by Tara Brown
It was casual, considering it had been years. He offered no apology, no story, no excuses. Of course, he was dying tonight at 8:00. No, 6:00. It happened at 6 p.m. their time. This time. Same as Colorado.
“This is Stan.” I ran my fingers into the dog’s fur. He didn't dare leave me.
“Come inside and get something to eat. We have coffee on. You drink coffee?” Arlene asked. My dad, Frank, turned to me for the answer. Because he didn't know.
“I do. Thanks.” I followed her inside.
Jack forced something resembling a polite head nod. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I didn't know what to say or do, and clearly he wasn't any better at this than I was.
The house was nice, similar to the one I was currently residing in at the base. Celeste had called it a middle-income house. It was better than what Elaine and I had. Maybe this was better than Elaine and I were. And that was why he’d left.
“You have a nice house,” I said politely to Arlene, hating the feelings inside me.
“Thanks. We’re lucky to have a gennie and a well. We have power and water.” She poured a cup of hot coffee and slid it across the bar counter to me.
Elaine came and stood close, leaning into me. “Are you staying?”
“No.” I hadn’t been certain what I would do, but being here felt wrong. This was not my family anymore. My family had changed, I’d changed. I couldn't see it until I arrived and realized I didn't belong with these people. They didn't know my pain or suffering or what I’d seen. They didn’t know me. And when it had been important, they hadn’t chosen me. Not like my other family. My new one. Guess I got that trait, the one to choose a new family, from my dad.
Stan nudged me.
“Do you have dog food or water he can have?” I asked after a second nudge.
“Sure thing. We have a few hounds. He can go back there with them, if ya want.”
“No. Thank you.”
“All right,” Arlene said with a scowl and hurried off.
“Where’d the dog come from?” Elaine asked.
“He’s mine.” I didn't know how to tell her the story. Where it started or ended. Had I always been on the journey to meeting Milo and Stan and Celeste and Roz in the same way I was on the path to losing Owen and West? “Mine and my friends’.”
“You came here with people?” Frank asked, getting himself a cup of coffee as Arlene came back with a bowl of food and water. Stan hurried over and lapped the water noisily.
“He is stunning. Maremma or Great Pyrenees?”
“Maremma.”
“Zoey?” Elaine said my name, sounding surprised. “Where did you get him?” She was getting annoyed at my lack of answers. This was an old song and dance of ours.
“He found me. It doesn't matter, does it?” I watched him drink and eat, the same way he glanced back at me as he chewed.
“Where are your friends?” Frank questioned me.
They were acting like they were my parents.
I had to get out of here.
This was a mistake.
A colossal mistake.
Every small part of me wanted to rebel. I needed to shout at them and scream and rage and accuse them of ruining my life. Of leaving me when I needed them most.
But something, a warmth in the air I couldn't explain other than to say it was Owen and West surrounding me, prevented me from doing that. My lips parted, but my words weren’t hateful. “I forgive you both,” I said the thing I needed, the thing I wanted to be my last experience with them. Starting with Frank first, I said, “You left when I was a small kid. I needed you. And you fucked up. And this is a mistake you have to live with. You chose a different family over getting caught and having your sins thrown in your face. You chose your pride over me and you made me feel unwanted and unloved.”
Anger flashed in his eyes but I turned away, focusing on her. “And you left me when I needed you the most. The world was ending, I was scared. You left me to come here and ruin his life. To get your revenge and out him for his lies. You chose that, ruining someone else’s happiness and getting your vengeance, over me.” I stepped back from them, trying not to lose my temper and stay calm. “I forgive you both for being selfish and bullshit parents.” I hugged her, feeling the tremble in her fingertips and the sobs in her back.
“But I have to go.” I pulled away and hugged him, noting the anger he was suppressing. He had things he wanted to say but he didn't. The warmth around us became stronger.
“I love you both. It was nice meeting you, Arlene.” I smiled peacefully, not a happy smile but a closure one. Everyone stared at me. Awkward silence filled the air as Stan finished eating and drinking.
I turned and walked to the door with Stan next to me.
“Zoey!” Elaine finally shouted.
“Elaine?” I said her name, something that drove her nuts, and spun to face her.
She smiled wide, leaning on the sliding glass door to the deck and stared at me. “Be safe.”
“I will.” It was the truth.
“I love you, kid. I always loved you. We all do.”
“Okay.” I waved my hand awkwardly and watched as they all filled the doorway, staring at me. Frank’s face was haunted by emotion, but the tears in his eyes suggested it wasn't me he was angry with. He hated himself, and that was his burden. I wasn't taking it with me. I’d come here just to give it back. And like a weight of a thousand burdens, it left my shoulders as I turned and walked down the stairs. I was free.
As I crunched across the driveway to my truck, Stan ran ahead and peed, lifting his leg against a tree. I noticed dogs barking in the back. They weren’t like Stan. No one was.
We climbed in and I lifted my eyes to the house, flinching when I noticed the figure in front of the truck. It was Jack. He had a small bag and a questioning stare. His mom was shouting at him to come back and Dad was crossing the grass. I nodded my head to the side, to the passenger door. He hurried around and climbed in, sitting next to Stan.
I started the truck and backed up onto the brown crunchy grass. Turning and driving away before Dad or anyone else could decide how Jack and I spent our last two weeks.
What the hell did they know about us anyway?
33
Home sweet home
Celeste
The house looked the same. Nothing was different.
“Jesus, this is your house?” Milo’s eyes bugged out as I parked the car we’d stolen. He’d stolen.
“Yeah.” I hurried up to the front door, ringing the bell before bursting in.
Bethany was mid step, crossing the foyer, when I came in. She rushed me, screaming like I was murdering her.
They came in a horde. Some worried, others aware of what was happening, and a few already crying.
Audie, Bethany, Hannah, Marshall, Sierra, Michael, and Roland. They attacked with love, tears, and shouts, too many questions to answer or even comprehend. I was drowning in sorrow and love, wishing this could be my last moment.
“I can’t believe you made it.” Audie wiped her eyes, always the first to recover.
“I can’t either. My friend Milo”—I held a hand out to him—“can fly planes. So we flew.”
“Oh thank God. Thank you for bringing her home, Milo.” Michael smiled, holding a hand out also. “Michael. Her older brother. This is our sister Bethany, other sister Audie. Audie’s husband, Roland, and their children, Marshall and Hannah. And this is my wife, Sierra.” He shook Milo’s hand too roughly, then pulled him in for an aggressive hug. Milo looked like he might die of awkwardness, but he played along nicely.
“Lovely to meet you all.”
“So how did you guys meet?” Michael asked, clearly assuming something.
“Oh, we’re not—” Milo winced.
“Milo’s a friend.”
“A friend who would fly you all the way here?” Michael lifted a playful eyebrow.
“I’m really gay,” Milo confirmed, making me laugh with his nervous chatter. “Like re
ally, really gay.”
“He’s extra,” I used the word he’d used once.
His eyes met mine and we smiled at one another. There was love in the look. Love that could be mistaken by someone who didn't understand.
“I have a gay best friend too!” Bethany offered. “His name is Hans. You guys should meet. You’d totally hit it off. I think he’s coming here tomorrow. If he can.” She wasn't the brightest of our bulbs. Or the nicest. She was the sibling I got along with the least.
“Oh uhm, I think we have to go—”
“Go?” Audie cut Milo off. “Where on earth are you going? You just got here. And the kids need you. Roland had the house put on generators. We have water, food, shelter, and power. Where else are you going to find this?”
Every bit of me wanted to stay. Every bit but the tiny iota that whispered Roz, Stan, and Zoey’s names. And then there was Joey. We’d promised. And he would be alone tonight.
“I have people waiting for me. I came back to say I love you all. And to take Hannah and Marshall,” I admitted, though it was hard. It was hard not to do the thing I wanted to. It was the end of the world.
“What?” Audie’s voice was shrill.
“We’re staying at Peterson Air Force Base. There are tons of kids, Audie. They’ll be safe. And we have old people who didn't die.”
“A nice old lady named Helen should be arriving tonight or tomorrow,” Milo added, possibly lying but it was a good way to get Audie to listen.
“You are not taking my damned kids, anywhere. Who the hell do you think you are?” She was brutally angry but Roland met my eyes and nodded from behind her.
“We have power and food and a ton of other kids and we’re safe. Armed guards and fences and a nice house.” Milo kept trying.
“You shut up! This is a family discussion.” Audie put her long finger in his direction.
“You shut up, Audie!” I stepped closer to her, staring down on her a little. I was the tallest, next to Michael. “You’re not thinking. And I get it. This isn’t your plan and you like to control everything. But how do you want the kids to do this? Alone or with groups who will keep them safe?”
“Mom,” Hannah cut in. “Auntie’s right.”
“She is, my love,” Roland stepped next to Audie, offering her a loving smile. “I know you’re scared. But Celeste would never do something dangerous. And the kids, the one thing we’ve been worried about, will be okay. All the way.” I suspected he was relieved I was here; he and I shared opinions about Beth.
“I would never let them get hurt. And neither would Milo. And we have a girl, she’s seventeen. Her name’s Zoey and she’s cool. Great with kids. Runs the kids camp at her library. She will be there for the week I won’t. And we have Helen too. She’s sixty.”
“She survived?” Bethany asked, focused on the one part that mattered to her in all this. Survival.
“Yeah. There are some like her. A handful of them. Immune or whatever.”
“I told you,” Sierra spoke, making my skin crawl like it had when Michael introduced her as his wife, not his ex. “I saw an old lady at the gas station.”
“You sure?” Michael didn't believe us.
“We saw her with our own eyes. The forties had just died. She was an old woman who lived in Kansas, in her sixties. Her son had just died,” Milo answered though his gaze darted nervously to Audie.
“Well, anyway. Come in and have a drink and a rest,” Roland offered, sliding an arm over my shoulder. “You can tell us how things are looking out there.”
Roland was the sane one, meaning Audie glared at me as I wrapped my arms around her kids and let Roland lead me into the house.
The smell of my mom and dad, the feel of being surrounded by them in every way, except them being here, overwhelmed me, but I kept it in check.
The kids didn't need me losing it in front of them, sobbing and smelling my parents’ clothes.
“It’s not awesome.” I flashed a warning expression at Roland as we sat across from each other.
“Kids, why don't you go and pack for the trip with Auntie?” he said softly.
“Okay!” Marshall jumped up, excited, clearly not understanding what was happening. I wondered how much he did know.
Hannah gave her dad a scowl. “I wanna hear.”
“Upstairs and get your stuff together. You heard your dad.” Audie was slightly less snarly than a moment ago.
Hannah tightened her lips but turned on her heel and walked out of the front living room.
“How bad?” Audie asked.
“Bad,” I answered and gave Milo a tearful look.
“We lost some friends a couple of days ago. Things are getting dark. And the twenties and teenagers still have two weeks of mayhem to cause,” Milo added meekly. “We rescued some people from a barn where they were being held. You can add whatever creepy context you would like to that statement. It’s implied. We’ve blown up houses and shot at people. We’ve barely escaped sex assault and horrific violence. It’s why we’re staying on the base. It’s safe.”
“Sweet Jesus,” Audie said as she sat next to Roland, both of them pausing.
“You guys haven’t had anything here?” I couldn't believe that.
“We have but not in this neighborhood. I’d heard of some things in town,” Roland replied, earning a gasp from Audie.
“What things?” she exclaimed.
“Bad things.” He didn't elaborate.
“I’ve heard about it too. Home invasions and other shit,” Michael confessed. “Beth, you’re going with them.”
“I don't want to die on some base.” She scoffed. “Dad said we could live and die how we wanted.”
“They were dreamers.” I spit the words at her, standing up and pointing. “Every single person out there is your enemy until they prove they aren’t. And if you stay here alone for a week, God only knows how that week is gonna go. Mom and Dad had no clue what the real world is like.”
“Oh, like you know.” Beth rolled her eyes.
“Well, since I’ve escaped a gang shooting, hidden as bait under a bed so my friend could shoot some rapists, shot a racist in the ear, and burned a house filled with psychopaths to the ground, I can say I do. I know far more than you, Beth. So don't come at me. You’ve been here, living the cushy life under Mom and Dad’s umbrella.” Rage flooded me, leaking out my eyes. “I have been out there, fighting to stay alive. If anyone is capable of taking care of those kids, it’s me. What would you do if rapists came in the house and the kids are here with you? What!”
Beth’s lips sputtered but no words left them.
Milo rushed me, leading me from the room and down a hallway. “Come on, crazy. Let’s get you a drink.” He pulled me to the kitchen, overlooking the golf course. He opened the fridge, making the light come on. He sighed and closed it, opening it again. “I miss that.” He grabbed us both a can of seltzer. “The sugar will pick you up.” He cracked it and poured it into a tall glass.
I drank the entire glass, wiping my face and staring at the golf course.
“Celeste,” Roland spoke softly as he entered the kitchen. “You take those kids, no matter what. I know what you’re saying is true. That's not how I want my babies to die.” His voice was thick with emotion. I put the glass down and rushed him, hugging tightly and crying into his arms the way he did my hair.
I didn't say anything about how sorry I was he would die tonight. What words were good enough for that?
“Pack your shit!” Audie shouted. “Get your ass up there and do as you’re told!”
“You’re not the boss of me, Audie!” Beth shouted back.
“Well then, let's call it my dying wish!” Audie was losing it. “The only thing I’ll have ever asked of you is that you listen to Celeste and stop being a selfish little bitch. How’s that?”
“I hate you!” Beth screamed.
“Are those your last words to me, little sister?” Audie taunted. Beth’s footsteps stomping up the stairs were t
he next thing we heard.
“We’re not normally this crazy.” Roland gave Milo an explanation, “Tension is just high.”
“You don't have to lie to me. I’ve spent weeks with Celeste,” Milo said with a smile, winking at me.
“Fair enough, my man.” Roland laughed, patting my back.
“I’m sorry, Celeste,” Audie burst as she ran at me. We hugged as a group. I felt Michael and even Sierra enter the embrace. I closed my eyes and sighed. “We’ll see you again. In a week. We’ll be waiting for you both with Mom and Dad. Take care of my babies.”
I nodded, sobbing again.
My heart was on fire in my chest, and I didn't have time to spend with them to put it out.
None of the fires I was lighting here had time to be put out.
We’d just arrived and it was already time to go.
I’d made promises and there was nothing that could entice me to break them. Not even my own family.
34
Busted
Zoey
“Doritos?” I asked, holding up the bag. I was starving and junk food had been all we could find when we roamed the airport for two and a half hours, waiting for them to come. Jack hadn’t complained that we left the farm early. I hoped he understood.
“No, thanks. My stomach hurts from all the Kit Kats.” Jack rubbed his flat stomach before he leaned forward, whispering, “You sure it’s okay that I came?” His eyes darted to Celeste and her niece and nephew and her sister. They looked bad. All of them. Faces drawn and tear-stained from obvious hours of sobbing.
“Yeah. I’ll be right back.” I got up and walked to Milo in the small cockpit. The private jet was a much smaller plane and faster. We were nearly back to Colorado Springs and had only been flying for a couple of hours. “How bad was Spokane?” I whispered as I sat in the copilot’s chair.
