“Night, you crazy-ass woman.”
I laugh and hang up the phone. I talk to myself in my head, repeating all the things Van and I just said. I just need to get my mind off Daniel and not see him. I can handle that. That’s easy, right?”
There’s a knock at the door and I pull it open, knowing who it will be. Daniel is on the other side, looking tired, haggard, and all-around worn out. He shrugs and I smile. That’s all we need. I rush to him and he rushes to me, our lips meeting in the middle.
“Fuck the heartbreak. You’re worth one last time,” he says against my lips as he kicks the door closed and carries me to my room.
He pushes into me and says, “This is it. Our last time.”
I nod my head. “Tomorrow, we move on,” I pant out between labored breaths.
“Fuck, this feels so good.”
I push against his chest and roll us over so I’m on top. I move up and down his length with his hands holding on to my hips. “Better make it count.”
He chuckles as he watches me move up and down. “Oh, this is going to fucking count, baby.” He lifts his hips and my head falls back as a moan escapes. He sits up and catches a nipple in his mouth, sucking and flicking his tongue against it, pushing me over the edge. My release takes me, and the moment it ends, he’s changing positions, pushing into me from behind. When his release explodes, he falls to my side and pulls me against his chest.
We cuddle and kiss. We talk and laugh. And when the sun starts to rise, he brushes a hair away from my face and says, “Stay awake. Our time is almost up.”
My eyes flutter open and I lean in, kissing him. “I’m not sleeping. Just resting and enjoying the moment.” I give him a sleepy smile.
I can feel his eyes on my face as he slowly kisses my forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose, lips, and chin—all of them feather-soft touches. They relax me and make me melt into him. He keeps them going along my neck, collarbone, chest, the swell of my breast, between my breasts, my ribs, my belly button, my hip bone, and finally, the place where he belongs. My legs spread wide for him as he runs his tongue between my folds. My whole body shudders with the release that’s building.
I’m sitting at the studio the next day as we play all our songs for the label to decide which ones will be going on the album. I’m listening to a song being played back when a big yawn escapes.
Van leans closer. “Didn’t sleep well last night?”
I roll my eyes. “Didn’t sleep at all is more like it.”
“It’ll get easier.”
I’m too big of a chicken to tell him that Daniel showed up last night and we spent the entire night in many different positions—none of them being the position I was supposed to be in. I’m so tired that I can’t pay attention. My mind keeps going back to why I’m so tired to begin with.
Daniel.
I think it’s easy to see that if this keeps up, I’m going to be head over heels in love with him . . . and that cannot happen. I mean, in the few short weeks we’ve known each other, we’ve gone from a one-time thing to an every-night thing and not being able to stay away. I’ve never in my life been happier in a relationship, but I’ve also never hid so much of myself before.
When it was time for him to leave in the morning, we spent at least 20 minutes at the door, kissing and saying goodbye. Neither of us wanted him to go, because the moment he stepped out my door was the moment we were over for good. For real this time. We’re both adults and we both know what we’re doing. We can’t keep giving in to these urges. It’s time to get serious and put things back where they belong.
The next week passes by quickly with everything going on at the label, the store, and the lessons I’m still doing, but my time alone at night passes by unusually slowly. I just want to call him, see him, and feel him against me, but I won’t allow it. I’ll soon be going off to do something great, and he’ll be left here alone. This way’s better for him. This isn’t about me anymore. It’s all for him.
When I’m home alone at night, I work on my song.
* * *
I was lost,
lonely,
broken when I met you, met you.
I was cold,
scared,
broken when I met you, met you.
You walked into that smoky bar
and sucked the air from the room.
You lit my world on fire
and suddenly
there was nothing but you, but you.
* * *
I used to think I was better off alone.
I didn’t need anyone holding me back or keeping me on the phone.
I was born to be free and left to roam,
stumbling through this empty world all alone.
* * *
I was lost,
lonely,
broken when I met you, met you.
I was cold,
scared,
broken when I met you, met you.
You walked into that smoky bar
and sucked the air from the room.
You lit my world on fire
and suddenly
there was nothing but you, but you.
* * *
Now I’m left living on my own again
and I don’t know where to go from here.
I thought I could always count on you.
Now I’m lost,
lonely,
broken again, again.
Now I’m cold,
scared,
broken again, again.
And I don’t know where to go from here.
I don’t know how we got here.
I don’t know how you expect me to make it on my own . . . again.
* * *
Now I’m lost,
lonely,
broken again.
Now I’m cold,
scared,
broken without you.
* * *
I strum the last chords and fall back against the couch, listening to the dead air around me. I’m feeling more lost, alone, and broken than I ever have. It’s only now that I realize the feelings I’d tried to avoid are the ones overwhelming me at this moment. It’s more than just an addiction; I’ve fallen for Daniel.
Weeks pass and it’s a hard and busy month. I’m more and more occupied with recording the album, listening and approving edits, adding in background vocals, autotuning the occasional off-key note, and fixing anything the record company doesn’t approve of. I’m actually surprised by the liberty they’re giving us considering this is our first album, but they think it’s important that we remain true to the sound our original fan base has come to love. I couldn’t agree more.
In our downtime, we still play gigs, wanting to stay in front of as many eyes as we can, but it doesn’t feel the same. Each and every show, I still search through the crowd for his face even though I know he isn’t there. The energy I once used to absorb from the crowd isn’t there either. Now it’s like there’s a sheet of glass between us and it blocks me from receiving the energy I need. Everything feels broken—my senses dulled, emotions diluted. I do my best to shake it off and put on a brave face, but I think Van is starting to catch on—especially when I opt to leave after a gig instead of sticking around to mingle and drink.
I grab my coat after the show, ready to leave, but Van grabs ahold of my arm, stopping me. “We’re having a drink tonight. We’re in serious need of a talk.”
My shoulders fall because I know exactly what he’s going to want to talk about, and it’s not something I want to talk about in front of the guys so I hope they don’t show up and try to have an intervention or whatever the hell Van’s thinking. Van, sure. He’s my best friend. But Ridge and Lane, not so much.
Van grabs us a table and I get drinks for the two of us. I make my way over and have a seat. “So, what’s up?”
He narrows his eyes on me. “I think you know what’s up. What I want to know is what’s up with you? Something’s off. You’re not feeling the music. You’re acting l
ike you’re not even having fun up there. What gives?”
I take a sip of my Jack and Coke and let out a long breath. “I’m fine. Just tired,” I lie. I’m nowhere near ready to admit my feelings for a man who’s probably already moved on from me. It’s been a month since our last magical night together—both of us sticking to our word.
He cocks his head to the side. “I’m your best friend, Luna. And I know when you’re lying. Tell me what’s going on so we can fix it. Is it the band? The music? The label? What?”
My head tips back as I gaze up at the ceiling. “I miss him, Van,” I finally confess.
His eyes go wide. “Daniel?” he asks, almost like it’s unbelievable.
I just nod, unable to find my voice.
His shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Do you really think it would be better to get even more attached to him, and then head out on tour?”
I feel tears stinging my eyes. “I don’t know, Van. At least then we’d be together. Not this—not denying our feelings for each other and hurting the whole time. I’d be able to call him and talk to him. He could come to nearby shows. Anything has to be better than this, right?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think you’ve thought this through, Lune. I mean, I don’t think it would be that simple. Long-distance is hard. Really hard. Most people don’t make it. And that doesn’t include being famous and in the public eye. You need to keep your head in the game. This shit you’ve been doing lately, well, it’s crap. You’re making us all look bad because you’re not giving it your all and everyone can see you’re faking it.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I never wanted to hurt the band. I actually thought I was doing a good job at hiding it. “Thanks for that. Are you done?” I ask, lifting my glass and finishing it off.
His eyes falls closed like he just doesn’t know how else to get me to understand. I stand and leave the bar, ready to be home already.
I get a taxi and give him my address, but once we arrive and I find myself staring up at the building, something doesn’t feel right. It feels lonely and cold. Instead of exiting the cab and heading inside, I tell him to keep driving, unsure of where I’ll end up.
Eight
Daniel
One month without seeing her or talking to her. One month without hearing that beautiful voice of hers singing in my ears. One month of lonely nights and cold showers. It’s been the longest month of my life and I don’t know how I can keep going. Every day is a new fight with myself to put the phone away and head straight home after work. I’ve doubled my work hours, opting to focus on projects instead of letting my mind wander to her. When I’m not working, I’m killing myself at the gym. But some good has come out of it. I’ve managed to bump my runs from five miles to eight. My body is harder and more toned than ever. Not that that counts for anything.
I get out of the shower and pull on a pair of sweatpants. I run the towel over my hair—which is getting long because I haven’t had time to go get a cut. I also use the towel to dry the thick hair growing on my jaw, because I’m too lazy to do anything about it. Basically, I’ve given up on everything else while I focus on keeping my mind off of her.
I toss the towel into the hamper as I exit the bathroom and head to the drink cart in the living room to pour something strong enough to help me sleep. I grab the bottle of Jack and pour a glass. I’m not really a fan of the stuff, but when I drink it, it reminds me of Luna and I feel closer to her somehow. I bring the glass to my lips and throw back the liquid. My mouth and throat burn as the alcohol hits them. Someone knocks on the door and I finish the drink before setting down the glass and going to answer it.
I pull the door open quickly without checking the peephole and am shocked to see Luna standing in front of me. Her eyes are wide and her plump lips are parted. I freeze, unsure if she’s really standing in front of me or if my imagination is playing a trick on me.
“I . . .” she starts, but shakes her head. I don’t give her time to say anything else, because I’m pulling her against me in a lip-crushing kiss. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me with heat and passion so hot they’re blinding. My hands are cupping her cheeks as I drink her in with this kiss. I let every aspect of her be felt, tasted. I focus on her soft lips, the sweetness of her tongue, her scent, her heat.
She breaks the kiss and our eyes lock. Hers are hooded and full of need. “I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is that I need you,” she says, never tearing her eyes away from mine.
I pick her up against me and our lips meet again. I kick the door closed and lock it quickly before carrying her to my room. We collapse onto the bed in a mess of roaming hands and traveling lips. I kiss her neck and nip her collarbone. Her back arches and her breasts rise. My mouth moves down to them, peppering the swell with wet kisses as I work to remove her shirt. I pull back and tug the shirt over her head. The moment it’s off, she’s pulling me right back down to her, digging her nails into my back.
Being with Luna is like riding a roller coaster with a blindfold on. You never know where there’s going to be a sharp turn, twist, or drop. But it’s one hell of a ride and one I never want to end. We when finally connect as one, it’s better than I remember it being. She’s hot and tight around me. Welcoming. The moment we’re together, I’m already on the verge of exploding, but I refuse to let it happen. There’s no way I’m removing myself from her tonight. I don’t know if this is a moment of weakness or if it’s simply a repeat of the past, but either way, I don’t want it to end.
It’s going on 3 a.m. when we both find we’re too tired to move. I pull her to my chest and she wraps me up in her toned arms, her fingers playing with the patch of hair in the center of my chest.
“I’ve missed you,” she says, and those are the first words spoken since she walked into my apartment.
“I’ve missed you too.” I press a kiss to the top of her head.
“I know we agreed to break things off and stay away from each other for the good of us both, but it’s not good for me anymore.” She looks up at me in the darkness, but I don’t respond. “The band’s going to be here for at least six more months. That’s six more months we could spend together. Why do it in suffering?”
“Are you saying you want to pick up where we left off and push this pain away until we have to face it?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” She crawls up my body, straddling me with her hands on my chest and her eyes on mine. “Same terms as before. When we’re together, we’re together. When we’re not, we’re not.”
I move my hands up to her thighs, rubbing them up and down. “I can live with that.” I can’t hold back my smile.
“There’s one little difference though.”
“What’s that?” I ask, sitting up and pressing soft kisses to her shoulders, neck, and jaw.
“The band can’t know. Van is against us being together. He thinks you’re going to ruin us—that I’ll call off the tour to stay with you, or that I’ll end our career early to get married and have kids and a normal life. But that’s not going to happen. It can’t. I have people relying on me.”
I pull back. “Okay, the band can’t know.” I lean up and press my lips to hers. Finally, she’s done talking and she kisses me back. I roll us over and start our lovemaking all over again.
Luna leaves in the morning to go back to her place, and we spend at least 10 minutes at the door kissing and saying our goodbyes. When she’s finally gone for good, I head to the shower to get ready for work. For the first time in a long while, I feel excited and happy and back to my normal self. There’s a pep in my step that wasn’t there yesterday and a permanent smile on my face. Calvin picks up on it the moment I walk into the office. He’s standing at the drink station pouring a cup of coffee when I happen to walk by, whistling.
He follows me into my office. “You seem chipper today. What’s up?”
“Luna showed up at my place last night,” I tell him wit
h a smug smile.
He rolls his eyes. “Rocker girl?”
I nod. “Yep. She came to me.” I point at my chest before shrugging out of my jacket.
He sits down in the chair across from mine. “I thought you two had agreed on a clean break rather than waiting to get ripped apart by her career.”
I take my seat. “We did, but she’s got six more months here. Why be miserable when we can be together?”
“Because you’re going to be even more attached in six months, man. Then what?”
I shrug. “That’s Future Daniel’s problem. Present Daniel is having fun and getting laid.” The smile is back full force now.
Calvin laughs but shakes his head. “All right, Present Daniel.” He stands. “Present Calvin is packing up his office for the move. You sure Future Daniel is going to be able to handle things here?”
I wave him off. “Of course. Go be with your wife and kid. I’ve got this.”
He nods and pauses by the door. “And don’t forget, if things get too busy here, you can hire another lawyer to take my office.” He points at me. “But their name won’t go on the building.”
I laugh. “It’ll be fine. Go pack.”
I’m working away in my office later that day when I hear a lot of talking in the lobby. I decide to go check it out and find Calvin standing with a pregnant lady and a guy who looks a lot like him.
“Hey, what’s going on? You taking off?” I ask Calvin.
“Yeah, we’re loading everything up now. Daniel, have you met my brother Preston and his wife, Riley?”
“No, I haven’t.” I hold my hand out to shake. “Nice to meet you.”
Preston shakes my hand and so does Riley. “You too,” Preston says.
“So Calvin told us that you landed an account with a hot rock band. Is that true?” Riley asks. I can tell she’s into rock music with her long hair and darkly-lined eyes.
Rocking His FAKE World: A Fake Boyfriend, Opposites Attract Romance (Love You Forever Book 3) Page 8
