by Mila Young
Or rather, the only affection I knew how to show her was lust. The rest was hidden under this ugly mug.
I sighed. How was I going to deal with these feelings for her? Because I’d gone past the point where I could deny them. The other night, when she came to me to find out for herself if I was really okay with all this X shit, I’d shown her a side of me that was damn vulnerable.
That was usually a mistake, showing women you could break.
But there it was. She knew now. She saw that there was more than just the hard outer shell. She’d found out I had a heart in here somewhere.
I was always so macho, I had no idea how to tell her I was terrified of love, that I didn’t know what to do when I was around her, that I wished I hadn’t fallen for her because I was so worried about getting hurt again.
I was such a fucking pussy even thinking these thoughts, acknowledging I felt something. Part of me just wanted to say, fuck it all, and sweep her into my arms and speak my mind. Tell her I wanted her by my side, that I didn’t worry about getting my heart torn out and trampled on. But I couldn’t do it because I lived with the fear of what I’d already been through.
Elyse flashed in front of me as if my thoughts had conjured her up, and I closed my eyes, letting the memories of her push away the darkness that came with my link to X. I liked how I felt around her. Light. Happy.
Like I could be enough.
But I couldn’t accept that. I couldn’t be with her. I opened my eyes again, and the warmth disappeared. The darkness returned, and I swore out loud.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I got up and stomped back into the house. What was I supposed to do with this shit? Stopping myself from loving her wasn’t working. Zeus knew I tried. But being with her was dangerous. I was strong now—after I’d put myself back together when Persephone had told me I wasn’t enough for her. I’d scraped together every sad piece of me that had shattered and rebuilt myself. As best as I could. And maybe I wasn’t enough for Elyse, considering she had three other men in her life.
I wasn’t going to be able to do this again. I sure as fuck didn’t want to suffer that humiliation and sorrow again.
I opened the closet and grabbed my leather jacket. It made me look slick, and I appreciated some of the fashions the humans came up with. Leather and weapons were a great combo. Why hadn’t the gods thought of it?
Without thinking about where I was going, I closed my eyes and disappeared into a scramble of divine power, shooting through the air, going wherever the wind took me.
When I took form again, I stood outside the training center where Elyse worked out, cloaked in morning light.
Fuck, I couldn’t trust myself anymore, could I? Seeing her wasn’t what I wanted.
Or maybe it was.
Whatever.
The center was closed, anyway. It was a Sunday. The humans took days off. They had to cherish every moment when they were only alive for so many years.
I was on my way out again when I stopped. Magic danced over my nape, and power called to me.
She was here. The place was shut, but she was in there. I walked to the front door and tested the handle, but it was locked. When I looked through the window, I found her inside, working with weapons I hadn’t seen people use in years.
A scythe? That was new.
And pretty damn hot, the way she wielded the thing.
I looked around. There were no humans in sight. And no Heracles or any of the others inside, either.
Elyse was alone. And suddenly, I didn’t want to be. So I poofed my way inside the training center. Elyse wasn’t the only one who could be somewhere she didn’t belong. It made me think of the time I snuck her into the police station to devour her pussy.
What a thrill it had been, and the memory stayed with me.
Every time with her had been exciting.
I stood in the corner, cloaked by the shadows of early morning, and watched her work. The scythe was new, but every time she died, I realized she used something new—like a pattern of regrowth. This addition, I liked.
I didn’t know how long she’d been working with the new toy, but she moved as if she knew exactly what she was doing, as if she’d used it for years. She was faster, stronger. More than anything, I’d seen her do this before. She moved around the room with a speed and agility that would easily cause damage, even against the toughest of adversaries.
X would be in trouble if she went up against him.
But he knew that. I could feel it in my bones. He was preparing, just as she was. He wasn’t going to go down without a hell of a fight. In fact, he didn’t plan to go down at all.
“Elyse,” I said, stepping out of the shadows.
She shot toward me, the scythe suddenly at my neck. It wasn’t going to kill me, but the power that surrounded her, the aggression behind her attack, was enough to instill fear. I sensed the tendrils of it, trying to claw at my divine power. If I were anything other than immortal, I’d be in all kinds of trouble.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” she reprimanded when she realized who I was. “Jesus, I could have hurt you.”
I chuckled. “Not likely. But you would have done damage. You’re pretty good with that thing.”
She frowned at me. “Why are you so nice lately?”
I shrugged. It was a bad sign that she was skeptical of me being polite. It said a lot about my behavior lately.
Thankfully, she didn’t wait for an answer. She put the scythe down, and drank from her water bottle. I watched her. Everything about her was hot and beautiful, and I yearned to be around her always, just because it beat being anywhere else.
“What’re you doing here?” I asked. “Isn’t it the humans’ rest day?”
She smiled. “I’m doing what you’re doing.”
“What’s that?”
“Running away.”
Fuck, I was in trouble. She knew me better than I’d thought. And I loved it. She cared enough to know me.
“What are you running away from?” I probed.
She avoided my gaze. “I guess I’m scared I’ll fail. I’m scared I won’t get Catina back or save anyone. That I’m just ornamental and Zeus made a mistake.”
“Zeus doesn’t make mistakes,” I said bitterly. “No matter what he decides to do, it’s always calculated.”
I was thinking about him forcing me to go to the Underworld.
Elyse was suddenly in front of me. I didn’t know if she moved super-fast, which she could do now, or if she had just walked up to me and I’d been too caught up in my thoughts to notice.
“Don’t do that,” she demanded.
“What?”
“Don’t let someone else dictate who you become.”
I waved her away dismissively.
Irritation creasing her brow, and her cute lips pinched tight.
“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want,” I snarled.
Anger, that was my fallback. I understood rage. It was better than all these other emotions.
“Fine,” she said. “Do whatever you want.”
She turned away from me and picked up the scythe to continue training. She wasn’t even upset I’d snapped at her. She’d accepted me for what I was. An asshole. And I wasn’t sure if I ought to feel glad or pissed.
I watched her as she moved through her routine. Then I stepped in front of her and mimicked her movements.
But fury still bled through my veins. Not because of Zeus or Persephone or even X.
I was furious because I was falling harder and harder for Elyse…and I couldn’t stop myself.
Chapter 15
Ares
I’d contemplated telling Elyse about my hunch that Catina was in the Underworld when I went to see her on Saturday. I wanted her to stop worrying.
But I’d said nothing. How could I get her hopes up if I wasn’t sure Catina was really there, or that she’d still be alive? And I didn’t want to put Elyse in danger, either. Because it was a fact that she’d go find Catina the m
oment she suspected where her friend was hidden. With her tenacity, she’d find a way to enter the Underworld. And that worried me.
Not only because it was her job to fight X and protect the humans, but because she felt personally responsible for Catina’s disappearance. Plus, Elyse had never been the type to sit back and let a hero take over. Elyse was the furthest thing from a damsel in distress, and that was one of the things that attracted me to her.
I didn’t want her to get it in her head she could go to the Underworld, only to find that Catina wasn’t there and then X would have her where he wanted her.
Because X left us that little clue from the lake to draw Elyse out, since we weren’t doing well enough finding him ourselves. Fucker probably roared with laughter at us. If we sprung a trap he’d set, I’d never forgive myself, and I wasn’t taking that risk with Elyse’s life.
So instead of telling Elyse about my hunch on Saturday, I’d spent time focusing on her, helping her forget.
My phone rang, and Elyse’s name flashed on the Caller ID.
“Hey,” I answered with a smile, certain she could hear it.
“Can I see you?” she asked, her voice serious, yet, I sensed no fear.
“Is everything okay? You can tell me now.”
She hesitated. “Yeah, I just want to talk.”
It was unlike her to be insecure about anything, and even more strange for her to ask for company. But I had to take care of Underworld business first. I’d put anything aside for her, but this was different because it might be the answer she needed.
“I need to look into something first,” I said. “I can’t see you right now. I’ll come to you as soon as I’m done, okay?”
“Sure,” she murmured.
I wasn’t certain if she thought I was okay at all—something was up, and it worried me. She wasn’t in danger, which was the priority.
I had more important things to focus on that would help her.
After we ended the call, I headed out, and made my way to Heracles’s front door and knocked.
“Fancy seeing you on my doorstep,” he teased when he greeted me. “You’re usually quite scarce.”
“Yeah, the outcast, I know, I know.” I rolled my eyes, not having time for the same shit, different day crap.
Heracles shrugged. “We all have a history.”
He was right, of course. Every god or goddess had a beef with someone. Or with everyone. It was part and parcel of being immortal. It was hard not to have issues when you were in each other’s faces forever. And it got damn boring on Mount Olympus, so many deities created problems for the sake of entertainment.
“How can I help you?” he asked, his hands shoved into the pockets of his cargo pants.
“I’m headed to the Underworld.”
He raised his eyebrows before nodding, gesturing for me to come inside. I followed him in and closed the door behind us.
“I didn’t think it was quite your vibe,” he quipped.
Was that dry humor?
“It’s not,” I replied. “But I’m pretty sure it’s where X is holding Catina. I want to know what the odds are of her still being alive, and you were down there that time to kidnap Hades’s hound, Cerberus.”
Heracles sighed, his brow furrowing with that worried look he often gave off. I swore, some days I wasn’t sure who was the biggest killjoy. Heracles or Poseidon. “Yeah, the twelve labors were a long time ago.”
I waited for him to tell me more, waffle on about his heroic deeds. But it sucked when people brought up the past. We’d all had it hard sometimes. Heracles could get over it.
“If X can take souls, I don’t see why he can’t prevent Catina’s from slipping into the stream with the rest of them. From what I’ve heard, he’s looking for trouble with Elyse, so it would make sense. And it’s the last place any of you would look.” Heracles rubbed a hand over his stubbled jawline.
“Yeah, don’t remind me how badly we’ve failed the last week and a half.”
Heracles sat on his coffee table, as if it were a seat. “Look, this isn’t my problem, so I’m staying out of this one. Not because I don’t care about Elyse, but because it’s not in my job description.” He sounded so damn bitter. What the fuck was his problem?
“Thanks for that,” I said sarcastically.
“But,” Heracles continued, pulling a face at me for snapping at him, “I got in there once, and even went on the edges one time with Elyse to help her understand her powers by meeting the Fates. So I’m sure if I could do it, you can pull off some miracle, too.”
“Nice of you to believe in me.” My response came out a little scornful, but Heracles and I weren’t always on the best terms. He was one of the gods who thought I was a coward.
They all did, but I was changing my ways. And soon, Heracles would come to see he’d been a prick for too long.
“Thanks,” I said when there was nothing more to say. “I appreciate it.”
He nodded, and I let myself out. I had no reason to stick around with Mr. Unhelpful. Besides, I had to get going. Hero’s mission and all that.
Going to the Underworld wasn’t exactly a party. I shut my eyes and pictured the Underworld, stretching my energy out for the location underground, and my flesh prickled. I opened my eyes to find I’d ended up in a great stone hall I could only describe as the lobby of the dead. It smelled stuffy, like an old trunk that hadn’t been opened in a century.
Silvery walls spread behind me while black tiles ran under my feet. An antique gothic lounge sat against the wall, with red velvet fabric and black wooden feet carved in elaborate patterns that resembled oversized paws. It overlooked the River Styx, which stretched out before me.
Charon lounged on an old wooden beach chair near the water, as if he were on a fucking vacation.
“What do you want?” he asked when he saw me.
“What everyone desires when they get here,” I stated. “To get to the other side.”
He laughed at me. Laughed. As if this were funny.
“Does it look like I’m joking?” I snarled.
Charon snorted loudly. “No. But you immortals always think you can call the shots. If you have your coin and you’re dead, I’ll take you over. But seeing you’re immortal, and you don’t actually belong here, you don’t get to go.”
I started getting pissed off, my pulse racing. He was an arrogant little shit.
“So, you only take dead people over, huh?” I questioned. “What if you’re dead?”
Charon rolled his eyes. “Seriously? A threat is pathetic. You can’t kill me, asshole. Only two people have come across here alive, aside from Hades, Persephone, and X.”
“Two?” I asked.
Charon yawned as if he were bored by my company.
“Heracles, way back when. And that little human X dragged with him the other day. He has the ability to take people across the river.”
Oh, goodie. We were finally getting somewhere, and I was right about my suspicions.
“Is she still alive?” I coaxed, lowering my voice to attempt to connect to his compassionate side.
Charon kept staring out over the still water. It was so dark, I couldn’t see anything beneath its surface. “Not really my problem, is it? Seeing that she’s already over there, so even if she’s dead, my job’s done.”
I felt like punching the asshole in the face. He rubbed me the wrong way. That happened when your job was secure—you started being unhelpful.
“Thanks,” I said.
Charon whistled, looking out over the river that ran black. I turned around and returned to Earth. I hadn’t seen Catina with my own eyes, but I’d found out what I’d gone to the Underworld for. Or at least, I knew that X took Catina there. I still didn’t know if she was alive. But Heracles had crossed and survived—and he was half-human—so there was hope yet.
But I had to believe she was alive. If she were dead, this would all be for nothing. And if she hadn’t survived, it would hurt like a bitch once Elyse f
ound out.
It would’ve been better if I had more evidence, but she needed to know what was going on now. I’d want to know if the roles were reversed. And I was a lot of things, but a lying son of a bitch wasn’t one them.
When I appeared in Elyse’s living room, she hurried from the bedroom. She wore jeans and a tank top, something I didn’t see her in often. She was either training, in pajamas, or fighting when I saw her.
“I found her,” I declared, my voice booming louder than I expected.
Elyse’s eyes widened and she grabbed my hand in hers, squeezing it. “Where?”
“In the Underworld.”
I moved closer to Elyse and kissed her cheek. If her mind was whirling right now, I didn’t blame her.
Her brows pulled in. “How’s that possible?”
“I don’t know.” I headed to the couch, taking Elyse by her hand, and we sat down. She stayed with me for a moment before jumping up again.
“We have to go get her,” she insisted, her shoulders stiff, her hands balled into fists as she paced the room.
I rubbed my hands down my pant legs. “I have to warn you.”
She stopped and looked at me, terror in her eyes, and she pressed her fists to her stomach as if she might be sick.
“I couldn’t get past the damn ferryman on the River Styx. He told me she’s there, but I couldn’t see her for myself. I don’t know if she’s still alive.” I held my breath for a second, hating saying those words out loud.
But there it was, straightforward and honest. The truth hurt, but it was better than a lie.
“She has to be alive,” Elyse said, nodding her head, her voice trembling. Her determination was admirable, and I agreed with her. It wouldn’t make sense if she were dead. But we still didn’t know.
“And I’m going to get her,” she added.
“You can’t die to cross the river,” I said. “What if you don’t come back?”
“I have one more life.”
“Fuck, Elyse!” I cursed angrily. Of course, I’d expected her to pull this stunt. “You can’t keep giving your lives away as if they mean nothing. You only have two left. What happens after that, huh?”
