.
“I have a better idea. You deserve the best, especially for our last night.” His voice broke on the last word, and he coughed in a feeble attempt to cover it up.
Tyler drove balls to the wall to a small inn on the water. He’d never stayed there but had driven by it countless times and heard great things about it. “This is one of the nicest places on the island. Wait here. I’ll get us a room.”
It only took a few minutes, but it seemed like a lifetime, before he was unlocking the door to a honeymoon cottage nestled in its own private little cove. Turning, he picked her up in his arms and carried her over the threshold, kicking the door shut with his foot. He put her down and pinned her against the wall, kissing the hell out of her.
This might be a bad idea, but it was the best idea he’d had in a long time.
Don’t let her—
What? He wished like hell he knew.
But then again, maybe he already did.
* * * *
Lavender pushed against Tyler’s hard chest with both hands. He took the hint and backed up, studying her with a mixture of hope and fear. His vulnerability struck a chord deep within her, just like it had last night.
Yet, she felt she had everything to fear, too, because she’d firmly committed herself to the worst idea ever, unless she could get him to talk. Getting naked one last time with the only man who had ever held her heart in his big hands—and her soul in his soul—was a huge risk and she wasn’t sure she could survive if she failed to get him to finally confide in her so they could heal their broken relationship.
“Did you change your mind?” He sounded heartbroken and looked devastated.
“No.” She spoke with such conviction that he smiled, an uncertain so-not-Tyler smile.
God, how could she ever let him go when he smiled like that? How could any woman? She knew the real Tyler behind the cocky attitude and gorgeous face and hard body. She knew all the good and bad and loved him anyway. Just like he knew her inside and out. She had no doubt that he still loved her. She saw it in his eyes, but until he faced whatever had him so scared of marriage they didn’t have a chance together.
Why did love have to be so hard and hurt so damn much?
“Don’t move a muscle. Not one.” Lavender slid her hands down his chest. He sucked in a breath but followed her orders. She grasped the bottom of his shirt and tried to pull it over his head. He watched her struggle but didn’t react.
“Help me out here, would you?”
“You told me not to move. Not one muscle.” He almost chuckled.
“Once I get your shirt off.”
He raised his arms, and she pulled it over his head. Lavender allowed herself the luxury of memorizing every hard plane and contour of his chest from his abs to the black line of hair that disappeared beneath his jeans.
Lavender leaned forward and placed a kiss on his chest. She took a nipple in her mouth and sucked gently. He groaned and stroked her hair with his fingers. She leaned her cheek against his chest and listened to his steady breathing. She savored this moment, wishing she could make time slow down so that their last hours together lasted a lifetime; they were all she might have if her plan didn’t work.
He held her to him, sensing in that unique way of his that tonight wasn’t about rough and nasty; tonight was about tender and gentle, slow and easy.
Tonight was about them, everything they had been and could have been. Might be.
Tonight was special. Special required savoring the moment, drawing it out, enjoying each finite piece to its absolute limit.
“My turn.” Tyler’s husky voice sent tremors through her. He painstakingly unbuttoned each button then slipped off her shirt. His blue eyes settled on her breasts covered in a lacy bra. She let him stare, let him enjoy just as she’d enjoyed the sight of his naked chest. He unhooked her bra, and it dropped to the floor.
“You are so beautiful.”
“So are you.”
“Honey, I’m handsome, incredibly gorgeous, but I am not beautiful.”
“You are to me.”
He bent down and covered her lips with his, taking his time, exploring every little corner until she opened her mouth to him. He claimed his territory like a conquering hero, leaving no resistance in his wake.
She was his. She’d always be his. She could never be anything else because this man was her forever love, her reason for being, and she didn’t have clue what she’d do without him.
But she had tonight, and tonight would have to be enough until he faced his demons.
* * * *
Tyler slid his jeans down his legs, followed by his briefs. As much as he wanted to rip everything off and get to it, he knew deep down
that wasn’t what she needed. Hell, it wasn’t what he needed, so he took it torturously slow. Naked, he removed her jeans, sliding denim over her hips and down those creamy legs inch by painful inch. His dick ached to be inside her, but for once his heart led the charge.
If this was to be their last night, dammit, she’d have a night she’d never forget. A night that would ruin her for any other man, just like it would ruin him for any other woman. A few seconds later he removed her little panties and soaked in the image of her in the moonlight streaming through the large set of French doors.
Tyler wrapped his arms around her and held her against him, savoring the feel of skin against skin and breathing in her familiar scent. He nuzzled her neck, planting little kisses along her shoulder to her collarbone. She shivered and made those little whimpering noises that he lived to hear. Noises he’d never hear again after tonight.
He was on sensory overload and just wanted this moment to last forever, even if that meant he’d never walk on another football field or love another woman—not that he could love another woman. How would he ever be able to walk away again? How could he let the fear of failure rip them apart? He didn’t know. Didn’t want to think about that right now.
He kissed every inch of her body, loved every moan and whimper, and when they were both shaking with desire, he pushed inside her, still taking it slow, still showing her how much she meant to him in ways that words never could.
When they came, they came together, his thrusts carrying them higher and higher until they were so intricately entwined around each other that no outside force would ever unravel them.
Tonight would never be enough. Tyler knew that as surely as he knew that message from his father had blasted past all his defenses and hit at the heart of the matter.
The risk is worth it. Don’t let her go.
Chapter 7—Pro Bowl Tears
Lavender stood on the front porch of the mansion after the most incredible night of making love she’d ever had and stared into the eyes of the man who’d given her that.
Roughing the Passer Page 6
