I frown. Dani sounds like she’s pretty sure that’s how things are going to play out for us – and I thought we were such catches.
My brother joins us again and gestures for me to go and make the tea, so I pass my nephew to him and head for the kitchen.
I grab some mugs – including my favourite from when I was a kid: a Smarties mug that I got with an Easter egg. It’s brown, with Smarties all over it, however the colours have faded from years of milky cups of tea when I was a kid, strong cups of coffee when I thought I was a cool teenager and sneaky vodka and oranges to endure family parties throughout my twenties. I’ve been through a lot with this mug, and it shows.
As I make the drinks I stare out of the back window, over towards Weird Ian’s house. Is it just my imagination getting the better of me? Weird Ian’s house isn’t the first one we gave a backstory to. When we were quite young there was a house at the end of the street that was empty for a while, but we all used to play in the huge oak tree in the garden until one day when someone new moved into it. A tall fence was built around the garden with barbed wire running along the top, there were metal shutters on all of the windows and big security lights that lit up every inch of the property. Well, my friends and I found this so intriguing, that when our parents instructed us to stay away, we knew something was going on. Convinced it was a movie star, we hatched a plan to break into the garden by scaling the fence, snipping the barbed wire with a tool we took from Millsy’s dad’s tool kit, before hopping over and hiding in the tree until we saw who it was. The plan was perfect, obviously, until Millsy got his arm caught on the barbed wire. He screamed so loudly we didn’t even need to tell our parents, they all heard the noise from inside their houses. They came running over, carefully freeing Millsy before taking him to hospital for stitches. When he came back, that was when they sat us all down and explained that a registered sex offender had moved onto the street. I imagine the moral of the story is that you should never assume what’s going on behind closed doors, but all I took from this was that everyone is probably a criminal and that no one should be trusted. Maybe that’s why I struggle to trust guys on Matcher? Because I go in thinking I’m getting a movie star, and wind up with a sex offender instead.
I place the cups on a tray and carry them through to the living room. The first thing I notice is that Dani and Robbie have left.
‘Hey, where did they go?’ I ask.
‘Scotland, I told you,’ Woody reminds me.
‘No, I knew that’s where they were going, but have they left already? I figured Dani would say goodbye because, you know, just basic manners.’
‘She wanted to beat the traffic.’
I shrug my shoulders.
‘So, that’s you a free man for a while,’ Millsy reminds him. ‘I hope you’re going to make the most of it.’
‘I’ve just signed up to Netflix,’ he tells us.
‘Oh, I see. Netflix and chill,’ Millsy replies with a wink.
My brother is oblivious.
‘Erm, yeah. I thought I might watch House of Cards.’
‘That’s great for it,’ Millsy tells him.
‘It isn’t Netflix and chill if House of Cards is on,’ I correct my friend. ‘It’s Netflix and don’t you dare lay a finger on me because House of Cards is on and Frank Underwood will always be BAE.’
Millsy laughs, but my brother looks so confused by all of our pop culture it hurts.
‘You two have lost me,’ he admits.
‘Netflix and chill,’ Millsy starts. ‘When you invite a chick over to watch TV and then bang her while it plays in the background.’
‘I’ve been married for so long,’ he says with a sigh. ‘I don’t even know the euphemisms any more.’
‘The perks of the dating game are way more fun than marriage,’ Millsy tells him, attempting to copy the ‘but that’s none of my business’ meme with his tea, but burning his tongue because it’s still too hot.
‘Well, I’ll be watching Netflix and chilling on my own. Might take myself out for dinner – I probably won’t even put out for myself, because why would I change what I’m used to?’ he laughs.
‘Least you won’t go blind, pal. Hey, you should come out with us.’
‘Really?’ My brother and I both ask at the same time.
‘Yes, really,’ Millsy says. ‘It’ll be like old times.’
I look over at my brother and I see something in his eyes that I haven’t seen in a long time: a glimmer of excitement.
‘We’re going to a bar in Leeds, come with us,’ I insist.
‘Yeah, see what the cool kids do with their free time,’ Millsy adds.
‘Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind,’ Woody says.
‘Of course not,’ I tell him. And I mean it.
‘Fuck yeah!’ my brother shouts excitedly, before his voice drops a little. ‘Just, promise not to check me in on Facebook. Dani would kill me.’
Chapter 8
‘Welcome to Thin Aire,’ I tell my brother as we step out of the lift and into the dimly lit bar.
‘So this is where my sister spends all her time,’ he says as he looks around.
Of all the bars I frequent in Leeds – and believe me, there’s a few – Thin Aire is my favourite. My local. I have put in lots of time, charm and money to become a regular here and it’s finally paying off. I am on first name terms with most of the staff, they let me jump the queue at the bar and they’ll often throw freebies my way. But, like I said, this is my local, even though it’s by no means the bar closest to where I live. The thing I like most about Leeds is that there are several areas all populated with bars, and each area will have a different vibe and different clientele. With my penchant for expensive cocktails and handsome men in suits, the many rooftop bars overlooking the River Aire are where I like to be, but Thin Aire is my favourite by a mile. It’s situated at the top of an 80-metre-tall office block, and it’s almost entirely made of glass. The floor-to-ceiling, wrap-around glass windows provide a stunning view across Leeds from all angles, and the coolest part is that to get up here, you take the glass lift that runs up the side of the building. Something my brother did not know, that made him feel a little green around the gills when he first stepped into the lift five minutes ago.
‘I don’t spend that much time here,’ I reply.
‘Your Facebook check-ins beg to differ,’ he replies.
Right on cue, Ella, one of the hostesses walks past, spots me, and kisses both my cheeks.
‘Ruby, good to see you again,’ she tells me before dashing off, back to work.
‘Also, that,’ Woody laughs.
‘We’re their favourite customers,’ Millsy says. ‘Admit it.’
‘Maybe I am,’ I reply. ‘You not so much. It was only last week they had to talk that crying girl who locked herself in the toilets into coming out again so they could close up.’
Millsy laughs, grabbing a menu and handing it to Woody. ‘What can I say? The ladies love me.’
‘Man, I want your life,’ Woody says.
‘Ah, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be,’ I lie, with a sigh.
‘I was talking to Millsy,’ he clarifies.
After glancing at the menu, Woody offers it to both of us. We both stare at him blankly.
‘Of course you guys don’t need to see it,’ he laughs.
Jimmy, my favourite barman, makes his way across the bar to us.
‘Usual, guys?’ he asks.
‘Yes please,’ I reply, much to Woody’s amusement.
‘And for your date?’ he asks.
I watch my brother’s eyes widen with horror.
‘Wow, how many blokes does she bring in here if that was your first thought?’ he asks Jimmy. ‘I’m her brother.’
‘Can’t you see the family resemblance?’ I ask Jimmy.
‘Around the eyebrow,’ Millsy jokes.
I elbow him semi-playfully.
‘Jimmy, this is my brother, Woody. Woody, this is Jimmy, the a
ssistant manager here.’
They shake hands. Jimmy fixes our drinks for us before freeing us up a table by the window, overlooking the Trinity Centre. We’re high above it, but the view of the glass atrium, covered with its colourful, twinkling lights, is stunning. The best thing is that the more you drink, the more kaleidoscopic and captivating it looks.
‘So, this is your life?’ Woody asks as he glances around the busy bar, packed full of beautiful people with their expensive drinks. ‘You just work in the café all day, dress up, come here and drink until you crawl home?’
‘You say that like it’s a bad thing,’ I laugh.
‘No, I’m jealous,’ he replies. ‘It beats going door to door selling double glazing all day before going home to your wife, who you annoy, and your child, who you only seem to see when he’s screaming or sleeping.’
‘Mate, I’m definitely going to buy so many condoms on my way home,’ Millsy jokes, an unimpressed look plastered across his face.
‘That’ll be a first,’ I tease.
‘So, what makes this bar different from all the other rooftop bars?’ Woody asks. Right on cue, the manager steps out of the lift.
‘Ask your sister,’ Millsy chuckles, noticing me staring at Tom. Tom is not the manager’s name, in fact, I have no idea what his name is, but the first time I laid eyes on him, I fell head over heels in lust. Tall, dark and handsome, with his sexy brown eyes and his slicked-back brown hair, Tom is built in a way that my mum would describe as ‘chunky’ – that sort of rugby player big build that’s neither fat nor overly muscular. I made the mistake of saying he looked like Tom Hardy to Millsy once so he started referring to him as Tom just to tease me – the name just stuck.
‘Does Ruby have a crush?’ Woody asks patronisingly.
I feel my cheeks flush. I like to think I’m a pretty cool customer, but Tom is the one person on this earth I have an uncontrollable, schoolgirl-style crush on. When I’m around him, all of my charm and wit goes out of the window.
‘She does,’ Millsy tells him on my behalf. ‘Luckily for her, she never has to speak to him because he doesn’t work behind the bar. I don’t think she could speak to him if she tried.’
‘Come on, I’m not that bad,’ I protest.
‘Erm, I beg to differ. Last week when he said goodbye to you, you babbled something that sounded a bit like “goodbye” mixed with “sweet dreams” and then you damn-near came in the lift.’
My brother chokes on his drink a little, a combination of shock and amusement, just as Tom walks past. Recognising us as regulars, he gives us a nod of acknowledgment before heading off into the kitchen.
I puff air out of my cheeks once he is past us and out of earshot.
‘He’s just so perfect,’ I explain to the two men, who are obviously immune to his charm. ‘Those big, strong arms! There’s a rumour that a guy once came in wearing a snapback cap and refused to leave, so Tom dangled him over the terrace.’
‘They take the dress code seriously,’ Millsy laughs.
‘Mate, he can dangle me over the terrace any time,’ I say, biting my lip for effect.
‘Mate, you’ve been single for too long,’ Millsy reminds me. ‘The only action you get is in your dreams.’
I shoot him a filthy look, which my brother notices.
‘Oh shit, who are you dreaming about?’ Woody asks.
‘Her flatmate, Dr Dick,’ Millsy tells him.
‘Nick? Really?’ my brother asks, shocked. He knows that we don’t exactly get on.
‘Really,’ I admit. ‘And it keeps happening.’
‘Which is weird, because he’s a waste of space,’ Millsy adds.
‘That’s not exactly fair, he saved a woman’s life on the train today.’ I start telling Woody the full story. ‘It was incredible, honestly. I’ve never seen anything like it. I can’t stop thinking about it.’ I think for a second before confessing: ‘I can’t stop thinking about him. What the fuck is wrong with me?’
It’s the first time I’ve been able to say it out loud, to admit it to anyone (myself included), and I’m just hoping the two most important men in my life will know what I need to do to stop this.
‘Do you have feelings for him?’ Woody asks.
‘I can’t,’ I squeak. ‘Can I?’
‘OK, hold that thought.’ Millsy thinks for a moment. ‘Right, the sex dreams, we’ve established, are because you’re not getting any. And today has made this worse. You only fancy him because you saw him save that old bird. It’s a thing, to be attracted to heroes. That’s why nurses give you a boner.’
My brother and I laugh at his reasoning.
‘I’m sure it’ll pass,’ I tell them.
As we drink and joke together, I’m having so much fun I don’t even notice a bloke walk over and stand beside us.
‘Ruby?’ he says, catching my attention.
I glance at him for a second and eventually realise who he is.
‘Greg?’ I start slowly, momentarily uncertain if I’m getting his name right or not because, I mean, I have previous with getting names muddled up. ‘Hello, how are you?’
Instinctively, I stand up and hug him, as though I would an old friend, except I don’t really know Greg that well at all, he’s just someone I’ve been chatting to on Matcher. Yes, another one, but that’s how these things work, you have to chat to a bunch of people at once. We’ve been messaging on and off for a month now, but for some reason we’ve never really spoken about meeting up. Still, he seems nice, so I’ve happily chatted to him whenever he has messaged me.
‘I’m good, thanks. Had a few drinks with some of the fellas from the office. I was just leaving when I spotted you.’
‘Oh, cool,’ I start. ‘I was just –’
‘Are you from Matcher too?’ Millsy interrupts. Greg nods awkwardly. ‘Us too – you’re welcome to make it a foursome?’
As I see the look of horror consume Greg’s face, I quickly set him straight.
‘That’s Millsy, my soon to be former best friend. And Woody, my brother.’
‘Nice to meet you both,’ Greg says awkwardly, before turning back to me. ‘Do you want to grab a quick drink before I go?’
‘Oh, erm, I’d love to,’ I start. I actually would kind of like to hang out with him, he seems pretty cool in person. ‘But I can’t ditch my friends.’
‘Sure you can,’ Millsy insists.
‘Well, there you go,’ Greg says with a smile. ‘I’ll wait for you over by the bar.’
‘OK, sure.’
Once Greg is out of earshot, I double-check with Millsy and Woody that they actually don’t mind.
‘What happened to bros before hoes?’ my brother asks.
‘Mate, seriously, if your sister doesn’t get some action soon her theme park is going to close for business for good, not just the winter. You know what I mean?’
‘I do,’ Woody replies solemnly. ‘Cheers for that wonderfully vivid explanation.’
‘I’m not going to sleep with some guy I just met, am I?’ I ask rhetorically. I don’t say that because I’m above it, more because sleeping with someone for the first time takes a lot of preparation. First of all, my waxing game has been a little lax recently. Well, I begrudge every single hair I remove for men who just aren’t worth it and, also, it’s winter and it acts as a sort of layer of insulation between my skin and my clothes – do you know how many weeks days hours it would take for me to grow that hair back? (hashtag: half-Italian problems). Also, I’m wearing my terrifying, boner-killing, stomach-holding-in tights that men neither can – nor ultimately want to – wrestle me out of. Nope, not tonight, love.
‘Well, you should. You’ve got the fear, you just need to get back in the saddle,’ he insists.
‘Don’t tell me, it’s like riding a horse,’ I say, rolling my eyes.
‘It is if you do it the way I like it,’ he says with a wink. ‘Now get over there. This is the only way to prove to yourself that you feel nothing for Nick – it’ll break th
e spell. Tell her, Woody.’
I glance at my brother, amused, ready for him to make a case to persuade his little sister to have sex with a man she’s technically just met.
‘Whatever ends this conversation the quickest,’ he replies.
‘One drink,’ I assure them. ‘I’ll be back.’
‘I’ve heard that one before,’ Millsy laughs.
Chapter 9
There must be something in the air tonight – or something in the drinks at Thin Aire, because everyone is pairing up.
I’ve been sitting, chatting and drinking with Greg for a while now, and I have to admit, he’s pretty awesome for a Matcher bloke. We’re all capable of being fun, witty and interesting when we are conversing via carefully constructed messages, where we are paying extra attention to how we’re coming across. In person, people aren’t always as cool as they seem, but not Greg, Greg is a blast.
We’ve been talking a lot and drinking even more, but I couldn’t help noticing that Millsy and my brother acquired the company of two twenty-something females at some point in the evening. I’m not worried about that, I know that my brother would never cheat on his wife, no matter how horrible or boring she might be, so even if they do all go back to Millsy’s place, I’ll bet both birds end up with Millsy while my brother takes his chances on the sofa. Still, he’s missed his last train now, so he’s made his sofa bed, he’s got to lie on it.
Yes, there must be something in the air, because I have done something majorly out of character – I’ve just jumped into a taxi with Greg to go back to his. I never do this – I know, that’s what they all say, but I really don’t. So why the sudden change of character? Well, I hate to admit it, but maybe Millsy is right, I’m having sex dreams about Nick because I’ve been single for so long and because he’s the male I spend the most time around who isn’t like a brother to me. It’s been that long since I had sex, I’m pretty sure I’m required to sit through a biology lesson before I’ll be allowed to safely do it again, just in case I’ve forgotten all about the birds and the bees.
Millsy, who has sex at least once a week, is horrified by my dry spell and says I’m now officially masturdating myself.
Truth Or Date Page 8
