by Force, Marie
“No.”
“Fuck,” Kris muttered.
My thought exactly. I realize my hands are shaking. Every part of me is shaking. I knew I shouldn’t have let this happen with her. If things had stayed the way they were, I’d be upset about what happened to her, but I wouldn’t be destroyed the way I am now. How could she do this to me? How could she get me to fall in love with her and then do this to me? And yes, I realize my thoughts are irrational, but they’re my thoughts, and I have a right to them.
“What do you need, Em?” Flynn asks when he sits next to me.
Her. I need her to come in here with that mouth of hers and tell us we’re overreacting, that she’s fine, that everything is all right. Since that’s clearly not going to happen, I struggle to think of an answer to his question. “I, um, I don’t know.”
Natalie comes rushing in a few minutes later, tearful and undone.
Flynn stands to hug her, and she breaks down into sobs. “Please tell me she’s going to be okay.”
“We don’t know anything yet,” he says, sounding grim.
Natalie releases him and comes to hug me. “I’m so sorry this has happened, Emmett. She’s been so happy with you. It’s not fair.” She hiccups on a sob, and I find myself patting her on the back, wanting her to calm down so we don’t have a second calamity on our hands.
“Thanks, Nat,” I manage to say. “That’s good to know.”
We make the decision not to tell Hayden and Addie what’s happened, so as not to ruin their trip. There’s nothing they can do here, so there’s no sense upsetting them.
Over the next hour, Ellie, Aileen and Sebastian join us. Stella and Max come after Flynn calls to tell them what’s happened, and while I’m comforted by the presence of most of my loved ones, my hands continue to shake uncontrollably while we wait to hear something about the one I love the most. I’d take anything at this point.
Kristian is in and out of the room, trying to get more information. I’m thankful that he’s taken command of the situation, because I’m incapable of anything more demanding than breathing at the moment.
This awful feeling is why I resisted Leah so hard at first. Having something too precious to lose is a risk I never wanted to take. But she wore me down with her persistence, sassiness, sweetness and sexiness. And now I’m in the hideous spot of wondering how I’d ever go on without her.
I stand so suddenly that everything stops around me.
Kristian comes over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.
“I… I need some air.”
“Come on.” He leads me out of our private room, through the public waiting room and out the main doors. We emerge into warm sunshine, the kind of perfect Southern California day that makes this the best place on earth to live, most of the time, anyway.
“I can’t take this,” I tell him.
“I know it’s awful, but she’s in the best possible place to get what she needs.”
“Why aren’t they telling us anything?”
“Probably because they can’t yet, but they will. As soon as possible. They know we’re waiting.”
“How do you go through this for days every three months?” Talking about his ordeal takes the attention off mine, albeit temporarily.
“I don’t know. You just do it because you don’t have any choice.” He leans against the exterior wall as if he needs the support it offers. “We got good news this morning about Aileen’s latest tests.”
“That’s a relief.”
“Yeah.” He looks over at me. “I’m really sorry this has happened to Leah—and to you.”
“I was in there thinking this is exactly what I didn’t want—to care so much about someone else that they have the power to ruin me.”
“I feel you. I was the same way before Aileen. But now… When I think about what I would’ve missed with her and the kids.” He shakes his head. “The good stuff far outweighs the bad. It’s worth it. I swear it is.”
I’m not entirely sure that’s true. If she dies or ends up like Elena, I won’t survive it. That much I know for certain.
Flynn comes running out. “The doctors want to talk to us.”
I’m frozen in place, torn by wanting to hear what they have to say and not wanting to hear it. I can’t move.
“Come on, Em, Leah needs you,” Kristian says, taking me by the arm and steering me inside.
Chapter 21
I stumble along, propelled by Kristian’s nervous energy.
We enter the room full of friends where two doctors are waiting for us, their faces set in unreadable expressions. Why do they do that? Why can’t they smile or do something to let me know she’s okay?
“This is Emmett Burke, her boyfriend,” Flynn says.
I’ve never in my life been introduced as anyone’s boyfriend, and I’m not sure what to make of it now. Focusing on that gives me a final second to prepare for whatever they might say.
“Ms. Holt is stable,” the older of the two doctors says. “She took a hard hit to the head that required forty stitches to close. We waited for a plastic surgeon to stitch her since the wound is on her forehead.”
“Is she awake?” Nat asks.
“Not yet. She suffered a significant concussion and lost quite a lot of blood. She also fractured her left wrist.”
“Will she be okay?” Kristian asks the only question that remains.
“We believe she’ll make a full recovery, but the next few hours will tell us more.”
Full recovery. That’s the only thing I hear. “Can we… Can I see her?”
“Of course. We’re waiting for a room to open upstairs, but you can stay with her until we move her.” He gestures for me to follow them.
I reach for Marlowe’s hand, needing someone with me for this.
They lead us to a cubicle at the end of a long hallway, where Leah is being tended to by a white-haired nurse. That white hair comforts me, as it means experience, and I want Leah to get the best of everything. It takes a second for me to work up the courage to look directly at the woman in the bed, the dynamo who inserted herself squarely into the center of my life.
I go to her, drawn to her the way I have been from the beginning. Leaning over her bed, I kiss the side of her forehead not covered by a bandage. “I’m here,” I tell her. “I’m right here. Marlowe is here, too. Everyone is.”
I look at Marlowe across the bed, see the concern etched into her expression and close my eyes against a rush of tears. I’m wrecked at the sight of the life force known as Leah in a hospital bed. Seeing her pale and still is so wrong, so totally wrong.
Marlowe places a hand on Leah’s shoulder. “You need to wake up, Leah,” she says. “I need my Addie. You’ve made yourself completely indispensable to me these last few months, and I won’t last a day without you.”
I sit in a chair next to the bed, take hold of Leah’s hand and bring it to my lips. I breathe in the lingering scent of her lotion, that scent of her that’s so distinctive, as tears slide down my cheeks. I can’t bear this. I’m there a long time, aware of the others coming in one by one to see Leah, of Natalie weeping and Flynn leading her out, of doctors in and out, nurses, beeping in nearby cubicles, the smell of antiseptic and the hint of panic all around me as hours go by without her so much as stirring.
They move her upstairs at six, the time we’d set to meet up for her first surfing lesson. I’d told her the water would be freezing, and she said she didn’t care. She wants to try it. She wants to try everything. My fearless, spirited girl. I love her so fucking much.
I want to beg her to come back to me, to mouth off to me, to tease me, to laugh at me, to hit me in the eye with a butt plug. I’d take whatever I could get at this point.
I’d give her anything, literally anything she asked for, if only she would open those big blue eyes that betray her every thought and emotion and look at me again like I hung the moon just for her. No one has ever looked at me the way she does. Ever.
They settle he
r into a room in ICU. That she requires that level of care only further shreds my already frayed nerves. Why would they bring her to the ward for the most critically ill patients if she wasn’t in bad shape? I ask the kindly older nurse who accompanied us upstairs that question.
“We just want to keep a close eye on her,” she says. “Head injuries can be unpredictable.”
How well I already know that.
“Why won’t she wake up?”
“She took a heck of a hit. It can take time for her to come back from that. I’m going down to the ER, but you’ll be in good hands here. I’ll pray for your friend.”
I want to tell the woman that Leah is so much more than my friend. But I only nod and mutter my thanks and keep my focus on Leah, trying to contain the panic that wants to overwhelm me. Not that long ago, I thought she was too young for me, too vanilla, too much. And now that I know her so much better, I can’t believe I ever thought she was anything other than perfect for me.
In the hours that follow, I relive every minute we’ve spent together, wallowing in the bickering, the irritation, the arousal, the sublime pleasure, the laughter. God, she makes me laugh like no one else ever has.
“Baby, please,” I whisper, leaning over the bed so I’m as close to her as I can get. “Please wake up.” I kiss her face, her cute little nose, the freckles. Those fucking freckles… They slay me. I kiss her lips, wishing she would say something to piss me off just so she can tell me I’m sexy when I’m pissed. “Leah, come back to me. This isn’t funny. You can’t do this to me. You know what I went through with Elena. Don’t you dare do this.”
Kristian comes in to check on me. I’m aware of him and the others coming in and out, but I have nothing to say to anyone but her. I speak only to Leah, begging her to wake up.
In the bright fluorescent light of the windowless ICU, it’s hard to know what time it is, but time ceases to matter. I have no idea how long I’m there, kissing her, talking to her, pleading with her. I’m so close to her face that the flutter of her eyelashes on my face electrifies me. It is the single best feeling I’ve ever experienced.
“Leah.”
She licks her lips and moans.
“Baby, wake up. It’s Emmett. I’m here. Wake up and come back to me. Please come back to me.”
“Em.”
Nothing has ever made me happier than hearing her call me by name, even if it’s just a piece of my name. It tells me everything I need to know, that she’s still in there, still here, still mine. “Yes, it’s me. You were in an accident, but you’re okay now. You’re going to be okay.”
“Hurts.”
“I know, sweetheart.” I’m sobbing. I can’t help it. She’s ruined me and made a hot mess of my previously well-ordered life. This dreadful day has shown me that I’m nothing without her. I wipe my face with the sleeve of my suitcoat and kiss her lips. “Let me get the nurse to give you something for the pain.”
She tightens her hold on my hand. “Don’t go.”
“I’ll come right back. I promise.”
She lets me go, and I move quickly to alert the nurse at the desk outside her room that she’s awake and in pain.
“I’ll be right in.”
I want to tell the friends who’re in the waiting room that she’s awake, but my need for her trumps everything else. I return to her, resume my post by her bed and take hold of her hand, fearing that maybe she’s gone again.
But her eyes open, and she blinks me into focus. “What happened?”
“You got run off the road. Gordon’s guys saw it happen.”
“Was it… Was it Tom?”
The fear I see in her eyes guts me. “We don’t know yet. They got the plate number, and the cops are looking for him.” I kiss her hand. “I should’ve made you call the cops the first time you told me about him. Maybe if I did…”
Her eyes close, and her voice is weaker than usual. “You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault. I could’ve called the police about him, but I didn’t.”
Natalie appears at the door, hears Leah talking and lets out a happy cry.
“Hey,” Leah says, smiling at her friend. “You’re here.”
“We’re all here,” Natalie says, moving to the other side of Leah’s bed.
“You didn’t call Hayden and Addie, did you?”
“No,” I tell her. “We all agreed not to.”
“Good,” she says, relieved as her eyes close again.
The nurse comes in and gives her something for the pain that knocks her out. “She’ll be sleeping for a while if you want to take a break.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Not as long as she’s in that bed and the guy who put her there is still on the loose. Hours pass, someone brings me food that I eat without tasting anything. Flynn and Jasper insist on taking Natalie and Ellie home to rest, and after they leave, I tell the others to go, too. “I’ll be here, and I’ll let you know if anything changes.”
“I’ll stick around,” Marlowe says.
“You’re leaving for France tomorrow,” I remind her.
“I already told them I’m not coming until later in the week.”
“Leah will be mad that you did that because of her.”
“Leah’s not the boss of me,” she says, smiling, but I can see the exhaustion in her eyes. “Are you okay, Em?”
“I’m better than I was, but…” I shake my head.
“I know. It was pretty scary for a while there.”
“I’m not cut out for this.”
“For what?”
“For caring this much. I don’t know how to do it.”
“You’re doing great. You haven’t left her side in hours. You were right here when she needed you.”
“I should’ve called the cops about this guy sooner. I knew he was bugging her, but I told her to block him. I should’ve done more.”
“We don’t even know for sure yet that it was him. Why’re you doing this to yourself? It’s not your fault that this happened. And it wasn’t your fault that Elena got hurt, either, even if you don’t believe it.”
“I’ll never believe that me confronting Drew didn’t play a part in what happened.”
“Not your fault,” Leah mumbles.
Her voice is like a live wire connected directly to my heart, which jolts with pleasure at the sound of her voice.
“She’s right,” Marlowe says. “That wasn’t your fault and neither is this. As much as you’d like to think you can control what other people do, you can’t. No one can.”
“What she said,” Leah says, gesturing to Marlowe and then wincing when the movement causes her pain.
“What hurts?” I ask her.
“My head feels like it’s going to explode if I move even the slightest bit.”
“Then stay still.” I know I sound bitchy, as she would say, but I can’t help it. I’m dangling at the end of my rope.
“Trying to, but breathing requires movement.”
“Don’t mind him,” Marlowe says, frowning at me. “He’s overwrought. Caring about someone the way he cares about you is taxing for him.”
I scowl at Marlowe, even though she speaks the truth. I said all along I wasn’t cut out for this relationship nonsense. Leah should’ve listened to me when I told her she could do better than me. I’ll be here for her as long as she’s in the hospital, but the minute she’s back on her feet, I need to take a step back to preserve my own sanity.
I can feel him losing his shit and melting down right next to my bed. This is bad, but I can’t do much about it while it hurts to breathe. My ribs and chest hurt, my wrist is braced and aching like crazy, and my whole body feels like it was run over by a truck.
The nurse says they’ll move me to a regular room tomorrow, after I’ve been monitored for twenty-four hours due to the head injury.
“You don’t have to stay,” I tell him when Marlowe goes to get coffee for them.
“I told you I’m not going anywhere.”
Every word hurts me, but I’m more concerned about him than I am about myself. I can’t begin to imagine how awful this must’ve been for him. Even if he’s trying to project an I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude, I know he gives all the fucks about me, and that’s the problem. He doesn’t know how to handle that, and my accident happened at the worst possible time, right when we were making a big step toward something significant together.
I’ll never forgive Tom for screwing that up. I’ve begun to remember details of the accident that I need to share with the cops. It was him. I recognized his car. I take a deep breath. “Emmett.”
He turns from his spot in front of the window where he was staring out into darkness. He’s removed his suit coat and tie and rolled up his shirtsleeves. “I’m here.”
“Are the cops still around?” I keep my eyes closed, which seems to help the pounding in my head.
“I don’t know. Why?”
“It was Tom. I recognized the car.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah.”
With my eyes closed, I hear the rustle of fabric as he withdraws his phone from his pants pocket and then his voice. “This is Emmett Burke. I’m with Leah Holt in the hospital, and she saw the car. It was definitely him.” He listens. “Okay. Let me know.” He ends the call. “They already knew it was him because they were able to tie the plate number that Gordon’s guys gave them to him. They’ve issued an APB, and the entire LAPD is looking for him.” His phone chimes with a text that leads to a gasp.
“What?”
“I, uh, fuck.” All the air seems to leave him in a long exhale. “Liza texted me,” he says, referring to Quantum’s head publicist. “The press has picked up on the story of Marlowe’s assistant being run off the road in Malibu.”
“Do they have my name?”
“Yeah.”
“I have to call my father.” I rarely talk to him, but I wouldn’t want him to hear about my accident in the media.
“I’ll call him. What’s his number?”
I recite it for him and listen as he tells my dad what happened.
