by Michael Todd
You ready?
Aren’t I always?
Chapter Three
Katie reached over and turned the volume up on the SUV’s radio, blasting out a rock song by none other than her hot admirer Brock. She drew Harry to make sure she was fully locked and totally loaded. The driver of the SUV lifted an eyebrow and looked at the gun with wide eyes.
“What?” Katie raised an eyebrow. “Overkill?”
He smiled and winked. “Whatever it takes.”
“My sentiments exactly.” Katie smirked and opened the door.
Pandora’s heeled boot hit the pavement. She was madder than hell and ready to get to her donuts. She slammed the door behind her and stalked toward the demon, putting the gun back into the holster.
Hey, that was my dramatic move, Katie complained.
You want drama or results? The nation’s capital awaits us, and I am not spending any more time dealing with this idiot than we have to.
Fine, Katie grumbled.
People were jumping from their cars and running away as fast as they could. The demon picked up a Volkswagen Beetle and tossed it into some trees. Luckily it was empty; the driver had fled.
Pandora gave a running commentary with a bored look on her face. Always throwing cars. They just don’t appreciate the kind of craftsmanship that goes into making one of those things. And a classic, no less.
I don’t think he cares.
He should. Look, there’s a Pinto, a piece-of-junk twenty-year-old Civic with stupid undercarriage lights, and even a fucking giant earth-killing diesel truck. And he has to toss the Beetle. What kind of monster is this thing?
The same kind as you...and since when did you care about cars?
I don’t, just making conversation while I wait for an opening.
Katie sighed, waiting for Pandora to do something—anything—to get this clown out of the way. The demon growled hungrily, looking for another human snack, but everyone had taken off. He looked at Katie and smiled. The demon didn’t know yet that it was actually Pandora—or Lilith, as he would know her. All the nutsack saw was a tasty morsel trotting down the middle of the dark highway.
The horn of the car next to the demon blared loudly, stuck from crashing into one in front of it. The demon didn’t even look down, just slammed his fist like the Hulk into the hood. The horn stopped going off. Everyone stood silently on the side of the road watching the showdown. The only sounds came from Pandora’s clicking heels and the demon’s feet crunching through the asphalt.
Pandora immediately started maligning the demon, taking whatever verbal jabs she could. “Holy fuck, it’s a nutsack in name and actuality. Look at it, all wrinkled and lowering the tone of the place. Hey, Nutsack! Yeah, you! What’s up, buttercup? Didn’t mommy give you any pants to put on before she sent you out to play? Seriously, how rude is it to walk around with your balls all hanging out there for everyone to see? Don’t you have any shame? Some of us were planning to eat, you know.”
Pandora kicked a piece of debris out of the way and watched the demon sink into confusion as he tried to figure out who she was. She laughed, knowing the damn thing was nowhere near as powerful as his mighty size boasted. Someone down there had sent this thing just to ruffle some feathers.
She kicked a chunk of rubble in the demon’s direction. “You aren’t even a level-five, Nutsack. You probably got those big fucking gangly muscles because you’ve been shootin’ up the juice, and you don’t even have the brains to use them properly.”
Pandora’s gaze was suddenly captured by a hot guy in a Mustang a little way away. She smiled and blew him a kiss, snickering at the bewilderment on his face as he looked from her to the demon.
WATCH OUT!
Pandora looked back just in time to see a massive car flying her way. She dropped to her knees and bent all the way back, touching her head to the ground. The car flew right over her and crashed into a car behind her. She let out a deep breath and chuckled, getting back to her feet. “Whew, that was a close one.”
You fucking think? You should be watching what you are doing, not fucking staring at guys who will probably be another snack in about five minutes if you don’t fucking get your head out of your ass and take care of this bastard.
Whoa, whoa, calm down there, angel. Don’t want to twist up that halo.
I fucking hate you today, Pandora.
I know. It’s wonderful to be on the other side of it for a change.
Please just do something. Anything, to kick this demon’s ass before more innocent people die.
Pandora rolled her eyes and picked the car up. She held it over her head and turned around, winking at the guy again.
Katie sighed. Oh, yeah, because that isn’t going to clue anyone in that you are the one fighting, and not me.
Pandora heaved the car at the demon’s head, and the demon blinked stupidly at the car as it came at him. Pandora shook her head and rolled her eyes. The brainlessness of the creature almost hurt her feelings.
What I really want to know is whether demons have gotten dumber or if it’s just because I have been up here so much?
The car slammed into the demon with enough force to knock him back a few steps. His huge foot caught in the broken window of the car behind him, and he tripped trying to dislodge it. His momentum caused him to bounce back for several feet. His cheek scraped the pavement, leaving a smear of blood in his wake.
Pandora laughed and used the hood of a car as a springboard to cover the distance between them, rolling to a stop and coming to her feet in one fluid movement. She wasn’t going to waste any more time. She was hungry, and really tired of listening to Katie bitch.
Even though Pandora didn’t want to admit it, she knew Katie was right. Too many innocent people had died already, and if she continued playing games, the death toll would quickly rise. She needed to get the demon off the highway and away from a populated area. As she ran, she assessed the trees to her left, where a thick forest went back for as far as she could sense.
Just as the demon pulled himself to his feet, she leapt, slamming into his chest and knocking him into the guardrail. She grabbed his face and punched him hard enough to send a sharp shiny tooth flying out of his mouth. It bounced across the ground as Pandora flipped the demon onto his back and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling backward until her feet hit the ground.
“All right, Nutsack, you are coming with me. You want to fight? Fine. Let’s fight, but not in the middle of the fucking street. Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to play in traffic? You could get hurt.”
The demon growled and tried to slap her off, but was unable to reach that far behind him due to the overabundance of muscle in his upper body. His heels cut furrows through the mud as Pandora dragged him, lecturing him on the virtues of manners. Katie just sat inside her body, trying not to laugh at the level of sarcasm that Pandora was putting out there. She was on a roll, as was to be expected when her daily sugar requirement hadn’t been satisfied.
“And do you know what really pisses me off?” She growled and threw the demon through an opening. The demon sailed across the clearing and crashed face-first into a tree. “The fact that I was supposed to be an hour closer to my donuts. But nooo, you had to roll up and ruin my fucking night!”
That’s right, channel your inner donut anger.
Damn straight!
The demon groaned and pushed himself up on his hands, then slowly picked himself up off the ground. A branch above him cracked and fell, knocking him in the head. He shook the pieces off and blinked at Pandora. A look of recognition crossed his face, and for a moment he looked afraid.
“Oh, so now you realize who the fuck you are fighting? No one had a problem recognizing me when I was down below as your fucking Queen!”
The demon shook off the look on his face and growled, not willing to give up. Pandora stood up tall and cracked her knuckles. A smirk moved across her lips, and she shrugged.
“Looks like someone wants to play.”<
br />
The thuds of boots hitting the pavement and the clicking of weapons echoed across the highway. Several of the security guards ran toward the people huddled on the side of the road. They pushed them back as far as they could to prevent anything else from happening to them. Once the civilians were secured, the guards fanned out and stood with their weapons pointed at the woods.
“If the thing comes out—the demon, the big one—aim for the head and shoot it,” the lead guard said into the walkie.
The guards stood there for several moments, hearing nothing but silence. Suddenly the trees began to shudder. Screams and roars echoed, along with crunching and breaking branches. There was a loud boom, and the ground shook, and a few of the men put their arms out to stabilize themselves. The silence after that last only a few seconds before the demon roared in a squeaky voice, making the guards wince. They looked at each other, wondering but not really wanting to know what the hell was going on in the woods.
There was one more low growl, which could have been from Katie or the demon, then absolute quiet.
“Uh, what do we do?” one asked.
The leader really didn’t know what to say.
Pandora coughed and wheezed, waving her hand in front of her to clear the dust blowing all around her.
“Told you, taking the nut sack gets them every fucking time.”
If I wasn’t inside my body, I might throw up. Katie grimaced.
Pandora laughed and stepped back for Katie to take back over, ready to lounge like a lioness after a good kill.
Katie shook her head and started back out of the woods, brushing the dust off as she walked. When she reached the edge, the guards put down their weapons, and she smiled. The squealing of tires drew her attention, and she turned just in time to see the group that had let the demon out in the first place speed off. She sighed and jogged to the road, nodding to the guards.
They nodded back and put up their weapons, now that the demon was taken care of.
Katie walked back over to the SUV and jumped in the passenger seat, taking a rest as the guards called in the attack and began organizing somewhere for the survivors to wait for the authorities. She pulled out her phone and dialed the general, knowing something had to be done. It was late, but he picked up his cell phone. He didn’t sound like he had been asleep.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?” Katie asked.
“Wake me? No. I don’t think I’ve slept more than four hours in a very long time. What’s going on?”
“I was on a side job, transporting some artifacts to DC.”
“For the rich family out in New York? Yeah, I knew they were coming in.”
“Yeah, well, apparently so did others. They set loose a big-ass demon in the middle of the highway. Pretty sure he ate a guy, and probably killed a couple more tossing cars all over the place. We took the demon down, but the people responsible got away. I wondered if you could get some of your guys to see if they can find the assholes who did this. I can’t stop and chase them right now, and I think intel might be more helpful in this situation.”
The general sighed. “Well, I’ll be honest with you…with all of the recent incursions and instances like you just ran into, we’re pretty tapped out. We brought in a lot of men with these new units, but all of a sudden the infected started bringing in demons again. They all came out of hiding. Fucking cults, abducting people and turning them. It’s a mess.”
“Right, the cops in New York were talking about that when I left. Okay, well, we could use Timothy, my IT guy. That would be for a fee, of course.”
The general chuckled gruffly. “Katie, you are becoming more mercenary every day.”
“That’s probably a good thing, since I am a mercenary,” she replied sweetly.
His chuckle deepened. “That you are, and a damn good one. All right, go ahead and put Timothy on the case, but I want you to consider this a job for me. I want to know all the information as it comes in.”
“I can do that,” Katie replied.
“Good. Now I’m going to drink some whiskey and pass out. I have a big day of meetings tomorrow.”
Katie laughed as he hung up and shook her head. What she wouldn’t do to have a day full of meetings, and not the kind that meant she had to watch Pandora rip the balls off some huge demon. She dialed Timothy, wanting to get him on the case right away.
“Hey, boss. What’s up?”
“There has been an attack on a load of artifacts that I was hired to get safely to DC. I am on a stretch of 95 about two hours outside of the city. Can you use the cameras to watch the situation, and then try to ID the assholes who were responsible for this? They got away while we were kicking demon ass.”
“Sure thing.”
“They were driving what looked to be a red BMW, but I can’t be sure since they sped off pretty fast. You’ll see. It’s all kind of a clusterfuck.”
“No problem, I have direct access to the traffic cams right now.”
“I won’t ask how you got that.”
Timothy snickered. “Probably better that way.”
“Oh, and Timothy? We are working for the general on this one, so make it good.”
Timothy sniffed. “Don’t I always?”
Katie got back into the SUV, and they finally headed for DC. She pulled Tom out, put her boots up on the dash, and retrieved a rag from her bag to give the gun a thorough cleaning. It had gotten a serious workout in France, and deserved a little love.
“That’s a big-ass gun,” the driver remarked, glancing over.
“Mmmhmm,” she purred. “I have two, Tom and Harry.”
The driver nodded, and she could see him thinking about it. “Ha! I get it. Tom, Dick, and Harry. But you don’t have a... Well, I just assume you don’t...”
Pandora cackled as the guy fell over his words. Katie smirked and shook her head. “No. Instead of a dick, there’s a bitch.”
“Oh,” he replied with a nervous chuckle. “Creative. I like it. And by the way, that was some damn awesome work back there.”
Katie inclined her head slightly. “Thank you.”
Thank you, Pandora grumbled.
“Do you get that strength from your demon?’
“Most of the time, yeah. I don’t really have the upper body strength to lift a Cadillac as a normal human.”
Just then Katie’s phone dinged in her pocket. Pandora squealed when she saw Brock’s name on the screen, and Katie lifted an eyebrow when she read the message.
Our leave starts in three days. We are not sure what’s up, though. We might be stuck in France for a few days waiting for a flight. We will definitely get to New York in between if there’s a chance. I’d really like a break, and of course to hang out with you.
That’s right, Pandora chuckled. He wants to hang out...with his wang out. He wants to receiver...your beaver. He wants to be smashin’ that...that... Oh, fuck it. He wants that booty, girl.
Katie rolled her eyes. You are worse than a fifteen-year-old boy. Maybe he actually wants to hang out.
Yeah, okay, you just keep on saying that…all the way up to the moment he sticks it in.
Katie had no comeback since the idea wasn’t entirely unappetizing.
Figure out exactly what date and time you will be off the military clock and send me a text. How many do you have?
Four plus me, and cool on the date and time. Should have that in a few.
Perfect. I’ll send over my jet to pick you guys up. France owes me a favor anyway, so there shouldn’t be any customs bullshit.
You just texted me that a country owed you a favor?
Katie smiled and ran her fingers over the keyboard as she thought of the perfect response. She smiled and started typing.
It’s good to be me xo
Chapter Four
Timothy hung up the phone and cracked his knuckles. He leaned back in his chair and swiveled it back and forth. Finally, he had a task that had some oomph to it. He had been bored ever since he’d played detective wi
th the IRS agent, which was funny enough to keep him going—especially since he’d received a check and a note from George a couple of days before telling him it was payment toward the total due. He hadn’t actually expected him to pay. It had been a scare tactic. Old George wasn’t getting off the hook that easy, though.
He put his fingers on the keyboard and started hacking into the traffic cams. He scanned the stretch of 95 in real time, looking for the aftermath of the battle. He figured it would be easier if he started at the current time and worked his way back. As he tapped through the camera footage, he yawned, picking up his coffee and taking a long sip. Finally, after about twenty minutes of scanning the highways, he found the scene. Luckily there was footage of the exact place. There were cop cars everywhere, and a ton of smashed cars.
“Pandora’s handiwork, no doubt.” He chuckled.
She’s scary, his demon whispered.
Well, you’re safe for now. She’s nowhere near here.
Yeah, you say that and then BAM—bitch jumps out of nowhere and rips your soul out with her teeth.
Timothy grimaced with how loud he yelled ‘bam’ and shook his head. You act all big and bad talking all the time about banging bitches and such nonsense, but when it comes down to it, the main bitch makes you wet your panties. I find that curiously poetic.
I find it disturbing.
Good, remember that next time you try to lift a boner for a chick in short shorts.
His demon grumbled and settled inside of him, tired of the conversation. Timothy went back to work, rewinding the footage until there was nothing but passing cars. He stopped and pressed Play, leaning back to watch the scene unfold. Just as Katie had told him, a red BMW came barreling down the road, pulled over to the side, and kicked some random human out of the car. Timothy scrunched his nose in disgust at both the human’s exploding body, and the munch fest the demon had afterward.
