by Fanny Blake
He returned his attention to the pan. ‘But, all the same, they might be sympathetic. You’ve been in the game for so long.’
But she was realistic. ‘Long enough to know way better. They may well judge that breaching confidentiality of medical records is a threat to public confidence in our profession, and whatever they decide will be on my records for ever.’ The thought almost paralysed her with dread. She ran her finger round the top of her glass. ‘Please let’s talk about something else. How was your day?’
He patted the top of her hand, comforting her, knowing nothing he could say would make things better. ‘Same as. Martin was being a complete prat about a new account one of the young directors has brought to the agency. Thinks it’ll tarnish our brand if we take it on. But he’s operating in the dark ages. Even I can see that. If anything we need to be seen to be taking on new products.’ He brought their supper to the table. ‘Bring on retirement is all I can say.’
‘You don’t mean that.’ How often she had heard him say this over the last few years. ‘You founded the company with him, you can’t hand over the reins to someone else. You’d hate that.’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ He rubbed a hand over his head as if expecting to find the hair he’d lost years earlier. ‘Sometimes you have to move on or call a halt. And I’m beginning to think that it would be nice for us to spend more time together.’
She looked at him in astonishment. ‘What’s brought this on?’ The idea of retirement had crossed her own mind but she always dismissed it immediately. What would she do? Of course she didn’t want to go on practising if she had become a liability but even then she felt sure she’d find other work. She wasn’t one to sit at home twiddling her thumbs when she wasn’t gardening, reading or travelling the world with all the other pensioners with nothing else to do.
‘Think about it. We see so little of each other really. We’re both always working, and look how late you come home from the hospital.’ He nodded towards the kitchen clock.
She studied him closely, feeling her guilt come knocking. But he didn’t look as if there was any underlying meaning to what he was saying. Besides, she was extremely careful – something that had always marked her life. He couldn’t possibly know about Rick.
‘I phoned, by the way. You must have been busy.’
‘When?’
‘About seven-thirty.’
She thought fast, her heart beating quicker. ‘I had to go and see a patient’s husband on the ward.’ She quickly used something she’d done earlier in the day to cover herself. That wasn’t exactly lying, was it? And better that than have David suspect.
‘Will she be OK?’ He was concerned, as he always was when hearing her talk about her patients.
‘She should be.’ She thought of the woman she’d looked in on at four-thirty, lying so peacefully while her anxious family gathered round her bed. She had done everything she could for the moment. Now the night staff would take over. She would check in on her as soon as she got in the following morning.
‘Even after all this time, I still don’t know how you do it.’ His pride in what she did always embarrassed her.
‘It’s what I trained for,’ she said simply. ‘I had Kate on the phone today. She wants me to go to Mallorca for a long weekend – school reunion. Can you imagine?’
‘What did you say?’
‘No, of course. Not my thing at all, although I do feel I should support her.’
He looked thoughtful as he forked up the last of his eggs. ‘Why don’t you go? You need a break. You could go and then I could fly out and join you for a few days. Why not?’
‘I can’t take time off just like that.’
He tipped his head to one side, questioning, expectant. He knew that wasn’t strictly true. ‘You’ve done it before and Terry and Raina covered brilliantly. They don’t need that much notice.’
‘It’s not fair.’ She stopped herself. ‘And anyway, I don’t want to go. Imagine being cooped up with women I don’t even know for four days. Being at school together shouldn’t bind you for life.’ Besides there were aspects of her schooldays that she would rather forget.
‘But Kate does.’ He got up, took the plates and put them in the dishwasher. ‘Bed?’
Her mind flicked back to Rick. Only a couple of hours earlier they were … Stop it! ‘In a minute. I want to call the ward to check everything’s OK and then take a look at Tim’s article. I promised I would. My registrar,’ she reminded him.
‘Don’t you ever stop?’ For the first time, she heard the disappointment in David’s voice.
‘Not unless I have to. You know me, busy saving lives.’ She made the joke that had accompanied them throughout their marriage.
But this time he didn’t laugh. His face was sad or resigned (she wasn’t sure which) as he went out. ‘I’ll leave you to it then.’
She was ashamed of the way she treated him. He didn’t deserve her apparent indifference, yet she couldn’t help it. He knew what a workaholic she was when they married, but now she was even refusing him a few days away as he reached a turning point in his own life and would probably value the time they could spend discussing their future. Still, they could always do that without her having to join a school reunion. She would say so in the morning.
5
Rob had swiftly and effectively removed himself from my life. Over one weekend, he packed up his belongings and gave me his key. I still felt numb. When I looked back, without my rose-tinted glasses, I could see our relationship for what it was. I had managed to ignore the fact that our lives were lived in parallel. We got on well enough, but love had become a habit, not a raison d’être. The business was what had brought us together in the beginning but was also what had split us up in the end. Once we agreed we didn’t want children and threw all our energies into making Amy Green work, we didn’t consider the consequences. I saw that now. If I ever had doubts and suggested we changed our minds, he reminded me of all the reasons why we shouldn’t. Just as I did when he wavered. Apart from making the initial decision, we were never in synch. What hurt was that, despite having persuaded ourselves that we were enough for each other, he was moving on to a ready-made family, leaving me alone.
As for the money, he promised he’d pay me back, every last penny. Despite everything, I wanted to believe him. Involving the police and charging my own husband with fraud was the last thing on earth I wanted to do. Kerry was quietly furious but she went along with the plan for my sake. Our staff’s livelihoods were of paramount importance so I had to keep the business running for them, apart from my own interest in it. Whatever I felt about Rob, and there was little positive left there, I didn’t want him going to prison. I couldn’t do that.
I was finding it impossible to concentrate at work and Kerry had been encouraging me to take some time off. I was still waiting to hear back from the others about Mallorca. To be honest, I was getting cold feet about the whole thing by this stage. I only knew them as teenagers. What would they be like now? And what if they didn’t love the villa and the village as much as I did?
Linda was the first to email me.
What a great idea. I’d love to come. I can take time off work, I’ve got extra care for my aunt and my neighbour’s going to look after Sacha, my cat …
I’ve never understood the attraction of pets myself – just another domestic responsibility and tie. I know that makes me sound like an uncaring person, but I’m really not. I would never have once nursed that childhood ambition of becoming a doctor if that were true. I don’t mind other people’s pets but I can’t stand it when they’re sentimentalised and treated like little people. They’re animals, for God’s sake. However, Linda wasn’t bringing her cat with her.
In answer to her question: So what do I need to bring? I emailed back
Just yourself. Everything else is there. We’re in the mountains just above a v
illage called Fornalutx. You’ll love it. At least I hope you will.
I’m sure I will. Can’t wait, came the reply.
Suddenly I was praying the other two would accept. A long weekend alone with Linda was not what I’d had in mind at all. I had a feeling that what we once had in common might have evaporated. I couldn’t imagine the two of us pubbing and clubbing together in the way we used to when Jane had turned her fleeting attention to others of her acolytes. We never minded because we knew we’d come back into favour in the end. And we always did. Almost always.
You can imagine my relief when Kate emailed to say she would love to come too. Then, slightly to my surprise, Jane wrote saying she was on board as well. So I would have my chance to straighten out the record. Last time all four of us were together, I had been accused of being a liar and a thief. And last time we four were together, the others had watched as I was punished.
This long weekend was happening! I checked the flights, confirmed dates with them all and called Carmen, our housekeeper who lived in the nearby town of Sóller, and warned her we would be arriving in just under four weeks.
‘The pool and garden will be OK?’
‘Yes, of course. I make sure Fernando goes up there as he should. You want me cook for you?’ I could tell she didn’t want to.
‘Thank you, Carmen. But I don’t think we’ll need that. Perhaps something for the night we arrive, but that’s all.’ That would give me an excuse to withdraw from the others if it was all getting a bit much. Or, if it was going well, there were several restaurants in the village. ‘Just something simple.’
I ended the call, reassured that the place would be ready for us in a month’s time. When I thought of Ca’n Amy – ‘Amy’s home’ – Rob’s and my folie de grandeur, I couldn’t help feeling more relaxed about what I was arranging. We bought it on a whim, twenty years earlier, after we’d been on holiday in Sóller, one of the prettiest towns in Mallorca. We’d seen the house in the window of an estate agent and spent the remainder of that day going up to see it and debating the madness of owning a property abroad. But its position and character completely did for us. When I say ‘character’ I mean that it was almost a ruin – an old farmhouse that had been waiting for a long time until the members of the family who owned it had all agreed on the sale. While they fought, it fell down. Well, not down exactly, but let’s just say it was badly in need of the TLC which we wanted to give it.
The weeks passed in a flash. Everyone booked their own flights, and Jane and Kate hired a car. The rest was up to me. I flew out a few days early, partly so I could make sure the house was at its best and ready, but I also wanted to see how I would cope on my own. I was pleasantly surprised. The house soon worked its magic and I found myself falling into my usual routines. Of course I missed Rob, but I made myself think about other things. My studio here was where I had done some of my best, or at least my favourite work. I was often most inspired on the island. The light, the colours, the natural world – they all combined to give me the basis of some of my best fabric designs. Once I’d done the basic sketches then I’d sometimes get the team out to work on their development with me. I wanted them to see where they came from so the finished fabric and colourways ended up exactly as I imagined. Then they went out into the world as soft furnishings, fabric and cushions to provide various different and now sought-after looks.
So finally the day dawned. I had offered to meet Linda off the early flight. First thing in the morning is the most beautiful time of the day here for me. I left Fernando cleaning the pool when I set off for the airport.
Would they all be as nervous as I was? I’d thought a lot about the idea of revisiting one’s past. Why do it? Those days were over; but the more I reflected on them, the more they mattered. Although I hadn’t seen these three women for years, we had once been virtually inseparable. In some ways, they knew more about me than any of the friends I’d made since then.
They knew my parents – my postman father and dressmaker mother. They knew the home I’d come from with its small front room taken over by my mother’s business, the kitchen where my dad sat smoking, listening to the radio; the small bedroom I had which was the result of dividing a large room into two so Dan, my brother, and I had one each. My parents shared a tiny bedroom at the back of the house. They knew my brother – in fact I think Kate might have had a thing for him once but he’d never tell me – and all the things that shaped me. And I knew the same things about them.
I knew Kate would do anything for an easy life, even taking the blame and the detentions for Jane when, for example, a tennis ball flew through the window of the Head’s office or confessing to cheating when Jane had copied her work, not the other way round.
I knew Linda was the smartest of us all and something had gone very wrong in her life. She had been the brightest and liveliest too. Despite remaining single, she seemed to have found a career that fulfilled her, although messing about with books all day wouldn’t float my boat.
I knew Jane lied to get her way out of trouble as if it was the truth. I think she often believed it was. Isn’t that what compulsive liars do? With her, it was all about image, about being the best.
Why did they want to come? I thought a lot about that too. Perhaps because they had the same sorts of feelings as me. Unfinished business. Curiosity. A need to tie up loose ends. We all like to know how a story finishes, and this was our chance to find that out. Never mind a few days of escape from the humdrum routine of our daily lives.
I always liked the drive down to the airport. I took the main road down from the mountains, through the tunnel and along the wide main road flanked with almond, olive and citrus groves until they met the outskirts of Palma, skirting the city and ending up at the airport. I left the car in the multi-storey car park and crossed into the airport building to wait at the arrivals gate. How many times had I done this? Countless. I loved taking visitors and friends, some dazed from the early flight, up to the house. Back along the main road with the mountains looming ahead, then through the tunnel, and it all changed. I loved the pleasure on their faces when they saw where they’d be staying.
Linda came uncertainly through the arrivals doors, looking round as if worried there would be no one to meet her. I needn’t have worried I wouldn’t recognise her. Her hair was different, cut short and tucked behind her ears, but her face hadn’t changed. Still the same oval shape though her features were older. Unlike the other people pouring through, she was dressed for an English summer in a black linen dress and jacket, with a scarf wrapped round and round her neck. I felt almost naked in my summer dress by comparison. I waved and the frown left her face.
We sized each other up. We knew each other so well once but who were we now? She was slightly stooped, as if she’d hunched over a desk for years. Her expression was serious, anxious as she came towards me.
‘Amy!’ She pulled her case behind her. ‘Thanks for meeting me. I thought you might have forgotten. You must be so busy.’
We exchanged polite kisses. I caught the faint scent of sweat and something reminiscent of my mother’s 4711 cologne.
‘It’s no distance. Well, you’ll see.’ I led her out of the airport to the car.
She squinted against the sun, as if shocked at its brightness. ‘Like an idiot, I’ve packed my sunglasses.’
I passed her the spare pair I kept in the car door. ‘Try these.’
‘Thanks,’ she said, putting them on. ‘Have you had the house here long?’
‘About twenty years. It’s changed a lot since we bought it though. When Amy Green started to make money we were able to transform our romantic hideaway into something else: somewhere we could be ourselves and recharge our batteries. We’ve had it extended and redesigned, keeping as many of the original features as we could. You know … fireplaces, shutters, ceiling beams – that sort of thing. You’ll see when we get there.’
‘
Your husband doesn’t mind us being here?’
What a funny question. ‘Not at all. He’s delighted.’
I don’t think I’d bothered to tell him.
She glanced at me as my voice rose a notch. ‘Is he at home. In the UK I mean?’
‘Yes. He’s got work to do.’ I should have thought about what my reply would be when they asked me about Rob. I didn’t want them to know what was happening between us. I didn’t want them to know that my life wasn’t as perfect as it had been a few weeks ago. If I’m honest, I wanted them to see where I’d got to in life after such an unpromising start. ‘It was always intended to be a girls only weekend.’
‘Of course.’ She went back to staring out of the window.
‘You never married?’ I said, in an attempt to steer the conversation in another direction.
‘No,’ she said, not offering anything more. This wasn’t the most promising of starts. I hoped that once she relaxed, things would get easier. It was just a question of time. There was something magical about Ca’n Amy and I didn’t know anyone who hadn’t been able to relax and forget about whatever shit they’d left behind them. As the countryside streamed past, Linda occasionally commented on what she saw, asking me what the orchards were, were we near the sea, that sort of thing and nothing more about me or Rob. When we reached our destination, her eyes widened as we crawled down the stony drive and the house was revealed. ‘Amy! This is amazing.’
When someone reacted like that, I always saw the house as if for the first time. The first time since the builders finally moved out, that is. And it was beautiful. Under that brilliant blue sky, the honey-coloured Mallorquin stone building blended with the landscape. The shutters at each window were the traditional shiny forest green and the hard edges of the house were softened by the surrounding palms and large pots filled with plants and trailing with flowers, the walls partially hidden by the profusion of bougainvillea. The shadows cut sharply across the stone paving outside the front door. I noticed a bead of sweat making its way down the side of her face
