by Bella Jewel
22
CALLIE
There’s still no good news.
He’s out of surgery, he made it out of that alive, but he’s currently on life support—they don’t know if he’ll make it through the rest of the night and morning. I wanted to see him, but they said right now, we can’t visit. However, if they think they’ll have to turn life support off, we’ll be able to go in and say goodbye.
Say goodbye.
Those words make me sick to my stomach.
Tanner insists I go home and get some rest. I protest, but my body is exhausted, and I can’t put up much of a fight for long. So, we leave the hospital. The nurse promises to call if there is any change, any at all. I thank her, and we leave.
The entire ride home is silent, I just stare out the window, watching the buildings and cars whizz by, and I feel numb. Completely numb. My entire body and brain feels like it’s shut down on me, like there isn’t a single thing that’ll wake me out of this trance I’m in.
We arrive at the apartment, and I walk in, not looking at anyone as I walk down to my room and shut the door. I hear Madeline asking Tanner a million questions, but for once, I don’t actually care. I don’t care about anything except Ethan, and if he doesn’t make it, I don’t know if I’ll ever breathe freely again.
I can’t imagine a world without him in it.
I just can’t.
I get into the shower and wash again, still feeling like his blood is sticking to my skin, to my hair, to my soul. Even though I showered earlier, I don’t feel like I’m clean. I scrub and scrub until my skin is red-raw and then I get out, drying myself and walking into my room, not bothering to get changed. I climb into the bed naked, roll to my side, and flick off the lamp.
I lie there for what seems like hours, and I wonder if my body has shut down on me. I wonder if maybe it’ll never come back to life. My tears feel like they’re dried up, my heart feels numb, my brain isn’t working. I close my eyes, my body exhausted and yet I can’t find sleep.
I think about Ethan.
I remember the first time I met him, how he was this light in a place I never thought I’d find light. How he made me feel like I could survive. I remember all our chats, all the books he used to bring me, and how we’d laugh for hours over the craziest things. I remember how he made me run when I got out of prison, and how he refused to let me sink.
How determined he was to make me get my life back on track.
I don’t realize I’m crying until I hear a loud wail that couldn’t possibly be coming from me. When another one fills the room, and my body trembles, I realize it is in fact me, and I can’t stop it. My wails grow louder, and I clutch the blankets, praying for them to stop but they won’t.
A few minutes later, the blanket moves and a hard, warm body gets into the bed and pulls me against it, rolling me until my chest is buried into a familiar chest. I keep wailing, clutching the man who always seems to show up for me, no matter what we’ve been through. I love him so much it hurts, because through all the pain, we still manage to pick each other up.
He fixes things in me that he broke, and yet he somehow puts them back together stronger.
He’s the very reason I keep fighting.
I clutch him and cry until there is nothing left, and when I’m doing nothing but hiccupping with an occasional sob, does he say, “I’ve got you. We’re goin’ to get through this.”
How can we get through this, when he’s with someone else?
Someone who is not me.
Someone who is probably a million times the person I am.
How?
How do you get through that?
“If he dies ...” I sob.
“You have to have faith, Callie. Keep prayin’, keep asking for a damn miracle, but don’t you give up on him. He didn’t give up on you, even when he probably should have, don’t you give up on him either.”
“He didn’t deserve any of this,” I whisper.
“No,” Tanner agrees, “He didn’t.”
I tip my head back, even though I can’t see him, and I can feel his breath against my lips, he’s so close. I want him, so bad. His body is pressing to mine, his cock against my belly, and there isn’t a single thing in the world except Ethan waking up that could make me feel better right now.
I shuffle closer, knowing I’m playing with fire, but needing comfort almost more than I need my next breath. His mouth is so close, and his cock jerks as my naked body rubs up against it. I take the plunge, closing the gap between our lips and kissing him. He responds, just like I knew he would. He kisses me with a ferocity that I’ve never felt from him.
I gasp for air a few times, he’s kissing me that deeply, and breathing is proving difficult after all the crying. It only makes it seem that much more passionate. I cling to him, wanting every part of my body to touch his. I want him inside me, I want every piece of him in my soul.
Our kiss becomes so frantic I can’t think, our hands start moving, caressing each other’s bodies, and then my leg goes up around his hip and he pushes his cock into me. The moment he sinks in, I whimper and break the kiss, loving the way it burns around me. Loving the way his entire fucking presence makes me feel alive.
“Tanner,” I breathe, as he starts rocking his hips, dragging his cock in and out of my body, bringing me a pleasure I never thought I’d be able to find right now.
“Fuck,” he growls, quickening his pace.
My fingers bite into his skin, my mouth finds his again, and I kiss him. I kiss him with everything I’ve kept bottled up in the last few years, I kiss him until I’m dizzy with lust, I kiss him until my lips burn. Our bodies tangle together and his skin slaps against mine as we both build, our pleasure becoming all we can focus on.
I can’t hang on a second longer, I explode with an orgasm that blows my mind. Tanner follows a second later, with a ragged growl, and our foreheads drop together, our panting breaths matching, as we come down from that incredible high. That was the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t know if it was the emotion, or just that it has been so long since we were together, but it was amazing.
My mind, however, goes to the one thing that I should have asked before we made love.
“Madeline,” I whisper. “Tanner ...”
“I broke up with her,” he murmurs, brushing his lips against my mouth. “I’m not an asshole. I told her that I was in love with you, and it wasn’t fair on her. She was hurt and went to a hotel. I’ll call her soon, but I imagine she doesn’t want to talk to me, which is understandable. I wasn’t goin’ to cheat on her though, I had to be honest.”
My mind zones in on the one set of words he just said, skipping over the rest. “You’re in love with me?” I whisper.
He goes silent for a moment, and then says to me, “I’ve been in love with you for a long time. Thought I was gettin’ over it, but the moment I saw you again, I knew I would never get over it. Maybe it’s all the pain, and all the drama, but you’re in my heart now and I can’t get you out.”
My heart explodes, and I whisper, “I love you too, Tanner.”
He squeezes me. “I know that, honey.”
“You know,” I say, running my fingers down his chest, “maybe Celia brought us together for a reason. She’s probably looking down on us right now, smiling, because she knew we’d end up here. She knew we’d get past it all and bring each other comfort at a time when we never thought we’d find it again.”
“Yeah, I think about that often. Sometimes, I think maybe this is what she wanted all along. I never thought I could like you, let alone love you, but here I am. Feelin’ things I’ve never felt with anyone before.”
My heart swells with love, and I say to him, “Yeah, who would have thought. Do you think we have what it takes, to make it past all of this? We’ve been through a lot, and we’ve hurt each other a lot. I don’t want us to forever throw that in the other person's face.”
“You made a mistake, I tried to seek reven
ge for that mistake, I found out it wasn’t your fault, and I recovered. The last three years, I’ve realized a lot. It’s different now. I’ve healed a great deal more. I’m not goin’ to promise that there won’t be time we use it, but I think we’re strong enough to leave the past in the past. I want to move forward with you, know that much ...”
I squeeze him tighter. “Then I think we go all in.”
“Yeah, babe,” he murmurs. “All in.”
Finally.
“HOW ARE YOU ALL?” THE doctor asks, walking into the waiting room the next day.
We were all called in, well, I was, and I called everyone else. They said there was an update on Ethan, since those words came out of the doctor's mouth, I’ve hardly been able to breathe. Every single moment has just felt like it has been in slow motion.
“We’re okay,” I say, “What’s the update, doc?”
I meet his eyes and hold my breath, waiting for his answer. Praying, with everything inside of me, that he does not tell us Ethan has passed away.
I can’t take that.
I can’t.
“He’s awake,” the doctor says, and I make a pained sound of relief. “It’s nothing short of a miracle, considering how much internal bleeding he had, and how much blood he lost. He’s still in critical condition and will remain in the ICU for at least another few weeks, but he’s awake.”
“Oh, thank god,” I cry, clutching my chest. “Thank you, god. Can I see him?”
The doctor nods, “Only one at a time, and right now, we’d prefer if just one of you went in until he’s doing better. Too much can cause strain, and we don’t want to risk anything right now. Not to mention infection.”
“Callie will go,” Tanner says, “She’s the one he’ll want to see.”
The doctor nods, and says, “Right this way.”
I look back at the others, and Jo has tears streaming down her face. I give her a smile, and then follow the doctor down the halls. We get onto the elevator and go to the ICU ward, where I’m made to wash my hands, put on a gown and wear a mask. They don’t want to risk any sort of infection being passed onto Ethan while his system is so down.
When we reach his room, the doctor opens the door and we step inside. The first thing I notice is that there are so many machines. He’s hooked up to everything but a breathing tube. There are tubes coming out of his nose, his arms, and one even goes under his gown. There are machines beeping everywhere, and the whole scene is just ... upsetting. Ethan’s eyes are open, and they move to me when I walk in. He’s pale, really really pale, and he looks like he hasn’t slept for six months, but I see relief in his face.
The doctor tells me I’ve got ten minutes and leaves.
I walk over, carefully picking up Ethan’s hand and looking down at him. “You have no idea how scared I was, Ethan. No idea.”
His lips twitch, and he croaks, “You and me both.”
“Are you feeling okay? They said you’re still critical?”
“I feel horrible, every single part of me hurts, even lifting my arm takes energy I never thought I’d have to conjure up.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, squeezing his hand. “You never should have gotten hurt because of my actions.”
“It’s not your fault, Callie,” he says, his voice hoarse, “I wanted to be a part of all of this, it was my choice, and nobody forced me to do it.”
“You’re strong, so damn strong. I honestly thought I’d lost you.”
He squeezes my hand lightly. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
I laugh and tears roll down my cheeks, disappearing under my mask.
“Stop that crying, anyone will think you’ve gone soft.”
I smile and he squeezes my hand again.
“I’ve called Raven,” I tell him, “She’s getting a flight in the next hour, so she’ll be here soon.”
“Thank you,” he murmurs.
“I’m going to let you rest now, because you look exhausted.”
“I feel it,” he says, closing his eyes, like the very effort of keeping them open hurts.
I stroke his cheek and say quietly, “I love you, Ethan.”
He smiles, even with his eyes closed. “Love you too, Callie.”
My heart feels whole again.
I walk out of the room and back out to where everyone is waiting, Jo rushes over first, her eyes puffy and red, “Is he okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, he’s better than I thought. Talking was exhausting for him, but he’s strong, and he’s going to make it through, I can feel it.”
“Oh, thank god,” she says, hugging me close. “I was so scared.”
“Me too,” I say, letting her go. “Where are Tanner and Tatum?”
She frowns. “They’ve gone to talk with Alarick. They’re going in tonight.”
Tonight?
No. I just got one person back, the idea of possibly losing someone after everything that has happened, is too much to bear.
“Tonight?” I whisper.
Jo nods. “I’ve tried to talk Tatum out of it, but he’s going. There is nothing we can do about it.”
“I didn’t even try to convince Tanner not to go for the simple fact that I know it will be pointless, he’s going to want to finish this, because it was him that needed to bring these men down for Celia.”
Jo nods. “Still, it’s scary. I already feel sick.”
I take her hand. “We’ll get through this. They’re with the best of the best. They’ll end it, and they’ll come home to us.”
“What if they don’t, Callie? I don’t think I can handle it.”
I look into her eyes and say, “They’ll come home, Jo.”
I hope I’m right.
God. I hope I’m right.
23
JOANNE
My heart is tight as I watch him pull on his jeans, drag a shirt over his head, and pull a jacket on. He stuffs a gun into his pants, shoves his feet into his boots, and then turns and looks at me. I take him in, really take him in. The way his damp hair falls over his forehead, the way his eyes seem so light set amongst his olive skin.
I can’t bear the thought of something happening to him.
Yet I know I can’t stop him from going and the idea of him leaving while we’re fighting is too much to bear.
So I walk over and slide my arms under his, pulling him in for a hug and pressing my cheek to his chest. I can smell leather, and the soft scent of soap from his shower. I inhale deeply, and close my eyes, needing to feel him for just a second longer.
His arms go around me, and his chin rests on the top of my head. He hangs onto me for what feels like ages, but is likely only minutes, short minutes, that will never seem long enough.
“It’ll be okay, babe,” he says, his voice thick and rough, like he’s trying to fight back the same fears I am.
“I’m scared, Tatum. I just got you back and now ...”
“I’ll come back,” he says to me, stepping back so I’m forced to look up at him. “Do you hear me? I’ll come back.”
I nod, because there is no point in fighting it, even if part of me doesn’t believe it. Even if I’m terrified.
“You stay here, keep the doors locked, and sit tight. Don’t want anythin' comin' back on you two girls. Ethan was plannin’ on stayin' with you two, if we ever had to do this, but now he can’t so you’re on your own. You know how to load and shoot a gun?”
I narrow my eyes, “Of course, but why would I need to?”
“Just in case, Jo. These men are unpredictable. You have anyone come that isn’t meant to be here and they try anything, you shoot and ask questions later, do you understand me?”
I nod. “Okay, yes.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise, Tatum.”
He nods, leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. “I love you, Joanne. Now isn’t the right time to say it, but I can’t leave without you knowin’ that.”
My heart explodes and I smile a happy smile. “You
do?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I love you, too,” I whisper, hugging him again.
He hangs onto me tightly, so tightly I can barely breathe, then pulls back and says, “Alright, that’s enough of that. I have to go.”
I watch him go, and I say a prayer.
Please, please don’t let anything happen to him.
Please.
“SO YOU TWO ARE A THING?” I ask Callie, trying to keep my mind off the fact that the boys have been gone for two hours, and no amount of vodka, pizza, and movies seems to be taking our mind off it.
Callie is holding strong, but I can see in her face she’s scared, of course she is. She feels exactly like I do right now, and we both know we’re suffering, but we’re trying to make the best of a terrible situation by distracting ourselves.
“Yeah,” Callie says, “He left Madeline, and said he wanted to be with me. He wants to try.”
“And you’re good with that?”
Callie nods. “It hasn’t been easy, it really hasn’t but I love him and that’s got to be worth something. I don’t know if it’ll work, or if eventually our issues will be stronger than our love, but I have to try.”
“I think you’ll both be okay,” I tell her. “I think you’ll both move past it and make a great future together.”
Callie smiles, “I hope so. What about you and Tatum?”
“He told me he loves me,” I say, grinning.
“He did!” Callie squeals. “And you’ve waited until now to tell me this. Here I am trying to focus on this stupid movie when you had far better gossip the entire time.”
I chuckle. “Well, I was saving it for the right time. You know, the right time to distract us.”
She beams. “I’m so happy for you, Jo. I really am.”
“The only problem is,” I tell her, my smile dropping, “figuring out where we’re going to live. I love it here, and working for Alarick is awesome, but I know Tatum has always lived back home and he might not want to leave.”
She nods. “Yeah I’ve thought the same thing. Tanner’s entire family is back there, yet the idea of going back there makes me cringe. I don’t want to forever live in the place where the most pain in my life was created. The one thing I have been truly happy with since leaving, is being somewhere where nobody knows me and I’m free.”
