by Emmy Eugene
“I’m okay,” Travis said, and Russ couldn’t hold back his laughter for another moment. It burst out of his throat before he could silence it. The doorbell rang, and everyone turned toward the front door.
His laughter cutoff mid-ha, and he spun back to the kitchen to get the blueprints and the thermoses. He wasn’t finished with his hot chocolate, but he had plenty to enjoy—with Janelle. “Don’t you dare answer that!”
He rolled up the blueprint quickly and tucked it under his arm before grabbing the thermoses. Hurrying back into the living room, he told himself to calm down. Take a breath.
“Are you guys going to be here?” Travis asked. “You could help with the tree.”
“No, we’re going to her place, remember?”
“Oh, right,” Travis said. “You’re showing her the blueprints?”
Russ paused with his hand on the doorknob. He hadn’t even thought Travis wouldn’t want Janelle to see it. But he had drawn the new dog enclosure, and it wasn’t Russ’s to share. “Is that okay?”
“It’s fine,” Travis said, but Russ should’ve talked to him about it. Before Russ could say he didn’t need to show anyone, the doorbell rang again.
Russ pulled open the door. He could deal with Travis later. “Janelle, hi,” he said, stepping outside as he spoke. He handed her one of the thermoses and pulled the door closed behind him. “Hot chocolate for later. It should stay plenty warm during dinner.”
Janelle took a step back, but she didn’t leave much space between them. She smelled like flowers and peaches, and Russ couldn’t help grinning at her like she was his best friend. In many ways, she was.
She grinned back at him. “Hi, yourself, cowboy.”
Oh, so she was going to be the flirty single mom tonight. Russ sure did like that, and he ducked his head to conceal how much he liked it. The air had a bite to it, and he started for the steps. “How does Ramen Nation sound tonight?”
“Amazing,” she said. “I haven’t been there in a while.” She linked her arm through his elbow, dislodging the blueprint. “Oh. What’s that?”
The rolled up paper bounced its way down the steps, and Russ went after it. “Travis and I are going to build Seth a new dog enclosure.”
“Oh, that’s right,” she said. She stooped to pick up the blueprint. “Maybe you don’t need my stable.”
“We do,” Russ said quickly. He arrived at his truck and took the thermos from her, setting both of them on the front seat. He turned back to her and took the blueprint, spreading it out on the hood of the truck. “It’s going to take at least a month to build this. I’m hoping to have it done by Christmas, but honestly that will take a miracle.”
“A Christmas miracle,” Janelle said, a playful edge in her voice.
“Better start praying,” he said, glancing at her.
She smiled again, and with the sun almost down for the day, and the last of the golden light haloing her, she looked like an angel straight from heaven.
He cleared his throat and ran his hands over the blueprint again. “Okay, so this one will hold sixteen dogs.” He went on to show her the entrances, the double-stacking of the dogs, the gates between them. “And we’re going to start tomorrow.”
“You’ll get to drive the excavator,” she said, leaning against his bicep.
“You know what I like,” he said, chuckling.
“Yeah, the big machines.”
“They’re fun to drive,” he said, leaning against her and pressing his lips to the top of her head.
“This looks intense,” she said. “You’re going to be busier than normal.”
“Probably,” he said. “I’ll get everyone around here on board.”
Janelle’s feet scuffed against the ground, making a scraping sound. “What if…what if the girls and I came to help this weekend?”
Russ whipped his attention toward her, his eyes searching her face. Was she serious?
She looked serious as she gazed back at him. She finally asked, “What?”
“You and the girls?” he asked.
“Yeah.” She shrugged, but everything about this was important. “I’d like you to meet them.”
“This weekend,” Russ said.
“Yeah.” Janelle leaned into him and ran one hand down the side of his face. It was very, very hard for Russ not to press into that delightful, feminine touch. “This weekend.”
Chapter Four
Janelle couldn’t believe she’d volunteered to bring the girls out to the ranch. But it was time.
It is, she told herself again as Russ walked with her over to the passenger side of his truck and helped her up. He seemed a bit more guarded with her. A week ago, before she’d broken up with him, when she’d touched his face and traced her fingers down the side of his face, he’d have kissed her.
Tonight, he hadn’t even moved in that direction. Janelle wished with everything inside her that she hadn’t freaked out when he’d suggested that it might be time for him to meet her girls.
Janelle didn’t mean to be overly protective of them. She simply was. Henry could be an absolute nightmare sometimes, and sometimes Kadence and Kelly paid the price during one of his bad moods.
And until recently, Janelle had been more concerned with her work than her family too. The moment she’d realized she sometimes acted exactly like Henry, she’d decided to cut back on her hours and let the law firm run like the well-oiled machine she’d set it up to be.
Being a more involved mother was harder than she’d thought it would be. Preparing a case? That she could do. Interviewing a client? Easy. Working sixteen hours a day? No problem.
Dealing with homework, making dinner, or listening to Kelly cry after she didn’t get picked for the right part in her class reader’s theater had been much harder than Janelle had anticipated.
If she were being honest with herself, she didn’t know what she was doing, trying to raise two girls by herself. Things weren’t neat or pretty, and facts didn’t line up the way they did in legal briefs. Sure, she’d seen plenty of custody fights over the years, and she was very good at winning them. But she honestly had no idea how to win her own, or how to make sure the girls had all of their needs met.
Her anxiety over being a good mother had bled into other parts of her life—including her new relationship with Russ—and that had led to her slight overprotectiveness.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Janelle turned and looked at Russ, who had gotten in the truck and started driving toward town. “Sorry,” she said. “Yes, I’m okay.” She put a smile on her face, because she’d been looking forward to seeing him all day long. She couldn’t get lost inside her head again, especially because she’d been through all of these thoughts dozens of times before.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
Janelle turned away and looked out the window. Darkness was falling fast, and the trees crowded so close to the road anyway that she couldn’t see much of anything. She and Russ had started this game on their first date, and she’d found it cute then. She’d loved learning more about him and sharing more about herself with him.
But now that they were a little deeper into their relationship, her confessions weren’t about the fact that she liked pistachio ice cream or watched Saturday morning cartoons with her daughters. If she told him, he’d see real fears and concerns. He’d know she wasn’t perfect.
“Are we not doing that anymore?” he asked, and Janelle knew he was trying so very hard.
“I was just thinking about how hard it is for me to be a good mom.” She tried on a grin, but it felt a little watery.
“You are a good mom.” Russ glanced at Janelle, and she looked at him. The same connection that had formed between them the moment she’d sat down in front of him at the speed dating event materialized again.
She reached over and slipped her hand into his. “You don’t even know that.”
“Sure, I do,” he said. “You’re a good person, so you have to be a good mom.�
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“You think I’m a good person?”
Russ looked at her for so long, Janelle thought he’d drive them right off the road. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
He looked back out the windshield. “Janelle, I wouldn’t go out with you if I didn’t think you were a good woman.” He squeezed her hand. “I want a good woman in my life.”
Janelle had no idea what to say. She really wanted to be the woman he wanted in his life, and a slip of anxiety moved through her. What if she couldn’t be good enough for him? He’d never been married. He didn’t understand how messy marriages were. How disgusting her house was ninety percent of the time.
She’d given up the housekeepers at the same time she’d stopped working afternoons. She could wipe down a counter and put in a load of laundry when she wasn’t working eighty hours a week. And she did, but she liked making piles of papers, art projects, bills, ID cards, and anything else that came into her hands that she might want later.
She held onto all the girls’ ceramics, drawings, and notes from school. She had a bin in the laundry room for school things and a bin for the after-school clubs Kelly and Kadence attended. Everything else got piled on the built-in desk in the kitchen or a box in the pantry when the desk got too full.
No wonder she’d never invited Russ to her house. He’d run screaming, and she was glad she’d only be taking him out to the stables that evening.
“Do you want to get the food and eat under the stars?” Russ asked, and the husky quality of his voice was the most romantic thing in the world. “Maybe it’s too cold for that.”
“Do you still have that blanket in the back of your truck?”
Russ glanced at her, and that was an affirmative.
“Let’s get it to go,” Janelle said.
Russ joined the drive-through line, and Ramen Nation was one of the fastest restaurants in the county, and before Janelle knew it, he passed her a bag with two bowls of soup and an order of edamame. She balanced it on her lap while Russ drove out of the parking lot and headed away from the main square in Chestnut Springs.
Janelle didn’t have to ask where he was headed. They’d gone to Bridal Veil Falls several times in the past few months, and after a short ten-minute walk, the entire sky opened up above them. With the sound of rushing water nearby, and the universe winking to life overhead, and the delicious soup… It was the best date Janelle had ever been on.
The light pollution from the town disappeared behind them, and a minute later, he made a right turn into the parking lot. Only a couple of cars sat there, and Russ pulled all the way to the end of the lot, nearest to the trailhead.
“You’ve got the food?”
“Mm hm.” Janelle collected it and slid out of the truck, glad she’d put a jacket on. She’d take Russ’s arm around her too, though, and she hoped that would happen.
Russ joined her at the hood of the truck, a blanket in his arms. He reached for her hand, and she easily put hers in his. The hike didn’t last long, and neither of them spoke. Janelle liked that everything about Russ was about ten times slower than the rest of her life, all aspects of it. She liked that she didn’t have to call for an assistant or wonder where the file she needed was.
Russ went past the last stand of trees and said, “Here?”
“Yes,” she said. The short walk had gotten her blood moving, and she settled onto the bench next to Russ and he draped the blanket over their legs.
“Okay?” He lifted his arm, and Janelle leaned into him.
“Now it’s okay.” She snuggled right into him, and she loved the affection he showed for her by tucking her right into his side and pressing his lips to her forehead again. She really wanted him to kiss her that night, but she didn’t think it was going to happen.
Number one, she’d told him that she needed to go slow. Number two, he didn’t trust her. So tonight, they’d eat soup, and she’d take him to her house for the first time. Her nerves flew through her, and she straightened as he handed her a plastic to-go bowl of soup.
He removed his arm from her shoulders and handed her a spoon. “You sure you can handle several dogs, sweetheart?”
“If you show me what to do.”
“We’ll see how your facilities are.”
Janelle suddenly wished she’d hired someone to come work all afternoon and evening, only to deftly clean up quickly only moments before she and Russ arrived at her home. She realized in that moment that she desperately wanted to impress Russ for some reason. She wanted to win him back. She wanted to earn his trust.
“This is so good,” Russ said, stirring his soft-boiled egg into the soup.
Janelle smiled, because the first time she’d suggested Ramen Nation, he’d looked like she’d asked him to eat poison and enjoy it too. To his credit, he’d tried everything she’d suggested, even though he didn’t like some of it.
“I’m glad you like it,” she said. “Kelly gets the same thing as you.”
“She does?” Russ looked at her, but it was dark enough that she couldn’t see a whole lot in his eyes.
“Oh, yeah. Pork broth. No bean sprouts. Chicken, not pork.” She nodded as she wound up another forkful of noodles. “She’s going to love you.”
“You think so?” A hint of true nerves ran through his question, and Janelle thought it was really cute.
“I think so, yes,” Janelle said. “And you want to know what I’m thinking?”
“Always,” he said.
“I’m scared to introduce you to them,” she said. “Not because they won’t love you, but because it’s a lot to take at once.”
Russ took another bite, and Janelle knew he was thinking about what she’d said. “I’m going to like them,” he said.
“I didn’t say you wouldn’t.”
“But that’s what you’re worried about,” Russ said. “When you say it’s a lot, you mean you think I’m not going to like them, or I’m not going to be able to handle them.”
“They’re a lot to handle,” she said.
“Well,” he said, calm as ever. “I still can’t wait to meet them.”
Janelle’s stomach quivered slightly, and she took another bite of noodles to calm it. That didn’t really work, and she put her spoon back in her bowl. She took a deep breath of the crisp, clean air, toying with the idea of introducing him to the girls that night. But she’d asked Audrey to put them to bed by eight, and with her drive to the ranch and back, they wouldn’t make it to her house before eight.
Which is fine, she told herself. The thought of introducing him to her daughters on Saturday was nerve-wracking enough. Saturday. She sucked in a breath and held it for a moment.
She could do this. She liked Russ a whole lot, and she didn’t want to lose him. The several days where he hadn’t called or texted and she hadn’t seen him had been terrible. She didn’t want to go back to that.
Russ was a patient man. He could wait to meet the girls, and she knew he would. But she’d have to introduce him to Kelly and Kadence at some point, and it might as well be Saturday. Then she’d get to see him on the weekend too.
“Janelle,” Russ said, taking her bowl and setting it on the bench beside him along with his. She had no choice but to look at him. “If you don’t want to—”
“I do,” she said.
He just looked at her steadily for what seemed like a long time. “All right,” he said. “But all you have to do is say something, and I’ll…you know. Do what you’re comfortable with.”
“I know,” Janelle said, and that was exactly why he was too good for her. Too good for her messy, always-late, sometimes smelly life. “We’ll be there on Saturday morning,” she said. “But I hope that’s not the next time I see you.”
Russ’s lips twitched into an upward slant. “Come on, baby. Let’s see if we can see the Milky Way tonight.” He put the soup bowls on the ground and leaned back against the arm of the bench.
Janelle leaned back into him, and the two of them gazed up into the sky
. Janelle let go of her worries, her fears that Russ wouldn’t like her kids or the fact that she came with two little girls, and just enjoyed stargazing with the handsome, warm cowboy.
Chapter Five
Russ loved holding Janelle. He knew she’d drawn distinct boxes in her life, and she’d kept him in the ones she liked. She didn’t let him come to her house, meet her kids, or show up at work with a chocolate cupcake on her birthday.
She wanted to see him on the ranch, and she really liked to be taken to dinner, to movies, to symphonies, to State Parks to experience nature and look at constellations.
She’d basically hidden all the most personal parts of herself, and Russ really wanted to crack her open and see what was inside. At the same time, a twinge of fear accompanied the idea, because what if what she was worried about was right? What if he didn’t like her girls? What if they didn’t like him? What if the idea of an instant family of four did become too much for him?
He didn’t allow the thoughts to stay for very long. The scent of Janelle’s sweet perfume helped chase away some of the doubt, and he reminded himself that she was the first woman in five years to catch his eye and stoke his interest. He’d imagined her on the ranch with him, and she seemed to fit there, especially when she wore jeans and T-shirts, though he liked her power skirts and silky blouses too.
She fit perfectly in his arms, and in his life, and Russ just needed to figure out how to keep her there. He wondered if he was really the type of man she wanted, but he was who he was.
A shiver ran through her, making her tremble against his chest, and Russ ran his fingers down her arm. “Should we go?”
“I love the stars,” she said, her voice awed. She made no move to get up, and Russ was content to stay with her under the blanket of stars for as long as she wanted. He might be exhausted the next day but spending time with her was worth it.
“I do too,” he said.
“I thought you were a fan of the moon.”
