Before she knew it, he’d left the room.
* * *
On Saturday, nearly a week later, Cody searched the Founder’s Day event area for the girls. They had been running from tent to tent excited to finally be attending. He couldn’t help but be pleased with the turnout. It was the largest event of the year and people from the mainland had come over to join in the fun. The vendors ranged from face painters to arts and crafts to local food, all centered on maple syrup. Everyone appeared as if they were enjoying themselves. The committee had planned long and in detail to make the occasion a success. Cody was proud of their efforts.
During the past week he’d had to make a couple of last-minute meetings to handle specifics and issues. In the end every aspect of the weekend was going off smoothly and he hoped it would continue that way through to Sunday evening. The weather had even co-operated by being spectacular.
He couldn’t say the same about his relationship with Stacey. She’d been conspicuously absent from his life outside the OR and the daily rounds to see patients. By appearing at the last possible moment then slipping away the second the job was complete, she had curtailed any chance to talk other than on medical-related issues. Cody couldn’t blame her. He didn’t like knowing he’d hurt her, no matter how justified the reason. What he should say he was well aware of, but what he wanted to say he wasn’t so sure of.
That night she’d stayed at his house he’d climbed the stairs alone. All he’d been able to think about had been Stacey in his home and the what-ifs. What if he kissed her? What if she let him cup her breast? What if he asked her to join him in bed? He’d taken a shower. A cold one. Having Stacey so close had played havoc with his libido.
As was his habit, he’d gone downstairs to secure the house for the night and passed the living room. Stacey had been sound asleep. Her fear of the storm must have zapped her adrenaline, taking all her energy. She’d pulled his pillow to her chest and had been under the blanket. He’d had to move on, fighting himself not to wake her and make sure she slept in his bed. With him.
Now he was longing for her. For what could have been. When his pillow had been returned it had smelled of peaches. His T-shirt hadn’t fared any better. He’d made more than one move to wash them but couldn’t bring himself to do so.
He been doing the right thing by not getting too involved with Stacey. That statement had been on audio repeat all week, echoing inside his head. His mind might understand but his body wasn’t agreeing.
He only had to hold out for a little while longer. She would be leaving soon but he missed their talks, even her teasing remarks. More than once he’d tried to convince himself his concerns stemmed from his girls’ constant questions about her but he knew better. He wanted Stacey with a driving need that almost overwhelmed him.
She’d been so sassy and happy during their breakfast together last Sunday morning. It hadn’t been until he’d touched her that things had started to get out of control. He knew when a woman wanted him and her eyes had said that clearly. For a minute he’d taken advantage of that, almost kissing her but stopped himself. He knew hurt, deep hurt, and wasn’t setting himself up for that again. His girls deserved to have someone who wanted them more than anything else. He did too. Stacey had made it clear she couldn’t offer them permanency—moving on to the next exciting place was what she wanted more.
It wouldn’t have mattered so much if he hadn’t recognized there was something extraordinary between them. He couldn’t put a name to it but he did know his entire being simmered whenever he was near her. Stacey had to feel it too. Knowing her time there was short didn’t change his desire to get to know her better, touch her, kiss her. In fact, it intensified it. At the same time, he needed to protect his girls. He and they were a package deal. Being an adult, he could deal with the void Stacey would create in his life when she left, but he wouldn’t put Jean and Lizzy through that kind of loss again.
“Don’t the girls need to be getting to the stage soon?” his mother asked.
“We have a few more minutes,” he assured her. His parents had arrived the day before.
“Have you thought any more about letting them go with us up to Maine for a few days?” his father asked as they continued along the crowded aisle between the rows of tents.
“You need some time to yourself,” his mother commented. “You haven’t really let those girls out of your sight in years. It’s time to let go a little.”
He and his parents had had this discussion more than once in the recent months.
“I’m thinking about it.” Cody still wasn’t ready to commit to such a big step.
“Stacey!”
The chorus of Jean and Lizzy’s voices above the crowd of people jerked his thoughts to where they were. Both girls ran and wrapped their arms around the dark-haired woman who filled his dreams. She wore a pink T-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. She’d never looked better.
Lizzy and Jean clung to her. It had taken Jean a while to warm up to Stacey but putting together costumes seemed to have done the trick. Perhaps a little too well.
Stacey hesitated a tad long before she knelt and hugged them in return. As she did she peered over their heads, looking around in alarm. Uncertainty darkened her green eyes as their gazes met. She clearly hadn’t planned to run into them.
That moment of uncertainty went against the grain and left him with a bad taste in his mouth. She was dodging them. Him.
By the time he reached them, Jean and Lizzy had pulled away and were excitedly telling Stacey about their week and how much Fleur had liked their costumes.
“She said we looked the best!” Jean said to Stacey with hero-worship in her eyes.
Stacey smiled down at her. “I’m glad.”
She sounded as if she was.
“Are you ready to dance?” Stacey asked Lizzy.
She nodded. “I know all my steps.”
Her joy at seeing the girls appeared genuine. Stacey looked at him again, having to tilt her head back to do so. This time the cloud of anxiety was missing in her eyes. Had it been replaced by hopefulness? He was more conflicted than ever.
“So this is ‘super’ Stacey,” his mother remarked in a congenial tone, stepping around him and extending a hand. “Hi, I’m Cody’s mother, Jeanette.”
Wearing a stunned expression, Stacey stood and accepted his mother’s hand. “Hello. It’s nice to meet you.” She glanced at him. “Cody didn’t tell me you were visiting.”
He gave her a pointed look, not caring that his exasperation showed. “You didn’t give me chance to.”
Stacey had been skirting him all week so he had her there. Cody had made it clear what he wanted and she would respect that. She wanted the same thing. Separation. Space.
No, she didn’t. She wanted him.
For the benefit of both of them they needed distance between them. With a great deal of effort she’d accomplished it but loneliness filled her free time. She hadn’t been plagued by that despair in a long time. Since childhood. She’d learned long ago how to be self-sufficient. Depending only on herself for happiness. In a few short weeks she’d backslid into expecting to find happiness with another, but it was a mistake she had been trying to correct and would continue to right. If only she could get her heart to co-operate.
“The girls can talk of little but you,” his mother continued with the captivating smile that Cody had inherited.
Stacey wasn’t sure how to respond.
Cody clearly took pity on her when he said, “Stacey Ryder, this is my father, Roger Brennan.” Cody patted a man on the shoulder who had similar features to him but with silver hair.
She shook Cody’s father’s offered hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“And you too. I understand you work with my son.”
“Yes, sir. I’m Dr. Brennan’s clinical nurse, or at least I am for seven more days.” A
sadness deeper than she’d ever felt settled over her at that thought.
“You are going to come see us dance, aren’t you?” Jean asked.
Stacey’s plan had been to arrive just before the girls were to go on stage, stand in the back long enough to see them dance and then leave without being seen by them or their father. Now all she could do was answer with conviction, “I wouldn’t miss it.”
Both girls beamed at her.
“It’s time we should be getting your costumes on, girls.” Cody put a hand on each of their backs, heading them in the other direction. “Fleur said you needed to be dressed and ready to go on time.”
His mother put a hand on Cody’s arm. “We’ll get a seat up front and save you one. Stacey, you will join us?”
It wasn’t really a question. Stacey watched Cody and the girls walk away. She was stuck now.
Cody’s mother said, “Let’s go get those front row seats.”
There were no rows of chairs in front of the stage. Instead there were picnic tables. Cody’s mother picked out one off to the right of the front of the stage. Mr. and Mrs. Brennan took one side of the table and she sat on the other bench.
“Why don’t I go get us all a drink while we wait?” Cody’s father asked.
“That sounds wonderful. Thanks, honey.” Mrs. Brennan smiled at her husband. She then turned her attention to Stacey. “I understand that you worked nothing less than a miracle with the girls’ costumes.”
“I wouldn’t call it a miracle.” Stacey didn’t want to carry that responsibility. Why did she feel the sudden need to escape? She’d just been tapping into her creative side.
“That’s not how Cody described it.”
Stacey smiled. “He only saw it that way because he didn’t know how to handle it himself.”
Cody’s mother’s face turned serious. “He’s had to be father and mother for most of the girls’ lives. Those more creative touches he sometimes has difficulty with.”
“That has to be frustrating for him. He’s such a perfectionist with his patients.”
“It is. Very frustrating.” Her look met Stacey’s as if Mrs. Brennan wanted to make sure she clearly understood. “Cody and the girls have survived a very difficult few years.”
“He told me.”
Mrs. Brennan’s eyes went wide, her surprise obvious. “Really? He never talks about Rachael.”
“I asked him and he told me.”
“Interesting. Because of what happened with Rachael he’s always trying to make up for those bad times. He is very overprotective where the girls are concerned. Of himself as well. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see the genuine smiles of happiness on Jean and Lizzy’s faces like I saw today. It’s wonderful. Even Cody has a look in his eyes that I feared was gone forever.” Her eyes glistened. “Thank you for that.”
Stacey’s stomach fluttered with joy, only to turn sour from acute apprehension. She would be leaving soon. Of that there was no doubt. Life seemed unfair to her, to Cody, and even to his girls. It was the wrong place, wrong people and wrong time. She wasn’t right for Cody. If they moved past being friends and co-workers there was nothing but pain out there for all of them.
Cody wouldn’t keep her. Even if she wanted him to. One day he would push her away. Her father had done it, her stepfather had and then finally so had her fiancé. All the men in her life left her eventually. She wasn’t staying around for that to happen again. So there was no reason to start something that had no future. Knowing what it felt like being left behind and the pain it brought, she wouldn’t do that to Cody. Or let him do it to her either.
“I don’t know if I’m who you should give that credit to. I’ve not done anything special.”
“Maybe just being you is what makes it special.” Cody’s father approached. Mrs. Brennan added in a low voice, “I’m sure that I’ve said more than Cody would appreciate.” She placed a hand over Stacey’s. “Just know that you are special to them.”
Stacey fiddled with a loose sliver of wood on the tabletop. When had she last felt special to anyone? Or had someone tell her that she was? It was nice to hear, even if it was coming from Cody’s mother.
While they had been talking, people had been settling at the tables around them. It wouldn’t be long before the program started. Mr. Brennan joined them and they talked about the island and the festival for a few minutes in between sipping their iced drinks.
Mrs. Brennan’s attention moved to somewhere behind Stacey. “I think Cody needs you.”
Heat burned her cheeks. What was his mother saying?
She smiled. “I don’t mean that, hon, though it might be true. I mean he’s waving that he needs you to come to him.”
Stacey turned to find Cody standing at the corner of the stage, gesturing for her to join him. She started that way. Once again she was being pulled in despite her vow to remain detached.
There was a desperate note in Cody’s voice when she reached him. “I need some assistance with the girls’ bonnets. They say I’m not doing it right.”
Stacey couldn’t help but be pleased. It was nice to feel needed.
“I’ll owe you even more than I already do if you could get them on for me.”
“I can do that. Where are they?”
Cody took her hand. It was large, solid and secure. Steady. Something about having her hand in his felt right. He pulled her through a gaggle of little girls, around a couple of mothers talking and passed another group of girls to where Jean and Lizzy stood.
“Daddy couldn’t do this right,” Lizzy said, handing Stacey her bonnet.
She took it from the girl. “To be fair to your father, this does have a degree of difficulty. He doesn’t know what I had in mind. Turn around and let me get this on you.”
Lizzy turned her back to Stacey.
“Who put your hair in a bun?” Stacey worked at positioning the cap and tying it under Lizzy’s chin.
“Daddy.”
“He did a nice job on that.” She glanced at Cody. He mouthed, “Thank you.”
“All done. Okay, Jean, it’s your turn.”
Jean stepped up and turned her back to Stacey, who soon had the cap secured. “Okay, now let me look at you both.”
The girls grinned up at her. “Perfect. Now go dance as good as you look.”
Jean grabbed her by the waist and hugged Stacey so tightly she swayed. Cody placed a steadying hand in the small of her back. Trying to ignore the intimate sensation his touch generated, Stacey returned Jean’s affection. Lizzy joined them.
“Okay, girls. Let Stacey go. Fleur is trying to get you to come to her.”
They took off to where other girls stood dressed in similar clothing to them. She and Cody walked back to join his parents. This time he didn’t take her hand and she missed the contact. Too much.
When they sat down Cody’s mother said, “What was the problem?”
“I didn’t put their bonnets on like Stacey did.”
“I see.”
Stacey was afraid she might see too much.
“How did you make those bonnets anyway?” Cody asked.
“I cut the brim off a white hat I had, then cut it in two. That way I had the curve that was needed. Then I used sewing glue on the edges. I hand sewed shoe strings on to tie them with.”
“That’s impressive.” Cody’s mother gave her a smile of admiration.
Cody put his hand on her shoulder. “I know. I couldn’t have done it without her.”
His praise was nice to hear but wasn’t making it any easier for her to keep her resolve to remain detached.
The program started and soon the girls and boys were dancing across the stage. Cody sat beside her, close enough that she could feel his warmth. She was so aware of him she had difficulty paying attention to the children in Native American outfits, as English soldiers, and th
en Pilgrims. He squeezed her hand then let it go when Jean and Lizzy came on stage. They did a beautiful job with their dance.
As soon as the program was over Stacey made a production of checking her watch. For her own good, she needed to leave. “I’ve got to go.”
“Right now?” Cody’s disbelief filled his voice.
“I...uh...told Summer that I’d help her with something at two. So I have to go. Please tell the girls for me that they were great.”
“I bet they would rather hear that from you.” The dark disapproval on Cody’s face came close to snuffing out her determination.
“I’m sorry, but I really must go.” Why couldn’t he leave it alone? She looked at his parents, who were watching her closely, then back to Cody. “It was nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Brennan.” She threw those words over her shoulder as she hurried away. She was no longer counting the days but the hours until she could leave the island.
* * *
Sunday afternoon, after his parents and the girls had left, Cody made his way to Stacey’s cottage. He’d had enough. He had to see her. Put things right between them. Somehow.
He had no intention of bringing anyone disruptive into his world. Stacey was that type of person. The kind that unsettled people. She had certainly had that effect on him. Yet he still couldn’t stay away from her.
After Rachael he’d accepted he wasn’t a good judge of character. He couldn’t make that mistake again. Yet here he was on Stacey’s cottage doorstep. Even if there couldn’t be anything real between them, he still wanted her. She needed to know that. He had to make the hurt in her eyes go away. She wasn’t unaffected by his family. He’d seen Stacey’s pride and pleasure in Jean and Lizzy’s dancing. Some things she couldn’t hide.
He knocked. There was no sound. Knocked again. Was she at the festival? Something made him think she wasn’t. Maybe out for a walk? He didn’t want to do this at the clinic but if that was the only way, he’d take it. As he turned to leave, the door opened.
“Cody, what are you doing here?” Stacey asked around the door. “Is there an emergency?”
Nurse to Forever Mom Page 9
