by Force, Marie
“Yes. I go by Addie.”
“Addie, I’m Doctor Byron.” Fitting that he should have the face and name of a poet. He makes a note on a page on his clipboard. “Mr. Black said you need the new-member physical. I have a brief questionnaire, then we’ll do the exam and get you out of here. Sound good?”
“Um, sure.”
He asks the usual questions about my cycle, whether I’ve ever been pregnant—I haven’t—and how many sexual partners I’ve had. Ahhh, I settle on twelve. A nice even dozen, and I note the slight lift of his brow that might indicate judgment. I’m immediately on edge.
“Last time you were sexually active?”
“Yesterday.”
He makes another note. We go on to cover family history and other routine questions before he clicks his pen and stands to wash his hands. “You can lie back and scoot your butt toward the edge of the table. I’m sure you know the drill.”
I know the drill, all right. Gritting my teeth, I move into the required position.
“Do you do regular breast self-exams?” he asks as he settles my feet into stirrups.
Define regular. “Yes.”
“It’s very important to stay on top of that.”
“Got it.”
“I have to ask… You appear bruised—”
“I had sex yesterday. Good sex. Vigorous sex.”
“It appears you also had vigorous anal sex.”
“I did. It was incredible.” I prop myself up on my elbows, forcing him to look at my eyes rather than my bruises. “Have you had anal?”
His mouth opens, but nothing comes out.
“You can ask me. Why can’t I ask you?”
“I suppose that’s fair enough.”
“Well?” I raise a brow in inquiry.
“I can’t say that I have.”
“You ought to give it a try sometime.”
“Um, right, well, I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll, ah, use some lubricant on the speculum since you’re bruised.”
“That’d be very nice of you.”
Despite the lubricant, the speculum hurts going in, and I lose some of my bravado. Every second it’s in there feels like a week. He moves quickly to take the swabs he needs and removes the speculum. I release a long deep breath. My relief is short-lived, however.
“Two fingers to check your uterus and ovaries, and then we’re done.”
His fingers hurt almost as badly as the speculum did, but I grimace and bear it, telling myself it’s for a good cause. He pokes around for a solid minute before finally withdrawing.
“Everything looks good. Your test results will be back by tomorrow afternoon.” He hands me a slip of paper. “You can call the number there and give them the code to get your results.”
“Got it, thank you.”
He hands me a business card. “If I can be of assistance to you at any time, don’t hesitate to get in touch.”
Wondering what sort of assistance he thinks I might need, I take the card. “Thank you.”
“A pleasure. Have a good night.”
“You, too.”
I can’t get my clothes on fast enough. Suddenly, I’m out of steam with this day, and I want my bed. I step out of the exam room to find Tenley in the waiting area.
“How’d it go?”
“Oh, you know how it is when you have to spread your legs for a hot-as-fuck male doctor.”
She laughs. “I’ve told Devon he needs to take mercy on us and hire female doctors. He swears he has them, but I got a guy, too.” She glances around the corner to make sure we’re alone. “Would you hate me forever if I don’t leave with you?”
“I’d hate you forever if you did with that amazing man of yours waiting for you.”
“He is pretty great.”
“He really is.” I hug her. “Thank you so much for this. I appreciate it.”
“Happy to help a friend.” She produces my cell phone. “I had a feeling you’d understand.”
Smiling, I take it from her. “And how do you propose I get home?”
“Devon will get one of the staff drivers to take you.”
She walks me out to the foyer, where Devon is waiting to see me off. I hug him. “Thank you.”
“It was a pleasure. I’ll look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”
“I’ll be here.”
Devon tucks me into a silver Lexus SUV and tells the driver to take me anywhere I wish to go. I debate going to get my car and decide I’m too tired, too buzzed, too everything to drive. I give him my address at the pier and settle in for the ride.
I fire up my cell phone, and it goes crazy beeping with messages from Hayden repeatedly asking where the hell I am. I smile, listening to him get progressively more agitated and pissed off. God, I love him. I love every freaking thing about him, even the things I shouldn’t love. Yesterday, when I hated him, seems like a long time ago now that I can hear his love for me coming through loud and clear in every message. The phone beeps with a final message.
“Addie, it’s me.” I sit up a little straighter at the sound of Flynn’s voice. “I thought you’d want to know that Hayden’s mother was taken to Cedars-Sinai earlier tonight. Gordon’s guys found her unresponsive. I’m heading over there now.”
My hands are shaking as I handle the phone. “Excuse me,” I say to the driver, “could we please go to Cedars-Sinai instead?”
“Of course.” At the next light, he makes a turn away from the coast to head into town.
I feel sick imagining what Hayden is going through. Getting to him as quickly as possible is the only thing that matters.
Chapter 12
Freaking food poisoning of all things. That’s what put my mother in the hospital. I thought the worst on the way over here. I was so certain she’d fallen off the wagon—again—and that we were going to be plunged back into the rabbit hole of despair.
Apparently, she was sick all day but didn’t want to “bother” me. Am I that much of an asshole that she wouldn’t call her only child to let him know she was desperately ill? When I asked her that, she said of course not, but she knows how busy I am and that I have a film due soon.
I have to bite back a furious retort. I hate that after all we’ve been through together she would think my work is more important to me than she is.
As she rests in the hospital bed, her face is so pale she blends in with the linen except for the vibrant blue eyes that are the same shade as mine. She’s hooked to IVs and monitors whose incessant beeping drives me fucking nuts. Her once-blond hair has begun to go gray, and she’s letting it happen, preferring to age gracefully rather than fight it, or so she says. Despite her battles with addiction, she’s still a beautiful woman, and I cling to the hope that maybe this time, her recovery will stick.
Flynn and Natalie were here earlier, but I sent them home when we found out Mom was okay. No sense in everyone losing a night of sleep. With the crisis passed, I glance at my phone to find nothing new from Gordon.
God, Addie, where are you? I’m half out of my mind with worry over where she might be and what she might be doing.
“You should go home, sweetheart,” Mom says. “Get some sleep. I’ll be fine.”
They’re giving her fluids and electrolytes to rehydrate her and keeping her overnight for observation.
“You can pick me up in the morning.”
I take hold of her hand. “I’ll stay for a while.”
“Sorry to put you through this, Hayden. You have to be tired of getting emergency phone calls about me.”
“I just want you to be okay. That’s all that matters.”
“I was doing great until I ate bad Chinese food.”
I wince. “Yuck.”
“You said it.”
The door bursts open, and Addie comes into the room looking flushed and stressed and stunningly gorgeous. I’m so flooded with relief to see her that I can’t move or speak. “I came as soon as I heard.”
“Hi, Addie,” Mom says. “It’s so nice
of you to check on me.”
She rests her hand on my shoulder as she bends to kiss Mom’s cheek. “You’re okay, Jan?”
“I will be. Just a nasty bout of food poisoning.”
“Oh,” Addie says, exhaling in relief. “I’m so glad. Not about the food poisoning…”
“I know, honey,” Mom says, her eyes full of understanding. She knows what everyone was thinking when we heard she was in the hospital again.
I want to lean into Addie’s sweet body, to take comfort from her, but I have no idea where I stand with her. That she obviously came running when she heard about Mom is a good sign, but we still need to talk.
“You okay?” she asks, looking down at me with concern and love. The love is all I see.
“I am now.” Two of the women I love best are safe. That’s all I need to be okay. I can tell she gets what I’m saying, because her expression softens and her eyes do that sparkling thing that happens when she looks at me sometimes. I much prefer that to when she looks at me with disappointment, like she did earlier today.
“Will you please try to get my stubborn son to go home, Addie? He’s refusing to leave when there’s no need for him to stay. I’m absolutely fine.”
Only because I need some time alone with Addie so badly do I allow my mother to talk me into leaving. I bend over the bed to kiss her forehead. “I’ll pick you up when they spring you.”
“I’ll see you then. Try to get some sleep. Everything’s fine.”
She knows what I need to hear. “I will.”
“Thanks for coming. Both of you.”
“I’ll check on you tomorrow, Jan,” Addie says.
“I’ll look forward to that.”
I’m so lucky to have friends, including Addie, who’ve supported my mom and me through the worst of times. No matter how bad it gets—and it’s gotten pretty fucking awful at times—they never judge or condemn, and for that I’m eternally grateful. My emotions are all over the place after the evening I’ve endured. Between worrying about Addie and then freaking out over my mom, I’m drained. Addie seems to sense that, wrapping her arm around my waist and leaning her head on my shoulder as we take the elevator to the lobby.
I’m too undone to resist the comfort she offers, and I’m so fucking relieved she’s okay that I can’t even find the wherewithal to be pissed at her for ditching the security detail. I’ll have to take that up with her at some point, but not now. Not tonight.
“How’d you get here?” I ask her.
“I got dropped off.” She doesn’t say who dropped her off, and I don’t ask, even though I desperately want to know.
I put my arm around her and lead her to the Range Rover, which is parked at an angle due to my earlier haste to get to my mother.
“You want me to drive?” she asks.
“Nah, I will.” The ride to her place is quiet, but it’s a comfortable silence. It’s the kind of companionable silence I could get used to as long as I’m sharing it with her. The traffic is lighter at nearly two in the morning, and I pull up to her building a short time later.
“Come in,” she says. “You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”
“I won’t be very good company.”
“You don’t have to be.”
And there in those five little words is another reason to love Addison York. She accepts me for who and what I am. The realization has me thinking that perhaps she could accept the rest of me, too. I’m too far gone tonight to give that thought the time or attention it will require to fully process.
She gives me the code to the garage, and I pull into one of the guest spots, still wondering if I shouldn’t just go home before I do something to screw things up even worse between us. If that’s possible…
Still in caretaker mode, she leads me upstairs and helps me out of my jacket and begins unbuttoning my shirt. Her mouth is set in an adorable expression as she concentrates on what she’s doing. I can’t resist raising my hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She looks up at me, seeming surprised by tenderness from me, and I vow to give her more of that. She deserves nothing but the best, and I want to be the one to give it to her.
After my shirt is off, she goes to work on my belt. I cover her hand to stop her. “I can take it from here.”
With her hands on my face, she brings me down for a soft, sweet kiss that destroys the last of my defenses where she’s concerned. I’ve got no fight left in me. I need her so badly. I need her to bring light to my darkness. I need her to bring sense to the madness that surrounds me. I need her to remind me to breathe when life is too much for me.
“Go get comfortable,” she says, her lips still damp from our kiss. “I’ll be right in.”
I do what I’m told because there’s nowhere I’d rather be than comfortable in Addie’s bed. In her bedroom, I use the bathroom and then remove the rest of my clothes and get into bed, covering my eyes with my forearm as this endless fucking day comes to a close.
I’m lost in my own thoughts when I hear her enter the room. She goes into the bathroom and emerges a few minutes later. The mattress dips when she joins me. “Hayden.”
I remove my arm from my eyes and look over to see her wearing a peach silk nightgown that’s almost the same color as her skin. She hands me a glass filled with familiar-looking amber liquid.
“Pappy?”
“Of course.” Smiling, she adds, “Having Pappy on hand wherever you’re apt to be is part of my job.”
“You’re damned good at your job.”
“Drink up. You seem to need it tonight.”
“You have no idea.” I sit up against the pillows and take a drink, sighing with pleasure as the heat of the bourbon travels through me.
“You thought the worst about your mom.”
I note that she doesn’t ask. “Yeah,” I say after a long silence. “Her addictions are so insidious that I always think the worst.”
“Insidious,” she says, her lips pursing in thought.
“What about it?”
“That would make a good title for the film.”
I stare at her, half stunned because she’s exactly right. “Fuck, Addie. That’s brilliant.”
Shrugging, she says, “I do what I can for the people.”
“I can’t wait to run that by the studio. I think they’ll jump on it.” I breathe yet another deep sigh of relief at having that monkey off my back. “Thank you.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“Not just for suggesting a title that’ll be perfect for the film, but for coming to the hospital tonight after the way we left things earlier. I didn’t expect—”
Her hand on my chest stops me. “You can expect that I’ll always show up for you no matter how we leave things between us. We’re friends, and friends show up.”
Overwhelmed by her sweetness, I cover her hand with mine and hold on tight to her while I finish the drink. I put my empty glass on the table and then reach for her, bringing her as close to me as I can get her. I’m not sure which feels better, the silk of the gown or the silk of her skin against mine. Definitely her. Nothing feels quite like she does. My cock is immediately hard for her, but for once, I’m not letting my cock rule me. My heart has far more on the line tonight.
“You gonna tell me where you were all night when I was looking for you?”
“We’ll talk about it in the morning.”
“Addison…”
“In the morning, Hayden, but I do have one thing I need to say to you right now.”
“What?”
She swallows hard and takes a deep breath. “You’ve had me followed for the last time. Do you understand me?”
“I was out of my fucking mind worrying about you.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“No, you’re not,” I say with a chuckle. “You knew I’d go mad looking for you, and you dropped off the radar anyway.”
“That’s not why I did it. I wasn’t trying to make you crazy.”
“Well, you did.
I was losing it imagining you in an unsafe situation with nothing I could do to protect you.”
“Give me a little credit, will you? I’m not an idiot. I’d never put myself in danger on purpose.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s dangerous in my world, sweetheart.”
“You have nothing to worry about.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. With you, I have everything to worry about.”
“Aww, Hayden. You’re such a romantic. Who knew?”
That makes me laugh when I would’ve said that nothing could make me laugh tonight.
“No more surveillance. I want to hear you say it.”
“Fine,” I say begrudgingly. “No more surveillance. Now can I kiss you?”
“I wish you would.”
I prop myself up on one elbow and gaze down at her precious face for a long time before I lower my lips to meet hers. Addie’s arms encircle my neck, and I end up on top of her for the sweetest, sexiest kiss of my life. All we do is kiss. Our hands remain stationary even as my cock throbs against her soft belly. I can feel her love in every stroke of her tongue, and her fingers in my hair soothe and calm the rage that lives within me.
The rage is exhausting, but I don’t recall a time when I didn’t carry it with me. I remember the red-hot heat of it from the first time my mother OD’d when I was five. It’s intensified with every subsequent incident until it’s as much a part of me as my blue eyes and dark hair. Sometimes I think the rage is partially responsible for my success as a filmmaker. I feel things more deeply than other people do, and that intensity comes through in my work. What I feel for Addie runs through me so deeply I’ll never be free of it, and I don’t want to be.
I ease back from the kiss, running my thumbs over her sweet face. “I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone. No matter what else happens, I need you to know that.”
Her eyes shine with unshed tears. “I do know, Hayden. I’ve known that for a long time. I love you so much. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I wish you’d believe me when I tell you that.”
“I want to.”
“You can.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know you are.”
“Tell me where you were tonight.”
