16
Becks
Becks didn’t need anyone. Life had taught him that. Growing up, he’d been the person people leaned on. His sister, his friends. They all needed him.
But now… Now, he just wanted someone to tell him none of it was real. He’d talked to his sister every day since learning of their mother’s death and tried to comfort her as he always did. Wylder was the dramatic Anderson sibling, always had been. That wasn’t a bad thing. It just meant she felt everything so much deeper than Becks ever did. And she never even tried to cover up her emotions. Sometimes they were volatile, but still, she let them show.
Unlike her brother. His cool mask settled into place as he sang the last line of the last song for the album. It felt good to lose himself in the music, to let his body sway under its own power.
He held the last note, lowering his voice to give it the breathy quality his fans loved. As the music faded and the red light above the door flickered off, Quinn and Harrison burst into the room to congratulate him. Together, they’d made a killer album.
Yet, Becks wasn’t satisfied. He waved them off. “I want to record that one again.”
Their producer’s voice came over the speaker. “Beckett, this song was perfect ten tries ago. Now, you’re just being ridiculous.”
He shook his head. “Again.”
Harrison removed his glasses and cleaned them on his shirt while studying Becks. “I think you need to go home, bro.”
Becks scowled. “No. What I need is to get the song right.”
Harrison held up his hands in front of his chest.
Quinn sighed. “Whatever the man wants. It’s his song.”
“Damn right, it is.”
A fourth voice joined theirs. “Actually, it’s my song.” Nari crossed the room, planting her feet in front of Becks. She wasn’t wrong. As a songwriting pair, they both shared credit in each song on the album.
“We need to get this right, Nars.”
Her expression softened. “And you have. The album is amazing. Why can’t you see that?” She handed him a hand towel and a bottle of water.
He wiped his face before taking a drink. “It’s not good enough.”
“It’s not good enough? Or you’re not good enough?”
“Don’t twist my words.” He walked around her, leaving without so much as a wave to the rest of the guys.
Nari ran after him. “It’s not like you to feel sorry for yourself.”
Outside, a black town car idled at the curb. The driver got out and opened the back door for Becks. “I’m fine, Nari. Stop worrying about me.”
She gripped his arm to stop him from getting into the car. “You’re not fine.”
Pasting on a bright smile, he turned to her, leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek. “I appreciate the concern. You’re a good friend.”
She didn’t look convinced, but she let him slide into the car.
His phone buzzed, and he answered without looking to see who it was.
“Beckett.” April sounded tired. “We need a meeting.”
“Well, hello, April, darling. It’s a pleasure to speak to my lovely PR specialist. Thanks for the warm greeting.” He glanced at the time on his phone, smiling as he heard April’s sigh through the phone. “I can be there in twenty.”
“Good.” She hung up.
Leaning forward, Becks spoke to the driver. “I need to go to the label’s office.” It was never good when his PR team summoned him on such short notice, but Becks didn’t know what else could go wrong in his life right now.
He still held his phone in his palm when it vibrated again. This time, he glanced at the screen. Asher Brooks. If anyone told him months ago that the president’s son would have his number, he’d have made some joke of it.
Now, though, after getting to know Asher, he realized maybe the kid just needed a friend.
And maybe, Becks did too, one who wasn’t team Nicky. One who didn’t know Becks before he’d started questioning everything about himself. He held the phone to his ear. “Brooksy. What’s up, man?”
“You call me that, I’ll call you SexyBecksy.” He chuckled.
Becks groaned. The hashtag had taken on a life of its own, and there was no way to run from it now. “No amount of secret service can protect you if you say that again.”
“Yeah, yeah. There’s a reason I’m calling. You’ve been MIA recently. Won’t return my calls or my texts.”
“Feeling like a jilted lover?”
“We aren’t lovers, but we are friends, and I like to make sure my friends are okay.”
Becks grinned. “Then I’m a lucky guy. I promise, I’ve just been swamped. I leave for the tour in eight days. We barely got the album done in time.”
“You sure career stuff is all that’s going on?”
No, he wasn’t. He had a dead mother he never got to reconcile with, and he was in love with a dude, one who didn’t love him back. Life was just peachy.
But no one really wanted that kind of answer. All they wanted to hear was that he was okay.
“Yeah,” he finally answered. “Just music. You know me, dude. I don’t let anything but the music get to me.”
Asher couldn’t know that yet, but it was what Becks wanted him to see. The car stopped in front of the tower housing the offices he’d come to know so well.
“I’ve got to go, Brooksy.” He nodded to the driver and climbed out of the car.
“See ya, SexyBecksy.” Shaking his head, Becks ended the call and slid the phone into his jeans pocket. He wasn’t dressed for a meeting with the bigwigs, but it wasn’t like he really cared.
Sending a smile to the two secretaries by the door, he bypassed them and rode the elevator to the third floor to April’s office.
When he knocked on her half-open door, she held one finger up as she finished a phone call. It was only when she set the receiver down that she waved him inside. Kyle rushed in behind him with Skyler on his heels.
His cousin squeezed his shoulder in sympathy. Three days ago, she stood and watched Becks realize he’d been too late to forgive his mother. He hadn’t been able to face her since. Every one of Skyler’s calls went unanswered.
Now, as she leaned against April’s desk, he couldn’t avoid her gaze.
April folded her hands on the desk. “Beckett, I’m going to cut to the chase. We have some problems.”
He met her stare. “I haven’t jumped off any more stages to kiss unsuspecting people, so can’t be as bad as that, right?” He smiled as if it was all a big joke. But the biggest joke had been on him.
Kyle grunted. “You told a reporter you and Nicky broke up.”
“Well…yeah. We did.”
“How can you break up if you weren’t dating? The deal was to keep it going at least through the beginning of the tour. The fans love you, Beckett.”
Becks face flushed as he tried to hold down his anger. He opened his mouth to refute their words, but it turned out he didn’t need to.
“They don’t love him because he’s gay,” Sky snapped. “They love him because he’s Beckett.”
Kyle glared at her. “We could use some coffee, Skyler.”
Her shoulders dropping, she moved to obey, but Beckett stopped her. “Get your own damn coffee,” he growled. “And you know what? Get your own damn singing career. This one is mine. From now on, I get to choose who I am.” He stood. “What we did wasn’t right. We lied to a lot of people. I never wanted it. I wasn’t comfortable with it, but I was trapped by this paralyzing fear all of this would go away.”
April sighed. “Sit down, Beckett. You too, Sky. Kyle, stop being an asshole. All of us care what comes next for you, Beckett.”
He lowered himself back into his chair.
April continued. “The tour begins in eight days. We were hoping the buzz from that could drown out any other media attention, but I’m afraid we have one more mountain to climb.”
“What happened?” He rubbed his eyes, suddenly very tired.
>
“Nicky St. Germaine is in Nashville.”
The air left Becks’ lungs in a rush, leaving him struggling to breathe. “What?” No. He knew the plan was for Nicky to move in with Avery, but classes didn’t start for another month. Becks assumed he’d be long gone by then, traveling across the country on a long tour.
Sky reached for his hand. “Nari told me. Nicky moved in today.”
Yet, neither Avery nor Nari had told him. They gave him no warning, no time to prepare.
And suddenly, Becks knew why they’d called him in. “Has the media gotten wind of this yet?”
Kyle shook his head. “It’s only a matter of time. It wouldn’t be an issue if you hadn’t told the world you broke up. Unless you want Nicky’s life to be even more of a circus than it is now, we think it’s better if you’re not seen together.”
Becks nodded. They were right. He didn’t want to bring attention to the fact that Nicky was in Nashville. Once the tour started, that would be the news.
Sky squeezed his hand. “You can stay at my house. In the guest room. Not the couch you’re always falling asleep on.”
“Thanks, Sky.” He tried to focus on everything else April and Kyle said to him. They handed him a packet that was supposed to help him prepare for press duties on the tour, but he didn’t hear their explanations over the rushing in his ears.
The mess he’d made of everything was finally being revealed.
Nicky was in Nashville.
His mother died before she knew he loved her.
His sister was falling apart.
And here he was, planning to go on tour and let music be his greatest companion as it always had been. He just wasn’t sure that was enough anymore.
Becks shoveled clothes into a duffle bag, wanting to get out of his apartment and over to Sky’s as quickly as possible. He walked into the living room and threw his duffle on the couch, taking one glance at his closed door. Was Nicky across the hall right this moment? Was he worried about seeing Becks?
With a sigh, Becks stepped into his bathroom to grab his toothbrush. He heard the door open but didn’t turn as Avery appeared in the mirror.
His best friend looked behind him to where the edge of the duffle peeked up over the couch cushions. “Becks.” He ran a hand through his hair, a clear sign of his exasperation. Becks wondered if there’d ever been a time in his friendship with Avery he hadn’t been able to read him so easily.
Nari was the same. The two of them never hid what they thought from Becks.
Could they say the same about him? “What do you want, Avery?”
“Why are you leaving? The tour doesn’t start until next week.”
Becks pushed past him to reenter the living room. “Wasn’t my idea.”
“You’re listening to your PR team? Again? Haven’t they ruined things enough for you?”
Becks barked out a laugh. “Says the guy who didn’t even tell me his brother was moving here a whole four weeks before he had to.”
“He wanted to get settled in.”
“Mmhmm. Good for him. But a heads-up would have been nice.”
“Why?” He glanced at the duffle again. “So you could leave earlier?”
“The reporters can’t see me and Nicky anywhere near each other. I just want them to leave him alone.”
“Screw the reporters.”
“Easy to say for someone who has never had them dogging their every step, bro.” Nicky’s voice came from the doorway where he stood picking at the hem of his shirt. “I don’t want any more media attention either. It’s exhausting.”
Avery looked from Becks to Nicky. “So, you’re just okay with him leaving?”
Nicky shrugged, and Becks tried not to let the action cause any more pain than he already felt. “I mean…I get it.”
Avery clenched his jaw. “You don’t know him like I do.” He turned to Becks. “When you come back from the tour, someone else will be living in this apartment, won’t they?”
The thought had been on his mind ever since finding out his mother died. She’d only had one friend in the end and two children struggling to forgive her. Becks didn’t want that. It was time to grow up. He wanted something more to call his own. A home.
And his silence gave Avery the answer he needed. “See, Nicky. You don’t know him at all. Beckett Anderson doesn’t deal with things. He smiles, and he makes jokes, but he doesn’t deal.”
Becks stared at the brothers, so alike yet so different. Avery, the golden child with a not-so-golden temper. And Nicky, the quiet one who’d always been on the outside of their friendship.
Or, at least he used to be.
Now, it seemed like every conversation with Avery had these charged feelings because of Nicky. His best friend fell for his brother, and it broke them both.
Until then, Becks hadn’t seen just how much harder he’d made this on all of them. It was better for him to go. He’d buy a house once royalties for the new album came in. He needed to let them go. They were a real family and he was just in the way.
Nicky stepped farther into the room, his eyes not leaving Becks. “Avery, back off.”
Avery crossed his arms over his chest. “Why? Tell me what’s going on. Why has Becks been trying so much harder to seem like the old joking version of himself? Why did Sky refer to you moving here as a ‘final straw’ for Becks? I know something has happened.” His pleading eyes fell on Becks. His anger from moments before was nowhere to be found. “You’re my best friend, Becks. I’m sorry I got mad, but you can’t tell me you’re not hurting. I see it in every excuse you’ve made to be alone over the last couple days or the way you’re running yourself into the ground to prepare for this tour. When we moved to Nashville two years ago, you, me, and Nari became a family.”
Becks lifted his duffle onto his shoulder. “But the difference is you three are a real family, Avery.” He walked to the door, stopping at Nicky’s side. Being so close to him sent a thrill through Becks, but he suppressed the urge to reach out and touch him, to feel the pulse pounding at Nicky’s neck.
“Don’t go,” Nicky whispered.
Becks straightened his spine. He wouldn’t let himself be held back by Nicky any longer. “You want to know what happened, Avery? My mom loved me. And she didn’t know I loved her back.” He couldn’t meet Nicky’s eyes. “Guess that’s going around.”
Neither Avery nor Nicky chased after him when he walked down the hall. They weren’t there to watch as he slid into the car.
Popping his earbuds into his ears, he leaned his head back, listening to tracks from the new album. The songs spoke for him, of him, to him. And he held onto the words as if they were a lone life raft on a sinking ship.
The room hadn’t changed at all. Two years ago, Becks showed up in Nashville with little to his name except big dreams. He’d opted out of college, much to the dismay of every teacher he had, and decided to try to play his music in Music City itself. There were so many musicians in the capital the task seemed impossible at times.
But it was all he wanted.
Luckily, he hadn’t been alone.
Nari, finding the courage to realize what she really wanted, followed him. The two of them were in this together. For the first year, they’d lived with Skyler, testing her every nerve. She loved them, but she also loved her space.
Avery, on the other hand, crammed himself into a dorm room with even less space for himself.
And somehow, they’d made it all work.
Now, he was back. In the year since getting his own place, Becks crashed at Skyler’s a few times but never in his old room, the same room where he’d sat so many nights wondering if he was on the right path.
Had he been stupid to think he could make it? That he had some worth that raised him above every other white guy with a guitar trying to let their music speak for them in an industry that wanted them to all be the same.
But he was on the way to making it, wasn’t he? “Then why doesn’t it feel any better?” he whi
spered to himself as he dropped onto the corner of the bed.
My mom loved me. And she never knew I loved her back.
That was the crux of it, wasn’t it? No one could read another’s heart; they couldn’t control what they felt.
Skyler was out for the night, leaving Becks to an empty house. The silence taunted him.
Scooting farther up onto the bed, he lay back, resting his hands under the back of his head. The LED can lights overhead caused temporary blindness as his eyes adjusted and shifted away from the white glow to the hazy blue walls.
Three days. He found out about his mother three days ago. Only his family knew. And probably Nicky. Wylder told him everything.
Becks wasn’t quite sure why he hadn’t told his friends or the people at his label. Maybe because he didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes. They didn’t know the story of his mother—that she abandoned her children after years of choosing drugs over them.
The label didn’t know Becks shouldn’t love her. That it wasn’t like if Avery or Nari lost their moms. It would destroy them.
Becks wasn’t allowed to be destroyed, was he? He couldn’t mourn her as one mourned a mother. Not after years of hoping he’d never see her again, after months of refusing her phone calls or Wylder’s pleas.
“Why does it hurt so much, Mom?” He closed his eyes, willing tears to come. His eyes stayed dry. “You’ve been gone since I was a kid. I shouldn’t miss you.” His voice dropped. “I’m so sorry.”
For what, he wasn’t quite sure. But it seemed like something he needed to say to her. Was he sorry he hadn’t gone to her sooner? That he hadn’t helped her more when he was a kid?
The bed dipped, and he opened his eyes to find Nicky sitting on the end of it. The way his eyes shifted to the door told Becks he wasn’t sure he should be there.
Well, maybe, he shouldn’t.
“What do you want, Nick-Nick?” The nickname he’d always used for him slipped out before Becks could call it back. “I don’t recall inviting you.” In the hours since seeing him, Becks had too much time to think about what Nicky being in Nashville meant.
Dating Him: The Series Page 18
