by Michael Todd
Katie cupped her mouth and yelled up to her, “Now what’s the plan? Ask him on a date? Because you are one huge bitch. Not many men will date a woman that size.”
Pandora snapped her head around and glared down at Katie, her eyes bright red. “Can I save all of us or would you like to continue with your rude jokes?”
Katie stepped back, giving Pandora the floor. “No. Please, by all means. I want to see this. Just don’t step on me.”
Pandora nodded and turned back to Fucknuts, who was genuinely confused.
He growled and slowly put his paws up in a fighting stance.
Pandora laughed loudly. “Isn’t that cute? He thinks we’re going to fight.”
Both Katie and Fucknuts tilted their heads to the side, trying to guess Pandora’s plan.
Fucknuts decided to go the other direction. He gestured to his grotesque groin and gave her a questioning glance.
Pandora gave him a disgusted look and reared her leg back, then delivered the biggest kick to the ‘nads hell had ever seen. Fucknuts growled and grabbed his balls, shaking the ground when he fell to his knees in agony. The guys near the gear grimaced, and even Katie could feel his pain.
Pandora spat on the demon. “Size doesn’t mean anything to me, Fucknuts.” She shot him in the head for good measure.
She quickly shrank to normal size and ran over to pull Katie away from the howling demon. Katie couldn’t help but turn and watch the demon writhe in pain, drool coming out of the corner of his mouth and black blood from his head. “He really went down like a sack of potatoes. A whole hell of a lot of potatoes. I think his dick crushed like a dozen smaller demons when he hit the ground.”
Pandora rolled her eyes, grabbed Katie, and threw her over her shoulder. “Hey!”
“Can’t talk, saving a mouthy bitch right now.”
Pandora ran across the field so fast that she was just a dark naked blur. Katie bobbed up and down, trying to clear her head of what she had just seen. “I never, by the way, want to be that close to a house-sized coochie again. I mean, never. I thought it was going to swallow me and I would be lost forever.”
Pandora snickered. “I don’t call it my hellmouth for nothing.”
Tattoos and his teammate were anxiously awaiting Katie’s arrival. Brock, Turner, and Calvin were spread around them in formation, picking off stray demons one by one. Suddenly a blur passed Tattoos and stopped in front of the cart.
Katie said, “What are we waiting for?” Her eyes were bright red; Pandora was clearly in control. “I’m ready to get the holy hell out of here. You guys okay?”
Brock nodded and gestured to his shredded suit. “Still alive, but we’d really like to get out of here.” Calvin and Turner had equally torn suits.
Pandora patted him on the shoulder, and Brock winced. “The open spots are a little tender.”
“Sorry. We’ll get that taken care of real soon. Promise.”
She rubbed her hands together, and tingling energy flowed through her. Inside her body, Katie began to get drowsy; the spell Pandora had cast was quickly diminishing. She spread her arms out wide and closed her eyes, tearing a gate through thin air.
Pandora turned and whipped her arm in a circle. “Go, go, go!”
Chapter Twenty-Two
The soldiers outside the hangar bay stood waiting for something—anything—to happen. The timer had run out, and it was now negative five minutes. They hadn’t heard a peep, but the commander and the general held firm. They were determined to wait, knowing the team would come through at any moment.
“I don’t know if they’re going to make this,” one of the soldiers whispered.
His friend shrugged and then stepped back as thunder sounded inside the building. A portal opened wide in the hangar bay. Hot gases and the smell of sulfur blew out, knocking the soldiers back a few feet. They all got their footing and raised their guns, waiting for someone to come out. If it was a demon, they would blast it to pieces.
Suddenly, the tattooed soldier and his teammate rushed from the portal. They groaned as they pulled the equipment into the hangar. The metal cart was warped and steaming, and the tires were flat. Both men fell to the ground and took their masks off, gasping for air. Tattoos raised a shaking fist and gave his teammate a pound on the back. “Clock-watchers. Fucking right.”
Brock and Turner emerged next. They faced back toward hell, still firing their weapons at the demons attempting to come through after them.
“You can’t come in, assholes. We don’t like your kind here,” Brock screamed, blasting two demons in the face and sending them back to hell.
Brock and Turner collapsed, and medics rushed to them. The portal stayed open, but only hellishly hot air came out.
The commander turned to a staff sergeant. “I want you ready for whatever the fuck comes out of there.”
A low yell came from the portal. It was Calvin. He lumbered out of the portal with Katie in his arms. He set her down, and they walked away from the portal together. She was struggling a bit, trying to get her feet under her. Calvin helped her out into the open air. “Take it easy there, lady. That last little bit of magic took a lot out of you.”
Pandora nodded. Katie was panting in the background. She raised her hand and waved it, closing the gate behind her. “It’s like exercise. Don’t do it for a while and you get tired easily.”
Calvin chuckled. “Or sex. Guys will be out like a light if they haven’t done it in a while.”
Pandora patted Calvin on the arm. “I lasted longer, though, black Rambo.”
Calvin narrowed his eyes, looking at Katie’s face. He knew then it was Pandora who had the wheel, not Katie. She took off her helmet, the wind from the open hangar bay door blowing the smell of sulfur toward the mountains.
Calvin laughed. “See? Go to hell and fight demons. No sweat.”
Pandora scoffed. “Speak for yourself.”
Calvin looked down at his suit. “No, really, I think I stopped sweating like three seconds into it. I’m bound to heatstroke out any second.”
Pandora considered his torn clothing. “You’ll be fine. If we can survive it, you got this in the bag. Besides, your demon is working double-time to keep you going. He was just reminded of how good they have it out here. He doesn’t want to end up back in hell for anything. You’re sure to be kept in working order from now on, no matter what crazy shit you pull.”
Calvin shook his head. “Was that all it took? I would have strolled through hell a long time ago if I thought it would light a fire under my demon’s ass…literally.”
The commander walked over and stood in front of Calvin and Pandora. “I’m sorry. We need to get you guys out. We have to set up the trap in case anything follows you.”
Pandora groaned as she got to her feet. “I don’t think anything is going to follow. The portal is closed, but it’s definitely better if you’re sure.”
As they hobbled out of the hangar, the doctor was yelling commands to various soldiers. The soldiers were carefully pushing the machines out of the way, terrified they were going to break something. Dr. Thorough pointed to one man and muttered darkly, “Please be careful. Not all the data came through. It’s on that machine. If you break it, we are screwed.”
Pandora laughed and stepped outside to where the rest of the crew was sitting in chairs or on gurneys. It was a makeshift MASH unit. I wonder how much it’s costing them—or me—to pump special metal gas into a chamber that may not get a demon in it.
Pandora shrugged. Meh, it’s okay. It’ll save a hell of a lot of headaches. Besides, not a single one of us is in any shape to take on more demons. You should be passed out, and I feel like I could sleep for six years. These guys look like they might lie down and let the demon take them.
Katie giggled. I haven’t seen them this worn out since the morning after getting wasted in New York City.
Is that what Brock looks like after fucking? I don’t know. He looks half-dead.
Katie stopped laughing and
got serious. That’s not even… I didn’t mean… Damn it!
Pandora cackled inwardly. It’s okay, I know what you meant. Don’t get your panties in a knot.
“Stand back. Doors closing,” one of the soldiers yelled as he closed the hangar bay doors.
Brock sat up on his gurney and took a water bottle from one of the soldiers. He took a long, deep drink. “You guys kicked some major ass down there.”
Turner nodded. “You too, brother. You were like a kung fu master with your flips and shit.”
Tattoos shook his head. “I saw Brock flip through the air and cut off three demons’ heads with one swipe of that crazy sword. Chop! I swear he looked like he was about to rip the others’ heads off with his teeth. It was the most vicious I’ve ever seen you, dude.”
Brock stood up carefully, wincing. “Yeah, and in hell.”
Turner gingerly touched one of the blisters on his arm. “I went to hell, and all I got was this lousy second-degree burn.”
Tattoos leaned forward and showed Katie his hands. They were bright red and blistered from fingertip to wrist. “Hey, just so you know, you might want to get tougher gloves next time.”
Pandora grimaced and nodded. “Noted. Thicker gloves.”
“I can take care of that,” a medic offered, bending down in front of the guy.
She was young, blonde, and pretty, and smiled sweetly at him. The tattooed soldier glanced at Turner and put on a wicked smile. “This might have been worth it.”
Turner put up his finger for help, but she was already helping Tattoos to the sick bay.
“I got you,” a deep voice rumbled behind of him.
Turner looked at one of the big male medics. He sighed and stood up. “Why is my luck in the shitter?”
Moloch leaned back in his dimly lit office inside his mansion and flipped through the channels on the television. He made it to CNN and put the remote down. He grabbed a glass of whiskey, cut it with Scotsman’s blood, and took a sip. He muttered, “Where are you, you bastard? I know you’re building an army, but why haven’t you made any waves yet?”
Moloch didn’t know how to keep track of Juntto without specifically reaching out to him. After being knocked off the mountain, he wasn’t interested in having any more personal contact with the frost giant. Still, he needed him to pick up the pace. He had come this far, and he wasn’t about to put everything on hold just because one jackass wanted to take a century to conquer a few lousy European countries.
“In other news, there has been no new information about the two dead hikers found in the Alps. Sources say it was definitely a demon attack, but the details are still fuzzy. In the world of sports today…” The newscaster didn’t linger on the story at all.
“Ah, fuck it,” Moloch growled. He flipped off the television.
He took a big swig of his drink as a loud knock echoed through the office. “Come in!”
The door slowly creaked open, and Moloch’s main servant along with five others scurried into the room and stood to the side with their heads down. Moloch waved his hand, not looking at them. “What is it? Is dinner ready already? I’m used to eating later than this.”
The servant stepped a little closer and nervously put up his hand. “No, sir. We’ve gotten word that there has been a Lilith sighting in hell.”
Moloch sat up quickly. “Do they know for sure that it was her?”
The demon nodded. “Invrrrnus is still bitching about his crushed nuts. Apparently, she grew to his size and kicked him in the balls. She then shrank back down and ran off with her human.”
Moloch flinched. “Yeah, that’s her. She was always a bit too quick to hurt the boys. I told her over and over that it wasn’t fair play for her to kick a man in the balls. She never listened. I told her that one day it would get her head snapped off. I guess Invrrrnus wasn’t fast enough.”
He swallowed the last gulp of his blood and whiskey and walked to his desk, checking his schedule. He rubbed his chin and glanced at the servants standing nervously by the bookshelf.
He pointed at them. “You three in the front, you’re coming with me. We have a bitch to track. If I’m going to be sure it was her, I need to do it myself. I can’t seem to find reliable help anywhere in hell these days.”
The head servant bowed and shooed them forward. He kicked one in the ass for good measure. Moloch grabbed his walking stick and nodded at the servant. “You and the rest can get dinner prepared. It’s a long walk out of the inner ring. I’ll be hungry by the time I get back.”
The servant bowed and pushed the remaining servants out the door. “Absolutely. And let me know if any of them give you trouble. They should be on their best behavior.”
Moloch closed the door behind him. It wasn’t the news he’d expected.
Juntto downed the glass of whiskey and yawned, looking at the big-breasted blonde next to him. He gave her a fake smile as she continued to chatter.
She ran her hand over his knee and smiled. “It’s just all this bullshit in the media today about men. I am so tired of society wanting everything to be equal between men and women. I mean, respect is respect, right? Everyone wants it. Seriously, there isn’t a woman out there who doesn’t want a man who knows what he wants and takes it. You know? I don’t understand how these women can be content with men who tiptoe around their natural instincts.”
Juntto smiled. “Yes, I like taking what I want. So why don’t I take you?”
Juntto slammed his glass down and grabbed her. He tossed her over his shoulders. She squealed. “Oh, that—oh!”
He walked toward the door, and the whole bar quieted to watch the scene. The woman slapped him on the arms, trying to wiggle away. “Look, just because you have a nice ass doesn’t mean you can grab me and take me wherever you want. You do have to be respectful about it. Maybe ask me if I want to go with you.”
Juntto kept walking. “I’m confused. You’re getting what you want—a man to take you and do what he likes.”
“A man as in, a man I’m seeing, not some stranger in a bar,” she scolded.
A drunk old man stood from his barstool. “We should help that damsel in distress!”
His drunk pal pulled him back down. “It’s none of our business. Bartender, another round!” The drunk old man quickly forgot about the strange pair leaving the bar.
“You women need to learn your place. Don’t speak, just do what I want done.” Juntto grunted and shifted her weight as he carried her out to the street.
“I’m not playing around, asshole. You need to put me down!” she squealed, but Juntto ignored the cries.
He sighed as he walked along. “I don’t understand. The women in this century don’t tell the truth. You said you wanted this, so I give it to you, and you cry. Do you want me or not?”
She shouted, “You didn’t hear what I was saying at all. I do want it, but not like this!”
Juntto rolled his eyes and tossed the woman to the ground in front of a large crowd of people. “Who knows what that means? I’m done with your attitude.”
He wiped his hands off and went back into the bar for another drink.
He sat down at the bar, thankful that he no longer had to listen to the woman’s chatter. The bartender poured him a double and walked away.
Juntto watched the news talk about the dead hikers and tucked the bloodstain on his sleeve up under his jacket. He took a big swig of his whiskey. The bartender saw him watching and gestured to the television. “That’s some sad shit, huh? It’s crazy, because those two came by here a few days before. They were stoked about climbing to the summit. I heard the guy was found butt-naked, and the woman was stuck in a tree or something. What kind of crazy shit is that?”
Juntto nodded. “Bigfoot.”
The bartender chuckled uncomfortably, then turned and walked away. Juntto shrugged and continued watching, panning his head slowly as he heard the woman from before bitching to the bouncer. She was pointing at him. He smirked and turned back, finishing his drin
k and setting the glass carefully down. He folded his napkin neatly and wiped his lips before standing up and pulling some cash from his pocket. He tossed it on the bar. “For the damages.”
The bartender puzzled over the cash. “Damages?”
The bouncer walked up to Juntto and patted him hard on the shoulder. “Hey. This woman says you accosted her and then threw her to the ground. Hey, I’m fucking talking to you.”
Juntto turned and stared at the large bouncer. The bouncer narrowed his eyes and pointed his finger at Juntto’s face. “You fucking out-of-towners think you can come in here and do whatever the fuck you want. Think again, asshole. That is not how this works. You and your half-assed Viking accent.”
Juntto yawned and grabbed the bouncer’s finger with one hand. He pulled back his other fist and punched the bouncer with everything he had. The bouncer was unconscious before he hit the floor. One of the old guys at the bar leaped up, knocking over his stool. “Fight!”
It was like someone had flipped a switch. The entire bar broke out in an all-out brawl. They were throwing fists, chairs, and anything else they could get their hands on. Juntto ducked as a beer glass flew over his head. He watched one guy pick up a smaller man and slam him down on a table. The table’s legs snapped, and the whole thing collapsed beneath them.
Juntto cracked his knuckles, ready to go along for the ride. “This place is disgusting. No one says what they mean. How does one create a nation out of spineless drivel?”
A guy fell into him, and Juntto grabbed him by the shirt collar and punched him in the face. Teeth flew across the bar. Juntto tossed the guy into a wall and watched him slide down. The man didn’t move. The frost giant was ready to fight, but he decided to pull his punches. He wasn’t in the mood to kill someone and have to leave the town. Not yet, anyway.
