by Lily Foster
Yes, I’ve become that guy.
We both start laughing once we pull away from the curb.
“Clean this shit up?” She pretty much snorts and then says, “I can overlook the fact that you’re a drug dealer, but the broken front door and the poor landscaping? Deal breaker.”
“Do we have concrete proof that he’s dealing? Doesn’t matter because he’s off my research team anyway.”
She winces. “Yeah? I feel kind of guilty even though I know I shouldn’t.”
“This is a decent street and he’s got no respect for the effort his neighbors put in to making it nice. Lack of respect and poor judgement, those are the deal breakers.”
“Poor judgement?”
“Holly.”
She nods. “I wish I snapped a picture of her face as she handed over that cash.”
We share another laugh but then the air between us grows heavy again. I’m sure she feels it too because she starts grasping at straws, looking to distract and lighten the mood. “You didn’t need to take the bedding. I don’t think there’s enough bleach in the world to sanitize it. He was crashing on my sheets buck naked. It’s beyond gross.”
“They’ll be fine once they’re run through the wash. No need to throw out perfectly good stuff.”
She nods, bites her lip and looks out the window.
“I want you to stay in the pool house for the rest of the summer. Is that all right?”
“I told you I have an appointment—”
“With a realtor, I know. But think about it. You’d be paying a security deposit for what? A six-week rental? That’s if you can even find a landlord who’ll rent to you for only six weeks. I don’t know much about real estate, but I’d say that’s unlikely.”
“It won’t work. I’d be in the way.”
We pull up outside the house and I turn to face her. “I’m just going to the say this so we can clear the air—”
She unclips her seat belt and gets out of the car while I’m mid-sentence. It’s the grown-up version of covering your ears while screaming, I can’t hear you!
I notice she doesn’t take anything from the trunk before heading inside. I already know how she’s going to play this, and I’m so grateful that Olivia is still across the street with Maureen right now because I‘m about to blow.
When I follow her inside, she acts like she’s scrolling through her messages. Like the imaginary real estate agent is blowing up her phone, wondering why she’s missed all those apartment showings they had lined up for today.
I’m sure she knows I’ve been standing in place, arms crossed, just watching her for the past few minutes. She’s strategizing, working it out, trying to solve this unsolvable problem on her own.
Her eyes are still glued to her phone when she finally speaks. “You’ll say it’s no problem, that I won’t be in the way, but I will.” She talks right over me, stopping me when I go to protest. “You’re allowed a social life, Leo. We said we were going back to where we were. I’ve done that. I’m fine, so don’t go thinking you have to explain last night away. Lexi seems all right, not that my opinion matters, but if you like her company and she makes you happy then I’m happy for you.” She stops rambling for a nanosecond to take a breath before adding, “I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there.”
“Putting myself out there?”
Her eyes are soft when she finally looks to me. “It’s been nearly four years since your wife passed away. Again, it’s not my business, but you’re young and you’re a good person. You deserve to be happy.”
“Yeah, you keep saying that.”
“So that’s why I don’t think the pool house is a good idea.” She shrugs and give me a pasted-on smile. “You should be able to entertain guests. How are you going to do that if I’m always around?”
“Could you please stop talking for a minute?”
“I just don’t see—”
“Shut up!”
And she does just that. I may be a grumpy ass sometimes, but I’ve never raised my voice or spoken to her this way before. And I probably look like a lunatic to boot. I can feel the vein in my neck ticking and my hands are fisted in my hair.
“Do you have any idea what it was like to find you in that car last night? To know you were in trouble and you didn’t feel like you could come to me…That you couldn’t trust me?”
“I trust you. It’s not that.”
“You put yourself in danger…The past three nights and every night you slept in that house with those assholes. I still can’t believe you’d do something so stupid.”
“I’m not listening to this.” Going for the door, she says, “I’m not your kid, Leo, and you’re not my daddy. Got it? I don’t need anything from you.”
I grab the doorknob at the same time she does. “So quick to run, aren’t you? You keep trying to show me you’re a woman but you’re running away like a child.” She tries to free her hand but I’ve got it trapped underneath mine. “You had your chance to talk. It’s my turn now.”
“Let me go.”
“Not happening.” I don’t release her hand but I loosen my hold and make an effort to calm my voice. “You don’t know how I felt last night so I’m going to tell you and I want you to listen.” Her face is red, her expression is hard, but at least she’s not fighting me. “I felt sick to my stomach walking up that hill to your car…Felt like I’d failed you. And then when we came back here, knowing you were going to read it all wrong, I wanted to put my fist through the wall.” I tighten my hold on her hand again so she hears what I’m about to say. “I didn’t invite them over, they just showed up. I didn’t want her here. I barely know her.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you think you know what I need and what’s best for me when you don’t know shit. Max, my parents…Even Maureen says that crap all the time about moving on and putting myself out there, but to hear it from your lips?”
She lowers her head. “I meant it when I said you deserve to be happy.”
“You think I don’t want that for myself? You think I don’t know what would make me happy? The person who would make me happy? I don’t hold back because you work for me, and it’s not that line I fed you about being too young. Forget what I just said to you about acting stupid.” I take my free hand and raise her chin. “You’ve been through so much, too much. But you just push through, paste a smile on your face and take care of everyone around you because that’s just who you are. I think you’re wiser, more compassionate and more responsible than most people twice your age.”
“But you still—”
I shake my head, willing her to stop. “I want.” And now it’s me who has to look away. “Those words play on repeat whenever I look at you, whenever I think about you. I want.”
“You want me.” It comes out breathless.
“You know I do.” I release her hand and step back. “And you think you want this too, so that’s why I have to keep reminding myself that you are young. I won’t take from you, and whether you agree with me or not, that’s what I’d be doing.”
“You think you’d be taking away my future or something? Taking away my choices?” She copies what I just did, takes my chin and forces me to look at her. “You can’t take anything from me, Leo. You can’t take anything that I won’t give you.”
She moves her hand from my chin to my cheek. “Life is short. We both know that better than anyone. So keep listening to that voice in your head that says I want, and stop listening to the one that lists all the reasons why you shouldn’t.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Skylar
My head is spinning as I head over to Maureen’s to get Olivia. I offered, used it as an excuse to clear my head and process everything that just passed between us.
Staring out Maureen’s front window as she puts on some tea, I’m wondering where we can possibly go from here.
Leo comes outside and starts unloading the trunk that’s still full of my things.
He bypasses the front door and heads towards the backyard, so I take it that he’s moving me into the pool house with or without my consent.
I want.
Leo Hale wants me. And I want him. But what now?
“No sugar, Sky?”
“Just milk. Thanks.”
She gestures for me to come to the table and then fixes me with a look. “So what’s the story?”
I sip my tea to buy some time even though it’s scalding hot. “The story?”
Maureen shoots me a side eye before walking back into the kitchen to get some cookies out of the refrigerator.
“My mother always kept cookies in the fridge.”
“Ice cold cookies with hot tea. Your momma is a smart woman.”
“Was a smart woman.”
“I’m sorry, Skylar. How long ago?”
“Thanks. It’ll be a year next week.”
She blows on her tea. “I lost my mother young, too.” She reaches across the table to squeeze my hand. “It’s hard.”
“Some days it feels like it doesn’t hurt as bad anymore, and then—”
“Bam! Some days it hits you.”
“Exactly.”
“Today one of those days?”
“Kind of.”
Maureen looks over to where Olivia is sitting on the couch and sees that she’s still into her movie. “Are you sure your mood doesn’t have anything to do with our friend across the street?”
I shrug and look away. Don’t have the energy to deny it anymore.
“He’s just about the best young man I know.” Now she’s got my attention, because Maureen doesn’t dish out accolades very often. “My two sons together don’t make one half of the man he is, and that’s something I hate to admit.”
She looks out the window to see him hauling my bedding into the garage, probably on his way to the mudroom where the washer and dryer are.
“That one he married,” she whispers, “was terrible to him. I’d see him drive off for work in the morning only to see her letting some other fella in not an hour later. Big pregnant belly and she was still at it.” She nods in response to the open-mouthed stare I’m probably sporting. “And after the baby came she got worse. I had to let myself in a few times when I could hear Olivia screaming from across the street.” She shakes her head in disgust. “On the couch passed out drunk at noon, the baby upstairs laying in a dirty diaper. I finally told Leo I’d have to call child services if he didn’t do something about her.”
“What did he say to that?”
“Poor thing. He was maybe twenty-five? He started working from home a lot more and I volunteered to watch Olivia whenever he needed me.” She sips at her tea. “And then Carrie died soon after. Left him with a baby to raise and a scandal to deal with.”
“What do you mean?”
“The man who was driving the car when Carrie was killed went on trial for manslaughter. From what I understand he had more than just alcohol in his system. I’m sure she did too but they don’t speak ill of the dead.” Maureen rolls her eyes because she’d think nothing of speaking ill of anyone living or dead if they deserved it. “Well, stand-up guy that he was, the man gave an interview to a reporter and claimed he was the real victim in all this.” She lets out a cheerless laugh. “Claimed he was Olivia’s father and mental anguish or some other BS drove him to abuse drugs and alcohol.”
“Holy shit,” I whisper.
She nods. “Yep. So here’s Leo, trying to raise an infant all by himself, and showing up to court nearly every day of the trial for what reason I’ll never understand. Knowing Carrie the way I did, I didn’t care if the guy hung or got off scot free, but Leo’s more honorable than I am. Apparently that piece of trash gave some half-assed apology statement in which he said that he hoped to have a relationship with his daughter when he got out of prison someday. Leo got the paternity test, though. Proved Olivia was his. But can you imagine going through that ordeal?”
“No. I can’t”
She takes our cups to the sink, peeking her head back in to look at Olivia when she says, “So be easy on him, ok?”
I nod and then force a smile. “Ready to go, Libs?”
“Can we go in the pool?”
“Yeah, it’s hot. A swim sounds like a great idea.”
Holding my hand as we cross the street, Olivia looks up at me and says, “Daddy is mad at me.”
“Why do you think he’s mad?”
She tugs on my hand so I’ll look down at her. Making a scowling face she says, “He looked like this before.”
I laugh to lighten the mood. “He looks grumpy lots of times. Doesn’t mean he’s mad at you.”
“He is. I said something mean.”
“Hmm…When I say something that’s not nice, I apologize. I’m sure your dad will understand. We all get cranky and say things we don’t mean sometimes.”
“I told him I was gonna run away from home.”
I can’t help but wince. “Ooh, Libs. That would make your father sad more than anything else. Did you mean it? Do you want to run away?”
“No.”
“So when you get a chance later on, tell him you’re sorry and that you didn’t mean it. Your dad will always forgive you because he loves you more than anything.”
This seems to appease her. “I’m gonna make him a picture.” She looks up to me again. “And then we go in the pool?”
“I think he’d really like that, and sure, we’ll swim after.”
It’s been less than half an hour, but when I find him out in the pool house he already has a mattress set up, my crate of books and my bag are in the corner, and he’s rolling an old garment rack from the garage into place. He doesn’t look my way but knows I’m here.
“I hope this is all right. I don’t want to force your hand or anything, but short of getting some totally overpriced rental, I figured this is the best option.”
“Leo, your pool house is nicer than the house I grew up in. Probably the same size, too.” That last part was a joke, but the pool house is beautiful. French doors open out onto a deck with comfy couches and lounge chairs, and there’s a large screen television in case you want to catch a movie or watch a game outdoors. “It’ll do.”
“And you’re ok…With everything?”
“Yeah. We’ll be fine.”
I don’t know what that means exactly and I’m sure he doesn’t either. We’ve put ourselves into some weird sort of limbo, or a purgatory of some kind.
He wants me but won’t do anything about it. I want him but I get the feeling that if I push this thing between us that I might lose him. Patience is a virtue I’m sorely lacking in, but I can do this.
For Leo I’d wait a lifetime.
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Is my big girl ready for her first day of kindergarten?”
She’s checking herself out in the mirror, turning back and forth to watch as the pleats in her skirt move and twist with the movement. “Is Clementine in my class?”
“That’s one of the fun things about the first day of school. You get to meet your new teacher and you find out which kids are in your class. And remember, there are only two kindergarten classes so even if Clementine is in the other class you’ll still see her at lunch and recess.”
“What’s recess?”
“It’s when you get to run around and play in the schoolyard after lunch. It’s the best.”
“Is Skylar picking me up today? I want her to see my outfit.”
Olivia looks like the character from the Madeline books, with her yellow pleated dress and the red bow in her hair. Skylar picked it out for her and gave it to her as a surprise last week before she left to go visit her sister.
“No, baby. It’s the first day of school for Skylar today, too. And your first day is special so I want to be there to pick you up.”
“I wish Skylar was my teacher.”
“Yep, those kids are lucky. But I already met your teacher, Miss Winters, and she’s very, very nice.”
Olivia shrugs her shoulders as if to say, We’ll see about that. Yeah, no one compares to Skylar in my daughter’s eyes.
“Sky is picking you up on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so she’ll be there tomorrow after school.”
“I wish she still lived at home with us.”
So do I.
“She’s back at school now, Libs. And this is her last year so she’s super busy. She’s teaching three days a week and then has classes on the other days.” I want to add, Believe me, no one’s more disappointed about the living arrangements than I am.
We’ve been doing a good job of keeping things quasi platonic. Skylar stayed the rest of the summer in the pool house and I think it turned out better than either one of us expected. We fell into a routine, kept our hands off one another for the most part, and got to know one another a lot better.
Sky and Olivia would already be down in the kitchen making breakfast together by the time I got out of bed, and the sight of them side by side, talking and laughing, was the best thing to wake up to. Some days I’d skip going to the shop and work from home just so I could be around them. She kept Olivia busy all summer taking her to museums, to the zoo, to community theater shows and hosting her little friends at our pool a few times. Sky also took her down to see her sister’s family and stayed overnight there with her twice.
Olivia is a happy kid by nature, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen her as bubbly as she’s been since Skylar’s been in the picture.
I try not to let myself go there, but this summer was like playing house. With the exception of taking in two night games with the guys to cheer my Pirates on over the Reds, I didn’t do a whole lot. Nights spent grilling in the backyard, going for ice cream and watching a movie on the outdoor screen were some of the best times I’ve ever had.
But I’d remind myself that while I’m pushing thirty, Skylar isn’t, so I’d nudge her to go out and meet up with her friends. Pilar and Devon, two of her dance buddies, were the only ones who stayed in town for the summer, but Sky preferred to have them over here to hang out rather than meet up with them when they were going out to the bars or clubs.
