by Devney Perry
Emmett. Why the fuck couldn’t she call me Emmett?
“I didn’t think we were doing the friend thing,” she said.
“Forget it,” I clipped, not turning back to her as I opened the dishwasher with too much force.
“You’re mad.”
“Yeah.” I was her fuck buddy and nothing more. She could sleep in my bed but not meet my friends. My family.
“I’m going to go.” She brought her plate over to the sink, hovering at my side.
I snatched the dish from her hand, rinsing it too. Then I went to work on the skillet on the stove, scrubbing harder than necessary.
She sighed but didn’t say a word as she walked to the front door, the click of her heels like a hammer to the chest as she left.
One of these days, I’d hear that click for the last time.
Maybe today was that day.
Maybe today needed to be that day.
I braced my hands on the counter, staring out the window over the sink and into the trees. They were the same trees we watched from the deck each night. In the distance, an engine rumbled, fading too fast.
“Fuck.” I dragged a hand over my beard.
I was falling for her. I’d seen my friends do the same, watching from a distance. Leo hadn’t even realized he was in love with Cass until I’d mentioned it.
There was no use denying it myself.
I was falling for Nova.
Maybe I already had. And she wouldn’t use my fucking name.
The clock on the microwave showed it was only eight. The barbeque at Scarlett and Luke’s place wouldn’t happen until three. So I retreated to my home gym for a brutal workout, lifting weights for an hour before beating the hell out of a heavy bag. My knuckles were raw when I went to the shower, then hit the office to spend a few hours at my laptop.
The temptation to look into Nova’s life was so overpowering that after a couple of hours, I had to leave the house, to get far away from my computers before I broke that trust. Granted, she’d never know, but I couldn’t live with it. The curiosity was crippling, so I did what I always did when I was in a shit mood.
I went for a long, fast ride.
Forcing myself off the road took an effort, so much so that I was an hour late to Scarlett and Luke’s place. Everyone was waiting for me on their sprawling deck. Scarlett and Luke had added it not long after they’d been married.
The women all smiled when I walked into the party. The guys stood, clapping me on the shoulder while Luke handed me a beer. Dash and Bryce’s sons barreled into my legs, each of them wearing a Clifton Forge Garage sweatshirt to ward off the autumn chill. Then there were the babies, bundled and babbling.
Nova would fit here.
Bryce, Genevieve, Presley, Scarlett, Cass . . . they’d pull her into their circle and hold her tight.
Except she wasn’t here. She’d never be here.
That wasn’t what we were.
“You okay?” Dash asked, standing at my side as three different conversations carried on.
“No.” I took a long chug of my beer. Lying to Dash, to any of my friends, made my skin crawl so I gave him the honest answer. And because we’d known one another for so long—fought, worked, killed side by side—he didn’t ask for more.
Dash clinked the neck of his amber bottle against mine, a silent offer that if I did want to talk, he’d be there.
“Emmett, you’re needed.” Presley sat on one of the outdoor couches, nestled into Shaw’s side as he kept one arm around her shoulders and the other cradling their son, Nico.
“Needed for what?”
She patted the seat beside her. “Birthday plans.”
I groaned but went to sit beside her. Presley hated her own birthday and for years hadn’t let us make a thing of it. Since Scarlett had come to Montana, that had changed. The twin sisters had planned a huge party for their last birthday and apparently the partying wasn’t reserved for them alone.
Cass’s birthday had been the most recent. And mine was up next.
“Do you want to have a party at your house?” Presley asked. “So you don’t have to drive home?”
“Or we could just give him a ride,” Shaw said.
“Yeah, but that’s not the same.”
“I think the better question is do you want to have the party at my house, Pres?”
She fought a smile. “We never do anything at your place and it’s so nice.”
“Fine by me.” I waved a hand. “Go nuts. Just tell me when to show up.”
“Yay.” She clapped her hands together and looked to Cass, who had a similar smile on her face.
“They were going to have the party at your place whether you agreed or not,” Leo said from the armrest of Cass’s chair. Seraphina was in her mother’s lap, drooling over a plastic giraffe. “They’ve already planned the party too. Apparently thirty-nine is the new forty and they’re going all out. Beware.”
Cass’s mouth fell open as she looked up at her husband. Then she poked him in the ribs and hissed, “Do you mind?”
Leo only chuckled, leaning down to brush his lips to hers.
“How big of a party are we talking?” I asked Pres.
She winked. “You’ll see.”
“It’s going to be epic,” Bryce said, coming up behind me. “Trust us. It’ll be fun.”
I did trust them. I trusted them with my life.
The barbeque should have soothed the tension and improved my mood. The fact that my friends had already planned a birthday party for me should have made me smile. But the entire afternoon and evening, none of my smiles came easy. No amount of laughter and time with my friends eased the pit in my gut.
Because what I really wanted to do for my birthday was have Nova around.
My birthday was next month and by then she’d be gone.
Maybe they sensed my mood, but when I excused myself not long after we’d finished eating our steaks, no one stopped me. Dash and Leo shared a look as I waved and strode through the door.
Then I was gone, riding through town.
Before Nova, I would have gone to The Betsy. I’d left the barbeque thinking of home, but fuck that. I turned left instead of right at the intersection past the grocery store and rolled down Central toward the bar.
If Nova had wanted to be with me, she could have come today. She could have met my friends and shared a meal with my family and heard them use my goddamn name. She’d made her choice and it was time to stop tailoring my actions to her own.
So I went to The Betsy, walked inside and drew in a long breath. Beer and sweat and heat. Smoking wasn’t allowed anymore but the scent of cigarettes would never fade. It had infused the dark, neon-sign-covered walls.
“Emmett!” A guy at a table in the center of the room raised his beer bottle in a salute.
I waved on my way to the bar, shoving in between two stools.
“Hey.” Paul appeared, reaching across the counter.
“Hey.” I shook his hand, then surveyed the room. “Busy tonight.”
“Saturday. What can I get you?”
“Just a beer.”
He nodded, going to the cooler for my favorite. Behind him were rows of liquor bottles, shelved against a mirror that ran to the ceiling and made the bar feel bigger. When he returned with my beer, he slid it over. “Haven’t seen you lately.”
“Been busy too.” I twisted off the top.
Another customer raised a hand to get his attention.
“Good to see you, Emmett,” he said before disappearing to the same end of the bar where I’d met Nova.
I shoved her from my mind, left five dollars on the bar and walked to the pool tables, shaking hands with a few guys I recognized from the gym and around town.
The jukebox was playing rock tonight, an old song that had been one of Dad’s favorites to blare at the garage while we worked. The noise was loud enough tonight that there wouldn’t be a lot of conversation. People were practically shouting as they spoke, adding to the volume.
Loud was good. Loud meant no talking.
The clack of a cue hitting a ball rang through the air and the guys invited me to play a round. One turned into three, which turned into five and I made sure to supply the quarters because I wasn’t giving up my spot at the table. Because when I left here, I’d go home and I wasn’t ready to go home. I wasn’t ready to know if Nova had shown or if she’d stayed away.
The noise in the bar ratcheted up and up until it was practically deafening by midnight. My beer was long gone but I hadn’t felt like another. My mood was teetering on the edge as it was and getting drunk would only tip the scales. I was in that place where what I really wanted was to fuck or to fight.
A long, hard fuck. Or a violent, punishing fight.
In the corner beside the pool table, a man in his sixties wearing a cowboy hat occupied a stool.
Once, a long time ago, that stool had been Dad’s favorite spot to sit. We’d come to The Betsy and he’d play one or two games of pool, then he’d take up his spot and spend the rest of the night bullshitting with whoever came close enough.
It was painful to look there and not see his face. To not see his shiny bald head and his long white beard braided down the center of his chest. Thank God I’d gotten Mom’s thick hair. But I’d give up every strand for just one more day with my father.
A jolt of sadness came over me and suddenly I needed to get the hell out of this bar. Even if my house was empty, I didn’t want to be here, in the place where he’d been killed.
It was like this. Either I’d come here and feel close to him. Or I’d come here and feel his absence like a gaping hole in my chest.
A room full of people and I was alone.
“Hey, Emmett.” A familiar voice caught my ear and I turned. Tera was wading through the bodies surrounding the pool table.
“Hey, Tera.” She wasn’t who I’d expected to see. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” She smiled, her cheeks flushed. Then she turned and pointed to a cocktail table surrounded by four other women, only one I recognized. “I’m here with some of the other teachers. Girls’ night. It’s the first time I’ve been out since moving here and they told me that I had to check out The Betsy.”
“Ah.” I nodded. “Where’s Maggie?”
“At your mom’s, actually. I tried to get a babysitter, but she insisted.”
“Sounds like Mom.”
“She’s not going to let me pay her, is she?”
I chuckled. “Nope.”
Tera laughed and her eyes softened. “Well, I, um . . . just wanted to say hi.”
“Glad you did.”
“Have a good night, Emmett.”
I opened my mouth, about to offer to buy her a drink, but clamped my mouth shut before the words could tumble out. And I let her turn away and retreat to the table with her friends.
If I bought Tera a drink, I’d feel like a complete bastard for leading her on. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—go there with her. Not when a pair of dark eyes haunted my every thought.
Even in the crush of the bar tonight, I could smell Nova’s exquisite scent. I could hear her musical laugh and the way she moaned as she came around my cock.
For Nova, I’d consider the future. A wife. Kids.
If only she wanted that too. But she didn’t. She wanted to use nicknames and keep her distance. The sooner I got my head wrapped around that, the better.
I gotta get out of here.
I put my pool stick away and waved goodbye to the guys I’d been playing with. Then I turned, ready to head for the door, and my eyes landed on a beautiful face.
I froze.
Nova sat at the bar, wedged in between two men who were facing the bar itself. But Nova was turned to the room. Her long legs were crossed. She had a martini in one hand. She raised it to her lips, taking a slow sip. Her eyes never breaking from mine.
How had I missed her coming in?
I changed direction, strode over and stopped one foot away. I stood there, not saying a word. What was there to say?
“Hi, Ace.”
“Emmett.”
“Emmett,” she repeated.
“Why is it so hard for you to use my name?” My voice was barely audible above the noise, but she heard me because her eyes widened.
She reached behind her and set the martini aside, then stood and moved in close. “Because no good will come of me getting attached to you.”
“Too late.”
Her mouth parted on a gasp I couldn’t hear.
I leaned in closer, bending so that my nose was barely touching hers. “Too fucking late.”
She stared at me, her eyes searching, but I’d hit my mark. She was as attached to me as I was to her.
“Why’d you come here?”
“Because you weren’t at home.”
That pain in my chest, the one I’d been fighting all day, vanished. Poof. Gone. She’d come to find me and the relief was overpowering. My shoulders sagged. God, I was tired. Pretending not to care was exhausting. “What do you want from me, Nova?”
Her face fell, the same exhaustion I felt etched on her beautiful features. “The truth.”
“When have I lied to you?”
“You haven’t.” She put her hand to my cheek, her nails sinking into my beard. Then her lips were on mine and the world melted away.
There was no music. No crowd. No drinks being served or drunk patrons laughing. It was just us, her tongue seeping against mine as I devoured her mouth, not caring about anything else.
This was all we’d have. Something in my mind clicked and the realization crept into my bones. This was all we’d have for one more month.
One more month.
Then I’d have to let her go.
Chapter Thirteen
Nova
Moonlight cast Emmett’s room in silvery blue. It muted the rust-colored shade of his sheets and quilt. The white walls practically glowed.
He was asleep beside me, his breaths slow and deep. Even sleeping, he held me in place, his chest to my back. The weight and heat of his body was better than any blanket.
The comfort of his embrace and the softness of his bed should have put me in dreamland, but I’d been awake for an hour. It had been that way for two weeks, ever since I’d tracked Emmett down at The Betsy. If I slept for three or four hours, that was a restful night.
Our routine hadn’t changed. Each night I’d come over and we’d have dinner, then talk for a while before sex. After an orgasm or three, I’d crash, so exhausted that I’d fall asleep within seconds of closing my eyes. But then I’d pop wide awake around two or three and that was it. I was awake.
For two weeks, I’d been lying here, staring out his bedroom window, watching as the moonlight faded and sunrise took its place. One night, I’d snuck into his office and stared at the safe for an hour before finally working up the courage to try a few combinations. His birthday. His mom’s birthday. His dad’s birthday. Then each in reverse. Unsurprisingly, none had worked. Also unsurprisingly, I was glad none had worked.
Other than that failed attempt, my sleepless nights over the last two weeks had been spent right here in bed, wondering what the fuck I was doing.
As much as I knew I should slip away, disappear from his life forever, I couldn’t bring myself to leave.
Two Saturdays ago, the day he’d invited me to his friends’ barbeque, I’d raced to the rental and packed my things. My suitcases had been ready to load into the Nova, but the moment I’d opened the door to haul them outside, my feet had stuck to the floor.
I couldn’t leave.
Why? Why couldn’t I just vanish? This entire scheme of mine had fizzled the moment I’d let Emmett inside my body. Yes, it had taken me a few weeks to realize it, but I was incapable of hurting him.
Completely and utterly incapable.
What would Dad do when he found out I’d failed? What would he say? Did I even care?
My relationship with my father was complicated at best. I’d s
pent so long wanting his attention, his approval, and now that I truly had a chance to win both, was I really giving up?
Yes. What other option did I have?
Emmett wasn’t the monster Dad had made him out to be. He was kind and generous. He was intelligent and too sexy for his own good.
He probably didn’t even realize that the blond woman who’d approached him at The Betsy had been staring at him for an hour before she’d finally walked over to say hello. From my seat I’d seen the desire in her eyes. The blush of her cheeks and the way she’d tucked her hands into her jeans pockets to hide her nerves.
She was totally into him and if I was a better person, I’d walk. I’d give him a chance with a woman like that, sweet and smiley. Pure. Honest. She could give him a future.
But did I leave the bar? Nope. The moment he’d left the pool table and headed for the door, I’d turned, shifting away from the man I’d been hiding behind, so he could see me.
The blond was going to have to wait her turn. I wasn’t done with him yet.
I doubted I’d ever be done. Even after I disappeared from his life, he would always linger in mine.
I was a coward. I wanted him too much. I wanted to keep him for myself, even if it was for just a short time more.
That night, he’d asked me what I wanted. The truth.
To learn it. To tell it. To live it.
When have I lied to you?
He hadn’t and that was the problem.
The liar here was me.
Everything he’d told me had seemed honest. The only way to know for certain was to check. Over the past two weeks, I’d spent countless hours skipping work to do research.
I’d been attempting to cross-check each story he’d told me with an official report. Emmett had to be spinning his stories in his favor, right? Except the stories he’d told me hadn’t been in the news.
First, I’d started with the online archives from various papers around the state. Murders and mayhem were uncommon in Montana and when something big enough happened, it made the papers in Missoula, Bozeman and Billings. When my searches there had turned up nothing, I’d switched to the Clifton Forge Tribune.
Their public online archive only went back five years, so I’d had to brave the newspaper office itself.
