“Wait!” It takes me a second to realize that came from me. “I’m sorry, I just I need you to know something….”
He sits down on his bed. “I need to tell you something first.”
A numbness falls over me. Did I just ruin the moment? Last time he said that to me, he made a wonderful confession. I’m not so sure this time.
“I didn’t get into Juilliard.”
I collapse on his bed. “What?”
“It’s okay, really it is.” He rubs my back. Why is he comforting me?
“When did you find out?”
“Yesterday. I didn’t want to say anything until you knew about your application. I don’t want this to change how you feel. It’s unbelievably incredible, Emme. You should be really proud of yourself.”
Ethan didn’t get in, but I did? Out of all the confusing things to have happened this year, this is the one thing that makes the least sense.
“I’m going to the Manhattan School of Music.”
“What about Berklee?”
“I don’t want to leave New York. There are too many things that are changing as is. I don’t want to move to another city on top of it all. And, to be honest, you getting into Juilliard confirms I made the right decision. My parents wrote out the deposit check last night.” He looks at me hopefully.
“Oh.” I move closer to him.
Ethan moves his hand so it’s around my waist and he rests his chin on my shoulder.
“We did it.” My quivering voice betrays the calm façade I’m trying to maintain being so close to him.
“Yes, we did. I’m so proud of you, Emme. I truly am.”
I rest my head against his and we sit there quietly for a few minutes. I try to comprehend everything that has changed in the last hour or so. I know my fate: I’m going to Juilliard. And Ethan will be in Manhattan.
“So what did you want to tell me?” he finally asks. “Please don’t say you’re taking back what you said to me outside. Because those words will never leave my mind.”
I pull away so I can look into his eyes. “No, I don’t take those back. I’m really sorry about the past few weeks. I was just overwhelmed.”
“There was a lot going on.”
He’s always been understanding, but I know I’m not being clear. Oddly enough, my stress had nothing to do with school coming to an end.
“No, I’ve been overwhelmed by you. You overwhelm me … in the best possible sense. You once told me that you wish I could see myself through your eyes, but I can. Because I’ve always seen how you look at me. I didn’t know it was possible to be loved in the way you love me. I’ve always kind of thought that kind of love was the stuff of movies and cheesy ballads. I didn’t think it existed and I’ll admit, it frightened me. What if I couldn’t live up to your image of me? What if once you got me, I wouldn’t be enough? But I’m not fighting it. I want to be with you.”
Ethan smiles and pulls me closer. “So does this mean I get to take you on a proper date?”
I giggle nervously. We know each other so well and have gone out to eat so many times, I wonder how differently things will feel on an “official” date?
“Hmm, I guess you can take me to dinner to celebrate.”
“That I can do.”
I lean in. “And maybe write a song about how you saw your way to forgive a silly girl.”
“That I won’t do.”
I don’t even have time to be disappointed by his reaction. He cups his hand around my face. “Because you’ve done nothing wrong. And you’re here now. That’s all that matters.”
We kiss. And at no point does either of us pull away or apologize.
Because we don’t have anything to be sorry for.
I can’t wait for this ridiculous ceremony to get over with so I can move on with my life.
After Emme decided to shove a knife in my back, I realized that CPA doesn’t deserve to showcase my talent. So I waited out the last few months of school. I wasn’t going to waste my time auditioning for parts that nobody wants me to have. I’ll never understand what these administrators have against me. Probably they know that I have more talent in my pinky than the entire faculty combined.
They’ll be begging me to come back and speak to future classes. I’ll be on that screen. They’ll be bragging about me. I can’t wait to turn them down.
Starting tomorrow, I can do what I want. I won’t have anybody holding me back. No teachers, no Sarah Moffitt, no Emme.
I’ll have my CPA diploma. And let me just say that my education here has certainly prepared me for the real world.
If you can survive having your alleged best friend betray you, what’s the worst thing a casting director can do?
In one hour, I’ll be free.
I’ll have a new Plan that doesn’t revolve around anybody but me.
Next step — Sophie Jenkins, superstar.
Check.
While I’m sitting only a dozen or so rows behind the graduating class, I feel like I’m a world away from the student I was when I started here.
I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m working on painting and getting my portfolio ready for my own auditions for art school next year.
My last episode of the soap aired two weeks ago. I enjoyed the media attention this time around, because I knew I was ending a chapter of my life and beginning a new one.
I’m not sure where any of this will lead me, but for the first time, I’m taking charge of my life. I’m not acting. I’m being me.
That’s all I ever wanted.
I’m well aware that I have a goofy grin on my face while an Oscar-winning alumna gives our commencement address. It has nothing to do with whatever it is she’s saying.
I’ve got a lot to smile for. I’m staying in New York to study music, I’m with the one person I’ve longed to be with, and, above all, there’s silence.
For the first time in my life, those screaming voices in my head have disappeared.
The only thoughts that circle my mind are happy and practically serene.
And, of course, the dominant thought that controls my mind is love.
The love of Emme, the love of my family, the love of my friends, and the love that I finally have for myself.
I can’t wait to see what I can do, now that I’m no longer standing in my own way.
The four of us wait in the wings. Ethan playfully flicks at the tassel on my cap.
Ben puts his arm around us. “You know, it was hard enough trying to get a song featured when we had to compete against you two separately, but when you decide to write a song together, what hope does any of us have? Although I don’t mind being the Harrison to your Lennon/McCartney.”
“Wait, are you calling me Ringo?” Jack opens his mouth in mock horror. “Well, kids, it’s our last official show as CPA students. I know this isn’t lunch, but I figure …”
Jack holds up his hand as the three of us protest. We thought the days of hearing about our demise were over.
He grabs us and we get into a huddle. “The rise of Teenage Kicks at CPA was a magical experience. After graduation the four talented musicians have to go their separate ways to college: dashing charismatic leader Jack to sunny California, where he will become a famous movie composer; the quiet yet strong Ben to Oberlin to be a producer; and then the power couple Emme Connelly and Ethan Quinn staying in Manhattan, who will no doubt become a songwriting duo to be reckoned with. And while the foursome will be apart, they will forever have a piece of each other’s hearts.”
I feel tears sting behind my eyes. I never expected Jack to be so sentimental, especially before we have to perform.
“I love you guys,” he says. We all hug. Ethan grabs me and gives me a kiss.
“Get a room,” Jack teases.
We hear our names called out to perform the song Ethan and I wrote together.
The four of us step onto the stage and into the spotlight.
Where we belong.
It feels extremely appropri
ate to do a curtain call for all of the people who are responsible for making this book, and Author Elizabeth, a reality.
Everybody at Scholastic for working behind the scenes on my books. A standing ovation for Erin Black, Elizabeth Parisi, Sheila Marie Everett, Tracy van Straaten, Bess Braswell, Emily Sharpe, Leslie Garych, Ruth Mirsky, Joy Simpkins, and all of the sales reps. I’m ready for a few more encores if you are!
Bravo to my friends who’ve helped me along the way. Jennifer Leonard for once again coming to the rescue with your reader comments. The lovely David Shannon for answering my art questions. Kirk Benshoff for making my website sparkle and shine. T. S. Ferguson for brainstorming so, so many possible titles. Natalie Thrasher for helping me stay semi-sane (no easy feat!).
It was my love of music and playing it throughout my life that led me to write this book. I’d like to thank my mom for paying for all those music lessons. My siblings (Eileen, Meg, and WJ) who didn’t make fun of me too much while I practiced. And, of course, my father, who had to put up with all of us. I’d also like to give a big shout-out to all of my music teachers through the years, especially Carol Larrabee, Michael Tentis (aka “T”), and the guys at the Guitar Bar in Hoboken (I still like to think I earned that Student of the Week award, and it wasn’t because I wore you down).
I’m inspired every day by music. So many of my favorite artists influenced this book, especially my magical friend Marketa Irglova for lifting the backstage curtain so I could see what it’s really like to be in a band, and the superb Gary Lightbody for his beautiful lyrics that helped me whenever I needed some motivation.
I’ve been fortunate to have so many author friends in my life, first as a publicist and now as an author. It means the world to me to have the support of wonderful and talented friends who understand that having voices in your head can be a good thing.
Finally, a bouquet of roses to all of the booksellers, librarians, and bloggers who have been so enthusiastic about my books. I’m truly honored and humbled by your support and hope we’ve got a long road ahead of us.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Elizabeth Eulberg has loved music for as long as she can remember. Although she didn’t attend a performing arts school, she is currently trying to make up for it in karaoke bars throughout the greater New York area. She is the author of The Lonely Hearts Club and Prom and Prejudice. For one brief, shining moment in the late ‘00s, she was chosen as the Guitar Bar of Hoboken’s Student of the Week. You can find her on the Web at www.elizabetheulberg.com.
www.thisisteen.com/books
Copyright © 2012 by Elizabeth Eulberg
All rights reserved. Published by Point, an imprint of Scholastic Inc., Publishers since 1920. SCHOLASTIC, POINT, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available
First edition, April 2012
e-ISBN: 978-0-545-46347-8
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.
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