I end up in another uncomfortable hotel bed. Tossing and turning, unable to find any sleep, I get up close to midnight and grab my phone for the first time in hours.
I have a text from Lily.
LILY: I know Tyler has already told you what happened. I’m so sorry, Danny. I never wanted to go behind your back. I don’t know what got into me. I should have stopped it. Please don’t leave Ty. You belong together. What you have is so special. Don’t throw it away. You’ll never have to see me again, but please don’t break up with him. He loves you very much. Lily
And now she’s fucking breaking my heart.
I can’t imagine not ever seeing her again. I can’t imagine not ever having her smile at me again. I can’t imagine never inhaling her sweet scent or touching her again.
Because I’m in love with her.
I’m like a blind man who can suddenly see. I’m a fucking idiot for blaming Ty when all I wanted to do from the very beginning was bury her underneath me and make her mine too. I’m still not happy that he went behind my back, but I love him. Very much. Just as he loves me. I know that. No doubt about it. I may not be able to understand his reasons fully—hell, he probably doesn’t even understand himself—but I can’t let him go, just as I can’t let Lily go.
I also love her, more than I ever felt possible. She has snuck into my heart without me noticing at first, and now I can’t imagine ever being without her again.
After reading her text, I know it’ll take a lot to convince her to take a chance on us, but I have a plan, and I have the hockey league’s top scorer on my side.
No way we’re going to lose.
Chapter Nineteen
Tyler
I wake up to the sound of the door slamming shut and bolt out of the bedroom immediately. Danny is standing in the living room with a brown paper bag in his hand. Unlike me, he doesn’t look sleep deprived and deranged, but has rosy cheeks from the cold outside and looks at me with gleaming eyes.
“Hey.” I straighten my wrinkled shirt.
“Hey.” He motions me to the bathroom. “Have a shower; you look like you need one. I brought breakfast. We need to talk.”
I do as I’m told, wondering all the while what him being here means. He brought breakfast; that’s a good sign, right? My sleep-deprived brain is not fully working yet, but I don’t think he’d come with breakfast if he planned to break up with me. But what do I know about relationships? Maybe he’s here to share a final meal with me before he leaves me?
There’s only one way to find out, but I’m not quite ready to face him. I take my time showering and enjoy the warm water. Danny picked out this rain shower. He insisted on this particular showerhead, even though it didn’t come cheap, and he was absolutely right about it. So many things he introduced me to make my life more comfortable. Crazy how one tends to appreciate things more when they’re about to disappear.
Danny’s my safe haven. My world. I’m not going to let him go without a fight.
I take extra time to shave my groin area, making sure everything’s soft and smooth down there. A man can hope, right? I know sex isn’t going to fix this, but it might be a way to persuade Danny to stay. I’m a bastard for thinking like that, but I’m desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures.
Once I’ve triple-checked for any stubble around my balls, I turn off the water and wrap myself in a warm towel. Another one of Danny’s little additions that make my life better without me even realizing—the towel heater next to the shower. Before we moved into this apartment, he took over the task of renovating the bathroom and bedrooms, while I was responsible for the kitchen and living room area. We put so much effort into this apartment. This can’t be it.
My eyes stare back at me from the mirror, and I give myself a little pep talk. You can do this, Wolfe. You love him, and he loves you. There simply has to be a way out of this mess.
There’s only one thing that weakens my resolve. What if he asks me to never see Lily again? Can I let her go? I have feelings for her, and she doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. It’ll break her heart. And it’ll break mine. How can I choose between those two?
I dry myself and walk into the bedroom, quickly putting on jeans and an old faded T-shirt. Pausing for a moment in the doorway to the living room, I exhale again before sitting down on the couch where Danny has already placed a steaming cup of tea and a plate with a croissant on the coffee table.
“Thank you.” I watch him from the corner of my eye. He’s leaning back on the other end of the couch, a croissant in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.
“Eat your croissant. You look like you need it.” He takes a bite from his own, as if nothing is amiss. I reach for my plate, but my hands tremble, and in my rush to pick up the croissant, I push over my cup.
“Fuck.” I lift the cup, but most of the hot tea is already on the coffee table and running down on the floor. Before I can burn myself, he pushes my hands away and sits next to me.
“Tyler, look at me. I’ll take care of this. Eat something, and I promise we’ll talk, but I need you to listen to me, and right now you’re not yourself.”
He’s right. I didn’t eat yesterday. Lily and I skipped breakfast, not wanting to encounter anyone when we both felt so guilty about what we’d done, and once I was home, I didn’t feel like eating either. My stomach feels like it’s in knots though, and I’m not sure if I can eat right now.
But I don’t want to disappoint him, so I reach for the croissant just to give myself something to do. It smells great and my mouth waters. I’m hungry after all. I dig in. The croissant has this wonderful buttery, fluffy texture that melts in my mouth. We’ve had them before. They’re from the little coffee shop at the corner. Lily persuaded us to have breakfast there once because they had chocolate croissants.
Fuck, now my eyes well up. “Are these from the coffee shop on the corner?” I ask as he returns with paper towels and cleans up my mess.
“Yes.” He sits and takes a sip of his coffee, leaving the wet paper towels on the coffee table.
“They’re delicious.”
He nods in approval but doesn’t say anything. What now? Do I apologize again? Is he expecting me to? Why is this so fucking hard?
“I want to fuck you.” He looks me straight in my eyes.
“What?” First he wants to talk, and now he wants to fuck. Without the talking?
“I. Want. To. Fuck. You. Like you’ve fucked me all the time.”
I swallow. We’ve never done that, and he very well knows it. I’m not a bottom. I told him that at the beginning of our relationship, and it was never a problem before. I used a dildo once on myself, and I didn’t like it. But if this is what it takes, I’ll do it. I can endure the discomfort for him.
“Why?”
“I’ve always wanted to. I know you said you didn’t like it, but you never did it with the person you’re in love with. I want us to be equal partners when we give this another shot, and that’s part of the deal.”
My heart leaps. He still wants me. He’s giving us another chance. I’m not completely against bottoming for him. I might have asked myself a couple of times what it’d feel like to have him inside me, but it never came up again, and we were content with our sex life. Maybe it won’t be as bad as I imagine it to be.
But there’s a little voice asking the million-dollar question. What about Lily?
“I’m willing to try. I can’t promise I’m going to like it, but I’ll give it a shot.” I look at him.
“I’m good with that. I’m not going to hurt you. We’ll go as slow as you want.” He gives me a warm smile, and my heart starts to beat faster.
“So you forgive me?” I need him to confirm it. I need him to say it out loud.
“Yeah.”
“Just like that?” Can it really be this easy? Is he making this too easy? Has he really forgiven me? Is he going to fuck me and leave me afterward? Why is all of this so confusing?
“Yeah.
Are you complaining?” He raises an eyebrow.
I shake my head. Danny’s lips twitch, and he coughs in his hand.
“Are you drunk?” Something is weird here.
“I’m not drunk.”
“But you want to fuck me?”
He nods.
“And then? Are we a couple again? What about Lily?”
He takes my hands in his and leans in for a quick kiss. “I need to fuck you, Ty. I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I need to feel you. It’s for me. For us. We need to become one again.” He kisses me again softly on the lips. “And then we’ll get our girl.”
“Our girl?”
“Yes, you oaf. Our girl. The one I wanted to jump the moment I saw her. You’re not the only one in love with her.”
My mouth opens and closes again. “You sure?” My voice cracks.
“I am. Let’s go to the bedroom.” He stands up and reaches for my hand.
My mind is reeling. Everything is happening way too fast, but I follow him. I trust him and know he’d never hurt me.
Danny sits on the bed and leans back. “Strip. I want you naked.”
I swallow. Our positions are indeed reversed today. We lock eyes as I get rid of my clothes. His eyes are heavy lidded, and his lips part as I yank down my boxers. I’m already hard and my dick springs free.
“Come here, Ty.”
I walk over to him, and he buries his head in my groin. But he isn’t using his mouth on me yet. Instead, he skims his fingers along my erection, and I shiver. Damn, that feels good. When he jacks me lightly, I sway a little and reach for his head to steady myself. I wish it were his mouth squeezing me now rather than his hand. But this is his party, and I won’t interfere.
He squeezes my tip, and I close my eyes. I’m leaking, and he slides the natural lubricant up and down my dick. My balls are ready to burst, but I don’t want to come yet, and he won’t let me. He takes his hand away, and I open my eyes. Our eyes meet, but this is not the time for words.
“Stay like this.” He leans back, and I sway again as I lose the grip on his head. He bends over and retrieves the bottle of lube from the nightstand. My muscles tense for a second, but I will them to relax again. This is Danny. He loves me. There’s nothing to be afraid of.
He places the bottle beside him and leans forward to kiss my tip. His tongue touches my slit, and I see stars behind my eyes. I shiver again as he licks around my tip and kisses his way down to my balls. He repeats the slow circle caress around each ball and gently sucks them into his mouth, and I cup his head with both hands again. This is crazy intense, and I love every minute of it.
He licks up on the underside of my erection and closes his lips over my tip, sucking it into his mouth. If he continues like that, I’ll blow my load in no time. But then one hand moves between my legs, and I shudder as he slides his finger between my ass cheeks. I freeze, but he continues to suck me and stroke my hole in lazy circles. He takes his hand away and releases my dick, and I watch as he squeezes some lube out of the bottle. He’s generous with it, but I still jump as the cold finger touches my hole again.
“Relax for me, Tyler. You can stop me anytime. I’m going in now to caress your prostate. You’ll love it. It’s just the beginning that might feel strange.”
I’ve done this to him countless times, but it’s different when the positions are reversed. But I know how important this is for him and will my muscles to unclench. He presses gently against me, and his finger slips past the tight ring of muscles. It isn’t too bad, and when he takes my dick back in his mouth, I’m starting to like the slight pressure inside me. And then he reaches my prostate.
I’ve read about prostate orgasms, and I’ve seen Danny reach those, but after my dildo experience, I didn’t think them possible for me. But not anymore. My feet tingle and my balls tighten when he rubs over the highly sensitive spot inside me and gives me another good suck on my tip.
“Oh fuck.” I pull on his hair and fall forward, using his head as a prop. I shift my hips and move against his finger when he strokes this one glorious spot with more pressure. I’m thrusting against him, first in his mouth and then back against his finger, and my dick grows even harder. This is unfamiliar, but it’s a pleasure I never knew existed.
He slides a second finger inside easily and continues his ministrations. I can’t believe I never let him do this before. I’m a bundle of need and ready to explode, but we’re not finished here.
I moan as he releases my dick again and takes his fingers out of me, leaving me empty for a moment.
Our eyes meet again. His are ablaze, and I memorize that hungry expression. It’s really going to happen. Danny is going to fuck me.
I shudder again, but this time in anticipation.
“Lie on the bed, Ty.”
I leap for the bed and place a pillow under my head. I want to look him in the eyes when he claims me.
He strips in record time and is over me in seconds, covering my body like a blanket. His eyes burn into mine, and his eyebrows draw together as if he’s in pain, which he probably is judging from the hard dick rubbing against mine. I shut my eyes as he reaches between us and jerks his erection against mine, coating us in our precum. Fuck, that feels good.
I place my hand on his shoulder and push him away, not because I don’t want him to continue, but I’m about to shoot my load, and I want the full experience before that happens.
“I’m ready. Give me your dick.” Never in my life did I think I’d say those words, but I didn’t think I’d fall for a woman either. It’s time to leave my comfort zone. It’s time for new beginnings.
“You sure?” His voice sounds hoarse.
“Fuck me already.” I lift my knees to give him more access, and he lowers his body down on mine. But instead of penetrating me, he bends to kiss me. His tongue strokes mine, and I lose myself in him. I’m dazed when he finally pulls back. “I love you.”
He braces himself on one arm and caresses my cheek. “Love you more.”
Our gazes lock as he positions his shaft and the tip nudges my tight opening. My entrance clenches, but he pushes past the tight ring, and the pressure eases. Still, his dick feels as thick as his arms compared to his fingers, and I take a shaky breath. Danny throws his head back, and the muscles in his arms tremble as he holds himself still inside me. I know that feeling. It’s like your dick is squeezed into unconsciousness. So hot and tight, it’s paradise.
I can’t believe I deprived him of that sensation. But not any longer.
He opens his eyes and stares down at our connected bodies. “So fucking perfect.”
Perfect doesn’t even cover it. My dick pulsates against his belly, and I lift my hips a little, grinding against him to take him deeper. We both moan as he slides all the way inside and hits my prostate.
“Holy fuck,” I hear myself say. I’m in heaven. And I can’t get enough of him. It’s me who places a leg around his ass to allow him to slide in even deeper, and it’s me who forces him to pick up speed.
When he yanks up my hips and slides in at an even better angle, my breathing quickens and I lose control. I grind my hips against him in jerky movements, leaving him no choice but to move with me. I’m not even touching my dick, but the friction of his body rubbing against mine and the pressure in my prostate is enough to catapult me over the edge, and my orgasm shoots through me like an earthquake. Black spots appear in front of my eyes before I pass out, shuddering in release.
It’s the sensation of soft lips on my mouth that brings me back to earth.
“This was crazy.” I pull him close against me.
“Crazy good or crazy bad?” He lays his head on my shoulder.
“Crazy good. I can’t believe I never let you do this before.”
He laughs and kisses me again. “I’m glad you liked it. Just for the record, I fucking loved it, and I want to fuck you again soon.”
I hum in approval and enjoy holding him in my arms. It’s like we found each other again but ad
ded another dimension in the process. How could I ever not want this?
I’m about to fall asleep when Danny sits up. “What time is it?”
“Why?”
“You good-for-nothing boyfriend. Today is Lily’s competition. It starts at one. Come on, there’s just enough time to get the live stream going.”
I completely forgot about that. I just hope she won’t be too distracted—not like me in my last games.
I put on a pair of sweatpants and follow Danny into the living room. He’s already set up his laptop on the dining table and taps his fingers against the keyboard.
“She’s the last starter, but this fucking live stream won’t load.”
“There’s really a live stream? I thought you were joking.” Wow, I didn’t know that either. I’m apparently the world’s worst boyfriend.
“It’s some kind of horse site. They even cover local tournaments, but this is an international one. It’s a big thing for Lily. Haven’t you heard a word she said?”
She said something about an international competition, but I don’t remember her mentioning a live stream. Just that she didn’t want me there, afraid I’d cause a commotion.
“You really should inform yourself better. You’re a horse owner.”
I sit down next to him and stare at the screen. It’s black with only four little dots in the middle and the word “loading” underneath them. The gods of connectivity aren’t on our side today.
Danny's knee bobs besides me, and I place a hand on it.
“Hey, don’t be so nervous. Give it some time.” At least I hope it’ll load. I want to see Lily too. Earlier I didn’t think of her—that was about Danny and me—but now I want to see her face again. I miss her and hope we can resolve this mess as quickly as possible.
Defying Gravity: An Ice Tigers Hockey Novel Page 14
