by Robin Martin
Maybe he was at the park at the end of the street. That wasn’t too far away. I started to walk in that direction and then began to notice the beginnings of the sick sensation. Nope, link not severed. I was starting to realise how lonely I would be if that happened. I’d never felt so connected to anyone before, and I’d miss that.
I went back to the house and gazed around the garden, my eyes hitting on the shed. I thought back to the first night he came home with me and I’d put him in Dad’s boat. That seemed ages ago now. So much had happened since then.
The door to the shed was unlocked, so that was a positive sign. Even though it was daytime, the small, dirty shed window didn’t let in much light. I could see the boat, but I couldn’t make out if anyone was in it or not. I went over and climbed up on the deck.
‘Rion?’
There was no answer and I couldn’t see him. False alarm. Then I peered inside the cabin. There, curled up on one of the bunks, was Rion. His eyes were closed, but somehow I didn’t think he was asleep.
‘Rion, what’s up?’
He opened his eyes and looked at me but didn’t say anything.
I went down the cabin steps and sat next to him. ‘Tell me, what’s the matter?’
Rion always seemed to be the one solving my problems and never the other way around. It struck me again that sometimes I hadn’t been the best of friends to him. I had never, not once, considered how awful it must have been for him to be separated from his people, not knowing how he would get back to them. And he had never given me a guilt trip for the fact that he couldn’t dematerialise into that soap bubble he’d been, that ‘pure consciousness’, as he called it.
He sighed and looked away. ‘Don’t worry, Zoe, I’m fine, I’m just thinking a few things out.’
‘You want to share?’ I drew up my legs and settled down at the foot of the bunk.
‘I’m still making my mind up about something.’ He closed his eyes again. ‘You might as well go inside and have one of those unhealthy snacks you love so much. After all, it is your birthday.’
‘I don’t care about that. I’m kind of worried about you. A first, I know,’ I said and smiled.
‘Seriously, Zoe,’ he said, sounding for once like the teen he wasn’t, ‘I don’t think you can do much. This is something I have to decide myself.’
‘Maybe, but sometimes it does help to talk to someone else. Please tell me, Rion. You know we’re still connected, and somehow it feels more than a physical thing right now. I can’t settle, or do anything, really, until I know you’re all right.’
Giving another sigh, he uncurled himself, and sat up beside me. ‘I can see you’re not going to go away until I do.’
‘So true,’ I said. ‘You know how determined I can be.’
‘Actually, I think stubborn is a better word.’ He smiled his crooked smile at me.
‘Always the diplomat, not,’ I said, and gave him a light punch on the arm. ‘C’mon, my alien, tell me what the trouble is.’
‘What did you just call me?’
‘My alien,’ I said. ‘That’s what I sometimes call you in my head now that you’re no longer a soap bubble. It’s one of the politer terms I use.’
‘Not just the alien, but my alien?’
‘Yeah, well, that’s the way it seems, seeing as we’re sort of close and all.’
He put his head on one side and looked at me. ‘That’s nice. I like it.’
My stomach did that flip-floppy thing again.
We sat quietly for a few minutes and then Rion spoke. ‘Okay, I guess I should tell you what else my supervisor told me. He said that my other choice, besides returning to the mothercloud and finding a new host, was to remain in my human form.’
‘You mean like you are now?’ I was puzzled about why he seemed so upset. ‘That’s good, isn’t it?’ I thought it was good, anyway. I wasn’t ready to lose Rion yet.
‘Yes and no,’ he said. ‘First of all, you and I would have no connection. We wouldn’t have to worry about the distance between us making us sick anymore, and you’d be free to live a normal life.’
So far I wasn’t seeing the downside to this.
He continued. ‘But the difference would be that I would become completely normal—completely human, that is. I would live the lifespan of a natural human being, growing old and eventually dying. And if I decided to stay in this organic existence, there’d be no turning back. Also, it was felt that I would gain much greater knowledge about humans by having the real-life experience of being human myself, rather than just observing them. It’s an experiment my people have never tried before, to become one of you.’
I was feeling excited now. ‘So you could be normal? We could still be friends and everything?’
He nodded.
‘That’s great,’ I said. ‘And then when you finish your human life you could go back to your mothercloud, share all your knowledge and then start over again.’
This time he shook his head. ‘No, didn’t you understand what I said about no turning back? As a human, when I died that would be it. I would be completely human. I would never go back to my people again. In fact, I might even forget who or what I’d been. My memories would be taken from me so my people could learn from them, but I might have no knowledge of that. I don’t know all the details yet, but if I choose to be human that would be the end. I wouldn’t be part of my race any more.’
‘Oh, I see.’
I thought about it. Rion would lose everything he had, everything he was, if he became human. I remembered the fairytale The Little Mermaid, where the mermaid gives up her voice so she can have legs and be with the prince. In a way that’s what Rion would be doing. He’d have to give up so much. Only he could decide if it was worth the price he’d have to pay. The thought of him leaving, and me never seeing him again, was unbearable. But that was beside the point. This was about Rion, not me.
‘That’s a big deal, huh?’ I said, realising how inadequate the words sounded.
‘Yes, Zoe, a very big deal.’
I squeezed his hand.
Chapter Twenty-three
So, what have you decided?’ I asked. I knew the answer I wanted to hear, even though it was selfish of me.
‘I don’t know yet,’ he said. ‘That’s what I’m thinking about. If you’d asked me that when I first materialised I wouldn’t have had to even consider it. I would’ve gone back to my pure form and returned to my people until I had another host. That’s the existence I’ve lived for thousands of years, and it’s the mission I’ve dedicated my life to. The thrill of learning about your world through the eyes of so many diverse human creatures, and then sharing that knowledge with my world so we could understand yours even better, is something that gave my existence meaning and purpose. I’d never regretted giving up my organic physical existence before. But after that night of the party, when I materialised, I realised what I’d been missing. After a while I became used to being human and everything changed.’
‘How?’
‘Let me explain.’ He picked up my hand, running his thumb along my fingers. ‘To feel the warmth and softness of touch is something I’d forgotten. To inhale the scent of flowers in your garden, or the perfume you sometimes wear is intoxicating. Even to taste the food I’ve given you all those lectures about is amazing. I still remember that first French fry you gave me. It was like opening a window on a whole new world of sensations. In all the years I’ve inhabited hosts, I’ve never felt anything like it. It’s true that I materialised once before, but I didn’t stay in that form long enough to become addicted to being human. And now I don’t know if I can give all that up.’
He still had my hand and I gave it another squeeze. I didn’t want to say this, but I knew I had to. For once I had to stop thinking about myself.
‘But if you stay human you’ll lose your people. And instead of living for another couple of thousand years, you might only have another sixty or seventy. You’ll have to give up the mission you’ve
dedicated everything to. Is it worth it?’
‘That’s the question I’ve been asking myself all afternoon. But there’s something else I’d miss if I went back to my former state.’
‘What?’
‘You. I would miss being with you, talking to you, even arguing with you. I would miss,’ he stopped and gave me a shy smile, ‘I would miss never being able to kiss you again.’
Okay, I’ve never actually been hit with a bowling ball in my chest, but that’s what it felt like now. Here was this beautiful boy telling me that he liked kissing me, even though we’d only kissed twice. The feeling was so mutual, and I might not see or hear from him ever again.
‘I would miss that, too,’ I said.
And then his face bent closer and I felt my breath catch. I moved towards him. His hands encircled my waist and drew me in. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I lifted my face to his. His lips were warm and firm, and his arms tightened, drawing me even closer so I could feel that broad, muscled chest and hear the steady beat of his heart, so near to mine.
For a few seconds, or maybe it was centuries, I don’t know, I was lost in the sweetest kiss I had ever known. Then he pulled away and I felt like when you come off the rollercoaster at Dreamworld, dizzy and disoriented but wanting to do it all again.
‘You could stay,’ I couldn’t help saying. ‘You could stay with us. Mum and Dad won’t mind. We could go to school together, to university. Maybe we could even be together.’ I looked at him, hoping. ‘It doesn’t matter to me that you’re an alien. No one has to know.’
Instantly I knew I’d said the wrong thing. His eyes darkened even more, like they always did when he was upset. He probably thought I was ashamed of him. I tried to explain. ‘I mean, there’s nothing wrong with you being different, like … not human. It’s kind of interesting. I could learn so much from you, seeing as you’ve lived so long and everything.’
I was only making it worse, waffling on. The expression on Rion’s face became even more serious. If I could’ve taken back those last words, I would have, in an instant. But it was too late.
For a moment neither of us said anything, then his eyes caught mine and I could see the sadness in them. ‘But I am an “alien”,’ he said. ‘We’re from different worlds, Zoe, and nothing can change that.’
‘It doesn’t matter, not to me.’
‘Not now, but it might in the future.’
I opened my mouth to protest, and he gently put a finger on my lips. ‘You should be free to live your life and be with someone of your own kind, not someone who has lived for four thousand years in another existence. It isn’t just who I am now, but who I’ve been. I should never have materialised as a human. I don’t regret it, but it was a foolish mistake and it’s not one I want you to pay for.’ He paused for a moment and I knew what he was going to say. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, ‘but I have to go back.’
I blinked to keep back the tears. I wanted to protest and argue with him, but I could see the determination in his eyes. I made one last effort to convince him. ‘You don’t have to be with me. You could stay just for you.’
‘In that case I should go back.’
He tried to explain. It was his destiny, he told me. He’d sacrificed everything on his home planet—his family, his home and his very physical existence—for this mission to explore and study the universe. He couldn’t give that up, not even now. He couldn’t disappoint his parents, who had let him go willingly all those years ago, or the others who had competed with him for his place in the space program and missed out. This was bigger than him.
For the first time I realised that my alien was kind of heroic.
I had to be strong. I had to let him go. ‘Okay,’ I said, ‘I understand.’ And I did.
We walked back to the house together, hand in hand. That night we had the birthday dinner and the birthday cake with my parents. There were a few more phone calls from aunts, uncles, cousins, and even a friend or two. We tried, Rion and I, to act normal and even happy. But I knew we had said our goodbyes.
I had tried to be strong. But it didn’t stop me crying into my pillow that night. Rion knew I was upset, but he didn’t know just how upset. My sixteenth birthday was both the best and the worst day of my life.
When I woke up the next morning, I knew he had gone. I felt like there was a big hole in my chest. I knew I had lost something really special that I would never have again.
When I went down to breakfast, Mum and Dad were waiting for me with sad, sympathetic looks.
‘Darling, we have something to tell you,’ Mum said.
‘Rion has left,’ Dad said. He was never one to beat around the bush. If something was bad news he thought it was better to tell you right away, like ripping off a plaster quickly. ‘His uncle came for him last night.’
Hearing the words affected me more than I’d expected. I blinked away the moisture that was beginning to form in my eyes. I turned away and poured a cup of coffee so they wouldn’t see how upset I was.
I remembered that Rion had said his people would come up with a plan to help him leave so no one would ask questions. Maybe the ‘uncle’ had been another alien who had materialised briefly to provide Rion with an easy exit. By now they were probably both happy little soap bubbles in a cloud, waiting for the next host. I tried not to feel bitter. It had been Rion’s choice, and he had given good reasons for making it. I had to respect that.
‘His uncle was quite determined to leave with Rion straightaway and didn’t want to stay overnight so Rion could say goodbye to you,’ Mum said. ‘We tried to persuade him that they would both be welcome, but he said he was going to take Rion on one of his trips and they needed to leave immediately. I believe they’re going back to Brazil, although I’m not sure. He wasn’t a very forthcoming man.’
‘Not forthcoming?’ Dad said. ‘He was damn rude. Rion hasn’t heard from him in all this time and suddenly he turns up on our doorstep demanding to see his nephew and then takes him away in the dead of night—’
‘He did thank us for looking after Rion,’ Mum said.
‘Barely,’ Dad said. ‘Wouldn’t even stay for a cup of tea.’
I took my cup and turned to face them again, sinking down on a kitchen chair. ‘How was Rion?’ I tried to keep my voice neutral.
‘He was perfectly polite, as usual,’ Mum said, sniffling. ‘He thanked us for having him and told us he would miss us. He said to tell you goodbye. Then, like the well-behaved young man he is, he went off with his uncle.’
‘Who didn’t leave a forwarding address or anything. I don’t know if we should’ve let Rion go so easily without some proof that the man actually was his uncle,’ Dad said, pushing his toast to one side and folding his arms.
‘Well, Rion said he was, and he wouldn’t go off so willingly with a stranger, would he?’ Mum said logically. ‘He’s not a stupid boy.’ She grabbed a tissue from the box on the table and blew her nose. ‘I’m sure he’ll be in touch, though.’
I knew he wouldn’t. ‘I don’t really feel like breakfast. I think I’ll catch the early bus to school.’ I escaped before they could see the tears gathering in my eyes again. This time I wouldn’t be able to stop them from falling.
Life sucked. Everyone at school missed Rion at first, but after a while it was as if he hadn’t even been there. It was just me who couldn’t forget. I felt like everything in life had turned kind of grey.
I never went back to Jas’s group. She was still pretty horrible to me, though she no longer saw me as any kind of competition. Harry’s group let me back in, and Harry gradually started to act normally with me. Then, in term four, he got glandular fever and had to stay at home for the last month of the school year so I didn’t even have him to talk to.
I became a loner. Parties and gatherings had lost their appeal. About the only thing I did was go to school and back. On the plus side I studied more, because now that I’d gotten into the habit it wasn’t so bad. I also watched Happy Days, because it r
eminded me of Rion.
When it was cloudy, I would look up and wonder if he had found a new host yet, or if he was still up there, waiting. Did he ever think of me? On clear nights I would look out my bedroom window to see if I could find the Orion constellation. Then I became lost in imagining what his planet was like.
Mostly, I didn’t cry any more. Only when I went to bed, and sometimes when I’d had a bad day and wanted to talk to him about it.
I finished year eleven and did pretty well. Mum and Dad were pleased with me. I knew they put it down to Rion’s influence. They missed him, too, though they didn’t talk about him much. Maybe they realised how badly I felt and didn’t want to make it worse. They suggested I go and visit my gran in Sydney for part of the Christmas holidays. I knew they were worried about me.
Then one day I went into the shed to look at our boat. Dad would be giving it a clean and a check soon so we could use it in the holidays. I wanted to have one last look at it first and remember that kiss Rion and I had shared on my sixteenth birthday.
I climbed into the boat and sat on the bunk. On the floor in the corner, an empty red liquorice bag and a cardboard hot-chip cup caught my eye. Next to them was a crinkled receipt. I bent down to pick it up. Red liquorice strips and hot chips were two of my favourite treats, but I hadn’t been here recently so they couldn’t be mine. In fact, I hadn’t been here since the day we’d last kissed.
I looked again at the receipt, peering at the date. It was only a month old, and Rion had left us over three months ago. Who had been here since then? It wasn’t Mum or Dad because they both said they dreaded having to clean the boat, and they hadn’t opened the shed in months. Besides, chips and liquorice weren’t snacks that either of them would be likely to have. So who was it?
I could think of only one other person who would come here. One other person who knew my eating habits so well and told me he would never forget his first French fry. I felt a smile curve my lips as I thought of the possible answer.
