by Michael Todd
“Ouch! Fuck! Those fucking bigger guns fucking hurt. I’m going to actually have a bruise on my skin for the first time in two centuries.”
Pandora laughed at his pain. “You don’t even know what’s coming. That up there is just a taste of what we could unleash on your pathetic ass. Put you in a room with our gas, and you won’t walk for three weeks. That is if I don’t kill you while you’re down.”
He growled and raced forward. She tried to dodge, but he slapped her as hard as he could. She wobbled on her feet but caught herself, refusing to go down by his hand. He skipped around her in a circle, laughing wildly. “Wishing you were back in hell yet?”
Pandora glared at him, wiping the blood from her chin and flinging it into the snow. She raced forward and jabbed him hard in the stomach, then juked far enough away so that he couldn’t easily retaliate. He choked and coughed, but there was laughter in his eyes. “I’ll probably just bend you over and take you in front of your minions, you little slut.”
Pandora growled and leaped at the frost giant. She ran through his flailing arms and grabbed him by the throat. She heaved and lifted him, only to slam him back down into the snow. She tried to move quickly away from him, but he grabbed her ankle and yanked her foot right out from under her, then bounced to his feet, dragging her through the snow.
“You know what’s wrong with you, Pandora? You think you’re better than you are. You think that queen title ever actually meant anything? It didn’t. You were just one of the lucky whores.”
She kicked at him, but Juntto held firm. He spun her in a circle and grunted as he let go, hurling her into a nearby tree. Her back slammed into it and she fell to the ground, coughing blood onto the snow and speckling it red. She slowly put one hand on the ground and pushed herself back onto her feet. She wobbled from side to side, beat the fuck up and barely standing. It was the worst beating she had taken since she’d come back to Earth.
Juntto was confused. She obviously wasn’t in his class. He was fucking her up, and something told him that she had expected it to be that way. He was powerful and from another planet, and she didn’t stand a chance against him. Why was she still fighting? He just couldn’t figure out what her angle was.
Juntto laughed loudly as Pandora stumbled toward him, wiping blood from her face. “No, please, don’t move. Just stand very still for a moment. You might fall over otherwise.”
She looked barely conscious. The frost giant snickered and ripped a skinny tree out of the ground. He slammed it against his leg and broke it into several pieces, then stuck the pieces into the ground like fence posts. He muttered under his breath, “Spears. Fuck you, Moloch. Spears are where it’s at.”
The guys watched from afar, not sure what he was doing. Suddenly, he ripped a piece of tree from the ground and launched it at them. Another. And another. The makeshift spears came crashing down around them, and they had no choice but to take cover. Splinters and shards of bark showered the team. Almost every single one of them was cut or impaled.
Juntto watched them retreating and knocked the dust off his hands. “I’m sorry, Pandora. Your friends fell back. They didn’t like it when it rained sharp objects. Too bad they didn’t love you enough to sacrifice themselves.”
While Juntto was facing Pandora, Calvin snuck around the field toward the trees. He was making his way closer and closer to them, trying to help Pandora. He caught her eye, and she mouthed, “The plan.”
Calvin’s face turned grim, but he nodded. He began making his way back to the team. Juntto, with a shit-eating grin on his face, turned toward Pandora. “The plan? That’s exciting, but I think I know what the plan was. It was for me to come here, beat the ever-loving shit out of you, get my rocks off, and piss Lucifer off because he can’t come here while I’m banging his wife.”
Pandora spat blood and held out both hands, steadying herself. She let herself giggle. “I’m not his woman. I divorced his ass.”
Juntto threw his hands up, not bothered by her admission. “Okay, his previous woman. He’ll still be pissed.”
Juntto went to the side of the field and yanked another tree out of the ground, roots and all. He gave a few practice swings as he walked back toward her. “Any last pithy statements before I beat you?”
Pandora spoke through a mouth full of blood. “I’ve been hiding a secret.”
Juntto set his tree on the ground. “What, you have a special weapon in your pants? I’ve had enough of that in my time. I’m not ruled by my other head, dear.”
Pandora laughed maniacally. “Oh, you are, but that isn’t my confession.”
Juntto smiled, liking the game. He walked closer to her and leaned in. “What is it?”
Pandora grinned maniacally, showing off the blood covering her teeth. The smirk faded off Juntto’s face as concern took over.
Pandora closed her eyes and let Katie come forward.
Juntto shook his head, not believing what he was seeing.
Katie was pissed. Her hand shot up, and she called her armor. In a heartbeat, she was clad in angelic metal. She stepped toward him, and the shock caused him to stumble. He dropped his tree.
Katie growled, “Spear, huh?” She extended her hand, and in another heartbeat her fist was gripping a gleaming golden spear. She moved like lightning. Her other hand grabbed Juntto by the shoulder, and she shoved the spear through his stomach and out his back.
His mouth dropped open. The frost giant wheezed wetly and ran his fingers down the long handle of the golden spear, trying to push himself off the thing. Katie grabbed the shaft with both hands and used it to pull him closer to her. She tilted her head to the side and hissed, “How dare you threaten to force yourself on my sister!” She rammed her armored foot between his legs.
Juntto grunted and would have fallen if he were not impaled on the angelic spear.
Pandora coughed and whistled in excitement. You know, if anyone else had done that I might like it. Kick that asshole a second time for me.
You fucking got it.
Katie pulled her leg back and slammed it into his crotch again. His eyes grew wide, and a low wheeze creaked from his throat. Juntto was finally able to pull his lips together and mutter, “Angel?”
Katie smiled and reared back, slamming her fist into the side of his face. He struggled to move, but he couldn’t pull the spear out no matter how hard he tried. All the strength he possessed was nothing compared to the might of angels.
Katie held him still with her spear. “You ready to die, asshole?”
Juntto coughed blood and spat at her feet, twisting his lips into a smile. “Wait until I get this out of me.”
Katie reached up with one hand and pulled her angelic sword out of the air. She dropped her hand and effortlessly sliced off one of his legs. “Shall we go for dickless next?”
Pandora squealed with glee. Yes, yes, yes.
That was quite enough. Juntto pushed up on the spear, working to stand up straight on his one leg. He grunted and tried to force his body to grow and morph back into his frost giant form, but he remained human. The magic in the spear was limiting his abilities.
Katie carefully aimed her sword and thrust it forward, sinking the blade deep into Juntto’s chest. She leaned forward on the hilt. “Go ahead, grow a little larger. Then maybe I’ll be able to find your prick, you murdering bastard.”
Juntto growled and screamed, and with all his strength, he swung his arm and knocked Katie to the ground. Juntto collapsed on his one leg and struggled to stand. With both the sword and the spear buried in his torso, he looked like a pincushion.
Katie rolled away from him. As soon as she was out of the way, her team began blasting the frost giant with bullets. They had been waiting this entire time for their chance to light him up.
“Fuck, that dude can take some heat,” Brock roared as the guys reloaded.
Calvin shook his head. “No shit. I can see him healing as we reload. This is insane. I don’t know whether to be scared, pissed, or impresse
d.”
Turner slotted his magazine into place. “Too bad he’s on the other team. We could use an indestructible guy like that on our side. Hell, I want to be the indestructible guy. Fucking blow me up? Doesn’t matter. Slice me with an angel sword? Who fucking cares?”
The tattooed soldier laughed. “I think Turner just fell in love.”
Calvin held up a fist. “Hold up. Cease fire. Looks like Katie is back on her feet. This should be good.”
Katie gritted her teeth angrily and stomped to Juntto. She whirled around and extended her leg, kicking him square in the face. Before he could recover, she pulled both Tom and Harry from her holsters and pulled the triggers, shooting him twice in the crotch. “They missed a spot.”
Pandora bellowed with laughter. Damn, girl, the twinsies. You are really pissed.
Katie holstered the boys and grabbed the spear jutting from Juntto’s stomach. She pulled his face close to hers. “Lilith made you an offer without asking me. You should have taken the deal. I’m going to spend all week ending your pathetic excuse for a life.”
Juntto found himself gazing into crystal-blue angel eyes. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself be conned. He hadn’t seen it coming, but he should have. The reality of it was, angels had taken him out the last time he had been on Earth. He also knew he couldn’t beat Lilith in hell, so on Earth or hell, he wasn’t number one anywhere.
He swallowed his pride. “Let me talk to Lilith.”
Katie pinned him to the ground with her spear. “She can talk through me. I don’t trust your fucking ass.”
Pandora’s voice emerged from Katie, and the two began talking quickly in demon. It was a short conversation. From the look on Juntto’s face, Katie knew things weren’t going well for him. When their conversation was done, Pandora and Katie shared one voice.
Pandora nodded Katie’s head. “I accepted his fealty, but there are rules he has to abide by. He has to stay human-sized. His frost giant form is outlawed. He can fight, but only demons. In exchange, he will fight with me, so there will be no shortage of battles. He will be given a place to live, and he will be well fed.” Pandora said something else under her breath.
What was that?
Uh, he’s requesting sex.
Katie choked a little. “Uh, I’m not having sex with him. He’s not only inhuman, but he’s also a disgusting chauvinistic pig who thinks he can do whatever he wants. He was going to rape you/me. That’s not okay. No woman should be with him.”
Pandora chuckled. Not with you. I told him it depends on if he can woo a woman. That means not being his typical asshole self. If he can get someone to like him and offer sex to him in a normal fashion, I’m fine with it.
Across the field, the team watched the two combatants have a conversation. Calvin looked at Brock. “What do you think?”
“We investigate?”
Calvin nodded. “Let’s do it.”
Pandora placed a hand on the spear impaling the fallen frost giant. “He can’t force himself on anyone. No throwing women over the shoulder, clubbing them, or just taking what he wants. He can’t just throw women away or impale them when they annoy him. They also can’t be persuaded by magical means. He has a problem with using his charms to get a woman to cheat on her man. He went through a whole phase where those were the only women he would sleep with. It was fucking pathetic. Oh, and he can’t hurt them. Did I say that already?” With that, she ripped the spear free. It disappeared from her hand.
Juntto groaned but sat up. His body started to heal faster, even with an angel sword still in his chest. “Their feelings always get hurt.”
Pandora narrowed Katie’s eyes at him. “No lying. If they don’t accept you, that’s their business. I understand that bitches can be crazy and think they can change a man. Just be honest from the get-go, and I won’t hold it against you.”
Juntto shook his finger. “Oh, yeah, and I want one of those little tools they talk on. They make noises, and they are colorful.”
Katie lifted an eyebrow. “Little tools they talk on?”
Juntto twirled his fingers around. “Yeah, they press the screens, and there are pictures and stuff. Then it makes a wild noise, and you can hear a person on the other side of the world.”
“He wants a phone,” Calvin suggested as the team joined them.
Juntto nodded. “One of the ones with the picture of an apple on the back.”
Pandora laughed. “You want an iPhone. That’s interesting. Of all the things Earth has to offer, you want a phone. They have made ungodly advances in technology since you’ve been here. Like flushing toilets and running water, battery-powered dildos, and microwaves that can reheat pizza in seconds. But you want a damn iPhone. Next thing I know, you’ll be rolling around with headphones on listening to your MP3 player and working on your tablet. I bet you haven’t even seen the internet yet. Strike that, it’s probably not a good idea for you to use the internet. You could find yourself in all kinds of trouble on there. I barely go on it, and I have self-restraint.”
Calvin scoffed. “Give him an android. See if he likes that.”
Everyone looked at him like he was an alien, and he shrugged. “What? I’m not dissing the iPhone, but if he breaks an android, they’re cheaper to replace.”
Pandora nodded. “I have to agree with Calvin on that one.”
Brock studied the frost giant skeptically. “I think he needs to change faces, too. Right now, he’s wanted all over the entire world. He even looks like the guy he killed, which is fucking Texas-Chainsaw-Massacre-creepy.”
Juntto looked confused. “What is that?”
Turner slapped his hands to his side. “This guy! Dude, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre was about this crazy guy who murdered a bunch of people with his chainsaw and wore their skins as a mask. Leatherface.”
Juntto shook his head. “Fucking humans are weird. That would smell terrible. And by the way, it’s fucking weird how you and Katie can talk out of the same face and control each other’s facial movements. I don’t like it.”
Pandora wrinkled Katie’s nose. “Deal with it. You have to pay for killing those people, too. It’s obvious you have zero remorse for that.”
Juntto opened his mouth to protest, but Pandora put her hand up. “I know that’s you being you, but we don’t take murder lightly in this group. Get up and get your big-boy pants on. Next week, we go to hell.”
Juntto looked offended and slightly disgusted. “To do what?”
Pandora faded into the background, and Katie came forward. “That’s easy, dummy.” Katie grabbed her angelic sword and pulled it from his chest. She flicked green blood from the blade and grinned down at the frost giant. “To let them know Momma is back.”
Author Notes - Michael Anderle
September 13, 2018
Thank you for not only reading this story, but also these Author Notes here at the back.
When the time came to work on this story, I was struggling with where to go from our Leviathan in the last book. I had set it up so there were multiple Leviathans, but did not want it to be the same type of beast over and over.
Then, the concept of Juntto in the ice, and a demon falling down an icy mountain came to mind. The nail in the coffin for me was when Moloch gated into his office in hell and smelled like Christmas.
Since I didn’t want to go ‘big,’ I decided to go capable, smaller, and alien. Different enough that he is who he is, not because he is a horrible human, but rather that is what he knows. (For example, you don’t get upset with an orca for eating a seal. That’s what they do.)
Further, I wanted to have fun in this book. A lot of the time, the stories are a bit down, excluding some of the Pandora banter. My sense of humor can be fairly wacked and dark, so I hope we didn’t go overboard in places.
In this story, we see Pandora and Katie working together, feeling out their relationship and becoming a team in every sense of the word. I’ve heard of many comments (and those in the reviews) who enjoyed the e
nding to the last book with Pandora taking care of Katie. I enjoy knowing what you like about a previous story, since it encourages me to consider seeing if the next story has affords me opportunity to do more of the same.
My personal favorite scene in this story is when Pandora is thinking to herself in the restaurant on top of the building and Gabriel shows up.
However, the FUNNIEST scene for me is the beginning when Moloch and Baal are bitching about KatieDora fighting, and Pandora using the cold spell to kill the demons.
I chuckle about this (even now):
Baal put his large scaled foot on top of a frozen demon and rolled him over. He snarled as he looked down at the face frozen in fear. “We aren’t even safe within our own walls of hell. The bitch started a goddamned blizzard down here. Now look at this fucking mess. These were good demons, and now we have a pile of fucking demonsicles.”
The next book is almost complete—and if you liked the humor in this one?
I think the next will tickle your funny bone as much or more.
Ad Aeternitatem,
Michael Anderle
Author Notes - Laurie Starkey
September 13, 2018
Well, hello! Hopefully, you’re not in pumpkin-spice hell just yet. Man, when they open the doors to the fall’s favorite flavor, they OPEN the doors!
Can’t go anywhere without pumpkin spice in my face, beckoning me to try it. Just one bite, one sip, one time—and you’re hooked forever. Don’t let them drag you in. It’s a cult.
Forgive me if you’re a member. Ignore all that mad talk. *winks*
We’re up in Canada! Lac Brom to be exact, which is in Quebec. I’m staring at a lake that’s a few feet from the back door. My boys (hubs and the teenager) have been learning to kayak and paddle board. The water is most likely 50 degrees. And we’re from Texas.
