If she could only reach the kitchen door that opened out to the garage. Then, to her horror, she heard the sound of a car returning, an engine being switched off, and a car door slamming.
She kept her head down, trying not to acknowledge that the front door was being opened and she strained in concentration in the subsequent silence as Dr. Carroll padded into the house.
She hoped that he would stop in the living room and sit down for a moment, and her prayers were answered when she heard the squeak of his favourite leather armchair.
She turned right and dragged herself into the kitchen, believing that she could make it to the garage: she could, she could. She crawled around the kitchen table and realized in a fatal moment that two things awaited her: a door handle she could not reach and the unmistakable shoes of Dr. Carroll. She raised herself up on her bleeding raw elbows and looked at him.
“You’ve made a mess of my kitchen floor,” he said. “Blood everywhere.” He pulled out a chair and sat down. He studied her and rested his hands on his belly. “You really are an anomaly,” he said. “The sedatives should have knocked you sideways into next Sunday.”
“They nearly did,” she said and she smiled at him.
“You’re awfully cheerful for a person about to meet their death,” Dr. Carroll remarked and Amelia managed a laugh.
“You won’t kill us,” she said confidently.
“Oh no? And why not, pray tell?”
“Because that would be the obvious solution. You’re going to do the opposite thing.”
He gaped at her. “Oh come now, that’s a cliché attacking a cliché.”
“You have no faith in your life’s work? I think you do have faith. I think that of all the things that have gone wrong in your life, the one thing that you do believe in is D.T.O.T. And what’s more, you know it works. It may be extreme, as seen in the cases of Gino and Angelina, but it does work. Honesty replaces self-delusion.”
“And I’m going to stand up in front of the world and announce that I’m a kidnapper, a would-be murderer, and a liar?”
“Yes.”
“That’s utterly ridiculous,” he said, but he thought about Joanne’s challenge to him only moments before. Would he have the honesty to stand up and be his true self, when it counted?
And Amelia, unknowingly, pushed the point home further.
“Many of the things you proposed sounded insane. Doing the opposite thing. But we did them and they worked. Why not say that? Wouldn’t that be honest? Wouldn’t that be the truth? You’ve lived your life honestly all along, according to your own set of opposite rules, and I can’t see you not doing it now.”
“Interesting,” Dr. Carroll said, and he tapped his fingertips together. “It would be a relief to come clean. I admit that. And you are not wrong when you say that that action would be more true to myself than if I murdered you and the boy and left your bodies to rot in the woods. That wouldn’t really be me being myself. But me saying: look, I wanted control, I wanted order and I wanted peace and I took control and achieved it. Well, yes, that would be me!” His eyes glittered with happiness but then they clouded over.
“But I would be incarcerated,” he added. “That wouldn’t be pleasant.”
“You live within the freedom of your own mind,” Amelia reminded him. “You told us that. You told us that being true to ourselves in this worldly cage was preferable to us being our socially-conditioned castrated selves caged in the world created by others.” Amelia was not sure if he had in fact said that but he nodded and she continued.
“Besides,” she said, “you could write books on D.T.O.T. and imagine the publicity. You would be lauded for having taken it to the nth degree, for having had the courage to explore its range and unlimited possibilities. You’d be regarded as a man of great courage for having faith in your own work to the extent that you’d give up what others regarded as a great career.”
“I’d be kicked out of the profession,” Dr. Carroll argued. “I’d be branded a lunatic.”
“You’d be called a genius. An avant garde hero. A legend. A man of courage and foresight. But it’s up to you. I, however, know what you will choose.”
“You just don’t want to die.”
“Of course I don’t. Neither would you. But if you are going to kill me, I have little choice in the matter and so be it.”
“Hmmm. You do utter some words of wisdom, young lady. Perhaps you should go into the profession of psychiatry.”
He got up and picked up the phone and dialed 911. “Hello?” he said. “Is this call being recorded? I want this to be recorded.”
“It is being recorded, sir. What is your emergency?”
“I kidnapped my wife and my son and my daughter and I have held them hostage for the past six months. I also kidnapped and held two of my patients hostage and I was planning to murder them. I hereby give myself up and I admit to everything I have done. My address is 187 Milson Road and I will wait here, to be arrested. You should bring ambulances for five people. They will live but they have been heavily sedated.”
“Please stay on the line, sir. Police cars and ambulances have been dispatched to your address and should be there shortly.”
Dr. Carroll turned to Amelia and winked at her. “You’re so right,” he said, exultantly. “D.T.O.T. wins! Excellent thinking, young woman. Clearly, you were a student who heard what I was saying.”
“Are you still on the line, sir?”
“I’m here, I’m here…” Dr. Carroll replied, his foot tapping the ground impatiently.
Amelia’s chafed skin was burning but despite the pain, she was fighting to stay awake. The adrenalin that had flooded her system when she confronted Dr. Carroll was fading and she was growing increasingly sleepy as the drugs regained their hold. She was struggling to keep her eyes open when she heard the sound of the front door being broken down and someone crashed into the living room.
And then, to her amazement, Amelia heard her mother’s voice.
“Amelia, honey, are you here? Where are you? Amelia, answer me!”
“Mom?” Amelia couldn’t believe her ears “Mom, is that you? What are you doing here? How did you find me? I’m in the kitchen.”
Her mother burst through the kitchen door, took one look at Amelia and gathered her in her arms as if she was weightless. “Oh honey. Are you okay?”
“I will be. How did you find me?”
“It wasn’t easy. Is your boyfriend okay?”
“I’m not sure if he’s my boyfriend, but he’s very drugged. He’s alive but he’s heavily sedated.”
“Amelia!” Ethel and Henry both rushed into the kitchen, both of them in tears.
“Nana! Dad! You guys are so cool! Like superheroes!”
The sound of sirens filled the air and within minutes, police officers flooded the house and handcuffed the grinning Dr. Carroll.
But Amelia, on a stretcher at this point, asked to have one word with him before he was taken away. “Dr. Carroll,” she said. “You know all that stuff I said to you in there?”
“Yes?”
“It was the opposite of what I really believe. What you did had nothing to do with any therapy that you believed in. It was just the psychopathic antics of a little man. And that you bought into my speech shows that you don’t know anything about people at all. Have fun in prison.”
Amelia watched his jaw drop and then she lay back on her stretcher, worn out. “Mom,” Amelia said. “If you don’t mind, I need to sleep. You can fill me in later, how you guys all found me and everything.” And with that she passed out.
“She’s fine,” the medic reassured Ethel and Megan and Henry. “How she managed to stay alert like she did, with that level of drugs she’s got in her system is incredible. She saved her life and the young man’s life for sure. And most likely the mother and kids. They couldn’t have take
n much more in their systems. It will be hard to detox them. It’s going to take a while. But your daughter, she’s pretty amazing.”
“She’s our nearly girl,” Megan said, stroking Amelia’s hair. “Nearly miraculous, utterly loved.”
EPILOGUE
I FINALLY CAME TO THE END OF MY STORY and I looked at Spencer and Ana. “What happened next?” Spencer asked and Ana nodded.
“Dr. Carroll fulfilled Amelia’s prophecy and became a revered hero in prison. D.T.O.T. became a cult movement with thousands of fans all over the world. He got a life sentence, but he still managed to have a weekly reality TV show and he published another three books about D.T.O.T. in action; case studies which he conducted in the prison to support his hypothesis. Prison inmates became compliant, helpful, and charitable, and Dr. Carroll was soon appointed as a representative on the board of directors.”
“You know, I do remember reading about him, the loony tune,” Spencer said. “As far as I know, he’s still going strong.”
I nodded. “He is. His wife and children recovered and left the country to go and live in New Mexico. Mrs. Carroll never remarried and became a recluse, supported financially by the Foundation of Psychiatrists of North America. Jason’s a wildlife conservationist, while Bella is a chartered accountant for a legal firm in New York.”
“And what about Henry?” Spencer asked.
“He’s still publishing poetry. He left his mansion in Rosedale and moved in with Ethel and Megan,” I said. “That was where I saw him when I went to visit Amelia. Ethel got her good health back and she carried on playing bingo and took up lawn bowling. Megan cut down on her bodybuilding and became a yoga instructor instead, and when I saw her, she had stopped smoking and she wasn’t orange anymore.”
“What about Mike and Amelia?” Ana asked. “Did they stay together?”
I shook my head. “Mike realized that he and Amelia didn’t have much in common and he went back to Jane who was very forgiving after everything he had gone through with Dr. Carroll. Mike and Amelia stayed in touch and she told me that Mike was so relieved to have his normal, safe life returned to him that he never had a problem speaking in public again. She said that Mike joked that more than a few people had remarked that it was hard to shut him up, so Dr. Carroll had been right about that. Amelia wasn’t broken-hearted that he went back to Jane. I think she was quite relieved actually.”
“And the other members of the group?” Spencer asked.
“Amelia told me that Whitney came clean to her husband about her affairs with Alexei and Joanne and not only did he forgive her, he suggested they tried swinging and it worked so well that Whitney never had another day of depression. David went to Vancouver and started a new life and married a woman with two small boys and he is very happy. But not everybody had a happy ending. Persephone’s anxiety got worse until she was admitted as an inpatient and she’s still in hospital. And, oh the horror, Ainsley’s worse fears came true and her finger was cut off and her wedding and engagement rings were stolen. She was on honeymoon in Africa and she came out of it kind of okay but she has refused to wear jewellery ever again, and she won’t ever leave Canada again for a holiday either.”
“What a bunch!” Spencer commented, grinning. “And the big Russian with anger-management issues? I liked him.”
“Shannon and Alexei hit it off and they got married. Shannon never came to grips with her claustrophobia, but Alexei did stop fighting the world and having sex with random women. Joanne met a human-rights lawyer who liked world travel and Siamese cats, and they were still together the last time I saw Amelia.”
“And what about Amelia?” Ana asked. “What happened to her?”
“She finished her thesis and got her doctorate in literary metaphorical comparisons between historical figures and classical playwrights.”
“She couldn’t have been too dim-witted,” Ana commented and I nodded.
“She was a clever girl, she just wasn’t as up-there as Henry. I left university before she did and we lost touch but I heard she went to France after she graduated, to visit the village where Joan of Arc was born. I should try to get in touch with her again, see what she’s up to. My bet is that she will have done everything she ever wanted to, in exactly the way she wanted to. Well, nearly, anyway.”
“Speaking of nearly,” Spencer said, getting up and smoothing his trousers. “It’s nearly time for our meeting. Let’s go and knock this one out the ballpark, no nearlys about it.”
We followed him out into the freezing rain of the dark November day, and I suddenly had a vision of Amelia. She was wearing a thin yellow cotton summer dress and she was soaked to the bone, running along the stormy beachfront with the waves crashing wild and high against the rocks. Coal-black clouds swirled up above like swallow murmurations, and in her hand she held a bunch of jostling red helium balloons, while a giant golden retriever bounded along beside her. Amelia was smiling from ear to ear.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Many thanks to my beloved Inanna Publications, particularly to my ever-wonderful Editor-in-Chief, Luciana Ricciutelli, and awesome Publicist, Renée Knapp.
Thanks and love to Tully and Grayson, little angels who taught me all about Art and Move, and Duck, Duck, Geese.
To my family for all their love and support and thanks especially to Bradford Dunlop for reading all the versions of every story and encouraging me every step of the way.
To the real Ethel and Ed: I borrowed your names and your kindness to strangers who were in need of a helping hand. My Ethel and Ed were also inspired by your generosity in sharing your home, as well as your unjudgmental love. Thanks also to Mike Shoss for helpful insights that went into the creation of my Mike.
Grateful thanks to early supporters of the book: Jill Buchner, Gina Buonaguro, Carolyn Shannon, Andrea Thompson, Michael Fraser, Heather Babcock, Elaine Ash, Lynne Murphy, and Mandy Eve Barnett.
Thanks to the Mesdames of Mayhem, and thanks to the Toronto writing community.
Bibliography:
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, Fifth Edition, Edmund J. Bourke, New Harbinger Publications, Inc, 2010.
Mind Over Mood, Second Edition, Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky, The Guilford Press, 2016.
Credit:
Raisin meditation: various sites via Google.
Photo: Bradford Dunlop
Originally from South Africa, Lisa de Nikolits has lived in Canada since 2000. The Nearly Girl is her sixth novel. Previous novels include: The Hungry Mirror (2011 ippy Awards Gold Medal Winner); West of Wawa (2012 ippy Silver Medal Winner and a Chatelaine Editor’s Pick); A Glittering Chaos (2014 ippy Silver Medal Winner); The Witchdoctor’s Bones; and most recently, Between The Cracks She Fell (2016 ippy Bronze Medal Winner and a Canadian Living magazine “must-read book of 2015”). Her short fiction and poetry has also been published in various anthologies and journals. She lives and writes in Toronto.
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