This next part is the crux of it all, the reason I react so violently to him now and why we lost our last game. I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything earlier, but I trust your secrecy. You’ve heard us mention Amanda, another of my father’s wards. She’s Anders’ age and was at school with us last year. During the Netherfield-Military College clash last year, she and Anders struck up a relationship that she kept hidden from Jax and me, for obvious reasons. In the last week of the clash, however, I found out about their little tryst. I may not have minded so much had I not found out the way I did.
I found Amanda covered in bruises and cuts, her clothes torn and her body violated. She shook and cried for weeks. Although Jax knew Anders had hurt her, I – and now you – am the only one who knows the story in any real detail. I will leave the detail there, as I do not want to cause you any more distress than necessary. But, you can imagine how I felt and reacted. There was an altercation between Anders and me over it, as there was now we have seen each other again. To this day, I can only presume he hoped to get some money out of the situation, and I imagine hurting me was a strong incentive. Which brings me the most pain, as I feel the most responsible for the horrors Amanda suffered at his hands.
The above is a true account of the matters in which we are both involved. If you can believe me, I hope you will acquit me of any cruelty towards Anders. I don’t know what lies he told you, but I do not blame you for believing him. Not knowing there was any more to it, and knowing me the way you do, doubting him was undoubtedly the furthest thing from your mind.
I guess I should have related this all to you yesterday, but I didn’t rightly have control over myself to know what or how I should go about it. If you want to clarify my story, Hunter knows enough to corroborate the truth, and probably more than even I think he knows. Even if you still doubt me, I trust you keep your faith in him.
Whether I chicken out and email this to you, or man up and give it to you in person remains to be seen. I can only say once more, I’m sorry.
Austin Cooper.
I reread the letter.
Jesus, but I sound like I’m in the wrong century.
Jax had always teased me about my propensity to get overly formal when emotional. And, honestly, I was feeling almost all emotions under the sun at maximum setting; it was unnerving and strange. Unnecessary formality, though, was still me, so I left it as it was.
I hit print, sighed and stretched.
I had no idea how much time had passed, or where Jax had disappeared to, only that he’d done as I’d asked and left me be. Though, what good that did me now with nothing but my own thoughts and self-loathing to keep me company, I don’t know.
No good, is what it did me.
It was time I did something about it.
Chapter Thirty-One
The Wednesday after Austin’s grand declaration, I still went to soccer practice, despite my intense desire to do anything but that.
“Lily!” Austin called as I stood on the sidelines, wrapped up in every piece of warm clothing I could find.
I gave myself a mental pep talk, wishing I had ever been any good at making up excuses on the spot. But, I saw Hunter watching us, so I put on a pleasant enough smile.
“Hi, what’s up?”
“I...uh...here.” He passed me a letter. “If you could just...read that, I’d be really grateful.” He smiled, so unsure of himself that I almost thought Jax stood in front of me.
“Uh, sure. Now, get onto the pitch, Cooper,” I said, trying to alleviate some of the awkwardness.
He nodded and headed off to join his teammates.
I ripped open the letter and read, intrigued to find it wasn’t actually some other attempt at getting me to fall for him. If it was not a reiteration of his feelings for me, I couldn’t say I knew what it was. So, I read on and on.
I was gripped, unable to tear my eyes away even when I heard the team yelling at some minor slight. I just waved a hand at them to indicate they keep playing. I had no idea what to feel, what to think. My mind was a tumult of emotions that chased after one another far too fast for me to completely comprehend.
I started out feeling quite impressed an apology was even within in abilities. I had never expected that Austin Cooper was actually capable of apologising to anyone, let alone me.
However, those feelings were soon chased off by annoyance at him. Did he really expect me to believe he mistrusted Anne’s feelings for Jax? What an utter load of crap. The way he went on about her, just riled me up further. But, it was so very…him; unregretful, haughty, proud and insolent. At least some things would never change.
When he moved on to the matter of Liam, however…my less hectic emotions let me take in the words better, though perhaps that contributed to my feeling worse about it. I didn’t want to believe any of it, least of all that I had so poorly misjudged Liam. Yet, there was a ring of truth to the words I couldn’t shake.
Once I got through it, all I could do was stare at him as he trained. He ran back and forth as he usually did, full of the easy arrogance and lazy smile of the truly gifted in the habitat in which they excelled.
Austin’s letter churned in my mind as I watched the team practise. Not even Hunter’s smartarse comments could pull me out of the shell I seemed to have retreated into. I opened the letter and read the part about Liam again.
Enough of it matched what Liam had told me, and I actually couldn’t really see now any way that Austin was to blame for the whole thing.
I really didn’t want to believe any of it about Liam, but neither could I really justify my faith in his account of the story. What did I actually know about Liam Anders?
He was hot as hell with charm enough to melt all the hearts at Netherfield and beyond. But, beyond that and knowing he was born in Torquay, I didn’t know anything about him. And I only knew what he’d told us. It wasn’t like he and Dane went to any great detail about their lives outside Military College. Who knew where Liam came from? Thinking on it, he could have grown up anywhere.
I was sure he must have something about him that would back up his side of the story, some personality or action that would give credence to my being attracted to him. But, there was nothing. He was just a stupidly good-looking guy who knew how to flatter a girl.
The fact that Austin had suggested I speak to Hunter only made me question my belief in Liam more. Hadn’t Hunter told me on Sunday about something that had happened to Amanda? But, then what a coincidence it was that Hunter mentioned that, then Austin decided to declare his feelings for me…
I had to wonder though… I mean, Liam had seemed so cocky and so sure of himself. Looking back, I was actually shocked at how I’d behaved with him. Here I was, the girl who had professed I’d never just throw my love around, and I had flirted with him shamelessly.
Then there was his profession that Austin wouldn’t stop him from doing what he loved. Yet, he hadn’t come to that party, and had barely spoken to me since. He’d also only told his story to those of us who already disliked Austin, those of us who wouldn’t bother to question any other point of view.
God, I didn’t know what to think any more. I knew I was starting to believe Austin’s story, but I just so didn’t want it to be true.
If Liam was after money, shacking up with Queenie was certainly the way to go about it. What the hell he was doing flirting with me, I can only imagine; he should have known full well I wasn’t about to be raining cash down on any guy, boyfriend or not. Perhaps it was just vanity? Perhaps he just enjoyed making girls fawn over him?
I shoved the letter in my pocket as light drops of rain began to fall. With each drop that fell on me, I felt my faith in Liam getting smaller and smaller until I found I entirely trusted Austin.
It had never made sense to me how Jax could be so lovely when Austin was such a numpty. Anne had said it herself; there must be a different side to Austin, one we didn’t see. I’d seen it occasionally in his eyes, when he looked at Cass or Jax, so I knew he was capable,
to some degree, of not being a sourpuss his entire life. Austin and I had been thrown together a surprising amount of late, and I realised then that there was nothing in his behaviour or talk that could ever be construed as false or unjust. He was an arse most of the time, but he was an honest arse.
As if to underline my thoughts, I watched as Hunter went down under an unfortunate tackle from Brickwell. Austin rushed over to him and, though there was the sarcasm and bluster of all young men, he was caring and attentive to his friend.
God, I’d been totally blind, partial, prejudiced and absurd.
“I’ve been such an idiot…” I muttered.
I’d thought I was sensible and discerning; not as blindly trusting as Anne, not as judgemental as Austin, certainly not as idiotic as my sisters. It seemed I didn’t know myself as well as I’d thought – I wasn’t sensible or discerning; I was vain. Vain enough to think I was right about everyone and everything around me. God, they say love is blind? Ha! Vanity, it seems, makes you more blind. And, here I was, thinking love was the worst thing I could have got myself into!
That thought made me reconsider Austin’s words concerning Anne. I hadn’t been convinced of them the first time round. But, on reading them again, I could actually see what he meant. I’d known Anne as long as Austin had, but I did know her far better. And, I couldn’t say his description of her was entirely unjustified; it did sound just like her.
In that, too, I could only believe he’d only done what he thought was right. Still, it didn’t make his observations of our families any better. It was some comfort to know he thought better of Anne and me, but the idea she had lost Jax because of our families was at once an embarrassment and a heavy blow.
“Oi, Lily! I’ve not given the ball to anyone else in five minutes. Where’s your head at?” I heard Hunter call.
I blinked, realising I’d been staring into space for… God, I didn’t even know how long.
“Pass it on, you twat!” I called back, attempting to sound jovial.
He grinned at me and did as I’d asked.
Austin was, annoyingly, physical perfection as they trained and I knew that would never change. His personality, though, was undergoing a great change in my mind. But, I had no idea on what my mind would settle.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Practice was a hell of a lot quieter than usual without Lily yelling at us constantly.
I’d watched her read the letter, but I couldn’t tell what was going through her head.
“You right, Lil?” Lucas yelled.
“Fine, just getting a cold. Now, come on. Man up or the Military boys will seriously crash through our defences on Saturday.” She smiled with ease and I suspected perhaps nothing I’d had to say had made any difference to her whatsoever.
“Oz, she may be ready to castrate you, but Lily is not likely to spare you her multiple lectures if you don’t get your head out of your arse,” Jax said as he passed me.
“Yeah, I know, I know,” I replied, raking my hand through my hair and dragging my eyes off her.
The wind whipped across the pitch and I put my mind to keeping myself moving to stave off cold. I didn’t usually feel the cold, but I’d been feeling it more keenly than usual the last few days.
I heard a squeal then a giggle. I turned around and saw Williams spinning Lily around.
“Come on, Lil!” Williams laughed. “Whatever’s the matter, just look up at the sky and enjoy the- Argh!”
Lily laughed as the rain started to pour down just as Williams was looking up.
“Oh, poor Hunter. Did you get water in your eye?” she giggled.
Williams lunged towards her, but she darted away and let him chase her around the pitch. Brickwell passed her the ball and she dribbled it awkwardly towards the goal. Lucas and Gerald headed towards her to intercept and Williams grabbed her around her middle and swung her around.
I watched with a heavy heart as she laughed and joked with the rest of the team. Jax appeared beside me, leaning his elbow on my shoulder.
“I’m not going to ask for all the sordid details. But, you’d tell me if there was something I needed to know. Like...with Williams and Lily...?”
I jerked away from him and watched him flail as he fought to keep his balance.
“Dude?”
“Don’t ‘dude’ me, brother,” I snapped. “What is it to me if there’s anything between Williams and Lily?” I was feeling a lot more defensive than I knew was necessary.
Jax did try hard not to laugh, but it seemed he just couldn’t help it. “Oz, talk to me, mate. I’m sure Williams isn’t moving on any territory that the boys could consider yours.”
“That’s just it, Jax. Lily isn’t and never will be mine,” I sighed, watching them all.
Coach sat on the sidelines and smiled at the shenanigans of the team, clearly not at all inclined to get training back on track.
“Not with that attitude, she won’t,” Jax said. “So, you told her you liked her, she shut you down. I take it you’re still feeling the sting? She reject you that badly?”
“Quite spectacularly, as only Lily Brewer could,” I laughed, wryly. “Emotions ran hot, but I’m pretty sure the word ‘love’ was thrown about.”
“What?” Jax rounded on me.
“You heard me clearly.”
“You told her you loved her?”
He jostled me and I winced as he bumped the raw skin on my chest. “I can’t remember the exact wording, but I’m fairly sure I did.” I entirely remembered my wording. It seemed, I couldn’t keep it to myself either. I leant my head back and let the rain fall on my face. “Pretty sure I told her I fell in love with her at first sight.”
“You did what?”
“Yeah, go on have a laugh.”
“No one’s laughing, Oz...” he said softly. “Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Did you fall in love with her at first sight? That would be fairly romantic, even for me!” He whistled.
“Jax, I’ve only known her...what? A couple of months at most?”
Jax shrugged. “Your heart may not have got the memo, brother.”
“Shut up, we’re not characters in some romance story. This is real life, Jax. You don’t just fall in love with someone the moment you meet them, then go through a bunch of hardships before you realise it.”
Jax snorted. “No, I suppose not.”
“Oz, Jax, come on!” Lily yelled, batting at Williams. He finally let go of her and she thumped him playfully.
“You’re the one distracting everyone,” I replied before I could stop myself.
She smiled, despite whatever bad blood was between us. “Well, if I didn’t pit you against my terrible soc...football skills, how else will I beef up your confidence? Now, come on, you’ve only got like twenty minutes left, enough for a practice half.”
“Team change!” Williams yelled pulling off his shirt and throwing it at Lily. She laughed as she missed it. But, wet as it was, it stuck to her and she struggled to pull it off.
I was beside her and helping her before I meant to. She smiled at me in almost sincerity and I felt like the girl in one of those romance novels Jax and I had just been talking about; my stomach fluttered and I couldn’t help but smile at her in return.
“Thanks,” she said, wiping water off her face. She laughed when she realised what she was doing. “Not that it’s going to help! Damn, but this country’s wet.”
“Australia isn’t?”
“It can be, but it can also be damned dry.”
I nodded, then found myself pushed sideways as a half-naked, wet Williams jostled me. “Come on, Tinman, you’re with me! Skins!” And he ran off laughing.
Lily and I shared a smile.
I pulled my top off, grunting as the wet material caught on my skin. I felt Lily’s fingers on me as she helped me out of my shirt. I felt my muscles twitch involuntarily as her hands grazed over them.
“Thanks,” I replied, hoping my voice didn’t so
und so unsteady to her.
“It seemed proper to return the favour,” she said, her cheeks flaring pink. Then she blinked. “Are you okay?”
I looked where she pointed, at the stark white bandage on my chest. I put a hand over it self-consciously; I hadn’t intended anyone to see that any time soon.
Bloody idiot.
“Ah, yeah. New tattoo. Still healing, though.”
She raised an eyebrow in question. “Cool. Maybe you’ll show me one day.”
She flushed again and I nodded awkwardly. “Maybe.”
“Tinman!” Williams called.
I smiled apologetically and extricated myself from the awkwardness that was only mounting the longer I stood there.
Lily was never seeing my new tattoo. Hell, no one was going to see my new tattoo if I could help it. It had been a spur of the moment-
“Cooper!” I heard her yell. “Head in game!”
****
“Are you quite ready to talk about it?” Cassandra asked.
“Talk about what?” I responded as I folded my pants.
“Whatever has you being so...weird...” She waved her hand at me and the laundry.
“You know Cass, most people consider doing their laundry normal,” Jax interjected.
“Uh-huh,” she said, looking around, “regardless, I know something’s happened and I demand to know what it is.”
I looked to Jax, who shook his head slightly; he wasn’t going to tell her anything if I didn’t want him to. I smiled my thanks before turning back to my socks.
“Nothing’s happened, Cass. What’s so wrong with trying to live a little?”
“Living is going out into the world, eating, drinking, falling in and out of love,” I was sure I heard her voice tense at that part, “not this being domestic nonsense. You don’t need to do laundry to have lived, Oz,” she finished dramatically.
“No, but it wouldn’t hurt to know how to do things for myself if the occasion ever calls for it.”
Cass scoffed. “What? You’re preparing for the day Celia disowns you? Something drastic has happened!”
Netherfield Prep: A Modern Reimagining of Jane Austen's 'Pride & Prejudice' Page 21
