“Of course you can, dear,” Ethel said, getting up. “Ed, you want some too?”
“Sure, hit me,” Ed said, winking at Meg. “Let’s go wild.”
Henry appeared in the doorway. “Ice cream?” He said the words clearly, enunciating carefully. “I would like some too, please.”
“Henry!” Ed jumped up. “Come on in. Sit down.”
“Megan,” Henry said. “Wow, you got so big. When did you get so big? Was I out of it?”
“You could say that,” Megan said, bitterly and Henry looked confused.
“Don’t be nasty, Meggie,” Ed said. “Henry, you had to take a lot of meds and I’ve been lessening the dose but tomorrow, when we go back to the hospital, you have to act drugged. Can you do that? We’re going to see Shiner and you can’t let on that you’re more in the know of things. Are you with me, son?”
“Act like a zombie,” Meg said. “That’s what you’ve been like, a zombie.”
“A zombie. Okay, how’s this?” Henry cocked his head to once side, let his jaw drop and gazed vacuously.
“Perfect,” Megan said. “And don’t talk. You don’t talk. You never say anything.”
“Got it,” Henry said. “Thank you, Mom,” he said to Ethel, tapping the bowl of ice cream with his spoon. “This is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten in my life.”
“You do know we’re married?” Megan asked. “Although I’m too fat to wear my ring and you’re too crazy to be a husband.”
“Married? Makes sense. Why are you so angry?”
“You’d be angry too if you were as big as a house,” Megan grouched, and she pushed her bowl away from her. “Stupid baby, she should have been born already.”
“Amelia!” Henry’s face lit up. He leaned in towards Megan’s stomach. “Amelia, come on baby, time to come on out, time to meet the world. Daddy is here, come on baby!”
“Yeah, like that’s going to work,” Megan said morosely but then she sat up and gasped.
“What honey? What’s going on?”
“My water broke! Amelia heard him. She listened to Henry! She’s coming!”
“I’ll get your hospital bag,” Ethel said. “Ed you get the car keys. Henry, are you coming?”
“Are you kidding? For sure!”
“But remember,” Ed cautioned, “act like a zombie. You can’t come unless you are a convincing zombie.”
“Arggh!” Megan let out a cry. “I think I had a contraction. No one told me it would hurt this much.”
“It’s going to get a lot worse,” her mother muttered, hustling her out the door.
“Hold my hand, Meg,” Henry said. “Whoa, not that hard, you are hurting me.”
“If I have to be in pain, you have to be in pain,” Meg said through gritted teeth while Henry rubbed his hand.
“Meg, I hope it is because you are in labour, but you’ve become really mean. It is not like I wanted to be in hospital, dead to everything. I feel like you hate me now.”
“I don’t hate you,” Megan said, breathing heavily. “Things just didn’t turn out like I thought they would.”
“And that’s my fault?”
“Can you two maybe finish this some other time?” Ethel interrupted. She turned toward her daughter and grasped her by the shoulders. “Meg, breathe. Do the breathing like we’ve been practicing. Henry, hold her hand again.”
“Not if she is going to hurt me,” Henry said.
“Stop being such a pussy,” Megan said.
“Megan!” Henry was shocked.
“She’s a woman in labour,” Ed said. “You need to ignore everything she says for the next twelve hours.”
“Twelve hours!” Megan screamed. “I can’t do twelve hours of this! I want pain meds! Where are my pain meds?”
“We’re not at the hospital yet,” Ed pointed out.
“I don’t care!” Megan screamed.
Ed dropped Ethel, Megan, and Henry off at the main entrance. “I’ll join you as soon as I find parking. Henry! Henry!”
Henry stopped and looked at Ed enquiringly.
“Zombie! There’s a lot at stake. Please, son.”
Henry nodded and his eyes went blank and he shuffled after Megan and Ethel, his head drooping sideways.
“Great,” Megan said to her mother. “Fucking great. Arghhhh!” She screamed.
“Why don’t you wait outside for Ed?” Ethel said to Henry but Megan grabbed his hand.
“No way, he’s my husband, zombie or not, he’s in this for the long run.”
Under his zombie pose, Henry paled.
They reached the maternity ward and checked Megan in.
Megan gave a gut-wrenching howl. “I thought there were supposed to be gaps in between the pain,” she said. “All I have is pain.”
“Yeah, ain’t life grand,” the nurse said. “Well, come on y’all, let’s get this party started.”
The party, such as it was, dragged on for hours.
“Does it always take this long?” Henry whispered to Ethel who nodded. “I am exhausted,” he said.
“How the fuck do you think I feel?” Megan said, but the fire had gone out of her voice and she sounded ragged.
“Meggie,” Henry said, “you are doing so well. Come on, honey.” He wiped her hair off her forehead.
“Talk to the baby again,” Megan implored him. “Tell her to come out.”
“Not yet, sweetie,” the nurse said. “You’re not dilated enough. You gotta wait this out more. Breathe into it.”
“I hate fucking breathing!” Megan said. “Oh, this is hell. Why do people do this? Nothing in the world is worth this, nothing.”
And later, when Amelia finally popped out, squawking and tiny, red-faced and crumpled, Megan still didn’t think it had been worth it, while Henry fell in love without pause or hesitation. “Amelia,” he said with reverence. “Oh.”
He was the first to hold her and he couldn’t bear to let her go. When the nurse insisted on taking her from him and giving her to Megan, Amelia cried, filling her little lungs with air and wailing like a banshee.
“Great,” Megan said. “I can see how this is going to go. And why didn’t I lose all the weight?” She asked her mother accusingly. “Look at me, I’m still like a whale.”
“She just wants to feed,” the nurse told Megan. “Here you go, like this.” The nurse helped the tiny screaming baby find the nipple and a blissful silence filled the room as Amelia sucked like pro.
Megan looked bored. “How long does she do this?” she asked the nurse.
“It depends, and she needs it every four hours too. We’ll wake you up, don’t worry.”
“Great,” Megan said.
“Oh, Meggie, she’s so beautiful,” Ethel said. She was as enraptured as Henry.
“Yup, she’s an angel all right,” Ed whispered, hardly able to talk as he held Amelia’s tiny foot.
“You’re all putting me in a bad mood,” Megan said. “Give me some credit. I made her remember?”
“With some help from me,” Henry smiled proudly.
“Henry!” Ed spun around and waved his hands urgently as Dr. Shiner tiptoed into the room and Henry adopted his zombie stance in the nick of time.
“I heard Megan was giving birth and I wanted to see how Henry was doing,” he said, adjusting his glasses with fat little sausage fingers and looking around the room for Henry.
“He’s fine,” Ed said nervously. “We don’t know if he knows what’s going on, but he seems calm.”
“Good, good,” Dr. Shiner went up to Henry and stared into his eyes and Henry gazed vacuously over his shoulder. “Looking good, looking good,” Shiner said. “I’ll see you tomorrow for your check-up, Henry,” he said loudly and Henry allowed a long strand of drool to hang like a jellied string from his mouth.
“Eughh, gross, enough,” Megan said as soon as Shiner left the room. “Stop that, and wipe your mouth.” She yawned. “I’m so tired.”
“So are we, honey, we’re going to go home,” Ethel said. “We’ll come back tomorrow.”
“But will Amelia be okay?” Henry was worried. “Meg, are you paying attention to things? She is so little. Are you holding her neck the way you should? Mom, look, is Meg holding her right?”
“Oh god, of course I am, Henry. I’m her mother. You guys go home and sleep.”
“I am staying here,” Henry said and he sat down firmly in the chair. Ed grinned at him.
“You’re the man, but remember, if you see Shiner, you do the thing. You want a sandwich or something?”
“I’d kill for a real coffee,” Megan said. “An extra-large double double, with a Boston Cream doughnut and a blueberry muffin. Can you guys get that?”
“Sure,” Ethel said, but she looked dead on her feet.
“You wait here,” Ed said. “I’ll get a bunch of stuff. Sit down for a moment, Eth.”
“She is quite cute, isn’t she?” Megan said, watching Amelia whose tiny fists were resting against her mother’s breast. “Her face isn’t so red anymore and I can see her features more clearly. Henry, I think she’s got your forehead and cheekbones.”
“And your nose,” Henry said.
“No way. She’s got your nose. It’s perfect. Lots of hair though, and it’s dark, like mine.”
“Big eyes, Meggie, she definitely has your eyes.”
“Yeah, that’s true, she’s got my eyes. And my ears, I’ve got pretty ears.”
“If you say so yourself,” Ethel said, amused.
“Yeah, even if I say so myself,” Megan grinned. “Little sea-shell ears.”
Ed returned with a tray of coffees and an array of baked goods.
“She’s falling asleep,” Megan said, and as if she had heard her, the nurse returned.
“I’ll take her for a bit,” she said. “You all get some rest now. Come on baby, time for you to sleep till your next feed.
“Look at us,” Ed said, biting into a doughnut. “We’re like a regular family. What say we keep it like this for a bit, eh? Those in favour say, aye.”
“Aye,” the other three chorused.
“A pretty good night,” Megan said, sleepily. “Sorry I was such a bitch to everyone.”
“It’s fine,” her mother said, kissing her. “You did very well, Meggie.” But her daughter was already sound asleep.
Henry took to fatherhood as if he was born to it. Megan was not equally enamoured and soon it was Henry who was getting up at all hours to mix formula and change diapers. His energy was unflagging, his patience unfailing, and his delight in Amelia’s every utterance was a joy to watch.
Megan did her part by expressing milk and moaning to her mother.
“You need to get a job,” Ethel said, matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, like there are any jobs in the back-end-of-nowhere.”
“Stop whining, Meggie. It’s not attractive. Henry looks after Amelia, so there’s nothing stopping you from looking for work. Knock on doors; make the effort. Come on. Let’s go and find you something smart to wear and then you need to get out there and see what you can rustle up. You need to get back into your life.”
“I’m busy being a mother!” Megan called after her, reaching for a bag of chips and her mother came back and snatched the bag out of her hands.
“Stop eating for god’s sake. Come on, Meggie! Make an effort.”
Megan sighed. “I am bored,” she admitted. “Fine. Maybe I’ll go and apply at McDonald’s.”
“If you work at McDonald’s, you’ll just eat everything. Why don’t you try a gym instead? Or realtors’ offices? Leave the fast food places as a last option.”
“Fine,” Megan grumbled. “Okay, come and help me find something to wear. Nothing fits any more.” They found an outfit that stretched tight across Megan’s chest and buttocks.
“Try not to sit for too long,” Ethel advised.
“Great advice, Mom, thanks. Car keys?”
“Here,” Ethel said. “Good luck.”
Megan left despondent but she returned triumphant.
“You were right,” she said to Ethel. “I tried a few realtors and they had nothing. But then I went into a gym and they liked me! I have to lose weight, they’re going to use me as a before and after, and I’m going to be the receptionist. They’re going to work out a fitness and nutrition plan for me and I have to read this book.”
She held up a copy of Calories In Versus Energy Out and waved it at Henry who had come up from the basement. “Henry, I’ve got a job.”
“I heard,” he said, smiling and holding Amelia who was happily sucking on a pacifier.
“I swear she’s got bigger since I left this morning,” Megan said.
“Do you want to hold her?”
“No time, I’ve got to read my book.” She grinned and left the room to go upstairs.
She and Henry had switched living arrangements shortly after Amelia was born. “It makes more sense,” Megan had said, “for me to be upstairs. You’re much better with her than I am and I need my sleep so I can express milk.”
“Excellent!” Henry had been delighted and he had hugged Amelia close. “Dada wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, would he, baby girl?”
Megan scowled at him and Ethel wondered if there was any way to rekindle their love. But what with Megan’s fierce jealousy of Amelia, she didn’t think so.
She had followed Megan upstairs that day. “Meggie, aren’t you interested in trying to get things back to what they were, with you and Henry?”
Megan sat down heavily on the bed. “I don’t care about sex right now,” she said. “I’m a big fat whale. And all he’s interested in is her. Once I get back on my feet, I’ll have more confidence but what do I have to offer him now?”
“Love, Meggie. He loved that you loved him.”
“I feel like we’ve been through too much, him going mad like that, me having the baby alone.”
“Alone?” Ethel wanted to scream. “You really think you were alone? Meg,” she said carefully. “You hardly had the baby alone. Me and Dad were with you every step of the way, and you lived here. You were hardly alone.”
“I didn’t have what most normal women have,” Megan insisted. “A real husband, my own house, a proper family. And yeah, you and Dad were great, but it was like being fourteen again and me having done something wrong and both of you having to fix it. It wasn’t the way it should have been.”
Ethel couldn’t argue with that. But she tried again.
“Try to bond with Amelia more,” she added. “She’s your daughter as much as his. She loves you too.”
“She doesn’t.” Megan was firm. “She cries whenever I hold her. She’s only happy when she’s with him or you or Dad.”
“It’s up to you to try more,” Ethel said but Megan shook her head. Ethel watched her daughter slump onto her bed clutching her book, with a look of determination on her face and she sighed. When she came back down the stairs, Henry was waiting for her.
“It will work out, Mom,” he said. “I’m not worried. She just needs time. She and Amelia and me, we will be a real family. Meg just needs some space.”
Ethel suddenly looked exhausted. “I hope you’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll have a little lie down.”
“You feeling all right, Mom?”
“A little tired, Henry, a little tired.”
He watched her go slowly up back up the stairs again and he thought it was the first time that she had seemed old to him.
“Let us go for a walk, you and me,” he said to Amelia and she smiled and gurgled as he strapped her into the stroller.
“Why is it so easy to take calories in and so h
ard to get the energy out?” Megan sighed, two weeks later. “I never realized how much I ate before and now I feel like I’m hungry all the time.”
Emilio, the owner of the gym, and Megan’s personal trainer and mentor, laughed. “Most people don’t ever realize what you just have. Don’t worry. It gets easier. The stomach shrinks and other endorphins will start to make you feel happy and satiated, endorphins that will replace those that satisfy you by way of food.”
Emilio had an accent that Megan couldn’t quite place, soft curly hair, and large soulful eyes.
“You look more like a singer in a band than a personal trainer,” she told him, trying to distract him from the pushups he was persuading her to do.
“I get that a lot,” Emilio said. “Come on Megan, four more, come on, you can do it.
“I hate pushups,” Megan grunted, doing a facsimile pushup of sorts.
“Now, the treadmill. Don’t look so angry! Here, listen to my Walkman. When you are exercising, don’t focus on the exercise. Take your mind off it by thinking about something you like or listening to music.”
Megan allowed the thought to sneak in that what she really liked was when Emilio touched her, adjusting her in a position or helping her. She cast a sideways look at him but he had moved off to chat with another woman, a regular at the gym, a hard-body dressed in tiny gym gear. Megan stared at the woman’s lean tight body and she was filled with a fierce determination to succeed as never before. She flicked on Emilio’s music and started running.
Megan’s determination paid off. She lost fifteen pounds in three months.
“Wow, Meg, you look great,” Henry said.
“I’m so proud of you,” Ethel and Ed said in unison.
“You have made a good start,” Emilio commented and Megan threw an angry glance in his direction but he just laughed.
“Get as angry as you like,” he shrugged, his accent melodic. “You will thank me one day. You can’t see what I see,” he said, and he moved closer to her. “You see here,” he ran his hand down her leg, “I see the sinuous beauty hidden beneath the fat. You have lovely long legs, Megan, and we want to show them off to the world. And here,” he put his hands on her waist, “you have a lovely little waist, we want the world to know that too. And these arms, we want definition here, shape and beauty. It’s all here, Megan, we just need to keep working at it.”
The Nearly Girl Page 8
