“There are a few options. Having the photos behind a password is one, but if you’d be more comfortable, I could have them strictly available to see in person where there wouldn’t be the chance of someone copying them and posting them other places.” I’d thought of several different options, but that one seemed like the best idea.
“So like one of those coffee table books?”
“Something like that, once I get more photos to include in a collection. For now, I’d probably just have prints for them to see when they come in.” I liked the idea of the book, but when the only photos I had were of Eli in those panties, an entire book wasn’t an option.
He was quiet, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. I could almost hear him thinking through the idea. When he spoke it was calm and almost businesslike. “I know a few guys who’d like to have something like that done of their subs. Sexy pictures for their playrooms and stuff.”
“Yes, it’s hard finding photographers in the area that do anything like it, at least, from what I’ve seen.” I’d been researching different avenues for acquiring new customers and looking for competition for the last couple of days, and I hadn’t found anything that looked remotely close to what I was doing.
“Yeah, I bet. Sam finally took photos of his sub himself, but he isn’t really pleased with how they turned out.” Eli seemed to like the business concept, but he still hadn’t responded to the initial question.
“Would you be comfortable with me showing the photos in that kind of setting to lifestyle couples and individuals who wouldn’t have access to copying them?” I held my breath as he considered the question.
Several times I looked down at the phone to make sure we were still connected. We were, but he was so quiet I couldn’t even hear his breathing. Finally, he started to talk. “Now, the only reason I’m even offering this is because I feel a little bit responsible about how everything went down.”
That wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but it wasn’t no, so I tried not to fuck it up. “Alright.”
If I kept my mouth shut, maybe he wouldn’t lose his marbles.
Eli took a deep breath and continued while I waited on eggshells for his response. “The pictures might have turned out great, but with just the one shoot and look, it won’t be enough.”
What was he offering? I knew by the way he was speaking that he thought what he was hinting at was clearer, but I wasn’t going to assume. Did he think that it wasn’t any use with only the handful of photos I’d pick from the shoot? It wouldn’t be the greatest start, but I’d made do with less.
Thankfully, Eli continued. “If you think we can make it work, I’d be willing to do another shoot with a similar theme or some kind of lifestyle theme for you to use in a portfolio book. Not online, mind you, just in person.”
“Thank you, and I want you to know that I understand privacy, Eli. The lifestyle is personal, and people don’t always understand.” Even after having everything blasted all over the internet and explained numerous times, some people in my family still didn’t get it.
He cleared his throat. “Everyone here knows who I am and what I do. I don’t hide it. However, my family is very conservative and wouldn’t understand. I realize that at some point they’re going to find out. Hell, if they googled me they’d probably come up with more information than I want them to know. But as of now, they’re in the dark, and I’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible.”
I would have loved to have been able to say my family didn’t know what I was doing. “That makes sense, and I wouldn’t violate your privacy. I could add a clause about the photos just being used in person to the contract to make sure that couldn’t change.”
Eli immediately started talking, the wheels in his mind already turning. “And that the photos couldn’t be sold without my permission…I’m not saying I don’t trust you, but if you get hit by a bus and your family inherits them and tries to sell them or something…Well, maybe I’m crazy, but—”
I broke in on the rambling worries that were starting to get out of hand. “No, the concern is valid. I’ll update the contract to state that the photos I take of you can’t be sold without your permission, and that they’re only for use in print for the purpose of illustrating the types of photos that can be taken in the new business.”
It would be limiting for me if the shit hit the fan between us again, but it was better than nothing. Once everything got off the ground, I could continue to grow my portfolio, but it would work for the time being. “Thank you for your willingness to take the photos.”
“Like I said, it’s kind of my fault. I didn’t realize the situation with your ex.”
Wincing, because I’d half-hoped that they hadn’t seen all the drama, I tried not to sound emotional. “Thank you. I should have asked more questions and not made assumptions.” And not reacted to every bratty thing that he’d done.
“Listen,” Eli sighed. “I don’t think doing this in the studio is a good idea. Permission and stuff isn’t the issue, but I don’t want an audience.”
I didn’t want an audience or to be arrested for trespassing. “My apartment is small, but I could make it work if you’re comfortable doing it here.”
“Small” really didn’t do the large closet I was living in justice, but someplace public wasn’t really an option with the kinds of photos I would be taking.
Eli’s voice sounded distracted, like he was thinking through the idea as he was talking. “We could do it here…I have a guest room that’s basically empty and would make a good neutral backdrop because other than painting an accent wall, there wasn’t much I had done to it.”
Was he talking about his place?
“Your apartment?”
“Well, house but yeah. I think there’s enough variety that we could do a few shoots if we want to. I have some props and things that would give the photos different looks. Then you should have enough for a full book. I think that would look more professional.” He sounded more businesslike than I’d ever heard from him, and it was almost startling.
“That would be fine.” It would be perfect, as long as his place was at least one or two steps above mine.
“Great. I have a lot going on this week, but I could either do next weekend…or I guess later this afternoon, if that would work.” Eli was starting to sound a little less sure, so I jumped in.
“I think today would be fine.” Glancing down, I winced at how rough I looked. “Um, let’s say two hours, if that works for you?”
“That’s fine.” Eli seemed relieved to have the decision made. “Do you have something to write my address down with?”
“One second.” After grabbing a piece of paper and jotting down the unfamiliar address, I said goodbye, and we hung up awkwardly.
It’d gone better than I’d expected, but somehow I was still disappointed.
I wasn’t sure what I’d been picturing, but the stilted conversation with a man who sounded like a stranger wasn’t it. Telling myself it had to be better than just screaming at each other, the words felt hollow.
Would it affect the pictures?
I pushed back the little voice that whispered the photos weren’t what I was concerned about. They were the only things that mattered. The passion that the anger generated made the original photos incredible; it was only natural that the lack of emotion in his voice would concern me.
If I could have gotten that shoot out of my head, everything would have been easier.
If I could have gotten the look on his face out of my head, it would have been perfect.
If I could have gotten the feel of my hands on his body out of my head, I might have been able to move on. But there wasn’t anything to move on from.
Forcing myself to walk away from the table, I headed for the bathroom. I needed clothes and to look like I hadn’t been living like a bum. I was not going to show up at his house looking like a teenager pining over an ex.
We hadn’t even dated.
One hand j
ob and a few incredible pictures didn’t make a relationship.
Doing my best to shove the random, useless thoughts out of my mind, I turned on the water in the shower and shook my head at my reflection. “Your sorry ass needs to function.”
It was going to blow up in my face, but even knowing that, there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I needed the photos. I needed to be able to show people that I was a real photographer who could take beautiful pictures. That I could capture the passion and honesty the lifestyle illustrated so perfectly.
Eli was simply going to help me accomplish that.
But the way he’d looked, stretched out and aching for me, wouldn’t leave my head. Even as I stripped my clothes off and stepped into the shower, the desire and need that had radiated from him was like a neon sign in my head, flashing his perfection and arousal.
He’d looked up at me with a submission and desire that would never be matched, and for that one moment, he’d been the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Once he’d pleaded for me and had given himself to me, there was no way I could have held myself back. Touching him had been instinctive, like breathing.
Leaning on the smooth plastic of the cheap shower, I let the spray wash over me, and I took my cock in my hand. I probably should have felt guilty, but all I wanted to do was sink into the memory. Closing my eyes, I teased at the head of my dick with my thumb, loving the way it sent shivers through me.
As I gave in to the slow strokes that my cock wanted, my mind brought up the image of Eli stretched out for me. With his body desperate for more, he’d fought to stay still and submit to whatever I’d wanted. His hard cock had jerked and leaked precum while he begged with words and desperate sounds that had gone straight to my dick.
My own hand moved faster as the memories raced across my mind. As the images switched to the tempting things I’d wanted to do to him, it was all I could do to hold my orgasm back. I could almost feel him spread out under me as I slid into him, fucking him and taking him harder and pushing him higher.
Streams of cum shot out as the pleasure flooded through me. Forcing my eyes open as my orgasm faded, I stepped into the cooling spray of the water, trying to chase the images and the not-quite-satisfied need away.
I might have just come, but there was an empty feeling that I knew wouldn’t fade anytime soon.
Chapter 12
Eli
I was an idiot.
There was no other way to describe it.
Pacing through the house, watching the clock count down to the impending disaster, I couldn't even explain why I’d done it. Sure, guilt had been a primary motivator, but I’d felt bad over a lot of things in my life, and they’d never caused me to do anything quite that stupid.
I’d asked Roman over.
Maybe it was the distance I’d had from the situation…maybe it was because I’d finally been able to see it from a different perspective…maybe it was just because I missed him, but I was ready to see him again.
It’d taken days and another long conversation with Reece before I’d finally admitted the truth. I could have fixed things sooner. I could have stopped being difficult long enough to ask questions, and I could have stopped responding to everything with anger.
Not the drama. I didn’t feel bad about that part.
Even if he’d meant everything he’d said—and I still wasn’t sure he hadn’t—that didn’t mean I’d needed to fight back with such venom. Walking away was always an option. I just hadn’t even tried to do it.
Something about him just made me crazy.
It was like some kind of fucked-up mirror. Every emotion he gave me was magnified, and I had to send it back. The anger, the disdain, the passion, the pleasure…it all bounced back and forth until something exploded.
I was a brat, but no one else made me that insane.
I couldn’t decide if I was addicted to the drama and didn’t want to walk away, or if there was really something between us. Probably both. In those precious moments before he’d stormed out of the studio, everything had been perfect.
All I’d wanted was to curl into him and let him wrap his body around me, then deep in me. With the right guy and the right situation, it didn’t take much to send me to subspace. But it was finding the perfect balance of man and trust that was the difficult part. Roman had hit every button.
He hadn’t taken shit from me.
The spanking had been perfect.
He’d taken control without doubting that I would behave.
Every. Fuckin’. Button.
I wanted it again.
I was an addict, and he was my drug of choice. Or at least that was the way it felt to me. Reece talked about the passion he’d seen between us and about the fiery way we’d rubbed against each other when we argued. He’d said that every time we’d interacted, he’d expected an explosion. He just hadn’t been sure if it would be fireworks and passion, or a volcano.
As the final minutes counted down, I couldn’t decide which one I wanted it to be.
No matter how civil we’d been on the phone, I knew we couldn’t keep it up. Neither of us were calm enough to put up with shit, and one of us was bound to say something that set the other off. Even if it was offhand, it could easily get out of control.
No matter how sexy he was with that rough, stern demeanor, I wasn’t going to change myself for anyone. Elijah was bad enough…Eli wasn’t going back in the closet. Houston had said that Roman was probably just gun-shy after his last relationship had exploded. But I wasn’t confident enough in my ability to read Roman to be able to guess if that was it.
I knew on a rational level that his frustrations with his ex affected how he saw me and probably how he’d see future relationships, but I wasn’t sure how deep that went. I couldn't imagine having to behave all the time and watch what I said, always worrying about what he’d think or if I’d cross the line.
I wanted to cross the line.
I wanted to know that at some point he’d pull me across his lap and spank me again. I wanted him to get so frustrated, he’d shove me up against the wall and pound his cock into me because it was the only way he could think of to shut me up.
But not if he would end up hating me for it.
I had enough serious shit in my life; I needed the escape. Between school, work, the volunteer stuff that was important to me, and the insanity I had to put up with when it came to my family, Eli was my escape…my release valve.
Eli got to drive everyone crazy and prance around half-naked, knowing people were going to be drooling over the photos. Everyone needed a place in their life they could let their inner brat out, most people just didn’t have that safe space…I did.
And I wasn’t going to let him ruin it.
As I made one last lap around the living room and the kitchen, the doorbell finally rang. Forcing myself to walk at a reasonable pace, I was at the door in seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. I just wanted it over with. I didn’t have enough patience to draw things out like we were doing.
Roman was looking up at the house as I opened the door. He glanced back at me with an odd expression on his face. “Hi. Nice house.”
“Thanks.” I shrugged. “Come on in.”
Stepping back, I waved him in. “I set some stuff on the guest room bed for you to look at. I wasn’t sure what kinds of kinks and themes you were going to want to shoot.”
Focusing on the work let me push the fears and confusion to the back of my head, but it was unsettling and I didn’t like it. Roman either didn’t want to talk about all the shit that had gone on or wasn’t sure how to bring it up, because he simply nodded and walked in quietly.
When he finally spoke, it was in an even tone like a lawyer would use. “Thank you. I’d ideally like a variety of looks and fetishes so I can give people different styles to look at. You’re very expressive on camera, so I’m sure we can come up with different things.”
Okay, so a dirty lawyer.
“That makes sense, and th
ank you. I tried to pick out a few things, so let me know what works for you.” Heading back through the house, I led Roman to the rarely used guest room. Most of the time when I went out with friends, we ended up back at someone else’s place, so I hadn’t gotten that many overnight visitors.
Gesturing to the nearly blank room, I looked at Roman. “It’s fairly bland, but that probably works better than having it decorated all strangely.”
He gave a small smile. “Bland is better than a lot of decorating that I’ve seen. My grandma’s guest room had wallpaper with these big red cabbage roses on it. She was insanely proud of it, but it was so ugly you just couldn’t look at it.”
Grinning, I nodded. “I think everyone in that generation had questionable taste in wallpaper.”
Roman’s smile widened, and he tilted his head toward the bed. “Is that the stuff?”
“Yes.” Waving my hand at the pile, I tried not to be nervous, but it wasn’t working. “Check it out and let me know if there’s anything you’d like me to look for.”
I’d had guys over, so I knew it wasn’t someone invading my space that was making me nervous. I’d even been mostly naked in front of Roman countless times…when we were almost functional and then when we were screaming, so it couldn’t be the photos that were making me uncomfortable. But I wasn’t sure what it was.
Something about it just felt more personal.
As he looked at the collars and items that I’d gathered, I realized it was because he was seeing more of me. I’d known that the photos would revolve around me looking like a submissive for the camera, and that didn’t bother me. But that was my collar on the bed. Those were the clothes I’d picked out. They were my toys.
Nothing crazy or that screamed fuck me, but it was intimate in a way I hadn’t expected.
As I watched his fingers trail over the leather of the collar and soft lining of the cuffs, I couldn’t keep the worries at bay. What would he say? Would he realize how different it was, or would it just be the same to him?
Leashes & Lace Books 1-3: MM Romance Boxed Set Page 26
