by V. Theia
His body remembered Jay well.
It was good to see he hadn’t piled on a beer gut.
“You could always handle yourself.” And then added, more suggestive. “And me.”
Lawless laughed with the paper cup halfway to his mouth. Their eyes clashed and held. “And you hated it.”
“Not all the time. But would it have hurt you to bow and scrape to me like everyone else?”
“You know that answer. I stuck around as long as I did because I didn’t kiss your ass.”
Jay smirked dark and readable. “Well…”
“You came all this way for a jaunt down kinky lane?”
The smile didn’t drop but it did thin out. Irritation again. “I came to see you, no ulterior motives, you little fuck. You dropped me out of your life, I never dropped you, ever.”
“What did you want, for us to remain pen pals who had sleepovers?”
“Yes.”
Lawless laughed at the absurdity.
“You don’t remember telling me you’d ruin me?”
Jay appeared unbothered, he even grinned as if his threat had been water through his fingers. “I was emotional.”
“They have creams for that, you might want to buy some.”
“I’m saying I missed you, and you are your usual sarcastic little shit self,” he said without scorn, his face split in a grin. “It’s good to see you, Penn. Now tell me the truth of why you’re here.”
“I was a bad boy.”
“Your club allowed you to get sentenced?”
“My club doesn’t own me,” he said with some bite, because that’s what Jay would think, wasn’t it? He was all about trying to own a person, trying to put them in a box and not let them breathe. “We ride free and make our own choices.”
“Stupid fucking way to live. I would never have allowed this to happen to you.”
His eyes snapped and Lawless was looking at a version of Jay he’d seen only a few times over the years. The unhinged version.
This visit had an agenda after all.
Bringing Lawless back into his fold being the agenda.
“How long do you have left to serve?”
“Didn’t your creeping PI tell you the details?”
Clicking his tongue, Jay straightened out the cuff to his shirt. Always impeccably dressed. He’d have great fashion chats with Texas no doubt.
“He said you’re eligible for parole in two more years.” Lawless nodded. “fucking hell, Penn.”
“Don’t take it so personally, Jay. Your tutelage didn’t go to waste.”
The other man snorted, rolling his eyes. “If you ever took anything from what I taught you, it would be a miracle. You fought against authority, even mine when it was for your own good.”
“I’m sure you’re well obeyed by your stable of bowing maggots.”
Another smirk. “I do alright. What about you?”
“Right now? Slim pickings.”
“Not married then?”
“Don’t tell me you don’t already know everything there is to know, Jay, you’d insult the both of us. Sure, married, nineteen kids and a horse farm.”
Benz chuckled.
Around them the other inmates went on with their visits.
Lawless supposed this was one of those nostalgic moments people went through. Now that he was over the surprise of seeing Jay, he could recognize he felt something in his chest that could be fondness for someone from his past that he didn’t wholly hate.
Now had it been his momma sitting across from him…
It wasn’t Jay he was homesick for though.
“The horse farm I’d believe. The elusive Penn confined by a wedding ring, I can’t ever see it, darling boy. Your world would come to an end if you actually admitted a feeling other than apathy.” He didn’t say it with scorn, more like acceptance as a smile touched his eyes. This one leached out feelings like a dripping faucet. Jay and Snake would have gotten along well back in the day before his Winter came along. They would have gossiped and watched those shitty dramas together.
A slither of curiosity had Lawless asking. “What about you?”
The world was a smattering better today than it was when Lawless was young, for men like them and their varying sexualities. Had Jay wanted to have six wives and a handful of husbands, Lawless was positive the guy would make it happen. Living in disgusting polyamorous bliss. Or some sickly sweet sentiment the fish loved to bleat about on their Facebook pages.
“I’m a connoisseur for eating a varied diet, darling. Eating veal chops in and day out would become a tedium, I’d have to swallow my gun.” So that was a no to marriage. Lawless smirked. Poor fucking Marco. That bad fish had been in love with the boss for years.
“Still trying to own the world?”
“Why not? It’s on fire right now, someone needs to command it.”
A laugh pushed through Lawless’ mouth as he finished the coffee and pushed the cup away. “I can think of a million better things to be doing with my time and money than trying to beat power out of everyone, Jay. Try enjoying life for a minute.”
“Do you? Enjoy life, I mean.” His eyebrow lifted into his dark hair; he had a slight dusting of pepper around his temples to show the time of passage they’d been apart.
“I told you, I ride free.” Not so much now, but still…
“Is it enjoyable, the MC life?”
Lawless heard what Benz wasn’t saying.
Did he enjoy the MC life better than the life they had run together.
Their time together was wild and that was putting it mildly.
Sex, drugs and rock and roll was coined for the pair of them.
Their hedonistic existence had been dangerous as much as it was entertaining.
It was on the other end of the spectrum in terms of the MC.
He led a full, rich risky life but he had people at his back if he needed it. He’d let them in and stuck around long enough to form friendships and they didn’t disappoint. Not even Snake.
“Yes. I’ll be going back to it when I get out of here,” he made sure to add so Jay could get those romantic stars out of his eyes if he thought he’d go Batman and Robin again once he was a free man.
Those days were over.
And he had other things to wait for.
It had been a long time since he last looked into Jay’s endeavors. He was sometimes curious if he got himself killed. But consensus was telling him that the life he led back then was still in full effect present day.
Same shit, different day.
Call him whatever psycho you wanted to, but Lawless liked variety in his days. If Rider had been a fanatical freak who only wanted to take over the world, Lawless would never have stuck around to work for the guy.
“Pity,” Jay said quietly, unblinking. And then. “What’s the real reason you’re in here, Penn?”
Dog meet bone.
But Lawless’ days of being the bone were long gone.
He rose to his feet and nodded to Dreyers to let the C.O. know he was ready to go back to the wing.
He cut his gaze down to Jay who was looking up at him, a tick working on his tight jaw. “Nice catch up, Jay. You can buy me a beer if you’re ever passing through Colorado when I’m out of here.” And for good measure, so his former boss and lover got the message he hardened his eyes even as he smiled. The guy would understand. It was him who taught him after all. “But don’t ever think of setting up shop in my town, you understand? Stick to your part of the globe. Later, Jay.”
He strode off, knowing Benz was burning a hole into his spine.
Unused to the feeling in his chest, fondness for the familiarity of sorts, he supposed. Benz had been his first friend in a lot of ways, his acceptance still colored Lawless’ life. Though that friendship went south pretty fucking fast when he got the first inclination Benz tried to put metaphorical shackles on him.
Unsure about the sudden return. Maybe he’d never know and that would chew the white meat insi
de his head.
But he could hazard a guess it was calculated and self-serving.
* * *
Once Jay was shown out, he inhaled hard and took fresh air that wasn’t steeped in despair into his lungs. Walking on autopilot back to his rented Mercedes, he depressed the mechanical lock and slid into the driving seat, turning the engine on so he could have some AC.
His mind was lost in turmoil and anger.
Had he expected Penn to welcome him with open arms? Absolutely not. He’d faint had his most memorable and missed lover displayed even the slightest happiness in seeing him.
Facing the gray brick prison, his mind had many thoughts. No more the wiser why Penn was there, when Jay knew absolutely he would never get himself caught selling drugs.
Dismissed.
He still had the ability to make Jay feel insignificant with the slash of those incredible cold eyes.
Almost like Penn was bored as well as apathetic and the person on the other end of that stare always felt it.
He stewed and let those feelings in..
The ones he’d held at bay for years, fearing they’d drive him mad.
The one that got away. Such an ugly term and yet so true.
He wouldn’t allow anyone to speak nor whisper Penn’s name in his presence for a long time. Beating a man almost to death when he joked about it in Jay’s earshot. Everyone quickly caught on after that. Penn was dead to their circle.
Yet not truly gone.
Not to Jay.
Not even when he hated him for leaving so easy.
Oh, for weeks he thought he’d come back, tail between his legs, looking for new darkness to swim in. If there was one thing Jay knew for certain about Penn, it was his proclivities, appetites and whims. He catered to them for years, he fed the monster and the monster always came back.
And then he didn’t.
Jay didn’t pine.
Not for long.
He cast that time off like a snake shedding its skin and he thrived in other avenues.
But there he was, putting his head back in a noose that would never tighten. Alas. Because the noose was without emotion.
Why did he love the guy, he wondered?
He could have the choice of any delicacies.
Marco would whine that Jay only craved the unattainable. The forbidden fruit being the tastiest.
Penn was never forbidden.
But he was a taste Jay couldn’t shake.
His anger boiled through his lower gut.
Every person associated to Jay and his business licked his fucking boots. He was king of his castle and he was accustomed to that kind of subservient obedience.
Fall to your knees and suck my cock. They did.
Kill a man. They did.
Obey my every word. They did.
Not Penn.
Never Penn and for a long time, Jay was ensnared within that elixir of the one man who didn’t come to heel.
Did he want him because he couldn’t have him?
That little fucker walked away and Jay’s heart cracked that day.
There were no boundaries he couldn’t break.
His reputation was legendary among their own kind.
He’d heard of the Renegade Souls, of course he had. But their businesses were very different and there was no opportunity to cross paths.
Only, the desire to make that happen once he knew where Penn was residing, was more temptation than he could stand. It was why he’d more or less moved to the South of France for the last three years.
He screwed his way through the French social underbelly and enjoyed every debauched second of it. But his ass was on a private plane the moment his PI sent him the info he’d requested, telling him Penn was in prison.
The tethers on Jay’s end hadn’t frayed even when Penn cut them.
Love didn’t die.
It should sicken him how much he was not angry at Penn’s coldness toward him. With anyone else treating Jay that way, he would have sent them to an early grave, or at the very least required rehabilitation for many months.
He never gave second chances for disrespect. But somehow, the place in his chest warmed being in the presence of coldness again. The aloof smirk, even the laugh that didn’t sound right, felt nice once again.
No, Jay was angry because Penn didn’t ask him for a thing. Ask him to get him out of there.
He would have tried, of course. He paid enough for his legal team to keep his name off many radars. He would move heaven and hell itself to another continent had he only asked Jay to help him.
The bubble of it seethed through him for a few more minutes, before he fished out his phone. His stare on the brick building as if he could see through the mortar to the man inside, striding like a king with people bowing to him no doubt.
That was Penn’s personality. He didn’t demand respect and obedience, it gravitated toward him. There were people who were always attracted to putting their hands in the flames.
Penn was an inferno.
The call connected and before a greeting he issued in a determined voice. “Marco, change of plan, get me places to look at for rent in Denver.”
“Denver? We’re moving?”
His right hand man would assume he was going with him without question, because Marco was loyal to a fault.
Marco’s life was catering to Jay in whatever guise he needed but he’d wanted to be on Penn’s turf alone. His darling boy always did make him a tiny bit erratic in temper.
“What about the New York deal?”
“I’ll deal with it, get me those to look at by the end of the week, okay?”
It was more than Marco’s job to question Jay, though his silence said a lot.
He’d known where Jay was headed today having booked the hotel for Wyoming.
“Are you coming home today?”
“Yes.” Before he hung up, he added. “Call Candice and Roman, will you? Tell them to wait at the penthouse.”
Marco chuckled. “Someone is hungry.”
Indeed.
He needed a way to burn through these feelings and dark sex was a particular skill of his he could call on for varying reasons.
Looking forward to getting out of this dusty Podunk town, he pulled out of the parking lot, leaving the stench of hopelessness behind.
Penn had been correct; he did remember almost word for word the threat he’d given way back then.
Up until today he never intended to see it through.
Not Penn. There’d been too many feelings there for Jay to punish the guy for leaving.
A man can be dismissed one too many times before he snapped.
A new start in Denver…yeah, he could enjoy the cold for a while, it would remind him of home.
And if he put projects into place, all the better.
Penn hadn’t seen the last of him yet.
He’d feel in his gut if their end was near.
And it wasn’t quite there yet…
TWENTY
“Beware the attention of a patient man.” – Lawless
The long gait was strong as Lawless made his way back through the maze of corridors to his second floor cell. Each gate opened by an officer, most of them he knew by name because he gambled with them. They didn’t hassle Lawless as they did some of the other degenerates behind bars.
He entered the cell and Bennie immediately snapped up to his feet like he’d been caught choking the snake. Pants were around his waist… no lube… good fucking lad, Lawless didn’t want to step in someone else’s come. Not in his prison issued sneakers.
He’d trudged through plenty in his time, but he was usually wearing his boots at his private club and his own play area.
Ah, good times. But if he thought about those here, he’d spring a fucking tent in his pants and poor Bennie was already terrified of him without seeing an aroused psycho.
Lawless threw himself down on the bunk and cupped the back of his head with his hands. He had a lot of time to countdown th
e seconds.
Keep his face out of trouble and get early parole, that was his goal.
Easier said than done.
“Eh … the guard dropped letters in for you over there,” Bennie spoke from his corner of the room. A comic book on his lap and a bag of peanuts next to him. The kid was a night time muncher, it was like rooming with a manic chipmunk.
Ah, what was Lawless to do. He couldn’t go on a wild spree and kill everyone, now could he? Maybe he’d keep it as an option for next year when he was insanely fucking miserable.
He swung his legs off the bed and took two steps to grab the letters.
The old ladies.
Damn, they thought he was gonna be pen pals.
He leafed through Winter’s letter, letting him know Snake was sulking missing him. He half smirked, knowing he’d pick him apart the next time the guy rode through to visit. It was good she wasn’t one of those females who resented his relationship with her man. A stand up chick, and someone he would have chosen to suit Snake.
The next letter he ignored, while hot burning cement poured into his chest cavity where his conscience lived like a fucking lazy rodent. The very last letter, as it happened.
He didn’t look down at the sedate envelope and the cursive swirl in the familiar handwriting.
It was a fat letter. Telling him what a selfish prick he was, no doubt. She had a mouth on her when she got going in Spanish and English.
He started teaching her French last year. He hoped she kept to her studies; all abandoned kids needed to educate themselves. He’d make sure to tell Judge to encourage her.
Tossing the letter into the box, he placed it back under his bed. And retook his position sprawled out on his back with his legs spread to the very end of the bunk, hands behind his head.
Bennie, chipmunk crunching while he read.
Lawless didn’t care. His mind was elsewhere for the time being.
It was back home in Colorado.
It was thousands of miles away in his cabin.
