by Clyde Key
* * *
Ed had been in his office for about an hour, alone at headquarters except for the corporal on CQ duty who waited for messages in the com-room, when the message came. The corporal knocked on Ed’s door, then entered almost before Ed said to come in.
“There’s a call on the screen, sir. It’s from Washington. Mr. Lane, I think.”
“Transfer it in here,” said Ed. His wallscreen was on the wall in front of his desk, so he just waited for Lane’s image to appear in the place of the document he was typing.
“You’re going to work early, aren’t you? How can all the young troops keep up with an old geezer like you?
“A lot of people wouldn’t be that conscientious. But I’m glad I caught you in the office, because I wanted to warn you before it happens.”
Ed pushed the keyboard to one side. “Warn me about what?”
“I didn’t like it a bit at first but now that I think about it, it’s probably not such a bad idea. At least it has its points.”
“What idea?”
“It’s a fact that aliens are here—probably to stay—and there’s probably nothing we can ever do to change that, so it behooves us to work on achieving the least rancorous accommodation to their stay here.”
“Lane, what in the devil are you talking about?”
“Ed, all I’m saying is that nothing will ever be the same again so we’ve got to learn to live with it.”
Ed reached for the wallscreen control. “If you don’t tell me what you’re really talking about, I’m going to terminate this conversation. I’ve got better to do than listen to you yammer nonsense.”
“Not so fast, Ed. You’d better listen to this. Soon—maybe as early as today—there’s going to be an alien assigned to interface with you.”
“What do you mean, interface?”
“This alien, one of the really important ones, is going to hang around. You’re supposed to talk to it and listen to what it has to say—keep the lines of communication open, in other words.”
“That sounds like it would be the one that came into my house last night.”
The color drained from Lane’s face. “Already? That wasn’t supposed to be! What happened? Did you kill it?”
“Not yet. We’re holding that crapsack in the brig for interrogation, maybe later today or tomorrow.”
“What? I told them that wouldn’t work but they just never listen!”
“They who? This is Arlene’s scheme to punish me, isn’t it? The president wouldn’t allow anything of the sort. In fact, I think I’ll just call her and get all this countermanded.”
“Actually, Ed, the president wasn’t in favor of it, but the cabinet convinced her to okay it. They threatened to resign en masse if she didn’t sign the order.”
Ed felt weak. “Am I the last sane person in America?” he asked as he slumped back in his chair.
“Hardly,” said Lane. “We’ve been taking some polls. There are millions of people who think just like you do. There are also millions who buy the old AABC line that this the best thing that ever happened. But neither group is in the majority.”
“Then I don’t understand,” said Ed. “What does the majority think?”
“The majority are just afraid, Ed. They wish aliens had never come but they’re afraid, and right now AABC has that segment pretty well convinced we have to have some accommodation of the aliens. That’s actually the position of most of the cabinet and most of both houses of congress.” While they talked, an odor began drifting into Ed’s office. Ed sniffed. “Lane, I think we’ve got to postpone the rest of this discussion. I smell another alien. I believe one may have got into headquarters.”
Then the odor hit with full force as an alien shuffled into the office. Ed jerked open a desk drawer and took out his laser pistol. “One slimy alien is all I have to take! Any more aliens I burn!”
“Wait!” rasped the alien. “I am one Veezee. I am second eldest of common Veezee.”
“You were in the brig! Who let you out?”
“Was brig the room with metal bars on the openings? Veezee go between bars.”
Then Ed said, “Yeah. Like you went through the small opening of my window!”
Ed rang for the CQ. In a minute, the corporal looked in. “Yes sir, Colonel?”
“Get Lieutenant Beran in here quick! We’ve got to figure out a more secure place to keep the alien.”
Then it was Lane yelling. “Wait, Ed! I’ve promised the president and the rest of the cabinet you’ll cooperate with us! Please let this work for a few days and I’ll see what I can do about getting it changed!”
Ed could have sworn he saw that alien grinning, even though he knew it was just a fold in its putrid skin.
36
Nov. 2, 2113
Ed addressed the assembled troops at Kingman Army Base. “It is my unfortunate duty to inform you of the latest in a series of bad moves by our government, under pressure from AABC.
“For some time—and I sincerely hope it’s a short time, I am required to host an alien on this base. As I understand it, this thing is supposed to follow me around and learn about humans. Presumably, I am also supposed to learn about aliens. However, the part that worries me most is aliens learning about us.
“This brings up some points I need to speak about today. First, remember that this is still a military base. We do not divulge anything about our operations to anybody, including aliens and other humans, unless that information has been cleared through headquarters. That means me personally.
“Remember also that these things don’t think individual thoughts. It is not possible to tell one alien anything in confidence because thoughts go through the whole flock of them right to the Old Veezee they work for. So it’s best if you don’t even talk around it, and especially not to it.
“The next point is that every one of you is not only a soldier but an intelligence agent. I fully expect this scummy thing won’t ever be very far away from me, but just in case, I want you all to be on the lookout for this or any other alien that seems to be poking around headquarters or anywhere on base they oughtn’t to be. And since it isn’t possible to keep one from communicating with others, you are authorized to kill aliens in order to facilitate base security.
“The one alien who is allowed on base has one of those rocket globes but it isn’t allowed to use it because of the danger of starting a fire.
“Now, we have some additional supplies which have become necessary lately. Would Sgt. Sanchez bring them out please?” Ed waited while Sanchez brought out a large box. Ed reached in and took out a small vial. “This is a new product called Smel-Numb. It can be very useful if you have to spend time around an alien. It’s simple to use: just rub a couple of drops under your nostrils.” Ed demonstrated, then shuddered and made a face. “It does have its own strong smell, but you get over it pretty quickly and then it effectively blocks out just about all other odors, including alien.”
Then Ed retrieved a pair of small objects from the box and held them up. “These are special earplugs. They pass most sound except that shrill sonar noise aliens make. Some of us don’t need these because we can’t hear those high-pitched noises anyway. But for most of you, these will greatly increase your comfort around aliens.”
Ed had Sgt. Sanchez distribute the earplugs and the Smel-Numb to the troops. Then he left the assembly and headed back to the headquarters building. The alien, which had never been far away, shuffled along a few meters behind him.
Major Baines met Ed on the steps of the headquarters building and informed him that the alien assigned to Ed had been shot by Lieutenant Sharp while it was crossing the base in its rocket globe.
“That’s not possible,” said Ed. “That alien has been following me all morning. It’s getting to be a real pain in the rear!” Ed pointed to the alien that was sliming along behind him.
“Nevertheless, I’m sure she shot one of them,” said Baines.
In a few minutes, Marilee Sharp confirmed
that she indeed had shot an alien rocket globe that was traveling across the base, per Colonel Halloran’s instruction. The globe had crashed and started a small grass fire but the base fire brigade quickly put out the blaze before it spread, and other soldiers picked up the shards of the broken globe after they had been washed down with the fire hoses.
Ed and Baines still stood on the headquarters steps while the alien waited a few meters away. “We’re stuck with one of them for the time being,” said Ed, “but what worries me is that I couldn’t tell if they sent a bunch of them as long as I can only see the one, because I can’t tell them apart.”
“I see what you mean,” said Baines. “But I’ve got an idea that may help, if I have your permission to try it.”
“Anything,” said Ed. “Just don’t shoot it without some good excuse so I don’t have to justify it to Washington.”
Major Baines left to accomplish whatever his idea entailed, and Ed hurried into the headquarters building and slammed the door shut before the alien could get in. Then he locked the door and ordered the soldiers who were working in the building to check all the doors and windows and make sure they were locked. Finally feeling secure, Ed went to his office and settled down in his chair. This is too much, he thought. I wonder if I could get away from that thing if I resigned my commission. But he knew he wouldn’t quit, because nobody else would be as stubborn as he in resisting the alien intrusion into American life.
Then he heard the noise, the metallic ‘ching’ of a magnetic lock opening. Ed got up and looked out of his office door. The alien had somehow unlocked the door and was shuffling inside Headquarters.
I am instructed to stay with you. You are ordered to stay with me.”
“How did you get in here? That was the best magnetic lock we could buy!”
“Magnetic is simple. Magnetic only requires strong thoughts for Veezee. Veezee are magnetic.”
“Yeah, but we’ll change the locks. I’ll find somebody that can figure out how to keep you out.”
Ed took a few steps back toward his desk and the alien shuffled along with him. Then Ed walked out of his office and the alien followed along. Ed stopped suddenly, grabbed a book from a table, and threw it at the alien, which didn’t seem to be fazed by it. “Give me some room!” screamed Ed. The alien shuffled about half a meter farther from Ed.
“Sheesh!” muttered Ed. “Doesn’t this bother you as much as it does me? Do you like getting stuck with me?”
“Veezee does not think about like. Because you are important in human government, important Veezee is required. Because you are the most evil human, only common Veezee can stay near you. That is why second oldest common Veezee is sent.”
“Yeah? If that’s the case and I’m so bad, why didn’t they send the first oldest common Veezee?”
The alien didn’t answer. “Come on, now! If you slimes are so anxious to communicate, you have to talk to us! You can’t ignore what you don’t want to talk about.”
“The Eldest Veezee will not allow answer to your question. Noble Veezee ranks above common Veezee and common Veezee ranks above humans. Therefore, Veezee are not required to answer question if the Eldest Veezee wishes otherwise.”
Ed’s face began to burn. “That ain’t so! I’m not going to stand around arguing with a sack of manure about it, but we’re going to get it worked out!
“Now, I have to go to the restroom and that is a private activity for humans so that means you stay out!” Ed waved at the corporal who sat at a desk a few meters away. “Guard this thing. Don’t let it get in the bathroom while I’m in there!”
“Yes sir.” The corporal drew his laser pistol from its holster and pointed it at the alien. “Don’t move!”
Inside the restroom, Ed checked the windows and decided they were too high. It would be dangerous for a man his age to try to get out that way. He had a few minutes peace, away from the alien but he knew he couldn’t stay there all day. He went back out and found the alien was gone.
“What happened to the alien?” asked Ed. “Not that I should care why it’s gone.”
“I don’t know, sir. It just left without saying anything. I didn’t think you’d mind so I let it go. Was that okay, sir?”
“It sure is! That’s the best thing that’s happened to me all day, except for getting that ‘Smel-Numb’ stuff.”
Ed went back to his office and resumed formulating plans for defending a country that wasn’t altogether certain it needed defense. While he was free of the alien for the better part of an hour, Ed came up with some ideas. He needed some help to carry them out but Major Baines could be counted on, as could Marilee Sharp and Richie Taylor. Also he was certain Everett Lane wouldn’t interfere if he got wind of Ed’s activities, and the president would also be sympathetic even though her hands were tied by the cabinet and congress.
