by A. Zavarelli
“Do not tell anyone we have spoken.” I pull away from Nina. “And that means Kat too. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” She nods forcefully. “I got it, okay. Nobody will know. Just please don’t come back here.”
“I won’t if I can help it,” I answer ominously. But the truth is, what happens next depends entirely on her father.
7
Kat
I’m not good, Kat. And I’m definitely not good for you.
After Lev leaves, I spend ten minutes just sitting there staring at the closed door, trying to wrap my brain around what just happened.
I’m not sure if I still smell that little bit of aftershave or if it’s my imagination. Or just straight-up desperation.
I bend down to pick up my phone which at some point dropped to the floor.
You won’t see me again.
I guess he got what he wanted, plus a bonus fuck this morning. Now he’s gone, and I don’t even know why I’m surprised. Or why I expected him to be different.
He only took care of me at the club because if anything happened to me due to a bad drug, the club would be in trouble. Me kissing him like I had and practically climbing into his lap when I was high? Well, let’s be honest here, that’s the reason he returned the scarf. He didn’t want to take advantage of me while I wasn’t quite in control of myself. Not because he’s such a gentleman but rather because he had to protect himself.
When he told me to stay away from the club at dinner, I don’t know, maybe he didn’t want to see me get hurt or into any trouble. Or maybe, again, he was protecting himself. I mean, I did use a fake ID to get in there. And it’s not like it took much convincing for him to sleep with me last night.
“Ugh.” I get to my feet. “I’m such a slut.”
No. Fuck that. If it weren’t for the very caring, upstanding, and all-around nice guy Mr. Robert George—perverted asshole—I’d still be a virgin. You can’t be a slut and a virgin, right? It’s just I’ve never been so drawn to someone like I am to Lev.
Was.
Like I was to Lev.
He won’t be back, and I’d better get used to it.
I bite my lip to stop the tears that burn my eyes from falling. I liked him. That’s all there is to it. Even if it’s stupid, I did. And it hurts to know I won’t see him again.
My phone buzzes with a text. Looking down at it, I remember I never got to read Nina’s message, but the text on the screen is from Sandy, a woman I work with. Her daughter’s sick, and she’s asking if I can come in an hour early and cover the end of her shift.
I text her back to tell her that’s fine. I don’t have much else going on, and I could use both the distraction and the cash.
I quickly scroll through to Nina’s name to read her texts, but all I see is the deleted message notice. Two of them. I check the time. She’ll be at school by now. She attends Penn State during the day like a normal nineteen-year-old. Me, I’m at the local community college for two classes this semester that I squeeze in around my work schedule.
I need to see her, but it won’t be tonight, so I change into a clean uniform, grab a bag of laundry, and head to the basement to drop it into the washing machine. On my way to the diner, I text Rachel to please put my things in the dryer when she gets home and that I’ll see her after class tonight. And I mostly try not to think about Lev or what happened last night or this morning.
With conflicting schedules, it’s a few days before I can see Nina. The first morning that I can, I text her.
Me: Hey. You around?
Nina: Yeah, just working on a project.
Me: Can I come over?
Nina: My dad’s home, and he’s got someone over but just come in around back. I’ll be upstairs.
Me: I’ll bring coffee.
I quickly brush my hair and twist it into a bun, grab a jacket and my purse, and head out. I don’t own a car, but there’s a bus stop a block away. Even though she lives in a much nicer part of town than I do, Nina’s house is only about a twenty-minute ride away. There’s almost a line you can draw between the middle class and the outright poor here, and as the bus drives out of my neighborhood and into hers, it’s like night and day.
I get off a stop early to drop in at WaWa and pick up two large French vanilla coffees. I know it’s probably fake stuff, but it’s so good and way cheaper than Starbucks across the street.
It’s a warm fall day, and I unzip my jacket as I walk along the quiet streets to the von Brandt home. There isn’t a car parked outside, so I wonder if whoever her dad has over is gone, but I slip around the back of the house anyway.
I climb the two steps up to the porch and let myself in. The door’s unlocked. Nina’s mom is usually at work by now, and I’m not really sure what her dad does. He doesn’t seem to have a regular schedule.
The house is quiet, so I wonder if it’s just Nina and me as I make my way upstairs. Her door is cracked open, and I hear the buzz of music when I push it open all the way and see her at her desk puzzling over something on her laptop.
“Hey,” I say, closing the door with the heel of my shoe.
“Hey.” She peels the headphones off her head, and the music grows louder for a moment until she switches it off. She stands up, looks me over and comes to me, giving me a big hug. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s worried.
“You okay?” I ask her as she steps back and takes one of the cups of coffee.
She nods, looking me over again. “Are you?”
I drop my purse, peel off my jacket, and sit on her bed to take a sip of coffee while I think about how to answer her question.
“I don’t know,” I finally say.
She comes to sit beside me on the bed. “I’m sorry about the Ecstasy. I didn’t know it was bad.”
“You couldn’t know, and you’ve already apologized like a hundred times. Besides, I’m fine.”
“You saw Lev again, didn’t you?”
“How do you know him? Who is he exactly?” I ask.
She looks away, sips her coffee. “My dad. They sorta work together sometimes,” she finally says. “Why did you see him again, Kat?”
“I’d forgotten my scarf at the club, and he brought it over.”
“Well, I guess that was nice of him,” she says sarcastically.
“Isn’t he nice?” I probe.
“I shouldn’t have taken you to Delirium. We should have gone somewhere else.”
“Why?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing. Just tell me what you guys did.”
“He took me to dinner and told me to stay away from the club, and then we went back to his house, and…I spent the night.”
“You what?”
I decide not to mention the fact we weren’t super careful about it either. Although I’d just finished my period so at least I won’t get pregnant.
I set my cup down on the nightstand and scrub my face with both hands. “It was great. The night, I mean. He was amazing. Nice and caring—”
She snorts.
“But then in the morning, he got weird, and I don’t know. It was just...strange.”
She bites her lip as if she’s considering something. “Listen Kat, you gotta stay away from him. He’s not a nice guy, okay?”
“Tell me who he is.”
“Just trust me.”
“He told me I wouldn’t see him again anyway, so I guess he’ll make sure I stay away.”
“He told you that?”
I nod.
She nods too, and I get the feeling she wants to say something, but she doesn’t, so I continue.
“It was really odd, Nina. Like night and day. He was outright icy in the morning, then he got a call which seemed to piss him off more, and I kinda jumped out of the car when we got caught in traffic.”
“You jumped out of his car?” Her eyebrows disappear into her hairline.
“Well, yes. It just seemed like he really didn’t want me there anyway, but then he caught up with me, and tha
t was when things got…really weird.”
“Really weird how?”
“Dark.”
“What do you mean?”
“He brought me home, and then we…you know. Again.”
She does that thing with her eyebrows again. “Christ, Kat! Of all the people you could pick!”
“But it was different. He was…different.”
“Different how?”
“Not as caring, I guess.” I pause, and she doesn’t seem surprised. “Who is he? I wish someone would tell me. He deleted the texts you sent me, so I didn’t even get to read them.”
“Well that explains things.”
“Explains what things?”
She gets up, walking to the window. “Nothing. Shit.”
I go over to her and look outside to find a man in a dark suit walk out of her house and down the street.
“Who’s that?”
“I don’t know. I just hope my dad isn’t being stupid.”
“What’s going on, Nina?”
Her phone dings, and she turns to pick it up off her desk. “Look, I’m late.”
“You know about him. You know who he is. You knew at the club, and he scared you.”
Her face goes a little paler. “His uncle is into some bad shit. That’s all.”
“He works for his uncle.”
“Yeah, well, do the math and stay away from him. He’s bad news.” She sighs. “I really gotta go. I’ll walk you out.”
“At least tell me what kind of bad shit.”
She stops and looks at me with an expression of worry and pity and pretty much nothing good.
“Russian mafia, Kat. The fucking Russian mafia kind.”
Six weeks later
8
Kat
True to his word, Lev pretty much disappears from my life. There are moments when I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end, and every time that happens, hope bubbles up in my belly.
But that hope is quickly followed by a not-so-little pang of disappointment when I turn around and realize it’s not him. Realize he meant it when he said I wouldn’t see him again. It doesn’t stop me from thinking about him, though. That hasn’t changed. Well, maybe it’s gotten worse, but I’m hoping my trip to the drug store on my way home from work will put my mind at ease.
Rachel is unpacking groceries when I walk in a little after nine at night. She’s working a late shift tonight.
“Hey,” she says when she sees me.
I set my bag down to help her unpack. We split the grocery shopping, so we each go once a week, and then we split the cost down the middle, which works really well.
“How was work?” she asks.
“Long. But I got decent tips tonight.”
I open one of the plastic bags, and my stomach turns when I smell fish.
“Salmon was on sale. I got two pieces,” Rachel says with a proud smile. “You liked it last time.”
I did. I do. But tonight, I’m going to be sick. “I just ate at the diner,” I lie. “Maybe we can freeze it?”
“Sure.” We unpack the groceries, and I’m holding my breath almost the entire time. As soon as everything’s put away, I pick up my things and go into the bathroom. I lock the door that leads to Rachel’s bedroom and take out my purchase. I count the days again, although I’ve already counted a dozen times.
Lev and I had sex four times. We used a condom two of those times. I’d just finished my period three days before, so there’s really no way. I mean, there’s really, really no way I can be pregnant. It would be insanely unlucky.
Although hasn’t that always been the sort of luck I attract?
I’ve gone back and forth with this logic for days now, and there’s no denying the fact that I’m late.
I take the pregnancy test out of its package and set it down on the toilet to pee on the stick. I know how this goes. It’s not the first time I’ve done this. But it’s been four years since I’ve had a scare.
The results show up pretty quickly. I know it says to wait, but I know it’s almost immediate. And like I knew it would, that little pink plus sign shows up right away.
My heart sinks into my belly. I drop the stick in the sink and grab the second test and pee on that, too. There’s a third one in the box too, but I don’t bother. I have my answer. Had it before these little plus signs.
I’m pregnant.
A knock on the door startles me. “Kat, you okay in there?” Rachel asks.
Crap. “Yeah. Sorry, I know you need to shower before work. I’ll be out in a sec.”
Cleaning up, I pick up the tests and drop them back into their box and then put the box back into the plastic bag. I wash my hands and walk back into my bedroom to process.
I’m pregnant.
I’m pregnant with Lev’s baby.
“Shit.”
My hands shake as I pick up my phone, and with fingers shaking so badly, it takes three attempts to get my text to Nina to make sense.
Me: I need to see you.
No answer even though she’s online.
I start to type another message but decide to call her instead. The call goes right to voicemail. “Nina. Fuck.” A sob escapes. “I really need to see you. I’m on my way.”
Pulling on my pink scarf and jacket, I rush out of the apartment and run to the bus stop. It’s raining again. Sheets of it drenching me, but I barely notice. A woman I run into here almost daily says hello, but I can’t manage my usual smile. At least the bus is on time tonight, and I’m grateful for the burst of heat when I get inside.
Pregnant.
I’m pregnant.
I walk down the aisle, catching myself on the back of a chair when the bus lurches forward. My gaze slides to the seats reserved for the elderly and pregnant women.
I’m fucking pregnant.
“Fuck.”
I sit down at the back of the bus and stare absently out the window. I’m in a daze for the entire ride, and only when I’m getting off the bus does my phone vibrate in my back pocket.
I reach back to grab it.
Nina: Not a good time. Parents are having the mother of all fights.
Me: I’m already here. A block away. I really need to talk to you.
It’s darker than usual on Nina’s street. The lamps seem to be broken out, but maybe it’s just the rain. A dark van is parked a few houses away. I notice it because it’s so out of place with its blacked-out windows.
I’m about to walk up to the front door when I hear Nina’s mom and dad. They’re arguing. And it’s loud. Even with the windows closed, I can hear them.
“Kat,” Nina calls out from her upstairs window. Her room is dark, which is strange. I guess she was waiting for me. “Come around back.”
I nod and slip around, my Chucks getting stuck in the muddy lawn. The fighting grows louder when I open the back door, and I hear Nina’s mom asking her dad how he could be so stupid.
I take my muddy shoes off and leave them at the back door. Making as little noise as possible, I creep up the stairs to find Nina waiting with her door open. Her parents fight a lot, and she usually takes it in stride, but tonight, something’s different.
“Hey,” I say.
She puts her finger to her lips and pulls me into her room. She closes and locks the door.
When I go to flip the light switch, she stops me.
“You okay?” I ask her, suddenly worried about her. I slip off my scarf and set my purse down but don’t take my jacket off.
“You can’t be here, Kat.”
“What’s going on?”
Her face is pale, and she looks like she might throw up. She gets up and opens her desk drawer, but instead of looking inside it, she bends down to slide her hand underneath it, and when she turns to me, I see she’s holding a flash drive.
“What’s that?”
“I stole it from my dad’s study. It’s what they’re fighting about.”
“What is it?”
“Fuck, Kat. I’m go
ing to be sick.” She hands the drive to me and rushes into her bathroom. I hear her retch, and the sound makes me nauseous, but I go in after her to at least hold her hair back.
“What’s going on, Nina?”
“My dad did something really stupid. So freaking stupid.” She’s crying, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth.
I wet a washcloth and hand it to her.
“What did he do?”
“Stole something.”
I look down at what I’m holding then back at her.
“You need to get out of here. They’re coming. If they don’t find it, maybe they’ll believe him when he tells them he doesn’t have it. I doubt it. They’ll beat the shit out of him but—”
“Who? Who’s coming?”
We both hear a vehicle then, and she runs ahead of me to her bedroom window. “Shit!” She turns to me before I make it to see outside. “You need to go. Now!”
“What—”
“Fuck. Where are your shoes, Kat?”
“They were muddy. I left them—”
“Never mind. Take mine. I’ll call you tomorrow. Don’t come back until I call you, okay?” She shoves my purse at me and takes off her boots as I hear voices downstairs.
Voices I recognize?
“Is that…?”
Nina stares at me. “Please go. Get that thing out of here.” I barely have time to pull on her boots as she shoves me toward the window along the side of the house. This is the one she uses to sneak into when she’s late. I’ve climbed the trellis with her, so I wrap my purse across my shoulder as I swing a leg out.
“Come with me!” I tell her.
“I can’t. They’ll come after me if I go. They know I’m here. Go!”
I climb out, the rain and my own anxiety making the trellis sweaty. Nina closes the window and turns away just as a light goes on in her room, and I duck out of sight. Climbing down fast, I lose my footing once and just barely catch myself. I only make it to the ground as I hear a quick, sharp pop, and although I’ve never heard a gun fired anywhere but on TV before, I know that’s what that sound is. I know it.
