by Livia Grant
The truth slapped him hard. Her fearless ability to challenge him was what attracted him to her in the first place. Her witty charm had him acting like a fucking teenager, chasing after the girl he’d been crushing on. Up until now, the magnetic attraction between them had felt only good. Tonight, it was as if the magnet had flipped, and all he felt was the bad.
Tiffany is different. She’s special. Oh hell, who the hell am I kidding? She’s gonna run me over like a fucking truck.
Like a robot, he was barely aware of what he was doing. He rescued the lasagna from the oven. It was brown on top but salvageable. The bread sticks, on the other hand, were beyond saving. The smell of burnt bread permeated the whole loft, serving to piss him off all the more because he knew the odor would be a lingering reminder of her defiance.
It was only after he threw the burned cookie sheet, breadsticks and all, into the sink with a loud crash that he finally felt his rage dissipating. What was left in its wake was fear—fear of losing control. Wait. It was more than that. It was more like fear of losing himself. Who was he, if he wasn’t Master Lukus?
Lukus leaned over the kitchen sink, hands gripping the counter tightly as if it were his lifeline. It wasn’t helping. He flinched at the feel of her light touch caressing his back, but he was trapped. He forced himself to take several deep, calming breaths as Tiffany threw her arms around his waist, squeezing him so tight that it hurt. He felt her sobs before he heard them. The feel of her losing it brought him to his knees. Despite the fact that she was the cause of his angst, he knew the only thing that was going to make him feel better was to hold her in his arms.
Turning to lean back on the counter, he pulled her into the fold of his embrace. They clung to each other silently, still not sure what to say or feel, but knowing neither wanted to let the other go.
Tiffany found her voice first, speaking through hiccups. “I’m so sorry, Lukus. Please. Forgive me. I never meant to embarrass you like that.”
The surprise had to show on his face. “You think that’s why I’m upset? Because you embarrassed me?”
“Well… yeah. I mean, everyone was watching and knows I didn’t obey you.”
“Tiff, that isn’t the problem. Well, wait. That isn’t the most important problem.”
“So, what is?”
It took him a few seconds before he realized the truth. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’m feeling. I mean, yes, that isn’t how I wanted to introduce you to the club, but I don’t give a shit what they think. Not really.”
“Then—”
“I told you not to go into the club. We talked about it. I told you to come straight up.”
“I know, but a couple of guys came out and I wanted to take just a quick peek. I was curious. Then that jerk blocked my way when I wanted to leave, and well…”
“But I told you to come straight up. You didn’t come straight up.” Lukus was fully aware he sounded like an irrational parrot, repeating himself again and again, but well, dammit. He couldn’t get past her defiance.
“Honey, I know. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal to take a peek around.”
“Well, that’s your fucking problem. You thought. I’m gonna do the thinking in this relationship. I set the rules. Period.” His fury flared. Unfortunately, so did Tiffany’s. He saw her flinch in disbelief at his last declaration.
Wrenching herself out of his arms to step away, she let him have it. “Listen. I told you I was sorry, but you don’t need to be a jerk. Yes, you’re the Dom, and yes, you get to make the rules in the bedroom, but we’ve talked about this. I’m not some brainless twit who needs to be told what to think, say, or do. I’m actually smart enough to do those things for myself.”
“Oh, really? It sure as hell didn’t look like it tonight. Do you have any idea what kind of a sadistic asshole Robinson is? He just got reinstated after being suspended for putting his sub in the hospital. I would have kicked him out and made sure he was in jail if he’d done it here at the club. Unfortunately, he was off property and she refused to press charges against him.”
“Wow. It sounds like you have a really fine establishment here, Lukus. You must be so proud to have the kind of business in which you have to protect me at all times because my life is in danger from the clientele.”
Lukus couldn’t believe that after defying him, she was going to pick a fight with him, too. He lunged forward and grabbed her. He had no more talking in him. He had to take action. He needed to show her who was boss in this relationship, and he needed to do it in a place that would get her attention. He grabbed her upper arm and shuffled her towards the elevator. It was time to introduce Tiff to the backstage dungeon.
Sensing his intentions, Tiff dug in her heels, trying to stop their forward movement. Despite her resistance, they made it to the elevator. Before Lukus pushed the call button, the doors opened, and a hulking Derek loomed before them. Time stood still as the two men shared an intense stare.
Lukus broke the silence. “Get out of my way. Tiff wanted to see the club so bad, I’m gonna take her downstairs and introduce her to a few of the toys we keep in the backstage dungeon.”
Derek didn’t budge. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. Let’s go back inside.”
“I don’t remember asking you for your opinion. You handle your woman the way you want to. I’ll handle mine.”
“She’s not ready for that, man, and you know it,” Derek said calmly.
“She should have fucking thought of that before she defied me—before she did the exact opposite of what I told her to do. Get lost. This doesn’t concern you.”
“Like hell it doesn’t. You’re my best friend. I took one look at you and knew you were barely holding it together. We talked about this today. She isn’t a normal club sub. You need to take this slow. You haven’t even gone through a contract with her yet. Look at her, man. She’s scared half to death, and you’re about to break the cardinal rule I’ve heard you spew a thousand times to other Doms—never punish when you’re angry.”
Holy fuck. What the hell am I doing?
Lukus’s anger doused slightly. His fear of losing control was now front and center, with guilt piled on top.
I’m turning into a fucking emotional basket-case.
Derek stepped out of the elevator and walked to Tiffany. He didn’t ask, he just took her in his arms, and she dissolved into a mass of tears. “I’m so sorry, Derek. I was so stupid. Lukus is right to be mad at me. I knew this was never going to work,” she sobbed.
Her last sentence sounded ominous.
“I’m sorry, but can you please bring my car back around? I need to go home.”
Those words sounded worse.
Derek pulled out of the hug to look at her. “Sorry, Tiff, but you’re not getting out of this that easily. I need to talk to Lukus. I want you to take your bag back to the bedroom and lie down for a little bit. Lukus will be back to get you after he calms down.” When she didn’t move, Derek switched to his Dom voice. “Go. Now.”
For the first time since she got there, Lukus smiled. The surprised look on her beautiful tear-stained face was adorable. Yet the thought that he was about to lose her was a sucker punch to the gut. She finally looked his way. He could see her confusion, and that was when it hit him. She was floundering right along with him.
Lukus forced down the emotions rumbling through him. “Derek is right. Go back and splash your face, then lie down for a bit. I’ll be back in a while.”
Tiffany looked conflicted. Derek spun her around and smacked her ass. “Go on. Get going.” She finally shuffled off, with one last pitiful look over her shoulder at Lukus.
The second she was out of sight, Lukus was up in Derek’s face. “What the fuck? Don’t touch her ass. Who the hell do you think you are?”
In typical Derek fashion, he didn’t back down. “I’m the asshole who just stopped you from making the biggest mistake of your life, that’s who. I’ve been waiting for this. I thought we’d have a l
ittle more time, but hey, no time like the present.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You. Losing your shit. I knew it was coming. So, let’s deal with it.”
Lukus had had enough. He moved around Derek to beeline it to the bar and pour himself a tall shot of whiskey. The burn flamed on the way down. He downed one more before walking to the floor-to-ceiling wall of windows facing east. The familiar Chicago skyline greeted him like an old friend. He was relieved. Finally, something in his life that was steady, that wasn’t out of control.
He didn’t know how long he stood there before Derek joined him, handing him a cold beer. They remained silent, looking out on the city together. Lukus appreciated the fact that Derek seemed to be waiting until he’d pulled himself together before continuing.
“So, you ready to talk about it yet?”
“No.”
“Too fucking bad,” Derek said.
“Fine. What the hell just happened?”
“You lost your shit. That’s what happened.”
“I don’t lose my shit.” Lukus was adamant.
“No. You never used to lose your shit. Now, I have a feeling you’re going to lose your shit regularly. It goes with the territory.”
“Like hell it does. You’ve been married for years. You don’t lose your shit.”
Derek’s rolling belly laugh surprised Lukus. “Damn. I guess I’m a better actor than I thought I was. First of all, I lose my shit all the time. It’s been worse than ever these last few weeks, with Rachel being pregnant. I’m constantly worrying if I’m doing the right thing by her, and now the kid.”
“Maybe, but at least she doesn’t look you in the face and say, ‘fuck off.’ That’s what Tiffany did tonight. Less than five minutes after I told her not to go into the club, she went into the club. She might as well have called me and told me to fuck off,” Lukus said.
“I know you see it like that, but you’re not being rational.”
“Now it’s me saying it loud and clear to you. Fuck off.”
Derek ignored the insult. “Second, and most importantly, I married a woman who is submissive to her core. In fact, I’m worried about how Rachel is going to be authoritative enough to be a mom to the kid. She was submissive when I met her, and I’ve had years to train her. You have a bit of a different situation going on here.”
“I’ll tell you—this is my fault. All week I’ve been playing it slow. Trying not to freak her out, knowing she was a newbie. I gave her too much freedom. I should have been laying down the rules harder from the start.”
Derek laughed again. It was really starting to piss Lukus off. “So glad I can provide you with comic relief.”
Getting his laughter under control, Derek pushed for answers. “What did you say to me in the alley, right after Tiffany left that first time?” When Lukus didn’t answer, he barged ahead. “You told me that you wanted it all. More accurately, you told me that Tiffany was going to give it all to you. Remember that?”
“I was obviously delusional. All she’s gonna give to me is a fucking nervous breakdown.”
“She may do that, yes, but she’s the one, Lukus,” Derek told him.
“What one?”
“The one you’ve been looking for.”
“She’s not a sub, Derek. I can’t do this. What the fuck do I know about being in a vanilla relationship? No, it’s better that we found this out now, before we get hooked on each other.”
“Wow. So, you’re gonna quit that easily. I never in a million years thought of you as a quitter.”
“Fuck you. I’ll just end up hurting her. I’m not too proud to say thank you for coming up here tonight. I was about to really screw up. I could have hurt her. She’d never forgive me. Hell, I’d never forgive myself. She makes me…” His voice trailed off.
“She makes you lose your shit.”
“Stop saying that, will ya? I hate it,” Lukus said.
“Well, get used to it.”
“Nope. I’m done.”
“Done. Really?” Derek sounded surprised.
“Yep. Done.”
“Fine. I’ll be sure to get her home safely. I’ll help her give, what was his name again?—Jason—a call. I’ll bet he’d take her back. It’s been less than a week. If not Jason, I think Ethan might be interested in her. He was talking up a storm about her after you guys left.”
“I’ll fire his ass if he touches a fucking hair on her head.”
“Right. She probably shouldn’t date anyone from the club anyway. Awkward,” Derek muttered.
“I know what you’re doing. Knock it off.”
“What? I know exactly what’ll make you feel better. Sasha is working tonight. That chick will do anything for you. She worships the ground you walk on. After I get Tiffany out of here, I’ll send Sasha up and you can spend the night taking all of your frustrations out on her. She’ll obey you. She’ll idolize you. Never talk back. She—”
“Sasha doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together. She’s the perfect club sub. She does exactly what she’s told. Unfortunately, she isn’t smart enough to come in out of the rain unless someone tells her to.”
“Fine. I’ll send up Trixie. She has a brain,” Derek countered.
“Trixie also has the personality of an abrasive dish rag.”
“Fine. You can pick up your phone and call any one of a dozen women who would be here in an hour. Take your pick. Get someone here, bang your frustrations out, and then everything can go back to normal around here.”
Lukus knew his good friend was playing him, but it didn’t really matter. Derek had done his job. He’d held the mirror up in front of Lukus, reminding him that he had gotten on the roller-coaster ride called Tiffany O’Sullivan with his eyes wide open. The thought of being with any other woman, sub or not, was abhorrent to him. But the thought of Tiffany being with anyone else, well it just wasn’t gonna happen.
She’s mine. I still want it all.
Finally. The simple truth. Suddenly, all the shit fell away, leaving Lukus feeling calm for the first time since Ethan’s phone call.
When he looked up at his friend, he saw Derek watching him carefully. “Welcome back.”
“I really did lose my shit, didn’t I?
Derek grinned. “Yeah. It won’t be the last time either.”
“I hate it.”
“Maybe, but it goes with the territory.”
“What territory is that?”
“Having it all. I hate to tell you, but it’s gonna get messy. It’s not always gonna be easy.”
Lukus took a long drag from his beer. “You’re sounding like Dr. Phil again.”
“I can live with that. Can you?”
“I guess. Now what?”
“Now, you go back there and make up with her. Make up sex is awesome.” Derek winked.
“Wait. We can’t make up until I’ve punished her. She fucking defied me and put herself in danger.”
“You haven’t heard a word I said, have you?”
“Yeah, man. I get it. I’m not gonna take her down to the dungeon and scare the shit out of her, but I can’t just let this go. I can’t.”
“Fine. You kids sort this out. Just make sure you wait long enough that you’ve got your shit back together, will you?”
“I’m back in control. You’re work here is done. I don’t need a babysitter anymore,” Lukus said.
“That’s good because it’s getting late. I need to get downstairs and start prepping for the show.”
Another wave of guilt hit Lukus. “Sorry to dump all the shows on you, man. I really appreciate you stepping up.”
“It’s okay for now, but we are gonna have to figure out what we’re gonna do for the long haul. I won’t be able to do all the shows when Rachel gets further along.”
“I know. I can’t deal with this tonight, though.”
“Right. Go back there and fuck her brains out. Fucking always makes me feel better after I’ve come unglued.”
“That doesn’t mean much, since you and Rachel have sex more often than anyone else I know.” Lukus grinned.
As the elevator doors closed, Derek got in his parting comment. “Hey, what can I say? That’s one of the benefits of getting to have it all.”
Lukus collapsed into his favorite chair, propping his boots on the ottoman. He was stalling. He knew he needed to go back and sort this mess out with Tiff.
So, this is what it feels like to be in a relationship. I’m so fucked.
Chapter Three
Brianna
“Well, if we don’t do something soon, the national deficit is going to drag this country into a depression that will make the 1930’s look like an economic boom.”
Brianna rolled her eyes dramatically as the blow-hard sitting across from her started in on his newest rant. Having discovered they were seated next to a state senator, the older couple, who joined their table at the last minute, had taken the opportunity of monopolizing Senator Wither’s undivided attention for the last hour. Meanwhile, the rest of the table suffered through three courses of politically charged lectures on everything from gun control to gay rights, and now the national economy. Bri had to hand it to them: about the only politically incorrect topic they hadn’t hit on yet was religion.
The night is still young. I won’t put it past them.
Sneaking a look at her husband, she caught him staring at her, a sly smile on his face. It was the kind of smile that told her he was up to no good.
He leaned in close. “Pass me your purse.”
Brianna searched his eyes. Yep, definitely up to no good. She did as she was told, and watched as he reached into his tuxedo jacket pocket to pull out a small bag. She didn’t get a good look at it before he opened her small clutch and stuffed it in, snapping her purse closed quickly. There hadn’t been much room in there, and he had trouble getting the clasp to stay closed, but eventually succeeded.
