by Force, Marie
“We have,” he says for me.
“Okay, that’s good to know.” She asks about my periods and if I’ve had any health issues, which, thankfully, I haven’t. “All right, then.” She retrieves a gown from a cabinet and places it on the table. “We’ll need everything off, okay?”
Though I’m already trembling, I nod and she heads for the door. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
For a long time after she leaves the room, I stare at the gown, remembering the last time I wore one as a broken, traumatized girl. The sight of a doctor’s gown takes me right back to that long-ago night.
“Sweetheart?”
I almost forgot he’s there.
“The table, the gown… Brings it all back.”
“Let’s not do this, Nat. Not today anyway.”
“No, I want to get it over with. I’ll have to do it eventually if we’re going to have babies.” I turn to him. “We are going to have babies, aren’t we?”
He smiles sweetly at me. “As many as you want, sweetheart.”
My heart soars from the way he looks at me when he says that. “Then I guess I need to get over my doctor phobia.” I reach for the hem of the dress I wore in deference to the foundation meeting we’re attending afterward.
“Let me.” Starting with my dress, he removes my clothing one item at a time and then wraps the cotton gown around me, tying it at my waist. “You’re sure you want me in here for this?”
“I’m very sure. I just hope you’ll still want to have sex with me afterward.”
He puts his arms around me and brings me in close to him, propping his chin on the top of my head. “I’ll always want to have sex with you.”
We’re still standing there when the doctor knocks and enters the room.
“If you’ll have a seat on the table for me.” She goes over to the sink to wash her hands and prepare for the exam.
As I sit on the table, I begin to tremble violently. I’m not sure I can go through with this.
“Mr. Godfrey, you can have a seat here.” She refers to a stool that she positions at the head of the table.
“Come here, sweetheart.”
I lie back into his welcoming arms, and he cradles my head so that neither of us can see what’s happening elsewhere.
“Is this okay?”
I breathe in the sexy scent of his cologne, which calms and centers me. “Yeah.”
The doctor is good about telling me everything she’s doing before she does it, beginning with a breast exam that would’ve mortified me if Flynn hadn’t kept his head down, resting against mine. I get the sense he doesn’t want to look any more than I do. She talks to me about breast self-examination and how important it is to be diligent about prevention.
I hear her and I’m listening, but my eyes are tightly shut and I’m willing my way through it, wanting it to be over as fast as possible. She settles between my legs, drops the end of the table and guides my feet into stirrups.
Flashbacks of the last time my feet were in stirrups come rushing back, stealing the breath from my lungs. I’m sobbing, and nothing has even happened yet.
“Take it easy, sweetheart.” Flynn strokes my face and hair as he talks softly to me.
“Shall we continue?” the doctor asks.
“Yes,” I say. “Please.”
She explains the Pap procedure in detail and asks if it’s okay to proceed.
“Yes.” I close my eyes and grit my teeth.
Flynn holds my hand and whispers to me about the fun we’re going to have in Vegas, how we’ll be married by this time tomorrow, how much he loves me.
I’m sore from yesterday’s lovemaking, so I flinch when the speculum enters me, but she moves quickly and efficiently to take the samples. It’s over before I can give in to the hysteria that’s hovering just below the surface.
“How’re you doing, Natalie?”
“Okay,” I manage to say, though my jaw is locked.
“Now just two fingers to examine your uterus and ovaries.” Like before, she is quick but thorough. “Everything looks good, Natalie. You can sit up now.”
I’m still shaking, but the relief is profound. I did it. I got through it. She goes over my options for birth control, and after Flynn and I discuss it, we agree on a three-month injection, which will be fully effective in a week. Her nurse enters the room and gives me the shot.
The doctor surprises me when she hands me a written prescription. “Take this the next time you need to see a doctor. It’ll help to settle your nerves.”
“Thank you so much for your patience.”
“You’re very welcome. I hope you know it’s very common for sexual assault survivors to have doctor phobias after withstanding the assault and the rape exam. It’s not just you, honey.” She hands me her business card. “Please call if there’s anything I can do for you. My cell number is on the back. Call any time.”
“Thank you so much.”
“Yes, thank you,” Flynn says. “We appreciate your sensitivity.”
“It was a pleasure to meet you both.” She starts to leave the room but turns back. “What happened to you this week, Natalie… That kind of thing can be a trigger that reopens old wounds. Take good care of yourself, and please call if I can be of any assistance.”
“I will. Thank you again.”
“Take all the time you need in here,” she says before she leaves the room, closing the door behind her.
My hands are shaking so badly, I have to rely on Flynn to help me into my clothes. He works with silent determination to get me dressed. The dress comes over my head, and he adjusts it until it’s where it’s supposed to be. With a hand on either side of me on the exam table, he drops his head onto my shoulder as if he needs a moment to collect himself.
I run my fingers through his hair.
“I’m so sorry, Nat. I never should’ve let you go through this.”
“I would’ve had to do it eventually.”
“But you didn’t have to do it today.”
“I’m glad I did. I got the first time over with, and now we’ll soon be protected, too.”
He withdraws a piece of paper from his pocket, unfolds it and hands it to me.
“What’s this?”
“Proof that I’m clean. My doctor sent it over this morning. I had the testing done in New York.”
“A fresh, clean start for our married life.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“You said you did this in New York, but you only asked me to marry you yesterday.”
“I knew by the third time I saw you that there was no going back. You’re it for me.” He bends his knees so he can look directly into my eyes. “Are you okay? I would totally understand if you wanted to postpone our plans for today because you don’t feel up to it.”
“I’m okay now that it’s over, and you’re not getting out of marrying me today.”
He breathes a sigh of relief as he hugs me. “Thank God.”
Watching Natalie endure that exam was about the most torturous thing I’ve ever been through in my life. I can’t begin to know what it must’ve been like for her. We’re on our way to the Quantum offices for a meeting with the group that will soon make up the board of directors for my hunger foundation.
After Natalie’s emotional reaction to the doctor’s appointment, I thought about postponing the meeting, but it was too late to cancel with so many busy people already en route.
She’s quiet on the drive to the office, and I don’t push her to talk. I know she’s dealing with yet another reopened wound, which makes me want to start punching things again.
Bringing her to the office—again—leaves me unsettled in light of the secrets we’re hiding in the basement of the Quantum building. Like in New York, our secret BDSM club is housed there, not that Natalie will ever know about that. It’s not a part of my life that I can share with her, so I’ll put it in the past where it belongs.
After witnessing the trauma the medical exam caused her, I’m
further convinced that my now-former lifestyle will never play a part in our relationship, so why would I ever tell her about it? She won’t understand it unless she experiences it, and after what she’s been through, there’s no way I’m bringing dominance or submission into our bed. I’ll find a way to live without it, because living without her isn’t an option.
When we arrive on the top floor of the Quantum building where our executive offices are housed, everyone is thrilled about the Oscar nominations. The receptionist tells me my parents are waiting for me in my office. I’m glad I’ll get a chance to talk to them about our wedding plans before the meeting.
We’re holding hands when we enter my office, where my parents are enjoying cups of coffee and sitting together on one of the sofas. I’ve asked them and my sisters to be on the board of directors for the foundation, and they were all thrilled to accept. My parents jump up to greet us. Both of them hug and kiss Natalie. I love their easy familiarity with her and the way they’ve welcomed her into our family. She needs that right now, and they seem to know it.
“I’m glad you guys were able to get here a few minutes early.”
“You said you had some news for us that has nothing to do with the meeting,” Dad says, his eyes dancing. “That’s going to get our attention every time.”
I glance at Natalie before I return my gaze to them. “Natalie and I are getting married tonight.”
I’ve rarely seen my parents speechless, but they are truly stunned by my announcement.
And then my mom begins to tear up, and I know it’s going to be okay.
“That’s wonderful news, son,” Dad says. “Congratulations to both of you.”
“Yes,” Mom adds, “we’re thrilled for you.”
Beside me, I feel Natalie relax ever so slightly when it becomes clear that they don’t object to our news.
“What a whirlwind,” Dad says, which is his way of asking if we’re being hasty. He would never use that word with us. It’s just not how he rolls.
“Could I see your ring, Natalie?” Mom asks.
“We agreed I shouldn’t wear it this morning so our news doesn’t get out before we want it to.” Natalie unzips the ring from her purse, slides it back into place and extends her hand to Mom.
“It’s beautiful.” To me, she says, “Well done, honey.”
“All thanks to Hugh. He was instrumental.”
“Where do you plan to get married?” Dad asks.
“We’re going to Vegas for the night.”
“This is so exciting,” Mom says. “Natalie, your head must be spinning.”
“In the best possible way,” she says, looking up at me with a smile.
“We’ll have a party,” Mom declares. “We’ll have it at our house. You have to let us celebrate with you. Sometime in the next couple of weeks.”
I look at Natalie, who seems pleased by the idea. “Sure, Mom, that’d be nice. Nothing too crazy. Just immediate family.” In our case, immediate family includes a couple hundred of our closest friends.
“Of course.” She claps her hands. “I’d given up hope that you’d ever get married again, but after we met you, Natalie, I told Max our boy is going to marry that lovely girl.”
“And you know how much your mother loves to be right.”
“I do enjoy my ability to predict the future,” Mom says, “and I predict you two will be very happy together. Welcome to our family, Natalie, and thank you for making Flynn happier than we’ve ever seen him.”
“He’s made me very happy, too, and thank you for your warm welcome. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to be part of a family again.”
“You may be wishing for simpler times after you spend more time with the Godfreys,” I tell her.
“No, I won’t. Show me your worst.”
“We won’t tell the girls she said that,” Mom says, making us all laugh.
We chat with them for a few more minutes until one of the admins tells us the others are here for the meeting. I send my parents along and take a minute alone with Natalie.
“That went well, huh?” I ask her.
“They’re wonderful. They never batted an eye.”
“They never would. They know me, and they understand that, more than anything, I know myself and what I want.” Once again, my conscience rears its ugly head to remind me of the part of myself I’m denying as I enter into marriage with Natalie. “Are you okay with waiting to tell everyone else until after the fact? Although I trust my family and your friends, I’d hate for the word to get out before we’re ready to let it out.”
“That’s fine with me. Whatever you think is best. You certainly know better than I do how to handle that kind of announcement.”
“I wanted to tell you, in the meeting, I’m going to name you chair of the foundation board.”
Her face goes slack with shock. “You’re going to do what?”
“I want you to oversee the entire thing. Everyone will answer to you.”
“You’re serious.”
“Dead serious.”
“But I know nothing about running a foundation.”
“Neither do I. We’ll figure it out together. You know far more than I do about the problem we’re hoping to solve, having worked as a teacher in the city. You’re better qualified than I’ll ever be to head up this effort.”
“You’ve been close to this issue for years, and your name will be on the door. It should be you.”
“Our names will be on the door, and I haven’t been as close to the issue as I’m going to be.”
“Our names?”
“It will be called the Flynn and Natalie Godfrey Foundation.”
“Flynn… I don’t know what to say. Your faith in me is…”
“I’ve found the very best possible person to lead this effort that’s as near and dear to my heart as you are. I think you can make a real difference, Nat. But if you don’t want to take it on, I’d totally understand.”
“I’d love to try, as long as you know I might mess things up before I find my footing.”
“You won’t mess up anything. We’ve got a great staff here at Quantum who will be at your disposal.”
“What if…”
“What if what?”
She looks up at me, her expression filled with uncertainty. “I get my job back in New York?”
“I guess we’ll have a decision to make if that happens. Either way, I want you involved in the foundation, and I feel very comfortable putting you in charge and putting you on salary beginning today. But only if it’s what you want, too.”
“I’m honored by your faith in me, and I’d love to try. Thank you.”
“Then let’s go meet with our new board of directors.”
Chapter 11
This will surely go down as one of the most surreal days of my life. We’re on another private plane heading for Vegas as the sun drops toward the horizon. With Fluff sleeping in my lap, I’m curled up next to Flynn on the sofa.
He shocked the hell out of me by asking me to head up the foundation, but once the shock wore off, I began to feel excited about the challenge. I left the meeting with a three-page to-do list that will keep me busy for the first half of the year.
I have to give Flynn credit for recognizing that I need something to pour my energy into since losing my job. The work we plan to do helping to feed hungry children is an extremely worthwhile cause that needs this kind of attention.
I saw it with my own class, most of them from good families with hardworking parents, and yet from time to time, some of them came to school without having had breakfast and with no money for lunch.
They broke my heart with the kind of quiet shame that no child should ever experience.
“What’re you thinking about, sweetheart?”
“My to-do list from the meeting.”
“I knew I hired the right person for this job. You’re already all over it.”
“So it’s a job, huh?”
“Of course
it is. I told you I was putting you on the Quantum payroll. And your first-year salary is the exact amount of your student loans plus fifty percent.”
Laughter bursts from my chest, spontaneous and free. “You’re a smooth operator, Flynn Godfrey.”
“Why thank you, sweetheart. I’m glad you think so.”
“I decline your generous salary and volunteer my time to the foundation. You see, my soon-to-be husband is filthy rich, so I don’t technically need to work.”
“Ohhh, well-played, my love.”
“Why thank you.” I love every second I get to spend in the presence of this extraordinary man. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, he makes me happier than I’ve ever been or had ever hoped to be.
“But that’s not happening. You do a job, you get paid. That’s how it works. And speaking of your filthy-rich husband…”
“You probably want me to sign something. Whatever you need, I’ll sign.”
“No, I don’t want you to sign anything.”
“Flynn, be serious. Anyone with half a brain who has what you have would expect his girlfriend of two weeks to sign a prenup before they say I do.”
“Well, I guess I have less than half a brain, because there isn’t going to be any prenup.”
He’s so emphatic that I begin to question whether he’s already had this argument with someone else. “Is this why Hayden left the way he did other night?”
“What way did he leave?”
“Pissed off. I assumed it had something to do with me, as I have that effect on him.”
Flynn seems to be deciding how much he wishes to say.
“Did your friends tell you you’re a fool to not have a prenup?”
“I don’t know that fool was the word they used.”
I roll my eyes at him. “For what it’s worth, I agree with them. I’d actually be more comfortable if there was something that protects you. Just in case.”
“In case of what?”
I throw him a look that lets him know I’m on to him. “Don’t be obtuse.”
“I do so love your vocabulary, Ms. Bryant, and just for your edification, this marriage is forever, so I refuse to go into it making plans for it to end.”
