“No. I have to get you out of here.” Tears spring to my eyes and clog my throat, making my words thick. I swipe impatiently at my cheeks, but I’m not embarrassed. I just can’t take my eyes off her. Not until I figure this out. Not until they drag me away. “There has to be a way! Let’s just think this through. When the guards open the door, we could all run at them. Four on two, right? Then we try and run for the fence.”
“The building is locked, remember?”
“The windows upstairs—”
“Too high to jump from without breaking our legs. Reed, we’ve been through all of this a million times. There’s no other way. No out this time. Oliver isn’t here to run interference. Sam can’t write a program that Paisley will install. Xoey and her prayers…” She takes a shaky breath. “They’re not working right now. So this is it. It’s what we have to do, and I need you to focus, Reed. Focus on what matters.”
“Riley—”
“I need you to know this: I forgive you. Completely. Utterly.” She pulls me close and kisses me. “And I love you too.”
For a few seconds, everything disappears. It’s just Riley and me, and if we could live in that moment—I swear, I would. For the rest of my life.
But life isn’t kind to us. Not today. I pull away. Our foreheads touch.
“Even if I do what they ask, get their data, and come back here, they’re not letting us go. You heard Ogas. He didn’t even conceal what he wants from me. We need to find something to hold over him. But there’s no time—we have no resources.”
Riley shakes her head. “Not true. As soon as you leave here, go to the Garden. Look for Zoya and Ridhaan. Tell them everything.”
“But—”
“I know you don’t trust them. That’s okay. Just talk to them. Figure out if there’s some way they can help. Some leverage you can get before you get back here with that data.”
I nod because I don’t know what else to do, but I am still fighting all of this on the inside. My face crumples. I bury it in her shoulder. “I can’t leave you here, Riley. I can’t. I love you too much.”
She holds me tight and we rock together. “You can, Reed. My sister will protect me. I’ll be safe as long as I have Lexie.”
That’s when I realize Gabriel has stopped singing. As soon as I pull away from Riley and look across the room, my blood turns cold. Gabriel is slumped over Lexie. His skin is gray, and two syringes are on the floor by his fingers.
Riley reacts before I do, scrambling across the floor with me close on her heels.
“No! No, no, no, no!”
“Riley?”
“Pull him off her! We need to get them both on their sides!”
She’s leaning over Lexie, listening to her chest and crying. “No, Lexie! No. What did you take? What did you take?”
I try to mimic her motions with Gabriel, rolling him on his side with one hand under his head and his knee bent so he doesn’t roll too far. I pick up the syringes, then put them down again. I don’t know where he got them, but they are empty, every drop of poison coursing through their veins.
“Hey!” I scream. “Hey, we need some help in here!”
The soldiers don’t respond, so I jump to my feet and run to the door, banging on it. “Please, help us. Help us!”
The door finally opens, and the soldiers burst through.
Meanwhile, Riley is keening behind me, her face pressed close to her sister’s. “Please, Lexie. No. Don’t be gone. Please don’t be gone.”
50
Xoey
“Two minutes, Xoey.”
I nod and smooth my dress. Less than a year ago, I took the stage at Windmill Bay for the first time, singing for a small crowd that seemed so large. There was a full moon that night, or maybe I’m just romanticizing the memory. There’s a full moon tonight, as well and in a few minutes, I will walk out on stage and sing for an audience of hundreds, while thousands—millions, even—watch from home.
Oliver got me through that first performance. He’ll get me through tonight too. Only this time, he’s not here. Instead he’s in prison, awaiting execution while I stand here, covered in makeup and dressed in a sparkling, silver dress, waiting in the wings to walk out and sing a love song he’ll never hear.
The guards at Guantanamo all but threw me in the helicopter. Kino was bleeding from my fingernails, which I managed to rake across her arms when they dragged me away from Oliver. She has given up pretending I amuse her ever since, escorting me back to my father’s home without comment. When I began to step out of the vehicle, she grabbed my arm, letting her own sharp nails pierce my skin.
“Oliver Penn will be executed at midnight after your Grammy performance, Xoey. I’ll pick you up from the theater. I know you won’t want to miss saying goodbye.”
Since then, I have done everything I can think of to petition Middlebrooks and even President Amaron to stay Oliver’s execution. They are refusing to intervene. Filming for Life with Sean has all but halted, simply because I won’t talk about anything else.
“But your friend Kelan was freed!” my father said. “Surely you can’t throw a temper tantrum every time one of your low-life acquaintances runs afoul of the law and expect the president to fix it for you.”
He has been screaming at me every day, which freaked out the camera crews, who apparently believed his loving daddy performance. The day he raised his hand and threatened to throw me back in the closet was especially insightful. I think he only kept himself from hitting me because he caught his reflection in a mirror. Later while the crew was on break, he grabbed me by the arm, adding several bruises just above the place where Kino pierced me with her nails.
“Listen, you little snot,” my father said. “You have been a disappointment since the day you were born, but you will not wreck my chance to keep my star rising. So here’s what’s going to happen. You are going to play nice from now on. If you don’t, you’re not the only one who will suffer. I’ll make sure they pay too.” He pointed at Portia and my stepsisters, who were all staring at us over their devices, their faces drained of color.
My father let go of me and smirked. “Oh, there’s the face I need our audience to see. That famous Xoey compassion. You’ve wasted it on nobodies your whole life. It’s time you put it to work for me, Xoey. Because, if you don’t, I swear by that God your mother loves so dearly, I will make you all suffer.”
I got up and ran to the bathroom, where I leaned against the mirror, praying for guidance. What would Mom do? I asked myself. Then I washed my face and went back to the living room to sit on the couch with Portia and the girls. I have been playing my part ever since.
Last night, Nox came into my bedroom well past midnight. I was trying to raise one of my friends online, but no one was there. The last thing I heard from Adam was that they were heading into another battle and hoping it brought them closer to Paisley. Sam sent me a longer message, but it was mostly about some new masking program he’s writing. I didn’t understand any of it, but if it helps Paisley, that’s all that matters. That was three days ago. Yesterday, I got a message from Riley.
X,
You’ve gone to rescue O, now I’m off to rescue R. Pray please. We need help now more than ever. -R
I wanted to ask for their prayers for Oliver—instead I got silence. Ever since, I have felt so alone—utterly alone. As if God himself has turned His back on me.
“Come in,” I said to Nox, tossing aside my tablet.
She hovered near the door. “Can I ask you something?”
I patted the end of my bed. “Of course. Sit down.”
“Did you ever… I mean, does anything work with Sean?” Her eyes swam with tears. “After he and Mom got together, I kept thinking that if I was good, maybe he’d see me as a daughter. Then when you came home, it was all he talked about. ‘My precious Xoey,’ ‘my wonderful daughter.’”
“It was all for the cameras, Nox.”
“I hoped I could mimic you. That he’d like me if I did.”
“And that hasn’t turned out so well either.”
Tears fell down her angry cheeks. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that the camera was uncovered. I did not care.
“My father is a narcissist, Nox. He only cares about himself. He pretended to care about me to gain sympathy from his Life with Sean audience.” I took a deep breath. “And I played along for my own reasons. Now I wish I hadn’t.”
“Why did you?”
I shook my head. “I thought it was what I needed to do. But nothing has gone as I planned and right now, I’m lost. I’m completely lost.”
“You don’t seem lost to me.”
I smiled and grabbed my tablet. “Can I send something to your nanochip?”
“Sure. What is it?”
I tapped and swiped. Nox tapped her tragus implant, which told me she accepted the download.
“Some scripture.”
Nox looked scandalized. “Xoey! I thought you’d given up on all that!”
I shook my head. “Something else I was hiding for the cameras, but no more. Read it, Nox. There is a Father who loves you. I hope you see that.”
I feel calm as I take the stage, walking out toward the center amidst applause and a standing ovation—not because I am singing, but because my song was preceded by a video Middlebrooks prepared about my fake rescue by President Amaron’s security force. Members of the audience are wiping tears from their eyes as a spotlight finds my mark, casting me in an ethereal glow.
The music begins. I take a deep breath and begin to sing:
The second hand stalls,
The wind takes a beat,
My tears will not fall,
‘Til my heart feels complete,
For one moment in time.
One Moment in Time,
One breath held in place,
Would it be a crime to just see your face one more time?
When I finish the last verse, the audience rises to their feet, clapping and cheering. I smile and bow, then realize my face is wet with tears. I touch my cheeks, which only makes them cheer even more. Suddenly I realize what I can do. How much power I have in this moment. Jasmine showed me, all those years ago when she defended Sam’s right to live. I smile and hold out my hands, urging the audience to quiet down.
“I would like to sing something else for you, if you don’t mind.”
They begin to cheer again, and I hold my smile, walking toward the edge of the stage, so I cannot see the producer on stage right who is trying to urge me off, or the flashing light on stage left, telling me a commercial is pending.
“Many have asked me about my time away from the Sand, how it changed me, or maybe how I resisted change. I don’t know how to answer that. But I hope this song helps. I hope it shows you the real me.”
Be still my soul, the Lord is on my side,
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain,
Leave to thy God, to order and provide,
In every change, He faithful will remain,
Be still my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend,
Thru thorny ways, leads to a joyful end.
The orchestra begins playing over me and dancers run on stage to spin around me, cutting me off before I can sing a second verse. I don’t care. The audience is confused. Some clap, others look around, shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Most of them have never heard this ancient song, but I see one woman in the fifth row who stands up as I am carried off stage in a sea of dancers. She has tears in her eyes and her hand over her heart. I blow her a kiss and disappear behind the curtain.
Kino is waiting for me.
“You’re making this far too easy for me, Xoey, burning your bridges all at once.”
“Only one bridge matters. And it’s one you are anxious to watch me cross, so what does it matter?”
She shrugs. “It doesn’t matter to me, but the fallout might be more than you can handle.”
“You’ve always underestimated what I could handle. This is no different.”
I square my shoulders and follow her outside. We travel by transport to the airport again, where I am put back on a helicopter with a black bag over my head. I managed to unpin my hair extensions but can do nothing about my sequined dress. When we land at the prison, I follow Kino inside, shining like a beacon with no one to guide.
Kino says nothing. We pass through security, then through the windowed corridor that reveals an empty courtyard tonight, turn three more times, then stop at another security gate.
“They will take him to the lethal injection chamber in one hour,” she says. “You will sit with me in the viewing room and watch.”
The security gate unlocks, and we proceed down a gray corridor with minimal lighting and only a handful of doors. I hear someone crying when we pass the first door, but nothing after that. I am not surprised Kino has brought me directly to Oliver’s cell. She wants me to see this—where he suffered, where he spent his last days. It is meant to torture him and haunt me. For now, at least, she has failed. I feel numb.
I follow her almost to the end, where she ushers me through a cell door.
“I’ll leave you alone until it is time.”
I blink, adjusting to the gloom. There is one high window, four gray walls. A door, no bed, a dim fluorescent light high above. I wonder if there is a hidden camera or microphone so Kino can spy on him, but I don’t think about it long. Oliver is sitting on the floor next to a wall vent, looking at me and breathing hard. He blinks twice, and I wonder if he thinks he’s hallucinating. The way I am dressed and made up, it’s no wonder. I awkwardly lower myself to the floor and scoot toward him.
“Oliver?”
He blinks again and shakes his head. “You shouldn’t be here, Xoey. Not here!”
“Shhh.”
I scoot even closer and touch his arm. He begins to shake, his narrow shoulders trembling against my hand as I hold him tight through bone-rattling sobs. Eventually he quiets and pulls away, touching my face.
“I wish you could see her, Jonah,” he says. “It’s like being visited by an angel.”
For a moment, I think he’s hallucinating a cellmate, then I hear a deep voice through the vent. “An angel sounds good right about now.”
“You have to leave,” Oliver says. “They’ll keep you here, torture you.”
“No.” I take his hands in mine and hold them gently. “No, Kino has other plans for torturing me. Oliver…she brought me here to watch you die.”
I think my tears are the catalyst that draws Oliver out of his stupor. He feels almost strong again as he pulls me to his chest and comforts me while I weep for him.
“This was always going to be my end, Xoey. I knew it as soon as I signed on with the Resistance. I just didn’t know…” He stops and squeezes my hand. “I didn’t know I would care. That I would wish I wasn’t leaving because I had found someone to make my worthless life matter.”
“Your life has never been worthless. You took what God gave you and tried to do Good with it—and you did. Think of Sam. You protected him when no one else did. He wouldn’t be alive if not for you. Then you banded us together, an unlikely crew of broken kids, and turned us into a unit that accomplished something amazing. Something people are still talking about.”
Oliver asks about our friends. I pull him close and whisper the sad truth. No one is safe right now. Not one of our plans has worked since the day we delivered the Bell to the Resistance, and none of us have reached any kind of haven where we can live in peace.
“I don’t know if such a place exists anymore,” Oliver says. “But Jonah has given me hope, telling me about an underground railroad and refugees who make their way to freedom overseas.”
“You know Reed,” I say. “He’ll work toward that goal as long as he draws breath. And Riley, Sam, and Adam will be there to help him. Paisley too, eventually. It’s what I pray for every day.”
“And you?” He touches my face. “Please tell me you’ll be okay too.”
�
�Kino wants you to die worrying about me, Oliver. Don’t give her the satisfaction. Middlebrooks needs me. I’ll be safe.”
“Don’t just be safe. Be happy.”
“Without you?” I lower my head to his chest and cry until there are no tears left.
“Sometimes people have to die to accomplish something, Xoey.” He kisses my head. “Zak died, and look what we did with it. And Jesus—what if He didn’t die?”
I shake my head. I know what he’s saying, but I cannot accept it. Not Oliver. Please, Lord, not him.
“I’m sorry. I came back to the Sand to find you—to rescue you.”
He smiles. “You once promised me you would.”
“I failed. I haven’t helped you at all. I’ve done nothing but act a part.” I take a deep breath. “I justified my lies, Oliver. I told myself they were for the Greater Good—but that was supposed to be rescuing you. Now I don’t know what Good is anymore. I’ve lost sight of it—lost sight of God too. Without you, I’m afraid I’ll never get it back.”
He takes my hand. Kisses it. “Xoey, if you don’t know what’s Good, why not just focus on what’s True?”
Our time is almost up and I’m losing focus. Oliver tells me Jonah is to be executed by his side. I can hear him in the next cell, praying and singing. I should join him, but I can’t. My mind has gone numb again. I blink, but it’s a reflex. My eyes are dry, and I take a second to marvel. My heart feels like it’s drowning in tears and yet not one is motivated enough to escape my eyes. Hopelessness, I think.
“When we were in the Hidden Library, did you ever see the image of Lady Justice—a blindfolded woman who held old-fashioned scales in one hand and a sword in the other?”
“Yes.” Oliver kisses my hand.
I blink again, willing tears to come, to baptize my eyes from the sins of this place.
“I see her standing over us, witnessing all of this. Her blindfold is off, and she’s weeping.”
Weeping like I cannot.
A guard pauses Oliver’s door. “Ten minutes, Oliver. Be ready.”
Weeping Justice Page 34
