Not Quite Free

by Kaye Draper

  I shrugged. “It came with the room.” Then I made myself really focus on what he was saying. “Wait...don’t you have a TV in the rooms Jules gave you guys?” I just assumed this was a perk of working for a rich dude.

  Fin gave me a look that said if he had all this shit in his room, he wouldn’t be in here right now, he’d be over there watching movies for the next week or so. I turned to glare at Jules as he made his way toward the door. “Jeeves. Doesn’t everyone have this crap?” I waved at the TV, then at the sleek radio that was tucked away in the corner of the bookshelf. And come to think of it...my gaze whipped around the room, lighting on all the stuff that had kept appearing while I was off on missions or in meetings...things I just assumed everyone on the staff got to enjoy. Books, gadgets, snacks...even my clothes and gear were top-notch and in plentiful supply.

  “Jules?” I said, the irritation starting to boil in my gut now. Angel was using his place with Theo to manipulate me...to subtly make it so I never wanted to leave.

  The butler raised a brow at me, then shrugged. “No Viceroy. These things were ordered for you specifically.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him as he swept out the door like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. Fucking Theo and Angel. They thought they could just...buy me? Like if they kept giving me gifts, I’d stick around forever and be a good little tool. What the hell even was that?

  Fin snorted, and his voice was wry and resigned as he found the remote and settled in on my ridiculously comfortable couch. “So, I’ll just be here watching movies then,” he snarked.

  Emerson said something, his voice full of concern, but I was already moving. I slipped into the hall, pulling the door shut behind me with a sharp click. Pulling on my shifter instincts, I followed my nose down the hall toward the wing where Theo had his private suite. I lost every last bit of control over the anger inside me. I didn’t even know why it pissed me off so much. But it did. I got paid a good wage to do my job. And I’d already completely caved to Angel. I didn’t need weird bribes to make me compliant. I rubbed the center of my chest. Something else about this was bugging me, and I didn’t know what. But it pissed me off.

  I reached Theo’s door and grabbed the handle, throwing it open without knocking. I stepped inside and stopped, crossing my arms over my chest as I took in the sight before me. It wasn’t Theo I saw, but Angel, sitting there in an overstuffed chair, drinking coffee and looking thoroughly debauched.

  He was wearing a soft, loose pair of pajama pants, his long silver hair falling in a sparkling waterfall over his bare torso as he shifted forward to set his coffee cup down on the low table. “Sam,” he greeted me calmly, a Cheshire cat smile stretching his perfect lips. “It’s awfully early for you to be up and storming about.”

  And it was awfully early for him to be half naked in the sovereign’s bedroom. But I didn’t comment. I already suspected he was fucking Theo, and Angel had never denied it. When I asked Theo, all I’d gotten was an “It’s complicated.” But it wasn’t any of my business who Angel decided to get naked with. It wasn’t like we’d made any promises to each other just because I’d used him to fuck out some frustration.

  It wasn’t like he was mine. And I sure as fuck wasn’t his.

  I ignored him and strode across the room. “Theo!” I called, making my way through the door on the opposite side of the room that I knew led to the bedroom. “We need to talk.”

  The human-looking phoenix fiend was standing in front of a floor length mirror, shrugging into a crisp white dress shirt. I tried my best to ignore his perfectly sculpted chest and abs. He might look all small and unimposing, but I’d seen him working out in the gym alongside his security team. I tried not to think about Angel’s hands on that compact body. Narrowing my eyes at him, I arched a brow. “Why is there so much stuff in my room?”

  Theo finished buttoning his shirt and dragged a hand through his chestnut curls, pushing his hair back into some semblance of order. Then he turned to me with a bland expression on his face. “Oh, good morning, Sam.”

  He brushed past me and I followed him into the living area, feeling predatory as I watched him steal Angel’s coffee and take a swig. “Theo,” I warned, my voice going growly. “I’m not some whore you need to wine and dine to keep in your pocket. You already pay me a wage. You don’t get to buy me with favors.”

  Angel leaned back in his chair, all fake ease and sensuality. As if I hadn’t just accidentally insulted him. Theo set the coffee cup aside and trailed a hand over the back of Angel’s, where it rested on the arm of the chair. Then he turned to me, a sharp hint of anger simmering in his blue eyes. “I’m not buying anyone, Viceroy.”

  I waved a hand in frustration. “The tech. The food. The clothes. I was so fucking stupid not to see it before. What the hell are you up to? Why do you want me so indebted to you? And what the fuck kind of sneaky-assed spell did you have your siren put in the chocolate?”

  Theo just stared at me, as if he was honestly confused. Then he slowly sank down on the couch. “What am I up to?” The simmering rage in his voice was a surprise, honestly. Theo never lost his temper. Or his harmless rich boy veneer.

  “Theo,” Angel said softly, his voice full of warning.

  But Theo ignored him. “Sam Forest, you are the most infuriating person I have ever met!” He leaned forward to brace his elbows on his knees as he stared up at me, and I didn’t miss the sparks of power flaring in his eyes. This conversation was setting off his inner fiend. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared down at him. I’d spent most of my life hunting fiends for a living. I wasn’t about to be scared off by this asshole.

  I should have known this was all too good to be true. Of course he had some other dark, hidden ulterior motive. Because this was me we were talking about. I couldn’t just have made a really good friend who just happened to be powerful and rich. I couldn’t just have earned an amazing job. Oh no. I had to be part of some unknown scheme.

  Theo looked like he just couldn’t deal with me anymore. Like I was the one being a frustrating asshole. “I take care of you because you are my mate, Sam.”

  I just stood there. Clearly, I was having some sort of problem with my hearing. “What?”

  He sighed and sat back, but he still wasn’t fully in control of his phoenix energy. I could see it flashing in his eyes as he spoke. “I’ve felt it since nearly the first time I saw you—though I didn’t know what it was at the time. I tried to learn more about you, to figure out how best to approach you. But...then I realized you could never be mine. A bond between us would never work.”

  He glanced at Angel, who was sitting there in absolute silence, looking...destroyed.

  “I’ve seen how hard you fight against any sort of bond. How violently you hate the idea of belonging to anyone more powerful than you.” He turned those burning eyes on me and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  Complicated, he’d said.

  What he and Angel had was complicated. And suddenly I knew exactly what had brought them together.

  Me.

  “I didn’t ask for this,” Theo said, his eyes still burning. “I have a city to run. A duty to the people I’ve sworn to lead.”

  I didn’t know quite what to do with that. Theo’s fiend nature had decided I was supposed to belong to him. And he didn’t even want me in the first place.

  “Do you know how strong the mating pull is for a full fiend?” Theo whispered, standing and pacing closer. “Really? Do you understand how much it hurts? As if part of your soul is suddenly being ripped off and kept from you?” He gestured violently toward Angel, who was now sitting hunched forward in his chair, elbows braced on his knees and his head bent, hiding his face behind a curtain of silver hair as he radiated pain and...shame. “Do you have any idea how it eats a person from inside when a bond is partially formed then abandoned? It’s a pain most curs couldn’t ever really understand. You don’t even feel half of it, Sam! I’ve seen the damage you wield, and I certainly don’t
want any part of it for myself.”

  He was angry—livid—not over his own situation, but because I had hurt Angel. Because I was hurting the siren every single fucking day and we both knew it. All because I was scared.

  I ripped my eyes away from Angel and directed all my anger at Theo. Even though I knew it was mostly myself I was pissed at. “So what? You guys just decide one day that I’m your fated, destined, holy fuck toy and what? I’m supposed to just roll over and show my belly? Do you know what that’s like? To try your whole fucking miserable cur life to fight your way free of your damned clan, to survive every fucking day hoping some human or fiend doesn’t murder you for just existing, to earn every fucking bit of your freedom with your own blood, sweat, and tears, only to have some asshole just roll in and take away your free will?”

  I was shouting now, screaming in Theo’s face. Theo thought I was his mate. Angel already owned half my soul. And with either of them, it wouldn’t be the sweet thing I had with Fin and Emerson. I wouldn’t be the strong one. I’d be cowering at their feet begging for scraps. Because Angel’s magic was stronger than any cur’s should be. And it was all meant to lure people in. To make them compliant and adoring. And Theo was a full-fledged fucking fiend. I’d never felt power like what had poured out of him when he changed. Even in his weakened state, he was still one of the most powerful and influential men in America. I’d never be free. I’d be trapped. There was nowhere I could run from either of them if I let the bond that wanted to be born crystalize inside me.

  I swiped a hand at Theo’s face before I even knew I was going to move. My claws were out, and the animal inside me was a wild contradiction, wanting to submit, wanting to fight. Wanting to run.

  “This was why I never said anything,” Theo said, catching my wrist and holding it easily, his grip burning my skin as he pulled on a strength that didn’t come from his human body. “Because I knew what would happen. You’d get angry and scared. I knew you’d run.” Again, that flick of a gaze toward Angel. He knew I’d run because he’d seen me do it. “I knew the only way to keep you close to me was to give you a purpose, give you a job to do. And I can’t help trying to keep you as safe and comfortable as possible while you do it.” He squeezed my wrist so hard the bones ground together. “And so you’ve lived all these months in relative comfort, kept from insanity even when you left Fin and Emerson, only because the two men in this room were content to let you obliterate their hearts and use the scraps to keep yourself together.”

  He gripped my shoulder with his other hand and gave me a shake. “I’m so sorry if I’ve offended your delicate sensibilities, Sam.”

  I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but he shut me up by yanking me closer and pressing his lips to mine in a burning, bruising kiss, pouring every ounce of his frustration and longing into me through our connection.

  Every ounce of supernatural energy inside me lit up like a fucking torch. Mine. He was mine. I was his. I needed him. Them. I needed to belong to them. To do anything to make them happy.

  Terror rose up, quenching the desperate thoughts inside me as I ripped myself away from Theo. We both stood there, drawing in loud, ragged breaths. I don’t know what would have happened next, if Angel hadn’t interrupted.

  The siren stood, his movement as quick and fluid as ever. “I gave you the fucking chocolate, Sam. It’s laced with magic, yes. A simple spell I purchased to make you healthy and happy. How fucking dare I want you to be well. How dare I want my mate to let me show them one single damned ounce of care.” He crossed his arms over his bare chest. “But you’ll always shut me out, always see the worst possible scenario. What? Did you think I had bespellled you? Forced you into wanting me? Is that what you truly think of me, after all these years?” His gold eyes were shimmering with emotion and magic, but he suddenly looked defeated. “I’m sick of playing games, of constantly trying to win you.”

  “I can’t do this anymore,” he said, his silky voice barely a whisper.

  “Angel.” Theo’s anger instantly drained out of him and he reached for the siren. But Angel moved away, putting his back to both of us.

  “No,” he said, voice firmer now. “I...I love you, Theo. But I can’t stay here. I can’t....” He turned back to face us, and there were tears shimmering in the molten gold pools of his eyes. He looked at me, and I saw all the real, raw things inside him that I never let myself hear. “I’m done, Sam. I’m sorry. I tried. But...I’m so tired.”

  He rubbed his chest with the heel of his hand, right over his heart. “I’ll leave, just as soon as this thing with the shifters and Carlyle is resolved. Theo is stronger than me. He can live with an unformed mate bond. He’ll keep you employed. And you’ve already seen that as long as you don’t push him, he can carry on as if everything is fine. But I can’t do it anymore. I won’t. I’ll go. Then you won’t have to run. You can stay here. You have it good here, Sam. Don’t...don’t run this time. I’ll do it for you.”

  I felt my own tears spilling unchecked down my cheeks, mirroring his own. I needed to do something. To say something. To figure this out. To fix whatever it was inside me that was so fucking broken. But I couldn’t find the words. Everything was too jumbled.

  Angel’s eyes met mine for a heartbeat longer, as if he was waiting. Then his expression shuttered, and the soft, seductive smile he always slapped on to hide his pain slid across his face. He turned away. “I’ll just go...get ready for the job. If you’ll send Jules to me when he’s free, I could use some help planning where to go next. Maybe they can use my skills in Golding. That should be...far enough to ease whatever weak bond we have.”

  I watched in numb silence as Angel ghosted out the door on silent feet.

  Theo sank down onto the couch as if he had been punched in the gut, all the air leaving him in a rush, making him suddenly look completely human. Weak and vulnerable.

  “You love him,” I said, my voice sounding loud and raw in the heavy silence around me. He might not want the stupid, instinctual bond that his fiend nature had pinned on me. But he wanted Angel. He truly cared for the siren, and I had destroyed everything.

  Theo put his head in his hands and shuddered. “Please just go, Sam. I promise you, I’ll never bring any of this up again. You’re still Viceroy. You’ll always have a place here, even if you never wish to speak to me again. Just go. I need a moment to myself.”

  I tried to swallow, but it felt like there were knife blades blocking my throat.

  I ruined everything I touched. It was inevitable. I’d tried to tell Fin and Emerson that when I left them to come here. Fury and shame were equally strong as they screamed at me from inside, trying to tear me apart. If I’d been born a human, I wouldn’t have had to deal with any of this. If I’d been born a real shifter, I’d be their equal. I’d know exactly how to cope. But I wasn’t either of those things. I wasn’t quite anything.

  Except a hunter. Tracking down and killing prey was the one and only thing I could do right. I turned and walked out of Theo’s suite.

  Chapter 6

  The drive out to threaten the shifters was awkward, but thankfully short. The swath of rare, forested land where my feline shifter relatives lived was just outside the borders of Westhold, accessed by a dirt two-track that was mostly used when the shifters sent out people to get supplies from town. Or...you know, when they up and decided to come parading into the city because some rich asshole paid them to make trouble.

  Fin was in the passenger seat beside me as I maneuvered one of Theo’s armored cars down the bumpy road toward the forest. Emerson was a big, silent presence in the back seat, his head brushing the roof every once in a while when he forgot to hunch. I should have brought my Jeep so the giant would have room to sit up straight, but Theo’s cars were bullet proof, and I’d rather wreck his shit than my own.

  The sovereign had acted like nothing was different this morning before we headed out. Apparently, he wasn’t lying when he said he had no plans to act on the whole mating
call thing. And he also seemed capable of not holding a grudge against me for driving his lover away. I could only wish to be that adult when I grew up. But then, he had more important things to focus on, cities to raise up, that sort of shit.

  He had been less warm and friendly toward me this morning. But not in a hostile way. More like...he was making sure to keep his promises. Plus, he was pissed about Carlyle and the shifters. Even if he didn’t want the mating bond, his instincts still had to be riling him up, after having his potential mate threatened.

  “You still pouting?” Fin said, breaking into my train of thought as it threatened to run off the tracks.

  I rolled my eyes at him, but kept my attention on the road. “I’m not pouting.”

  Emerson leaned in between our seats to look at me. “You’re pouting a little,” he said, tilting his head. “Why don’t you just admit the siren gets to you, Sam?”

  I hadn’t been able to hide how pissed off and emotional I was when I got back to my room last night. I hadn’t told them about anything Theo said. But they knew me well enough to believe me when I said I’d had an argument with Angel. Of course they assumed I was mad at the siren, rather than at myself. I’d done a good job of convincing everyone Angel was the bad guy in all of our previous encounters.

  I shoved Emerson back out of my space with my elbow. “What do you care?” I narrowed my eyes at him in the rearview. I wasn’t forgetting how friendly Emerson and Angel had seemed since Emerson came back into my life.

  The big, green idiot just sighed. “I care because I know he loves you, Sam. And you love him,” he said softly. “You’re just scared. I’m pretty sure everyone knows that by now, sweetheart.”

  I had almost forgotten how Emerson just blurted out whatever came into that mushy head of his. I almost ran the car off the road just to put myself out of my misery.