by Nick Rossi
“Don’t worry, Darcy. Your secret is safe with me. Besides, Claire told me all about it this afternoon, anyway. I just thought you’d want to tell me who the big poppa is so I can give him a pat on the back,” Jason laughed. “Drive safely, mama.”
With that, he turned around and walked towards a group of students who had gathered around the entrance to the football field.
She immediately raised the window and threw her head on the steering wheel. So Claire told Jason that the kit they bought was for Darcy, and not for herself. She felt hot anger swell within her. Her supposed best friend told one of the most popular boys in school that she was pregnant, knowing full well that it would be a full blown rumor within minutes.
She put the car in reverse and booked it out of the parking lot. On her way out, she nearly ran over a few students, but she didn’t care. She sped out of the lot, causing smoke to waft from the pavement where her wheels sped.
Once she was out on the road, she quickly looked for a space where she could pull over to gather her thoughts. She was incredibly angry, and she felt her heartbeat quicken. She pulled over on a quiet street that seemed to be free of students and adults alike, and turned off the car.
The longer she was the new Darcy, the more she felt deceived by her entire life. In all of the books she had cherished reading all of those years, the protagonist never had to deal with half of the dramatics that she found herself encountering on a seemingly hourly basis. Claire was an awful person, this much she intuited from their first interaction, but she had been willing to give the girl a chance. She didn’t want to jump to any conclusions and alienating any friendships she had. Every chance she had given Claire seemed to blow up in her face.
She had been trying to forge friendship with her brother, and with that, she felt like she was making ever so tiny steps. Her parents weren’t exactly interested in learning about what was going on in her life, and she was afraid Luke was going to go completely crazy from his irrational love for her.
She felt overwhelmed and lonely. She wished she could talk to someone about what was happening to her, how she was trying her best to be the protagonist that she loved, and how every day was a challenge in sanity and focus. But she knew that no matter how she would say it, it would come across that she was completely crazy, and going to a psychiatrist or rehab facility would be the least thing she could endure at the moment.
She felt that just didn’t know how to move forward. She knew that Marina had told her to make things right, but she didn’t know how to do that if everything seemed to be so wrong. She looked at herself in the rear view mirror, and noticed the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away, but more fell right away.
She was embarrassed at what was happening. She felt that this was something she should have under control. As an adult, she dealt with awkward breakups, deaths, her parents' divorce – all of which were much more life-changing than what she had to deal with as a 17 year old girl. But there was no doubt that the pain she felt, the intensity that was part of the discomfort she had to deal with every single day in her seemingly idyllic life, felt like it was tearing the inner core out of her. She knew on some level that it was important to experience all life had to offer, the good and the bad, but she either had forgotten or was unaware that being a teenager was sometimes as hard as being a single thirty-something year old woman.
Pain was pain – regardless of age. Awkwardness never gets easier, and confrontation doesn’t get fun. She placed her head on the steering wheel, letting the tears come, and prayed for hope in that things were going to get easier, because it wasn’t only her that was on the line if they didn’t go right.
Chapter 22
Glenda was waiting on the front porch when Darcy pulled into the driveway later that dreary and drama-laden afternoon. The older, content lady was out of uniform and wearing a simple pair of jeans and a flower print shirt that complemented her tiny frame. Her hair was done up in a small bun, reminding her of Marina, which caused an odd mix both slight anxiety and nostalgia.
Glenda smiled upon seeing the black BMW drive up near her and opened its window. On the quick drive home, she managed to compose herself after her little mini-breakdown that happened just after school. She even went as far to readjusting her make up and fixing her hair to ensure that she looked non-plussed and as calm as she could be.
As Glenda made her way into the car and sat in the passenger side, she stole a quick glance at Darcy, who had already began to pull out of the driveway, making their way in the direction of the local shopping mall.
“Ms. Darcy. How are you feeling?” Glenda softly asked as Darcy kept her eyes on the road before her that would take her to some much needed shopping therapy. She hoped that Glenda was trying to make casual conversation, not addressing her fragile emotional state that was completely out of whack.
She was unsure if she should reply with a false sense of calmness or just empty her multitude of emotions on the older woman. She opted for the former, not sure as to how Glenda would react.
“Great! School was fun and I’m super excited to do some shopping,” she said, the words an endless stream of nothingness escaping her lipstick lined mouth. She knew her voice sounded unnaturally superficial. She also knew she wasn’t the only one in the car who noticed the faked enthusiasm.
Glenda didn’t say a word, opting to let the natural flow of conversation present itself on its own, regardless of how long it may take. Glenda clearly knew that something was bothering her, either through intuition or extended knowledge of the young girls' emotions. Either way, she felt as though the woman was saying something about the situation by choosing to not say anything at all.
“I am worried about you, Darcy,” Glenda suddenly said, nearly causing her to abruptly veer off the road and drop both women into a nearby canal. She quickly regained composure (which she seemed to be getting really good at) and tried to pretend there was not a single thing off about the statement that just escaped the older woman’s lipstick free lips.
“You haven’t been the same for quite some time now,” the lady continued, keeping her eyes on the road before her. “You are not the same girl that I have cared for all of your life.”
She once again felt like pulling the pricey little car over to the side of the road and confiding every single feeling she felt to the older, warm woman, but she knew she couldn’t, or shouldn’t do that, no matter how hard she wanted to. She knew she had to maintain the charade of being the new Darcy in order to be able to live the life she had always envied, not to mention save Marina’s shop in the process. Though there was nothing more she wanted at that particular time than be selfish and be completely honest with someone for once since becoming a teenager again, she knew she couldn’t spill the proverbial beans. At least not yet, anyway.
Plus, she didn’t know what would be the consequence of confiding the truth. For all she knew, she could have been thrust back into the life of a semi-depressed thirty something year old women who thought eating in the middle of the night was a proven method to speed up her metabolism, despite the added pounds to her slight frame conveying the total opposite.
After all of that internal monologue which made her feel like she was a character in the epic novel Crime and Punishment (Dostoyevsky would be proud), she chose to stay quiet. She somehow knew that if she decided to say anything at all, it would just be perceived fake, similar to her disingenuous response just moments ago. Glenda, however, had no desire to cease expressing her feelings and motored on, oblivious to both Darcy’s apprehensive body language and constant internal monologue.
“I know you know that you could tell me anything,” Glenda rambled on, keeping her eyes on the road before her. “But I also know that a 17 year old girl doesn’t exactly want to talk about her feelings with an old woman, especially the housekeeper”.
Glenda reached into her purse and removed a piece of gum. The cinnamon smell filled the car, making Darcy think about Marina’s red
hair and seemingly maternal ways. There was something in Glenda that incessantly and constantly reminded her of the old, well-preserved shop keeper who owned the bookstore that had become her second home. It clearly wasn’t a similarity in appearance between the two women, in fact they couldn’t have been more visually different, but there was some sort of all knowing-ness that both women evoked that she sensed was cut from the same cloth. “But I am here for you in case you ever need to talk. About anything.”
A tear escaped her eye before she was even aware of it. It was only when she felt the tiny drop of moisture fall down her cheek that she noticed that she was crying. Glenda handed her a tissue, which she immediately used to wipe away the other drops that had fallen. The women remained in silence for the rest of the ride, and for her, it felt spectacular. It was the best emotional outlet she’d had in a long time, despite its miniscule size.
***
“Try this one, Glenda. You’ll knock ‘em dead at the wedding,” she said, throwing the yellow dress over the change room door where behind it the older woman was trying on everything in the small clothing store. It certainly seemed like everything as she managed to find many nice patterns and dress cuts that complimented the tiny woman’s frame.
“Ooh, this is nice,” she heard Glenda’s muffled voice say as the dress fell on the other side of the tiny change room door. She sat down on the small bench parallel to the change room and waited patiently to see Glenda’s reaction.
After the rather intense car ride, both she and Glenda were having a wonderful time at the mall. It was almost like they were the only people in the shopping complex as they were totally enthralled by each other’s presence and conversation. They did not seem to see any other shoppers passing them by and browsing sales around them, which, for her, was icing on the cake because she had absolutely no desire to see any of the kids from school, nor the perfect dramatic filled teenage storm that seemed to have been brewing.
Glenda stepped out of the change room in the yellow dress and both women smiled. She looked sensational, there was no denying that. Both women’s wide grins expressed the agreement as such.
“You’re so buying that!” she exclaimed immediately upon seeing the lady in the dress. Glenda seemed to be radiating contentment. She turned around the mirror like a model, causing both women to break into hysterical bouts of laughing.
“I think I just might buy this,” Glenda laughed. “I’m going to turn everyone’s head at the wedding!”
She felt her phone vibrate from its place at the bottom of the heap in her purse but chose to ignore it. She didn’t want anything to spoil her current good mood.
“Agreed! You look so pretty!” she responded. “Ok, you go change and then we’ll go get some yummy ice cream.” Glenda stepped back into the change room to change into her regular clothes while she once again found herself settling into a tidal wave of thoughts and voices in her head that entirely wanted to consume her.
She found it just a tad bit bizarre , and also actually pretty hilarious, that she was having more fun shopping with a middle aged women at the local mall then she ever did hanging out with her gargantuan group of same aged friends. It was then crystal clear to her that things were certainly not turning out the way she was expecting them to.
She picked up her purse, which by that time stopped vibrating from the phone buried deep within it. She absent mindedly snaked her hand in and took out her tiny cell phone and stole a glance at the display screen. She had missed 10 text messages from Claire, which she found surprising given their confrontation earlier that day. Even more surprisingly, she noticed a text from Jason, which simply read “Prom?”
She rolled her eyes and quickly deleted the text from Jason, determined to not let her spirit be brought down during this shopping adventure. She skimmed through Claire’s messages, which she noticed were all were semi-cryptic but essentially sharing the same essence: call me.
She turned the phone off completely and threw it back into the enormous purse that was nearly half her size.
“Is everything ok, Darcy?” Glenda asked as the door to the change room opened before her. The woman had the yellow dress gently draped over her right arm, concern present in her facial expression that was directed towards her.
“Ok enough,” was all she could mutter as both women walked to the front of the store to pay for the dress. She tried to push all other thoughts not related to her impending purchase of ice cream out of her mind.
***
By the time she parked the car back into the driveway of her home, the sun was beginning to set. It caused the world around her to adopt a soft, sepia tinged feel that seemed to make everyone just a bit more relaxed. She hadn’t intended to stay out most of the evening with Glenda, but they had such a wonderful time. After getting ice cream, they decided to see the newest Sandra Bullock romantic comedy and then eat some greasy fried food. A perfect evening all in all for both women.
Upon parking the car and taking the key out of the ignition, both women noticed Charlie sitting on the front porch area, head phones over his perfectly coiffed hair. Upon seeing them, he pulled his head phones off, smiled a small smile, and made his way in the direction towards his mother.
“Hi, Mama,” he said, leaning down to give his mother a peck on her cheek. The woman glowed at the kind gesture.
“Thank you for tonight, Darcy. I had the most wonderful time. I’m going to go try the dress on again now!” the woman beamed. “Though after what we are that might not be the best idea!" She quickly escaped into the enormous home by a side door she had never seemed to notice before.
Charlie hung around awkwardly as she walked slowly towards him on the porch. There were two rattan chairs that sat empty atop the tiny porch, and she took the opportunity to have a sit down. All that walking in the mall had tired her out, and it didn’t exactly help things out by wearing stilettos that were about a size too small. She kicked off the bright pink shoes and sighed audibly as she felt blood once again re-circulate in her feet.
“Did my mom tire you out?” Charlie said, after her s sigh. There was a dimple in his right cheek that was prominent when he smiled. She found herself smiling at him.
“She’s got more energy than me. And I can shop like a champion,” she replied.
Charlie sat down on the other empty chair, absent-mindedly wiping his bangs away. He seemed to be less shy than the other limited encounters she had had with him, and she felt instantly at ease. Like mother, like son – she thought.
They both sat in silence for a few moments, taking in the sounds of the crickets around them and the warm yellow hues that had begun to fall upon the homes and cars around them. The temperature had cooled significantly since earlier that day, and a cool wind flipped her hair rather abruptly. She quickly tied her hair back into a ponytail so she wouldn’t poke anyone’s eye out. It seemed she had put in a just a tad too much mousse earlier that morning.
“How come I never see you at school?” she asked suddenly, not sure she was going to say what she said, but was thankful nonetheless as it seemed to be the right question to get Charlie chatting.
“I don’t think you really look for me,” he replied, his voice low. He moved his gaze towards her, making her blush slightly. His eyes were deep and brown like Glenda’s, but the shape was different. His eyes were more almond-shaped then his mothers tiny round circles. Why she was making such observations mystified her.
“School’s pretty awful, isn’t it?” she said. Charlie laughed.
“It’s not fun, if that’s what you mean. I heard about the fight you and Claire had today,” he continued. “The whole school was talking about it.”
“Speaking of not fun.” she laughed. Gossip in high school traveled faster than the flu in her office in January, she thought. “Claire and I aren’t exactly seeing eye to eye these days.”
“I don’t know how you could see eye to eye with her any day,” he said. He seemed to be embarrassed by his quick response. “I’
m sorry, that’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s ok,” she replied. “Claire is a bit of a beast, and I guess it just took me some time to realize that. Besides, let’s not talk about her anymore. She’s exhausting.”
This caused Charlie to laugh a deep-barreled laugh which in turn made her laugh. It was contagious, and soon she found herself in a bout of hysterics so intense that she forgot about the gravity of her situation.
“I didn’t want to be the one to say it,” he finally said over gasping for air in between laughs. “But yeah, who needs to go to the gym when you have Claire Marsh around.”
“That’s why I got abs of steel,” she joked, tapping her firm torso. She was surprised to feel the firm muscle below her t-shirt as she was so used to the skin moving around, jiggling ever so slightly.
Silence engulfed them again, but she still felt comfortable through it. She felt a positive tingling energy being around Charlie. He made her heartbeat flutter and brought a slight tinge of red to her cheeks.
“Darcy,” he said, standing up from his perch on the chair. He shuffled around awkwardly in front of her.
“Yes, Charlie,” she replied, looking up at him. He turned towards her, a slight smile on his lips. She felt her pulse quicken and her breath shorten.
“Um, you probably have a date already but…” he said, quickly breaking his flow of words. “Do you, like, want to go the prom with me? If you don’t, I totally understand.”
She smiled, taking in the sight of a beautifully shy teenage boy being all beautiful and shy in front of her. She got up off the chair and walked closer to him.
“I would love to go to the prom with you, Charlie,” she replied. She thought he was going to have some sort of nervous fit at her response but he slowly regained his composure.
“You would? That’s so awesome,” Charlie declared. He moved closer to her until they were just inches away. He was only just a few inches taller than her, and she felt his hot breath on the top of her head. The difference in temperature from the cold wind felt good.
