FORD
Stephanie.
I haven’t called her that out loud more than a handful of times. I don’t hate it though. It fits the woman that she is now. God knows I refuse to call her by that stage name, and she’s not a Stevie anymore. That girl is gone.
Though I would have thought it was a bad thing, maybe it isn’t. I’m not the same Ford that I was almost twenty years ago, so I can’t expect her to be the same either. It wouldn’t be fair of me to expect her to be the exact same or for her to be able to travel back in time and undo what she did.
What’s done is done, and I need to forgive her. This is my chance for closure and I need to take it, to hold on to it with both hands. She’ll be gone, back to her life in California before long, the countryside of Texas just another distant memory as she walks the red carpets of Hollywood.
Parking the Gator, I kill the engine, then grunt at the work that I still have ahead of me. Climbing out, I walk around to the back and reach for my tool belt. Fastening it to my hips, I hear her hitch of breath.
Lifting my eyes, I look up at her. She’s turned around in her seat, her eyes glued to my hips. “Stephanie?” I ask, my voice rougher than I intend.
Her eyes fly up to meet mine. “Why do I want you, Ford?” she breathes. “It’s been a long time.”
“Maybe that’s why?”
She shakes her head once. “Since I crossed the Burnet County line, I haven’t been able to get you off of my mind,” she says, her body jerking and her cheeks tinting pink as if she hadn’t meant to say that aloud.
My lips curve up into a small smile. “Yeah? Gotta admit seeing you at the park had me all kinds of fucked up myself,” I admit as I reach for a bundle of wood.
Leaving her in the Gator, I make my way toward the fence. I need to work and as much as I want to stand there and talk to her, to try to get into her panties, I just don’t have the fucking time right now.
There’s also that pesky thing called feelings. I have a sneaky suspicion that sliding inside of her body again would feel like coming home and I wouldn’t be able to leave her or watch her walk away a second time.
I feel like a fucking woman, but Stephanie LaRue is the one that got away, well, she ran. No way could I fuck her again and not want to keep her—I just fucking know it.
Attempting to ignore her presence, I get to work on replacing the fencing. I can’t just rip it all down and start over, because there’s just no way that I can get it all done by myself in a day. No, this is a tedious piece by piece kind of job and it’s boring as fuck.
A few moments later, I hear her approach, then feel her presence next to me. “What can I do?” she asks.
“There’s a cooler in the back, can you grab me a water?”
She doesn’t say anything as I continue working, but I look over my shoulder just in time to see her bent over the cooler. Licking my lips at the sight of her heart-shaped ass, I wonder what it would look like bare, red with my handprint.
She straightens and I turn back to my work, willing my cock to soften from its rock-hard state. She waves the water in my face. Reaching for it, I pause as I straighten and twist the cap off, lifting it to my lips as I suck down half of the bottle in one gulp.
“You can get yourself some, too. There should be plenty,” I murmur.
She nods, chewing on her bottom lip. I know she has something that she wants to say to me, but I’m not going to rush her. Thankfully, she doesn’t make me wait long.
“I know I shouldn’t be dwelling on the past, neither of us should, but I just want to say again how sorry I am for everything that happened. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I know that I did, but I didn’t mean to. I always loved you, Ford, always.”
Her words shouldn’t hurt me, but they do. Nothing she could ever say to me about the past wouldn’t hurt. It just fucking wouldn’t. Turning my head, I look out at the property that adjoins mine. It’s for sale right now and I want it. Fucking need it to grow my business the way that I want.
“You know, I put in an offer on that land,” I mutter, jerking my chin toward it.
“You did?”
“I’ve added thirty acres since my parents passed and I took over,” I inform her.
There’s a moment of silence and I expect her to ask me why. If she did, I could give her a simple answer, but it wouldn’t be the complete truth.
“Did it because of you. If you hadn’t left me for a bigger, brighter, better life I don’t know that I would have been as motivated to grow the ranch. I’ve been focused on nothing but work for the past seventeen years. You did that,” I admit before I turn to look back at her.
Her face has fallen, her eyes wide and almost sad looking.
“Not telling you to make you feel like shit, honey,” I rasp. “Tellin’ you so that you know you walking away from me didn’t just make your dreams come true, but it motivated me to create new ones for myself and make them come true, too.”
“But not all of your dreams have come true, Ford.”
Pressing my lips together in a thin line, I nod my head in a quick motion. “You’re right, except I gave those dreams up, so I guess it don’t matter anymore.”
She takes a step toward me, her palm flattening in the center of my chest, right above my scar. “I hate that you gave up your dreams, Ford. You should have had everything the exact way you wanted it, the way you’d planned it,” she whispers.
Shaking my head, I lift my hand covering hers with my own. “That’s not the way life works, honey. You get every single dream you always had? Or did you sacrifice some to make others come to life?”
“Sacrificed, so much, Cowboy. So damn much,” she breathes and it breaks my goddamn heart.
I want to kiss her. It wouldn’t take much, just leaning down and touching my mouth to hers, but I don’t. I can’t. Not right now, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to again. I just—can’t.
Chapter Ten
FORD
Lying in bed, I stare at the ceiling, wondering what the fuck I’m doing. I replay the day over in my head. I think about every look, I can practically feel every single fucking touch. I could have kissed her, more than once. I probably could have fucked her too. I didn’t and I don’t know if I will, I don’t know if I can handle it.
My cell rings and I grab it, not even looking at who is on the other end. “Hey,” her soft voice breathes.
“What’re you doin’ calling me, honey?” I ask.
“Couldn’t sleep,” she whispers.
God, it feels like high school all over again and I’m not even mad about it. Rolling to my side, I stare out of the window, it’s too dark to see anything, the soft glow of the moonlight barely visible.
“Yeah, me either.”
There’s a moment of silence. I wait for her to speak, but she doesn’t. I’m not sure that she has anything left to say and I shouldn’t say a fucking thing, but I do.
“You know, I went out there to see you once,” I admit.
“What?”
I hum, rolling on to my back and lifting my free hand to cradle the back of my head as I stare at the ceiling again. “About ten years ago. I don’t know, I was feeling lost. I’d just made more money than I’d ever seen and I wanted to go there, prove to you that I could compete with the men around you,” I chuckle. “It was stupid.”
“I didn’t go just for money, Ford. In fact, money wasn’t really on my radar,” she exhales. “At first, it was just something I wanted. To be in a movie, to be famous. There was something inside of me that just screamed to get out and I couldn’t stop myself from chasing the dream.”
“Then?”
She’s quiet for a moment and I think that she’s not going to answer me, but she does. “Then, it consumed me. Riding that high, being famous, oh my gosh, it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. People wanted to be with me, be seen with me. Real legendary movie stars knew who I was. Strangers called me by name on the streets. They wanted pictures with me and photograph
s, it was amazing.”
“Yeah, been around Beau when he’s been noticed, been to a few of his shows backstage. Even been to a couple of Louis’ fights in Vegas. I get it, could be addicting.”
“That’s exactly what it was,” she murmurs.
“Until?”
“Until you realize that it’s all bullshit. Everyone is fake, Ford. Everyone,” she whispers. “Why didn’t you talk to me, when you were there?” she asks, her voice soft.
I think about lying to her, but decide against it. I’ve always been honest with her, why would I stop now?
Pinching my eyes closed, I let out a grunt. “You were with an entourage at some coffee place. You were laughing and you looked so fucking happy. It just seemed pointless. I’d been living a life of misery. All I was doing was working, eating, sleeping, and fucking random women just to get off,” I admit.
“Ford,” she says softly.
I chuckle. “Neither of us are virgins. It’s the fucking truth of it, honey. The past seventeen years have been nothing but a blur of hot days and forgettable faces.”
“I hate that,” she states. I let out a snort, but don’t comment. “I hate it because it’s not what I wanted, for either of us.”
“What’d you want, Stephanie? When you ran, what did you think would happen?”
“Honestly?” she asks. I don’t say anything, waiting for her to continue, and I’m glad when she does. “Honestly, I thought that I would fail. I figured I’d try, then come back home when I was a complete failure.”
“So what? You’d fail, come home, and then we’d get married?” I ask, anger suddenly filling my entire body. “I was your fucking backup plan, wasn’t I?”
“Don’t, Ford. Just don’t. I was young and stupid.”
“Apparently, I was too.”
Ending the call, I power down my cell. I lie there awake for another thirty minutes before I hear the thunder in the distance. With a groan, I roll out of bed and pull on my jeans along with a t-shirt, then pull on socks and my boots before I head outside. If I don’t make sure Starlight is locked up tight, she’ll take off on me.
Once I’m outside, I see the lightning in the distance, with a curse, I jog toward Starlight’s pen. Gone. Fuck. I didn’t catch this storm on the radar, probably because I didn’t fucking look like I usually do.
I love my horse, I really fucking do, but the fucking animal is a goddamn pussy. She cannot handle lightning and thunder, just can’t. She fucking bolts as soon as it’s anywhere near. I didn’t have her tethered in her stall or the barn doors closed, she’s gone.
Tilting my head back, I run my fingers through my hair with a heavy sigh. “Fuck,” I curse to myself. “Fucking shit.”
Headlights appear behind me, just as I’m climbing into my Gator and starting the engine. Turning to look back over my shoulder, I let out a curse under my breath. Watching her pull up, her car rocks forward as she slams on her brakes.
The door swings open and she jumps out, before she bounds toward me wearing a little pair of shorts and a tank top with an open sweater. Her hair is in a messy pile on top of her head and her face is bare, she looks fucking phenomenal.
“What the fuck?” I shout as she rushes toward me.
“I don’t know,” she breathes. “I just couldn’t leave our talk like that, I couldn’t.”
She’s got tears streaming down her cheeks. “Get in, I gotta go find Starlight,” I grumble.
“What?”
She looks fucking adorably confused. “Got a horse that sprints anytime there’s a fucking storm and it’s comin’.”
Without another word, she walks around the Gator and climbs inside. I don’t say anything, I’m not sure what to say exactly. Instead, I go in search of my fucking horse. For whatever reason, I have a thing for females that fucking bolt.
STEPHANIE
Ford is driving his Gator like a bat out of hell. I hear the thunder rumble in the distance, then see the flash of lightning and I know that it’s closer than I would prefer to be outside in. He shouts out a curse, then jerks the wheel to the right.
A little house comes into view just as the water starts to pour down around us. Ford climbs out and walks around the Gator, I watch as he takes something from under the front doormat and fiddles with the door before pushing it open.
“C’mon,” he calls out. I don’t hesitate. Instead, I hurry out of the Gator and the rain and run toward him. “Wait in here. I haven’t been in here for a while, so turn the lights on.”
I know what that warning means. On the inside, I let out a shriek, but decide to pull up my big girl panties for him and just give him a nod. Flipping the lights on, I close the door behind me and look around the small cabin-like house.
My first impression? It’s absolutely adorable. It looks like one of those cabins that you see when people go glamping. It only has a small living room and a small kitchen with a bistro-style table and two chairs. The whole thing is painted a beautiful light buttery yellow.
I’m surprised that it’s somewhat furnished. Stepping farther inside, I really look around. The sofa is older, but in good condition, a dark brown leather. The coffee table is gorgeous and stained a deep black walnut color.
The floors are rich wood planks, and turning toward the kitchen, I sigh at the old farmhouse sink. It’s absolutely stunning. The countertops are wooden butcher block and I can’t believe the detail that has been put into every small aspect of the place.
Deciding to make my way farther into the back of the cabin, I flip the light on in the bedroom and my heart skips a beat inside of my chest.
There is a white chandelier with hanging crystals in the center of the room as the light fixture. The bed is absolutely stunning, matching the coffee table in the living room. The nightstands, the same.
There’s even a bed, made up with all white bedding. A comforter, with light mint and pink decorative pillows. It’s feminine and soft. It’s absolutely stunning. Turning to the right, I see a small white dresser with several framed photographs decorating the top.
Walking over to the dresser, I reach out for one of the pictures, but my hand freezes midair. My breathing completely stops and I’m sure that I’ll pass out at any second, but I can’t do anything, not a single fucking thing but stare.
There are three framed photos staring back at me. One of Ford and I in kindergarten, one of us at our high school graduation together, and in an 11x14 there is one of our engagement pictures.
I don’t know how long I stand there and stare at the pictures. It could be minutes, it could be hours. But I can’t move. Because it has dawned on me that this is the home that Ford created for us to share.
I had asked him a dozen times where we would live after the wedding, and all he would ever tell me was that he had it handled. Then when the wedding drew closer, I stopped asking because I didn’t care. I could only think about leaving, about the life that I wanted outside of Gallup. I was so consumed with it. I couldn’t think about anything else.
“Figured you’d discover all this,” a deep voice says from behind me.
Jumping, I spin around to see him standing at the entrance, his shoulder leaning against the doorjamb, his body completely soaking wet and his shirt sticking to his chest in a way that I find it hard to look anywhere but his bulging muscles.
“What is all this?” I ask, even though I know the answer.
He chuckles, looking off to the side before he swings his gaze back to meet mine. “You really gonna make me say it?” he asks.
My eyes fill with tears and they fall, yet again. I haven’t cried this much since I left Gallup. It’s as if it’s been building for seventeen years, and now it’s all just pouring out of me. I can’t stop it either, and I’m not quite sure that I want to.
“Please, say it, Cowboy.”
“You wanted your own place. I wanted to give that to you. A year before we graduated high school, me and my dad started working on it. Once it was to a point of just doing the finish w
ork, my dad took a step back and I spent nights and weekends out here when I wasn’t working, at school, or with you.”
“You did all of this for me?” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “No, honey. I did all of this for us. Wanted us to have a good start in life. Knew this was the best way to do it. Figured we could build something bigger later, this is just a ranch hand house, but it was free and far enough away that we’d have all the privacy we needed.”
“I’m such a bitch,” I whimper.
Ford lets out a chuckle, pushing off of the wall and closing the distance between us. He wraps me in his arms, dipping his chin so that his mouth is just a hairsbreadth away from my own. I can almost taste his lips, almost feel the firm kiss that I know he would give me.
“You are, but you wanted more than this, more than Gallup or I could ever give you and you chased your dreams. Even if it still fucking hurts that I wasn’t your dream, that I was your backup plan, I’m really fucking proud of you, Stephanie.”
“Stop,” I whimper. “Just stop.”
“What?” he asks.
Shaking my head, I rise to my toes, my mouth touching his. “Stop being so fucking perfect, Ford. Stop showing me everything that I fucked up on. Stop making me want you more than I ever have, stop making me regret everything I’ve done the past seventeen years.
“Because I do. I regret walking away from you, away from this and the beautiful life that we could have built for something as selfish and fleeting as fame—something I have discovered is downright useless.”
“Honey,” he groans but doesn’t say another word.
His head tilts to the side and his mouth slams down against my own.
There is no turning back from this, no running away, not this time.
I want Ford Matthews, every single inch of him, and the simple life that comes with him.
COWBOY (Unfit Hero Book 5) Page 8
