Individuation is an ongoing process whose end, I believe, is not yet in sight. The attainment of self-esteem and autonomy is not the end of the human journey. The potential of our cognitive powers remains to be discovered. When we contemplate “the possible human,” to use Jean Houston’s apt phrase, we see nothing but frontiers stretching before us. But until we learn to honor the self, the journey cannot successfully begin.
Customarily it is at the beginning of a book that an author explains for whom the book is written. I am choosing to do so at the end, because only now can I hope that my full meaning will be understood.
I could say that this book is addressed to my colleagues, that I might share with them observations that would prove useful in their own work. I could say that the book is addressed to anyone, in any profession, who is interested in the great issues of psychology and ethics. Both these statements are true but limited.
It is to anyone who loves his or her life and has not known that there is no higher virtue that this book is addressed.
To anyone struggling for personal happiness while being told that personal happiness is the concern of the spiritually inferior; to anyone who understands that ego and self are a height to be climbed, not an abyss to be escaped; to anyone who does not see freedom as a burden or choice and responsibility as a tragedy; to anyone who appreciates the courage and integrity that honest selfishness requires; to anyone who grasps that without self-assertion, no dignity is possible; to anyone fighting for self-esteem against an onslaught that begins in the nursery and extends to the Himalayas; to anyone able to see that this earth is the distant star we must find a way to reach—it is for you that this book is written.
In your defense.
In your honor.
*Many such persons would doubtless profit from reading such books as Martin Gardner’s Science: Good, Bad, and Bogus and James Randi’s Flim-Flam!
*In this phrase Wilber is quoting Einstein.94
*In Mysticism and Philosophy W. T. Stace writes: “Hinduism, but more especially Buddhism, emphasizes that it is the separateness of each individual ego, and the clinging to this separateness, which is at the root of hatred and of moral evil generally.… Only if the separate ego of each man is got rid of, if he can feel himself as not merely ‘I’ but one with the life of all other individuals and with the life of God, only then can he hope for salvation.” And also: “The basis of the mystical theory of ethics is that the separateness of individual selves produces egoism which is the source of conflict, grasping, aggressiveness, selfishness, hatred, cruelty, malice, and other forms of evil; and that this separateness is abolished in the mystical consciousness in which all distinctions are annulled.”
*In fairness to his position, since Koestler himself was highly sympathetic to the transpersonal perspective, I should mention that he saw “the urge toward self-transcendence” as having both a positive and a negative aspect. The negative is the one indicated here. The positive is that with which the transpersonalists are concerned in their concept of an expanded sense of identity that reaches beyond the conventional boundaries of the self.
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About the Author
In addition to being a psychologist theorist, Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D., is a practicing psychotherapist at the Branden Institute for Self-Esteem in Los Angeles. He is the author of fourteen books, including, most recently, his memoir, Judgment Day: My Years with Ayn Rand. He also lectures widely to professional and corporate groups.
Recommendations for Further Study
The central focus of my work has been the study of self-esteem, its role in human life, and, most particularly, its impact on work and love. If you have found the work you have just read of value, then the following works are suggested for further reading.
The Psychology of Self-Esteem. This is my first major theoretical exploration and overview of the entire field. Unlike my later books, it puts heavy emphasis on the philosophical foundations of my work. It deals with such questions as: What is the meaning—and justification—of the idea of free will? What is the relation of reason and emotion? How do rationality and integrity relate to self-esteem? Which moral values support self-esteem and which undermine it? Why is self-esteem the key to motivation?
Breaking Free. This is an exploration of the childhood origins of negative self-concepts, dramatized through a series of vignettes taken from my clinical practice. Through these stories we see in what ways adults can adversely affect the development of a child’s self-esteem. Indirectly, therefore, the book is a primer on the art of child-rearing.
The Disowned Self. This book examines the painful and widespread problem of self-alienation, in which the individual is out of touch with his or her inner world, and indicates pathways to recovery. This book has proven especially helpful for adult children of dysfunctional families. It takes a fresh look at the relation of reason and emotion that goes beyond my earlier treatment of the subject in its scope and depth. Demonstrating how and why self-acceptance is essential to healthy self-esteem, it points the way to the harmonious integration of thought and feeling.
The Psychology of Romantic Love. In this book I explore the nature and meaning of romantic love, its difference from other kinds of love, its historical development, and its special challenges in the modern world. It addresses such questions as: What is love? Why is love born? Why does it sometimes flourish? Why does it sometimes die?
What Love Asks of Us. Originally published as The Romantic Love Question-and-Answer Book, this revised and expanded edition, written with my wife and colleague, Devers Branden, addresses the questions we hear most often from those struggling with the practical challenges of making love work. It covers a wide range of topics, from the importance of autonomy in relationships, to the art of effective communication, to conflict-resolution skills, to dealing with jealousy and infidelity, to coping with the special challenges of children and in-laws, to surviving the loss of love.
Honoring the Self. Again returning to the nature of self-esteem and its role in our existence, this book is less philosophical than The Psychology of Self-Esteem and more developmental in its focus. It looks at how the self emerges, evolves, and moves through progressively higher stages of individuation. It explores what adults can do to raise the level of our own self-esteem. It examines the psychology of guilt. It addresses the relationship between self-esteem and productive work. It is the best summation of my thinking on self-esteem to date (1992).
If You Could Hear What I Cannot Say. This is a workbook. It teaches the fundamentals of my sentence-completion technique and how it can be used by a person working alone for self-exploration, self-understanding, self-healing, and personal growth.
The Art of Self-Discovery. This book carries the work of the preceding volume further. Originally published as To See What I See and Know What I Know, this revised and expanded edition aims to provide counselors and psychotherapists with tools to be utilized in their own clinical practice.
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem. Th
e purpose here is to provide the reader with specific strategies for building self-esteem. The discussion is more concrete than in my earlier writings, more action-oriented. It is addressed equally to people working on their own development and to parents, teachers, and psychotherapists who are invited to experiment with the techniques.
Judgment Day: My Years with Ayn Rand. This investigative memoir tells the story of my personal and intellectual development, including the rises and falls and rises of my own self-esteem, through my relationship with three women, of which the centerpiece is my relationship with novelist-philosopher Ayn Rand (The Fountainhead, Atlas Shrugged). It describes the extraordinary contexts in which I came upon some of my most important psychological ideas, including my first understanding at the age of twenty-four, of the supreme importance of self-esteem to human well-being.
The Power of Self-Esteem. A brief distillation of my key ideas in this field, this book is intended as a basic introduction.
I recently completed a major study of the foundations of healthy self-esteem. The new book, entitled The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (to be published by Bantam Books in 1993), will explore the most important internal and external factors that contribute to and support healthy self-esteem. By internal I mean factors residing within, or generated by, the individual—ideas or beliefs, practices or behaviors. By external I mean factors in the environment: messages verbally or nonverbally transmitted, or experiences evoked, by parents, significant others, teachers, organizations, and culture. I shall examine self-esteem from the inside and the outside: what is the contribution of the individual to his or her self-esteem and what is the contribution of other people? I regard this book as the climax of a lifetime of studying self-esteem.
All of these books are published by Bantam Books, with the exception of Judgment Day, which is published in hardcover by Houghton Mifflin and in softcover by Avon; and The Power of Self-Esteem, which is published by Health Communications.
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