by D. M. Turner
“Less inhibited?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Have you thought about letting Colin help you overcome the fear?” Donna looked down and shook her head. “Never mind, it’s none of my business. Mom always said I was too nosy for my own good.”
“It’s okay.” Tanya frowned. “What do you mean, though, about having him help?”
“Well, I’m sure Colin wouldn’t have any qualms about being more physical with you. Why don’t you tell him your fears? Maybe he’d like to help. You know, the two of you could even go ahead and get married. That way you could work on it without worrying about crossing lines you don’t want to cross.” Donna’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry. I’m assuming you two don’t want to engage in sex outside of marriage. I probably shouldn’t assume such a thing these days.”
“No, you’re right. We don’t.” Tanya bit her lip then sighed. “Truth be told, we haven’t even been tempted. At least, I haven’t, and he hasn’t given any indication that he has.”
Donna chuckled. “You sound disappointed.”
“I guess I am.” She cocked her head to listen. No sounds to indicate anyone coming down the hallway. “It’s just… I want him to want me, you know? Yet, I don’t want him put in a position where he’s frustrated all the time. That’s not fair.”
“Makes sense.” The woman shrugged. “You oughta talk to him. I’ve seen how he is with you. I think he’d be delighted to help where he can, instead of waiting on the sidelines for things to get better.”
“You’re probably right. I’ll think about it.” She smiled. “I appreciate the input.”
The front door opened. Again. They turned to see who it was. Graham.
His gaze locked on Donna, who stared back with steady regard. Unlike the others, who had dropped their gazes after moments, he held eye contact and smiled. “Good evening, ladies.”
Tanya bit back a laugh. Ladies? Please! Like he even knew she existed at that moment. He only had one “lady” in his sights.
Donna broke eye contact to look at Tanya, a blush dashing across her cheeks.
Interesting. Very interesting, indeed.
“Uh, Tanya?”
She glanced at Graham, who wouldn’t look her in the eye.
“Listen, I never apologized for my behavior. I’m… really sorry. I never intended….”
“I know, Graham. It was a bad situation for everyone.” She smiled. “I hope there aren’t hard feelings on your side.” A lot of men would resent someone who displaced them. She’d been worried that Graham would carry a grudge about Colin taking his place as third in the pack.
He snorted a soft laugh. “Are you kidding? I’ve known since Colin was four years old and wouldn’t back down from a piece of divinity he’d stolen off my plate that the day would come when he’d move ahead of me.” His gaze touched hers, soft and apologetic. “I never meant to hurt you. I’ve never lost control like that before, and what I did… horrifies me.”
“I think it was a volatile, unfamiliar situation for all concerned.” She shrugged. “But I’m okay. No long-term harm done. How’s your arm?”
He shrugged and held it up for them to see. “Good as new. Thankfully Jeremy was here to set it that night, or it would’ve gotten ugly. Have you ever had a bone start to heal crooked and need to be re-broken?”
“Can’t say that I have, but it doesn’t sound pleasant.”
“It’s not. Jeremy saved me additional agony.” A sheepish smile emerged. “Not that I didn’t deserve it.”
The previous wander-through returned from the other end of the house. He frowned when he saw Graham talking to them.
The more dominant wolf glanced over his shoulder. “Hey, Max, how’s it going?”
Max. Of course. Pack gossip. Why did she have such trouble with his name? Max. Max. Max.
“Fine. I had to talk to Ian about something.” His gaze dropped.
“Me, too.” Graham turned back to Tanya and Donna. “I better go see Ian. I’ll talk to you both later.” He smiled, waved, and passed the more submissive wolf on his way to Ian’s office.
Max sighed and left, the front door closing softly behind him.
Donna pointed to the spot where the two men had been standing. “What was that all about?”
“Testosterone.” Tanya rolled her eyes then grinned, lowering her voice so sensitive ears didn’t overhear the rest. “You like Graham.”
“He’s… interesting.” She shrugged. “He’s the only one besides Brett, Colin, and Ian who can look me in the eye without turning into a puddle.”
“So, I guess that narrows your mate options, huh?”
“What?”
“Well, Colin’s out because he’s mine. So, you can marry Ian, Brett, or Graham.”
“No way. I’m not marrying the alpha of a werewolf pack. That’s all I need.” Donna cringed. “Could you imagine me playing den mother to a pack of werewolves? No, thanks. Keeping up with Tommy is enough work, most of the time, especially since he’s feeling so much better. And Brett? I’d probably kill him in his sleep. That’s the only time I’d have to courage to take him out.”
Tanya laughed. “I guess that leaves Graham.”
“He saw me at my worst. I doubt he’d be interested.”
True. He had seen her when they’d brought her out of captivity, but that look in his eyes when he’d studied her a few minutes ago…. “I think he’s just as interested in you as you are in him.”
Donna’s eyes gleamed with hope. Then she smirked and shook her head. With a hefty sigh, she met Tanya’s gaze again. “How long do I have to make this choice?”
“Until the full moon.”
“So, just over three weeks.”
“Maybe.” Tanya frowned. “Ian’s been kind of… weird about this upcoming moon. He’s calling it a super moon.”
“What does that mean?”
“I have no idea, but I guess it’s a big deal. He said he’d talk to us as it gets closer, that we had enough to deal with right now without him adding to it.”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“Glad I’m not the only one who thinks so. I keep wondering if it has something to do with Isaac’s mate, Imelda. She was supposed to be Turned last week, but she got a wicked cold, so they postponed.” She smiled. How quickly things changed. She’d just referred to someone’s “mate” as though she’d done so her entire life.
They continued chatting until Brett, Colin, and Tommy returned.
The boy blazed in at only a notch below warp speed and threw himself on the couch at his sister, who grunted on impact.
Brett shook his head and turned toward Ian’s office.
Colin chuckled and headed for the couch.
Donna hugged Tommy. “Did you have fun with the guys?”
“Yeah!” He straightened around and plopped his backside on the couch. “Colin said we can go for a run tonight for wolf lessons.”
Colin added, “I said if your sister was up to it. The lessons are for her, too, you know.”
Tommy turned toward his sister. “Pleeease?”
She sighed and nodded. “Alright.”
“Yes!” He bounced to his feet, doing a happy little dance.
“Good Lord in heaven, save me,” Donna muttered. “I almost wish he was back to being sickly.”
Tanya and Colin laughed.
Voices came down the hall, growing louder. Ian and Brett appeared, followed closely by Graham.
Tanya shot a teasing look at Donna, who suddenly looked sheepish and turned crimson. Tanya shifted her gaze back to Graham. “Hey, Graham?”
Ian and Brett glanced back but kept going out the front door.
Graham halted in his tracks. “Yeah?”
“Colin and I are taking Donna and Tommy out for lessons. You wanna come?”
He glanced at the back of Donna’s head, which is all she showed him at the moment, then smiled. “Sure. I could use a good romp.”
She bit back a grin. Romp? Did peop
le still use that word?
Donna shot her a scorching look.
She only grinned in response and got to her feet.
The front door closed, and Ian returned to the living room. “All of you going for a run?”
Colin nodded. “It’ll probably be like herding cats, but with Graham’s help, maybe I can keep them in line.”
“Hey!” Tanya scowled at him, but it failed to have any impact.
“Meet you ladies outside?” Graham asked.
“Sure thing. See you in a bit.” She caught Donna’s hand, pulled her off the couch to her feet, and they headed for their rooms.
* * *
Saturday, September 5, 2015
The house was so quiet. Colin loved that time of day. Dad was still asleep. Tommy had fallen into bed when they’d returned to the house shortly before midnight. Donna’s door had been closed when he’d come down the stairs.
He headed for the back deck. The sky had begun to lighten. The sun wouldn’t rise for another hour and a half or so. He opened the sliding glass door that led from the living room to the deck.
The cold night flowed over him, causing him to shiver slightly. Winter was definitely on its way. He eased the door closed and glanced up and down the deck. With a start, he realized the Adirondack chair closest to him was occupied.
Blue eyes studied him with odd intensity.
“Tanya, what are you doing up so early?” He squatted beside her chair, noting that she was wrapped in his robe, huddled against the chill in the air. So close, he realized weariness had smudged beneath her eyes. “Did you ever go to bed?”
She shook her head and sank deeper into the robe.
“I’ll be right back.” He got to his feet and went into the house to grab a blanket from the hall linen closet. When he returned, he unfolded the blanket with a flick of his wrists. “Scoot over a bit, make room for me.” Those chairs were wide enough to easily fit two people.
She did as he said, and he dropped into the chair and laid the blanket over them. Then he put his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. “There. Between me and the blanket, you’ll be warm in no time.”
“Thanks.”
“Why didn’t you sleep? I know you were tired when we got back last night.”
“Too much on my mind.” A sniffle was quickly followed by a half-sob.
Concern reared up. Had something happened? “What’s wrong?”
She wiggled, eased away, and looked into his eyes. “I need to ask you something, and I want an honest answer.”
“Of course. You know I won’t lie to you about anything.”
“Do you want me?”
He blinked. “What?”
“Do. You. Want. Me?”
Colin smiled. “Of course, I do. I told you before that I wanted you to stay.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she shook her head. “I don’t think…. I’m not talking about in a general sense. I’m talking about you, as a man, wanting me, as a woman.”
Oh, that kind of want. “You mean am I attracted to you?”
Tanya nodded.
He hesitated. She wanted honesty, so…. “More than I’ve wanted you to know.” He cupped her cheek with one hand and smiled. “Every time I touch you, it’s… sweet agony. I want so much more. I know you’re not ready, and the last thing I’d ever want to do is frighten you. You’ve been scared enough without me making things worse.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “If you’re worried about marriage, don’t be. I meant what I said before. Take all the time you need to heal. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m not sure I am either.”
He frowned. “I don’t think I understand.” Somehow it didn’t ring with the same implication his words had.
“I’m… stuck.”
That sounded even worse. Did she feel trapped at the Preserve? “If you need to get away, we can find you an apartment in town. That’s not a problem. I don’t want you to feel trapped here. This should be a home, not another prison.”
“No.” Tanya shook her head with a deep frown. “That’s not what I mean. I feel emotionally stuck. Like I’m not moving forward. I’m just…. It’s like being in a dark pit with nowhere to go. No matter where I turn, it doesn’t get better.”
Colin relaxed. She didn’t want to leave. Thank you, Lord! “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Maybe you should talk to a professional.”
“You mean a counselor?”
He nodded.
She laughed softly. “And just who am I supposed to talk to about a man turning me into a werewolf?”
“You don’t have to tell them that part.”
“There’s no evidence of what he did otherwise. What’s to stop a professional from declaring me delusional and locking me away?”
“Good point.” Colin brushed his forehead back and forth across hers, nuzzling her nose in the process. “I’m here if you want to talk. I’m not a counselor, and I don’t really have a clue what you’ve gone through emotionally, but I can listen. I’m always willing to listen.”
Tanya rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she leaned away enough to look him in the eyes. “Do you remember before we went to rescue Donna and the others, I grabbed clothes and blankets and asked you to trust me?”
“Sure.”
“I knew, even if we got to them before they’d been… mauled….” She swallowed hard, as though fighting nausea. “I knew they’d need clothes. When I woke up in that cell after I was taken, they’d stripped me.”
“You never said anything.” He couldn’t imagine any other non-violent means of making a person feel more vulnerable.
“I was—” Tears filled her eyes, and a sob cut off her words. She sniffled, taking a deep breath. “I knew right away what was coming. There’s only one reason men take away a woman’s clothes. Every time I heard voices, I begged God to send someone to save me. When I heard the others screaming, I pleaded for a quick death. Their screams went on and on and on. I didn’t want to suffer like that.”
Colin wiped her tears away with a gentle brush of his fingers. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“I wanted to forget it ever happened. Forget the absolute terror, and the pain, and the….” She closed her eyes and lowered her head, hiding her face. “The shame.”
“Hey.” He cupped her chin in one palm and raised her face until she looked at him. “You have no reason to be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. What happened to you—the abduction, the imprisonment, being stripped, nearly killed, raped—none of it was your fault.”
“What he said was true.”
“Who?”
“When we rescued Donna, our attacker saying the things he did. What he said was true.”
“What part?” The only thing he remembered clearly was the man claiming Tanya belonged to him. Anger rolled through him again. He’d wanted to tear the man apart with his bare hands.
“He was the first and only man who’s ever….” Words failed, and her gaze skittered away. “How will I get past that? When I close my eyes, I still feel his hands on me sometimes. The bruises he left on my thighs. His claws digging into my flesh. The pain as he forced himself on me. I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off. I’ve never felt so helpless.”
Colin wrapped his arms more tightly around her and pulled her against his chest. “None of it was your fault. You were human then. He was a werewolf. There’s no way you could’ve fought him and won. No way.”
She clung to him and sobbed, her body wrenching so hard at times that he ached. If he hadn’t seen her attacker die, he’d hunt the man down personally, and he wouldn’t stop until he’d killed him. Slowly and painfully. Not a Christian attitude at all. Maybe Dad was right. Everyone was capable of murder, given the right circumstances and provocation.
Lord, I don’t like feeling this way. Help me set aside hate and anger toward a dead man so I can be the man Tanya
needs. Give me wisdom to help her through this.
After long minutes, her body stilled, except for the occasional sniffle. Then she straightened. “I wondered… well… Donna had an idea she said I should talk to you about.”
“Alright.” He settled deeper into the corner of the chair, adjusting the blanket so it wouldn’t fall onto the deck.
“She thinks I might get past all this faster with your help.”
He cocked his head, his eyes narrowed in thought. “What can I do?”
“Well, if I understood correctly, she thinks if we’re married, you can help me more effectively. That way we won’t be worried about things getting out of hand.”
“You mean, sharing a bed with me might help?”
“I think so.” She frowned. “I mean, I think that’s what she meant. I’ve mulled it all night, and I think she might be onto something. I’ve slept beside you how many times? But always as a wolf, never a human. I don’t feel… threatened when you touch me, like right now.”
“I’m relieved to hear that.” He smiled. “Because I sure like holding you.”
She smiled, and her gaze dropped. The morning had lightened sufficiently for him to see color creep into her face. “Sometimes, when I’m scared at night or have a nightmare, I get your robe out of my closet and bury my face in it. Your scent chases the fear away.” She peered up at him without lifting her head.
“I’m glad.” Yeah, like that word was even in the same ballpark with the elation he felt at hearing his scent eased the terror of nightmares.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“Of what?”
“That you’ll touch me just… I don’t know, in a way that reminds me of… him, and I’ll freak out.” She lifted her head to look him in the eye. “I don’t want to hurt you, and I’m afraid if I react badly to something you do, I will.”
“Don’t worry about me.” He cupped her cheek and looked straight into her eyes, so she’d see as well as hear the truth behind his next words. “You’ve been through something beyond horrible. I know that, at some point, I’ll touch you in a way that’ll bring up bad memories. That’s not your fault, and it’s not mine, but we can work through it together when you’re ready.”
