by L. A. Boruff
Eli elbowed Austin’s arm, keeping the contact strictly non-sexual. “You volunteering?”
“For what?” Austin’s mind was clearly not following Eli’s train of thought.
“Your dick almost entered my lab.” Oh lord, he probably shouldn’t have put it that way.
“Completely accidental.” Austin scowled.
Eli nodded. They’d known each other for years, and never once had they felt the desire for a physical connection. “Of course, but I was thinking–”
“Stop thinking right there.”
“No, listen to me.” Damn it. He cast logic aside and dug up the emotional reasoning. “You guys always blow me off when I start rambling about research and shit, but we’ve got a unique relationship here, and it’s never going to work if we can’t communicate about everything.”
Austin glared at Eli over Indie’s shoulder. “Communicating is more than talking. It’s listening too.”
“I listen. I’ve been listening while you guys bicker about who’s going to fuck whom and how.”
“Who’s going to fuck whom.” Cody’s faked English accent carried a decidedly Texas drawl. “You make it sound so classy.”
“It doesn’t have to be a sleazy clusterfuck.” Eli returned Austin’s heated stare while reaching out to caress Indie’s cheek. “We love this woman, and I want to lay the groundwork for a bond that will last through the hell that’s coming for us.”
Austin’s stance wavered, and he moved from behind Indie to square off in front of Eli. “What’s that got to do with communication?”
“If we can connect on multiple levels, then logically, we have a real chance at making this work—no matter what.” Dire scenarios kept him awake at night, and the persistent fear that he could lose Indie—or any one of them—drove him to desperate measures.
“That makes sense.” Indie slid her hand down Austin’s arm in a futile effort to ease the tension from his muscles.
Austin shook his head. “You just couldn’t let go of the logic.”
No, he couldn’t. Even as much as he wanted to, Eli never could shut off his brain and fully immerse himself in the pleasure. He turned his back to all of them, shelving the desire to collect more data as past lessons came back to torment him. “Sorry. I learned that if I remain objective, no one gets hurt.”
Uncomfortable shifting sounds carried between him and the group, and then a soft touch landed in the center of his back. Indie. “Who taught you that?”
Eli turned to face their concern. He sank down on the couch while the incident refreshed in his memory. “A former commanding officer…before I joined Austin’s company.”
“A woman?” Indie sat beside him and draped her hand on his knee. “Sorry, that’s irrelevant.”
“Yes, she used me as her personal plaything.” He hadn’t objected, enjoyed her as much as she enjoyed him. “But when I wanted more, she ordered me to do my ‘job’ and expect nothing from her.”
Cody shuddered. “Damn, that’s cold.”
“That’s how she operated.” He’d heard rumors, both before and after his experience with her. “We had a good time until she got tired of me and moved on to the next fresh recruit.”
“Did you report her?” Austin’s frown turned his lips white.
“No. I should have.” He knew that now.
Not good enough for the major. “Why not?”
Eli met their disapproving glares. “Would any of you ever admit to a woman taking advantage of you?”
The guys’ condemnation faded, and they all shook their heads.
“I learned from the experience and moved on.” Eli shrugged, filing the information under past mistakes.
Indie’s fingers curled into his kneecap. “Have you?”
Why was she questioning him? He’d never kept anything from her. Answered everything she’d asked. But she’d always had to ask. He never volunteered information—not to her. “I’d like to think so.” He accessed his findings again. “I learned never to allow anyone to use me like that again, and that testing your sexual boundaries is a great way to find out who you are as a man.” He cast a sideways glance at Austin and caught his nod of agreement.
“Yeehaw, Lieutenant.”
While Cody was obviously pleased with the outcome, Indie shot him a skeptical eyebrow arch.
“Or a woman,” Eli added, proud that she refused to be left out.
She shifted closer to him. “Is your heart is still off limits?”
Ah, so that’s what she wants. Perfectly logical, given their intimate relationship. “It was.” Not of his choosing, just like she hadn’t chosen him—or any of them. They’d been forced into this arrangement, and they’d adapted to it with little effort. “Do you want what’s left of it?”
“I want whatever you’re willing to give.” She never pushed him, and he appreciated that.
“Thank you.” Eli leaned over and kissed her, hoping her sweet heat would short-circuit his brain long enough to let his heart rule, if only for a little while. Their coupling—or quintupling, rather—had been too easy. He might have to depend on his emotions when things got difficult.
A derisive snort reached his ears, and he shot a glance at his apparently skeptical commanding officer. “Feeling left out, Major?”
AUSTIN
“Left out of what?” Contact happens. Had it been voluntary? Austin had been attempting to corral Cody, and somehow ended up meeting Eli full-frontal. Throwing the man love on top of his already confusing relationship with Indie and her guys fucked his mind over in ways he couldn’t comprehend. He leaned back against the bookshelf again, assuming a relaxed pose while his mind whirled. “Feel free not to involve me in your clusterfuck.”
Indie shifted forward, addressing all of them. “Sex can be enjoyed in many ways. There’s no need to choose just one.”
“Smart woman.” Jack nodded.
Cody fondled Jack’s knee. “She knows what she’s talking about.”
But Austin shook his head. All his life, he’d only known one way to love, but that had been thrown out the window the moment they met Indie. “I have chosen one—you.”
Besides, he refused to get attached to a soldier under his command. Everyone he loved died, and falling for one of his men would be a death sentence for the poor bastard. I will never put Indie in danger like that.
He glanced over at Eli, hoping he’d have some practical insight to offer, some intellectual shit that would make sense of the wild ideas in his head.
But Eli had picked up that romance book again, flipping through the pages with intense concentration on his face, completely disengaged from the people around him.
“Don’t you have anything to add to this?”
“I’m processing.” Eli didn’t bother to look at him.
“Turn off your fucking processor and feel something, man!”
“I feel plenty.” Eli closed the book and laid it on the couch beside him then fixed an objective stare at his commanding officer. “I choose not to display every emotion until I’ve given it serious consideration.”
Choose not to? Can I choose what to feel? He glanced at the beautiful woman sitting next to Eli, and his heart hammered. Nope. “Jesus, you’re a fucking robot.”
Eli shot a dispassionate glance at Austin’s pent-up erection. “You’re an animal.”
“No, I’m human.” Austin dragged his palm up his quivering dick, poking the caged beast. “My wants and desires are perfectly healthy.” He waved an arm toward the naked men play-fighting on the table. “And so are theirs.”
“Amen, brother.” Cody landed a slap on Jack’s butt. Jack yelped and pinched Cody’s nipple. Indie’s breasts bounced while she laughed at their antics. Eli ignored it all, staring down his nose at Austin with bland disinterest.
“Shut up.” The abundant nudity and constant sex play surrounding Austin frazzled his last nerve, and Eli’s lack of reaction snapped it. He needed to vent his frustration at a specific target, or a misfire co
uld injure them all. “And right now I’m going to fuck my woman.” He grabbed Indie’s wrist and hoisted her to her feet. He’d been the first to get between her thighs, an emotional encounter that shredded his soul and left his heart wondering what the fuck had happened.
But she resisted, jerking her arm free. “The hell you are! I’m in charge when we’re naked. I choose who, how, and how often.” She planted her feet and jammed her hands on her hips.
Austin mimicked her stance.
Cody raised his hand. “If I recall correctly, I’m the one who initiated this fuck party.”
“That explains why it’s all gone to shit.” Austin rolled his eyes. Whoever said you can’t argue while naked had never encountered this bunch.
“That ain’t right,” Cody pouted.
Eli snorted and picked up the book again.
“Is it that good?” Jack raised an eyebrow.
“This book is more insightful than the cover lets on. The multi-partner relationship is complex.” The thoughtful way Eli turned the page drove Austin up the fucking wall.
“Like whose Tab A gets slipped into Slot B?” Cody slid off the table and moved to the spot on the couch Indie had vacated.
Jack followed him to perch on the armrest. “Don’t forget Orifice M.” He puckered his lips to define his meaning.
“Emotionally complex.” Eli rolled his eyes. “The sex part is easy, merely a matter of matching parts. Handling the relationship brings the challenge.”
Austin smelled bullshit. “How do you recognize emotion in fiction when you can’t see it in real life?”
“I’ve observed multi-partner relationships before.”
“Whoa, seriously?” Cody perked up. “You need to write a book, professor.”
Eli nodded and stroked his chin as if he was actually considering the suggestion.
“Forget about the book!” Austin roared.
They ignored him, gathering around Eli to peer over his shoulder while he read.
Jack pointed to a place on the page. “They’re flipping a coin to see who gets to fuck her first.”
Cody stood and grabbed someone’s pants off the floor, fishing a quarter from the front pocket. He flipped it among them. “Call it.”
“Heads!” Austin called. Might as well play their game.
“Tails!” Eli and Jack both shouted.
Indie caught the coin in midair, clapping it between her palms before anyone could see which side landed up. “Is that what I am to you? A prize?”
“Fuck yeah.” Cody moved to claim her, but she scooted aside.
The fire blazing from Indie’s eyes practically turned him into a smoking black spot on the floor.
Jack elbowed him. “Wrong answer, dumbass.”
“No, it’s not.” Cody sidestepped the next elbow and turned on Jack, curling his fist. “Doc’s the toy surprise at the bottom of our Cracker Jack box—our reward for digging past all the nuts.”
The new metaphor only fueled Indie’s fire. “So I’m a toy now?” The guys scrambled for cover as she chucked the quarter across the room. The coin pinged off bookshelves, disappearing among the stacks.
“We’re the nuts?” Jack popped up beside the couch to sit on the armrest again and glared at Cody.
Cody picked himself up off the floor. “If you guys can’t see what she’s worth, then I can’t help you.”
“No one’s disputing that Indie’s the reason we’re all here.” Eli lifted the book he’d been using to shield his crotch. “Naked.”
“Oh no, do not put that pressure on me.” Indie plopped down on the couch and hugged her chest, squeezing her breasts and drawing every man’s gaze to her plumped flesh. She apparently realized what she was doing and unclenched. “Or the blame.”
Austin released his protective grip on his vulnerable man parts, each man and the woman they shared exposed, no longer guarding against each other. “Then what the hell are we arguing about?”
“Dirty books, coin flipping, Austin getting bitchy because he and Eli mashed manly bits.” Cody extended a finger with each point.
“I did not get bitchy.”
“Oh, sorry, I misunderstood.” Cody folded two fingers down, leaving only his middle finger upright. “Austin getting excited–Ow!” He clamped his hands over his nose. “What the fuck, Major?”
Austin’s knuckles throbbed. He really shouldn’t have punched his subordinate officer, but no way in hell was he going to let Cody finish that sentence.
“You had it coming.” Jack nearly fell off the armrest laughing.
Bitchy? Excited? Well, yeah. Both emotions—among others—had battered his defenses this afternoon, but he thought he’d come through the assault unscathed. “Anyone else want to tell me how I feel?”
Indie rose from the couch, hands on hips, shoulders squared. “I will.” His jacket gaped open, exposing her breasts and stirring his cock.
Shit. How could a naked woman appear so intimidating? “Please enlighten me, Doctor.” Austin matched her posture with half as much confidence.
“Lighten up, Mr. Tucker.”
He was going to rip that rank insignia right off her shoulder. “Major Tucker, goddamn it.”
“You’re always accusing Eli of never feeling anything, but you’re the one who’s holding back.” Her stance softened slightly, and she moved a step closer to press her palm to his racing heart. “You never let us—me—see what’s going on inside you.”
I can’t let her see. He pushed back against her insurgence. “I always let you know what I’m thinking. Just two seconds ago, I punched Cody’s lights out because he’s an ass.” Another emotion he’d failed to contain.
“Almost punched my lights out.” Cody rubbed his nose a bit indignantly.
“Pfft.” Indie blew Austin off with a wave of her hand. “I know a bullshit show when I see it.”
Cody grinned. “She’s talking to you, Major.”
“I know!” Fuck! When was he going to stop bleeding feelings all over the place? Maybe robot Eli had the right idea. “Damn it, woman! I let you whip my ass and my dick. What more do you want from me?”
“Your heart, idiot!” She slapped his chest, leaving a stinging handprint behind.
“I can’t–” Lose you. Austin clamped his mouth shut, proving her right without saying a word.
“What?” She stepped back, tilting her head to one side, emphasizing her question.
He swallowed hard, searching for the words to explain. “Risk exposing you to…” No, that’s not it.
“The virus?” She finished his sentence with the wrong idea, but she apparently caught her mistake and shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
Austin scratched the back of his neck. Damn it, he couldn’t get it right. “It’s complicated.” Not really. If he loved her, she would die. Simple as that.
Cody snorted. “There’s a load of bullshit.”
Austin ignored him as grief, both past and anticipated, settled over him like the stars and stripes draped across a casket. “My heart can’t take this.” No, not his heart. Hers. His knees buckled, and he sank to the floor, shaking under the weight of a burden only he could carry.
Indie approached, casting a shadow over him. “You’re supposed to be the strongest. If you can’t lead us, then…?” Her voice trembled, and a sniffle echoed in his ears.
“This is never going to work,” Eli grumbled. “We can’t manage this many emotions in a logical manner.”
“Fuck logic.” Cody curled his fists, glaring back at Eli.
Austin wanted to fight too, but Eli’d said what they’d apparently all been thinking. “Maybe we should give up on this.”
“What the fuck are we doing?” Jack sighed and slumped on the armrest.
Indie wiped her eyes with her finger. “We were crazy to think this would ever work.”
Fucking hell. They been defeated before, but they’d always come back stronger. What was he supposed to do now? Options. His favorite command mocked him. Take Indi
e in his arms and comfort her with tender lies and gentle kisses? Or should he be brutally honest? Tell her to suck it up and put on her man panties. There’s too much crying in the apocalypse.
Or tell her he loved her? What good would exposing his heart do? Loving her would put her life at risk, and he just couldn’t do that to her. Or me.
The sound of flipping pages drew his attention. Austin raised his head and spotted Eli on the couch with the book in his hands again. He sighed, long past arguing with him. “You think there’s an answer in there?”
“I don’t know.” Eli shrugged, scanning the words in front of him. “Maybe if I search long enough, I’ll find something.”
A simple idea, and yet profound. Austin glanced at Indie, and she peeked back at him. She blinked her tears away and straightened her shoulders.
Cody uncurled his fists and moved to sit beside Eli. “It’s about two guys and a girl, right?”
“Yes.”
“Any man love in it?” Cody leered over Eli’s shoulder.
“Not yet.” Eli flipped to the last few pages in the book. “It’s all about how the guys overcome their conflicts to love her.” A wry smile twisted his lips. “One guy spoils her, and the other does her dirty.”
“I’ll spoil her.” Jack stood and reached for Indie, pulling her into his embrace. He kissed her temple, and she nestled in his arms.
Not to be outdone, Cody jumped up and clasped Indie’s ass in both hands, leaning down to nip her neck as he slid close and ground his cock between her butt cheeks. “And I’ll do her dirty.”
Indie giggled and turned her head to kiss him, catching his chin in a light slap. “Behave.”
“I know you don’t mean that, Doc.” He reached around and pinched her nipple while Jack licked her earlobe.
Eli kept right on reading. “But they both give her whatever she wants.”
“There it is.” The thing they’d been searching for. Small, but maybe enough. “Whatever Indie wants.” Austin held onto it, hoping the other guys’ love would make up for the piece of his heart he hid from her.
