by Bella Jewel
“Well,” she says, leaning against the doorframe in her floral pajamas that she rocks, even with bed hair, “that didn’t go well, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I mutter.
“Did you know he had feelings for you?”
“I suspected it,” I admit. “I just didn’t realize he wanted to take things further.”
“Do you still have any feelings for him at all?”
“Not romantic ones,” I tell her. “I mean, if I hadn’t met Tanner and Ethan had told me about his feelings, I would have probably explored them, yes, but I’m kind of hooked on Tanner right now, so the chance to be with Ethan has gone.”
“That’s fair enough. You don’t have to justify yourself. He didn’t tell you.”
“I mean, I didn’t tell him when I had feelings for him, either.”
“You were in prison, honey. It’s a little different.”
“Yeah, maybe. Either way, I’m worried this will ruin our friendship. I don’t want it to, I really don’t.”
“He’ll be okay,” she tells me. “He’ll come good. I also overheard you saying someone was in here last night. Why didn’t you call me? I got home this morning, I had no idea...I would have come home immediately if you needed me.”
“I didn’t even think. I called Tanner. He didn’t find anything, but the front door was unlocked.”
“Did you leave it open?”
“I don’t think I did... I didn’t have my keys, I left them at work, so I had to use the spare. Maybe I was really tired and did leave it unlocked.”
“Ethan was right; this is getting a little concerning now. . .”
“We don’t know it was anyone out to get me. It could have been anyone . . .”
“Still, I have a bad feeling about this. I think you need to go to the police again, tell them you’re concerned.”
“I have no proof of anything, Jo. Nothing at all.”
“Then we need to start looking into it more. I’ll help you.”
That’s a relief, I won’t lie. I’m overwhelmed with the information I’m trying to get right now. It brings everything back to the surface, and reminds me not only do I have that problem on my hands, but I still have to track down Chase and find out what happened between him and Celia.
“I’m going to see Jessika and Sophie to start with. I think that’s the best place to begin.”
Jo nods. “I did find out Sophie still lives close by, her parents moved away but I found out through a mutual friend that she’s not far away from here now; I’m not sure about Jess, but a Facebook search should get us somewhere.”
“Speaking of Facebook searches, any chance you can try and look up Celia’s boyfriend, Chase? I don’t know his last name, but I do know that something went down between them before Celia died, and I want to know what it was. I’m not having much luck finding him. It’s almost like he’s disappeared.”
“That is strange,” Jo murmurs.
“I need to find out what happened to Celia, and I’m going to, one way or another. I spoke to a friend of hers; she was the one who told me about Chase. I’ll give you her name. Maybe you can track him through her. Celia doesn’t have a Facebook page, so that makes it hard to find anything about her friends...”
Jo nods. “There isn’t much about her on the internet, either. Her parents probably wanted to keep things pretty quiet, which is fair enough, I guess. They don’t have to share her life story.”
“No, that’s true. Well, maybe start with her friend and see if you can find Chase through that. I’ll get onto going and seeing Sophie to start.”
“I’m on it,” Jo says, and turns, disappearing out of my room.
I look out the window, and exhale. The time has come.
It’s time to find out what happened to Celia Yates once and for all.
It’s time to put my demons to bed.
22
NOW – CALLIE
“Hi, Sophie,” I say, staring at the girl who, last time I saw her, was young and carefree. Now, she looks different—professional and clean. Her once brown hair is streaked with blonde, but her brown eyes are still the same. She’s wearing glasses, and she’s put on a little weight since I saw her last, but she’s still super attractive; she always was.
It took me a little time to find her. They moved a few towns over, and it was a three-hour drive for Jo and I to get to her new place. She had her place of work on her Facebook page, so we started there. We noticed her leaving work, so we followed her home. Probably not the right thing to do, but it had to be done.
“Callie.” Her voice comes out strained, and she studies me, her eyes roaming over me and then meeting mine again. Then she looks to Jo. “Joanne.”
“I know you probably don’t want to see me,” I begin, just getting straight into it, “but I had to come and see you. I need to put the past to bed, and right my wrongs, and so here I am. Can we come in?”
She stares at both of us again, and then nods, letting us into her apartment. It’s modern and clean, very tidy. Sophie always was really tidy.
“This is a great place,” I tell her, looking around. “Have you been here long?”
“I rented this place a year ago. I like it.”
She turns and faces us, and I get right to it, because I don’t want to waste her time. I’m sure I’ve done enough damage in Sophie’s world without adding to it now.
“Listen, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what happened that night all those years ago. I know you went through a really hard time after it, and I’m truly sorry for that. I never meant to hurt anyone; I never meant to hurt you. I owe it to you to tell you this, even though it makes little to no difference now.”
Sophie exhales, and then says, “I’m not angry at you, Callie. It wasn’t your fault what happened that night. We were all messing around, and we shouldn’t have been. You didn’t mean what happened, I know that, but yes, I was traumatized. It took me years to get in a car again, but I don’t blame you, nor do I have any ill feelings towards you. I do, however, appreciate your apology.”
Oh. Thank God. My heart feels just a touch lighter at her words. “That means a lot to me—it really does.”
Jo smiles, looking relieved for me.
“I’m glad you’re out, and living your life again. You didn’t deserve to go away for as long as you did,” Sophie says.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
“Did you guys want a drink?” she asks. “We can catch up? It has been a long time. You two haven’t changed a bit.”
And just like that, I’ve gotten one bit of forgiveness out of the way. I don’t think Sophie will ever truly understand just how much that means to me. I’m so grateful to her for opening her heart and giving me that.
“That sounds incredible,” Jo says, and we sit down at her table while she prepares some coffee.
“What have you been up to, Jo?” Sophie asks from the kitchen. “Last time I heard, you were still with Patrick?”
“Yes, we’re still together, though right now, I’m living with Callie until she gets back on her feet.”
Also, her husband is a dick and she can’t get away from him. I don’t say that of course.
“Are you working, Callie?” Sophie asks, bringing the coffee to the table and placing it down along with some sugar and creamer.
“I am, actually. A friend of mine has a sister that runs a little café. She was happy to take me on.”
“That’s awesome.” Sophie smiles. “I’m happy for you. It must have been hard, coming out after so long.”
I nod. “It was, but Jo has been amazing, and I settled into life a lot easier than I thought I would.”
“What about you?” Jo asks her. “Your job looks pretty high-end?”
Sophie nods. “It is. I am studying to become a lawyer, so I’m doing a lot of work at the firm to get experience. It’s awesome. I really enjoy it.”
“That’s amazing,” I tell her, so damned glad to hear she has gone the right way and what
happened hasn’t completely destroyed her life.
“Do you know much about where Jessika is these days?” Jo asks the question I had been avoiding since we got here.
Sophie nods, but her face drops a little. “She’s back in town, but . . . she went down a pretty bad road after the accident. She just fell into this depression. Last time I heard, she was in rehab for drug use.”
Oh.
God.
My heart aches at the thought. It’s funny how that works. The smallest movement can create a ripple effect that goes soul-crushingly deep.
“I’d like to speak to her still, even if it means absolutely nothing and she hates me. I owe her at least that.”
Sophie nods. “You’re doing a really kind thing. I can give you the rehab she was at; as I said, I don’t know if she’s there anymore. I visited her a few months ago when I heard she was back in town. She was in a bad way. I didn’t go again, which is sad, because once, she was my best friend.”
“You two fell apart fully after the accident?” I ask.
“Yeah, mostly. We spoke for a few years. I tried to help her through her depression, but she just wouldn’t pick up. She thought losing her leg meant her whole world was forever ruined, and she sunk. Eventually, she moved away with her family, and moved back only recently. We used to text occasionally, and I have her on Facebook, but other than that, no, we don’t really talk.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I tell her.
I mean it. I am sorry.
Sophie and Jess were close, just like Jo and I are. It saddens me they lost that connection because of me. It saddens me even more to know Jessika is in rehab because she never recovered.
I don’t know how my visit with her will go. But I do know I have to do it. I owe her at least that much. I owe them all at least that much.
We chat to Sophie for a few more hours, and she tells us about her boyfriend, Ian, and how good they are together. Then we all exchange numbers and she promises to call when she’s in the city and catch up with us.
When we’re back in the car, and driving home, Jo turns to me and says, “That went surprisingly well.”
“I kind of always knew Sophie wouldn’t be horrible; it’s Jessika I was concerned about. Now, I’m even more worried about how it’ll go.”
“Jess has always been rougher around the edges. Sometimes I think maybe this would have been her path, even without the accident.”
Jo could be right, however, my actions accelerated things that she didn’t deserve.
“She did have a pretty rough life, didn’t she?” I say, remembering the times we used to go to her house, and her dad and mom would be drunk and rambling. She lived pretty hard, but that doesn’t mean she deserved to go down the path she did.
“She did,” Jo agrees, “but either way, you’re doing the right thing. You can’t hold blame forever. You honestly can’t. We all played a part in what went down that night. We were all carrying on and not paying attention. I’ve thought about it a million times, and honestly, it could have been any of us behind that wheel. It was an accident.”
She’s right about that, but it doesn’t take away the guilt that I’ve lived with since that moment, the guilt that’ll never fully leave me. I’ve accepted that, and through acceptance, I’ve learned to deal with it, but it wasn’t easy. Some days, it’s stronger than I am. Some days, it eats away at me. Somehow, though, I always fight it back.
Somehow, I always come out on top.
Somehow.
“YES, JESSIKA IS STILL with us.” The woman at the reception desk nods. “Would you like to see her? Are you family?”
“We’re old friends, but if she’s allowed visitors, we’d love to see her,” I say, rubbing my palms together nervously.
I hope the woman doesn’t notice and get suspicious, because I’m that full of anxiety, no doubt I look like I shouldn’t be in here. Thankfully, Jo takes over when we’re asked to sign in and told how the visiting works.
We’re then led outside into a beautiful garden. We take a seat on a park bench and wait as the lady informs Jessika that she has some visitors. I rub my knees as we wait, wondering how the hell this is going to go. Maybe she’s over it, too. Maybe she’ll forgive me like Sophie did. Maybe she won’t even hear me out and will demand I leave. I don’t know. All I know is that I am going to follow this through, even if it kills me.
“Well, well.” A bitter voice comes from behind us, and we both turn to see Jessika coming towards us, cane in hand. “I wondered when you’d show your face to me.”
She looks terrible.
I stare at her in shock as I take in her pale grey skin, the way her eyes seem to sink, making her cheekbones look huge, and the way her once gorgeous blond hair is so dull it resembles straw. Her body is skinny, and she’s missing more than three or four teeth; the rest are yellow and rotting.
It feels like a punch in the stomach to see her like this. To know this was my fault.
“Jessika,” I say, my voice betraying the calm I’m holding on the outside. “I’m glad you agreed to see us.”
“Oh, I’ve been waiting for this moment a long time. How was prison, Callie? Did they make your life a living hell? I truly hope they did.”
God. She really does hate me.
“And Jo, still sticking by her, I see. I figured as much.”
I ignore her nasty comment and say, “I came here to apologize to you for what happened that night. I know it really affected your life, and I want you to know that I never intended that to happen. I would have never hurt anyone, and I hope you know that.”
I know she’s not going to accept this, but it feels good to say it anyway.
“But you did hurt someone,” she seethes. “You hurt me, and you killed a girl who didn’t deserve to die. Do you have any idea what it has been like, losing my leg at a young age? Do you know what your actions did to me?”
“It wasn’t her fault,” Jo says, her voice hard. “She didn’t do it on purpose. It’s not like she intended to run into a girl. You made the choice to get in that car, just like the rest of us, even though we all knew it was wrong. What happened after that isn’t on her, or anyone else. It was a bad accident.”
Jo doesn’t need to defend me, but I appreciate that she does. I reach over and squeeze her arm, and she gives me a quick look before scowling at Jessika again.
“It was her fault,” Jessika snaps. “She wasn’t watching. She didn’t have to take her eyes off that road. She could have pulled over. She could have done anything else. Everyone knows you keep your eyes on the road at all times. She chose not to do that. So it was her fault.”
God. I’ve had that thought so many times over the years. That exact same idea. That if I hadn’t taken my eyes off the road, none of it would have happened.
I knew not to look away. I certainly knew better than to twist around to try to help look for that can. I knew it, but I didn’t realize just how severe the consequences really would be until the worst thing in the world happened. I was young. I was stupid. I didn’t think it could ever happen to me.
I thought I was invincible. Aren’t we all at sixteen?
“I’m not here to convince you that I’m innocent in all this,” I say, my voice calm. “I’m here to tell you I’m sorry. I can’t change the past, and I’ve paid for my mistake. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry for any harm or trauma that was caused to you because of what happened that night.”
Jessika stares at me, then flicks her hair, and says, “Well, if you’re so sorry, maybe you’ll do something for me?”
Jo rolls her eyes. I want to, but I refrain.
“What would that be?”
“You could get a message to someone on the outside for me. I need some cash. I know some people who can do a job for me. If you’re really sorry, you’ll do that.”
I’m a good human, but I’m not a stupid human.
I’m not going to be blackmailed or conned by her just because something I did chang
ed the course of her life.
“Look, I’ve been in prison; I know how these things work. If you think I’m stupid enough to risk going back, you’re wrong. I’m sorry. I won’t be doing anything for you, Jessika.”
Her face scrunches, and she barks, “You owe me! Everything I am is your fault!”
“What a joke,” Jo snaps. “You chose to go down the path you went. You weren’t the only person in that car, Jessika. Sophie and I were in it too, we had the same experience, and we didn’t choose the path you chose. Stop blaming everyone else, and start looking at yourself.”
“Did you lose a leg, Joanne?” she yells. “You always were so fucking perfect.”
Jo exhales and looks at me. “This is pointless. Let’s go.”
I nod and look at Jessika once more. “I’m sorry again. I wish you well, Jessika.”
Then we turn and walk out to the sound of her hurling abuse at us.
Once we’re back in the car, we both sit in silence for a while, and then Jo turns to me and says, “You did the right thing, honey. Even if it didn’t go well, you did the right thing. You’ve closed the doors. You’ve made peace with those affected. You can move on now.”
I have made peace.
But not with everyone.
Not with Celia’s family.
Not with Celia.
I wish I were done, but really, I’m only just beginning.
Now that I’ve apologized to Sophie and Jessika, I can focus on Celia and what happened to her.
I can make sure she gets the justice she deserves.
The justice we both deserve.
23
NOW – CALLIE
“Callie, these are my friends Meghan and Mandy. Girls, this is Callie. She works for me. This is her best friend, Jo.”
I smile at the two girls Andrea just introduced me to, and they both wave and grin happily back. They’re both attractive girls, Mandy with her long raven hair and blue eyes, and Meghan with her honey blond hair and olive colored eyes. They’re both rocking killer bodies, and they’re both dressed for a good night out.
