Becks didn’t understand how their evening changed so quickly. Before the kiss, Nicky seemed fine with everything. “PR shit. You mean my job?”
“Yes. Your job. Not mine. I didn’t sign up for being accosted in restaurants or having to kiss you for the cameras.”
He made it sound like that was the worst thing in the world. “No, but you did agree to help me.”
“Only because you were so pathetic,” he whisper-shouted.
“Pathetic?”
“Hiding from reporters in Twin Rivers. Coming to my room to beg me to be your little prop. You’re so hell-bent on achieving your dreams you’ll do anything, no matter how degrading.”
“Degrading.” He stood to leave. “Right.”
Nicky followed him, not speaking again until they were seated back in the car, neither having eaten. “You’re not even gay, Becks. Do you know how sad it is to pretend you are? Not to mention offensive.”
“You know why I couldn’t tell the truth.”
“Because you jumped off that stage to kiss me thinking I needed a savior.” He punched the seat in front of him. “I’m not fifteen years old anymore. I can take care of myself. I didn’t ask you to kiss me in front of the whole world.”
Becks rubbed the back of his neck. Nicky’s anger hung like a shroud around them. “Nick-Nick—”
“No, don’t call me that. That’s what my friend Becks calls me. Right now, you’re not him. You’re Beckett Anderson, just trying to get ahead in his career.”
“I’m the same person.”
“You kissed me! Again!”
Becks dropped his voice so low he wasn’t sure at first if Nicky heard him. “And you kissed me back.”
Silence hung between them for a long moment. Nicky kept his eyes on something out the darkened window as the car pulled up in front of Becks’ apartment building. The driver opened Nicky’s door.
Nicky hesitated. “The difference between you and me, Becks, is that for you that kiss was a way to make other people happy.”
“And for you?”
“For me, it was real.” He exited the car and didn’t wait for Becks as he entered the building.
Becks leaned back against the seat. His driver stuck his head in. “Are you getting out, sir?”
“Yes.” Becks scooted from the car. “Thank you.”
He walked inside, riding the elevator to his floor as his mind raced with the events of the failed date.
“For me, it was real.”
Those words played on a loop through his mind. Nicky had been wrong though. When Becks kissed him, he hadn’t been thinking about anyone else. Even the paparazzi faded to the back of his mind until all he saw in front of him was the boy he’d always been drawn to in different ways.
He’d kissed him because, in that moment, he’d wanted to. That was all there was to it.
Becks rubbed his eyes. “Shit.”
7
Nicky
Did you ever forget your first crush?
Well, Becks didn’t qualify as first exactly—that honor belonged to Chris Hemsworth—but he’d been the most intense crush, the first one to know Nicky was there. Pretending to date him wasn’t easy, but keeping his feelings in check was much, much harder.
The moment Becks kissed him—again—Nicky knew this wouldn’t work, that he would end up with his heart in shreds. Was it better to stop before it got to that point?
“That bad, huh?” Avery chuckled. “Don’t hold it against the guy. Becks isn’t exactly experienced in fancy dates. You know as well as me he says stupid things all the time, but we never hold that against him.”
Nicky stared at his brother across the living room. “He…” He couldn’t tell Avery the truth, that Becks scared him by kissing him again. Whatever happened between Nicky and Becks, he didn’t want it to affect Avery’s relationship with his best friend.
Avery looked to Nicky expectantly, but a knock on the door saved Nicky from having to explain.
Avery’s long strides carried him to the door and he let Becks in with a few muttered words between them Nicky couldn’t decipher. In the end, he led him back.
Becks stuffed his hands into the pockets of the sweatpants that now sat low on his hips. A light blue shirt stretched across his chest that read Don’t hate me because I win wet t-shirt contests.
It reminded Nicky of the ridiculous song from Crazy ex-Girlfriend “Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too.”
And it was so Becks.
“Can we talk?” Becks pushed a hand through his gelled hair, ruining the perfect style. Somehow, the messy hair looked better.
His earnest gaze met Nicky’s, his eyes pleading. Nicky couldn’t say no when he looked at him like that. Without a word, he walked past Becks to the door, opening it.
Becks shoulders fell as he walked into the hall. When Nicky stepped out and shut the door, Becks turned to him. “You’re coming with me?”
“Don’t make a thing of it, Becks. You wanted to talk? We can talk.” He gestured to Beckett’s door.
Taking the hint, Becks opened his apartment and led Nicky in. Neither of them spoke as the silence stretch into awkwardness. Until recently, they’d never had a moment of awkwardness between them, and it felt wrong.
Everything was wrong.
Beckett wasn’t supposed to look wounded, and Nicky wasn’t supposed to know how soft his lips felt.
Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Nicky released a breath. “I’m sorry.” His eyes slid open, finding Becks. “I was mean. At the restaurant. It’s just… doesn’t all of this feel strange to you, Becks?”
“That’s the thing, Nicky. It should.” Becks voice was soft, quiet. “But it doesn’t and I…” He sighed. “Tonight, I just really wanted to kiss you.”
The confession hung in the air, a chink in the wall Nicky had tried to erect between them to keep himself safe. But maybe this time, safety was overrated.
“You’ve kissed me twice now, Becks.” He stepped closer, not stopping until they were only a foot apart. This was crazy, ridiculous, and probably the worst idea he’d ever had. It wouldn’t end well, and after this, they couldn’t be fake boyfriends anymore. Yet, for one moment, Nicky wanted to know what it was like to be Becks, to do whatever he wanted without the consequences. “This time, it’s me kissing you.”
He allowed Becks a sharp intake of breath before pressing a kiss to his lips, planning to pull away after a single taste.
Only, Becks didn’t let him. Strong hands skimmed up Nicky’s arms to the back of his neck, leaving tingles in their wake. Becks pushed him back until he hit the wall, deepening the kiss.
Drowning. Nicky could drown in everything Becks was. He tried to stop the thoughts rolling through his mind. That this was Becks and it wouldn’t end well.
His efforts failed when Becks pressed the length of his body against Nicky.
Heat built in Nicky’s core, and he felt his body responding to the feel of Beckett’s, the hard planes of his chest and growing…
His eyes sprang open at the realization Beckett’s body was responding as well.
Nicky’s hands dipped under Beckett’s shirt as if they had a mind of their own.
Finally, Beckett broke the kiss, stumbling back, his eyes wide. He shook his head and that was when Nicky saw it.
The regret.
It stabbed through Nicky, a pain he’d seen coming.
Becks opened his mouth to speak, but Nicky had to get his words out first. “It’s okay, Becks.” He pushed away from the wall, trying to still his shaking hands. “I know it didn’t mean anything. Another accident, right?” Maybe it was a way to convince Nicky to put up with this PR circus longer.
Nicky knew Becks. He kissed a lot of people, never letting it mean anything. In his business, his body was a tool to get what he wanted.
He just never thought the tool would be used on him.
Wiping the kiss from his lips, he knew he wouldn’t rid himself of Beckett’s taste. Not ever. Which was why he ne
eded to put distance between them. He’d been wrong. Safety wasn’t overrated. It was the only thing that kept him from falling apart completely.
Opening the door, he paused on the threshold, expecting Beckett to say something, anything. But only silence followed, so he shut the door. On Becks. On whatever had happened in that apartment.
But the pain… it didn’t go away.
Nicky sank down low in his seat at the diner just around the corner from his brother’s apartment building. An apartment he refused to return to again. He couldn’t face Becks—at least not any time soon. Not after the hottest kiss of his life.
How did I get myself into this mess? But he hadn’t. Becks dragged him into it.
“For me, it was real.” He wished he could take those words back. He didn’t need Becks feeling sorry for him. And he really didn’t need all the staring. Even now, people took a second look at him, trying to place how they knew him.
“I gotta get out of this town.” Nicky pulled his phone from his pocket, ignoring the texts from his brother and one from Becks.
Nicky: Can you grab my things and meet me at the diner on the corner? I just need to go home.
Nari: What happened? Did Becks … Never mind, I’m on my way.
“Can I get you anything else, honey?” the waitress asked. She couldn’t have been much older than Nicky.
“Just coffee, thanks,” Nicky muttered.
“I know you.” She frowned, refilling his mug. “You’re dating Beckett Anderson, right? You’re Nicky?”
“Nah, I just look like him, I guess.” Nicky refused to meet her gaze.
“You know he comes in here all the time.” She set her coffee carafe on the table, like she didn’t plan to move for a while. “He lives somewhere around here, but a lot of country stars do. I’ve met some of the greatest singers in this town working here.”
“That’s cool.” Nicky fumbled with an empty creamer pack.
“You sure you’re not Nicky St. Germaine?
“No, he just looks like him,” Nari said, sliding into the booth across from him and dropping his suitcase under the table. “He has one of those faces.”
“You’re Nari Won Song,” the waitress said with reverence.
“Nope, I guess I have one of those faces too.” Nari flipped over her coffee mug and filled it herself. “I’ve got a hundred-dollar tip in my pocket if you’ll leave us alone and keep anyone else from bothering my friend.” Nari poured several creamers into her coffee until it looked more like milk.
“You got it, Miss.” The waitress winked. “No problem.” She trotted back to the kitchen, leaving them sitting in silence.
“What happened?” Nari finally said.
“He kissed me again, can you believe that?” Nicky absently stirred his coffee. He didn’t mention what happened after. That story would stay locked in Becks’ apartment.
“Okay.” Nari leaned back against the vinyl booth. “Um… Isn’t that kind of what you signed up for? You two are supposed to be dating for the media attention, so that probably means a kiss here and there.”
“No, he really kissed me, Nari. Just like the first time. I can’t separate that reality from the fiction of this stupid relationship. Not when he makes everything around us disappear, making me think the only thing that matters is me. He’s a damn good actor.” Nicky gave a pathetically sad laugh. “At least he’d been a good enough actor to them make Nicky kiss him.”
“He cares about you, Nicky.”
“He’s always cared about me. Cared about his best friend’s kid brother. This is different territory. I don’t know how to do this kind of pretending.”
“I know there’s something going on with Becks and his feelings for you. I don’t pretend to know what goes through that boy’s head. But I don’t think he understands what box to put you in, Nicky.”
“Box?”
“We are creatures of habit. We sort the people in our lives into these categories—family, friend, lover, enemy, and every other label you can think of. For Becks, I think he had you in the friend box with Avery and me, but it’s like he took you out of that box because you didn’t fit there, but now, he doesn’t know where to put you, and he’s confused.”
“Are you saying you think he’s suddenly gay?”
“No, I don’t think he’s gay, Nicky. But I also don’t think everything in life has a simple answer. Let the guy have some time to figure you out.”
“How do you do it?” Nicky glanced outside where a few paps lingered just waiting for him to come out. Or maybe they were there for Nari.
“What, the cameras?” She sighed. “That’s been the hardest part about all of this. I love what I do. I love being on stage with Becks, playing our music and hearing him sing the lyrics we wrote together. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. But sometimes, I wish I was Hannah Montana.”
“You’re such a dork, Nars.” Nicky laughed.
“I’m serious.” She shoved his hand playfully. “Sometimes, I wish people would forget who I am once I leave the stage.”
“You’re a private person, like me,” Nicky said. “How do you get used to being in the Beckett Anderson spotlight?”
“I try to stay in his shadow, to be honest.”
“But you seem so comfortable with your fame now.”
“I see it as the price I pay so I get to do the thing I love most. It wasn’t always easy. In the early days, I didn’t think I was going to make it, but Becks helped me through it. To him, standing in front of a camera at a moment’s notice isn’t a big deal, but he learned really quickly that was a surefire way for Nari Won Song to make a giant fool of herself. Now we have a deal. Any spur-of-the-moment stuff he handles, and I’ve learned to adapt to the planned interviews and public speaking engagements. If I have time to prepare myself for it, I can get through it. And these days, it doesn’t bother me so much anymore.”
“You put a camera in his face, and he becomes a version of himself I don’t know if I really like,” Nicky said. “The way he panders to the press, it’s humiliating.
“Well, give the guy some slack, Nicky, he’s currently pretending to be something he’s not. Yeah, he might be the one that landed us all in this mess, but he’s the one trying to save his career…and mine.”
“I know.” Nicky’s shoulders slumped. “I thought I could help. But I don’t think I can do this anymore. It’s too much.”
“You two need to have a talk about boundaries. What you’re willing to do or not do on camera. I know Becks—probably better than anyone. He will bend over backwards to make you comfortable. He’s been a lifesaver for me. I would never have survived this industry without him. He just needs to be reminded that not everyone is a natural-born star like he is. And if you decide you can’t do this, he will understand.”
“I have to get out of this town, Nari.” Nicky stood up, grabbing his suitcase and his car keys. “I need a break so I can think because, right now, I’m reconsidering my college choice.”
The pictures and videos were worse this time. Nicky’s lovesick face was plastered all over the internet, and videos of their most recent kiss haunted Nicky’s every waking minute. Because the kiss was hot, though not as hot as the next kiss they’d shared. Watching it now, he could see the instant where it seemed Becks forgot about the camera recording their intimate moment. Either Nari was right and Becks had some confusing feelings for Nicky or Beckett Anderson was in the wrong business because his performance deserved an Oscar.
“Hey, Nicky.” Wylder hopped onto the barstool at the Main where Nicky was busy cleaning the coffee machines.
“Here for your lunch order?” He darted a look back at the kitchen to see if her food was up yet. She’d just called in the daily order from the hardware store across the street. “It’s not ready yet.”
“Yeah, I just needed a break.” She leaned her head against her arm propped up on the counter.
“You look tired. Late party?” He hoped she wasn’t getting back into
that again. Her days with the Powerplay all-girls band had gotten her into a lot of trouble.
“No, that’s not really my scene anymore.” She sighed, picking at a napkin hanging out of the dispenser in front of her.
“Why so…gloom and doom today?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s clearly not nothing.” Nicky leaned against the counter, setting his work aside for the moment. “Come on, Wylder, it’s me. I’m your best friend, so if you can’t talk to me, it must be pretty awful keeping it to yourself.”
“I just… I don’t need this getting back to Becks.”
“Since I’m not speaking to he-who-must-not-be-named, your secret is safe with me. Spill it, Wylds. You know it’ll make you feel better.”
“Fine.” Wylder took a deep breath. “So, um…for the last year, I’ve been looking for my mother. My drug-addict, sorry-excuse-for-a-mom, birth mother.”
“Wow, okay.” Nicky reached for her hand. He hadn’t realized this was going to be such a serious conversation. “And how’s that coming?” He nudged her to keep talking.
“I found her.” She turned her anxious eyes on him, pleading for help.
“Have you seen her? Where is she?”
“I’ve lived my whole life thinking she was somewhere far away, living her life without me. But this whole time she’s only been an hour away. She lives in Cincinnati. And she’s clean now. And now that I’ve found her, I’m too chicken shit to go see her.”
“Do you want to see her?” Nicky squeezed her hand.
“Yes. No, I don’t know. I thought I did when I started looking for her.”
“What were you looking to find in your mother, Wylder?” Nicky asked carefully.
“Dad always told me I’m the best part of both of my parents. That I’m just like her in all the right ways but that I have enough of him in me to balance her crazy. I guess I wanted to meet the good part of her. But I’m scared I’ll just find the bad stuff. And maybe she doesn’t want to see me.”
Dating Him: The Series Page 8
