by Amy Cross
“It was nothing,” I reply, forcing a smile. “I was about to go and make sure that Sheila and the girls are getting on okay with the rooms.”
“Very good,” he says, glancing back at the register before looking at me again as I turn away. “Lovely badge, by the way. A little color always livens up these dull uniforms, doesn't it?”
“It sure does,” I say, determinedly not looking at the badge as I head over to the door that leads to the laundry room.
Once I'm through, however, I stop for a moment and tell myself that I need to get a grip. I take a deep breath, and then I look at the badge.
It's a clown, holding some colorful balloons.
Chapter Thirteen
All that talk of a loop was nonsense, of course, but there's one thing I have to admit is true. This day certainly feels as if it's going round and round in circles.
“She's not home yet,” Dad says. “Steph, this is the third time you've called today. Whatever's going on?”
“You said she'd be home for lunch.”
“I thought she would be!”
“Where else would she go?” I ask.
“I have no idea. Maybe she met a friend and went for a coffee.”
“She'd have called you.”
“Maybe she didn't pass a payphone.”
“Mum's not like this,” I continue, trying but failing to sound calm. “She has her routine, you know she does. By this point in the day, she's usually got her feet up with a cup of tea, watching the lunchtime news. Then she watches the quiz shows.”
“Steph -”
“You know I'm right!” I hiss. “Mum's a creature of habit!”
He sighs, and then there's silence for a moment. I know I'm losing my cool, and I also know I can't explain any of this to Dad. He'd only start worrying. Unfortunately, there's something else nagging at me, itching at the back of my mind. When that Hannah girl said earlier that I sense death nearby, she sounded ridiculous, but I can't help thinking back to something happened a long time ago.
“Dad,” I say finally, cautiously, “do you remember...”
My voice trails off.
“Do I remember what?”
“That day at the zoo.”
“Which day at the zoo?”
“The day at the zoo,” I continue, still trying to stay calm. “Don't tell me you don't remember, Dad. I had to start going to a child psychologist not long after, I was even -”
“Alright,” he says, interrupting me, “I remember.” He sighs. “Why are you bringing this up, Steph? That was fourteen, fifteen years ago. You were a kid with an overactive imagination, that's all.”
“But what if...”
Again, my voice trails off as I think back to that strange, unreal day. For a long time, I was haunted by the things I saw, but lately I've managed to push those images from my mind. Now, however, they're coming rushing back and I can feel the sense of panic starting to rise.
“Damn you, Hannah,” I mutter under my breath. “Why did you have to make me think of that day?”
“Don't obsess about the past,” Dad says. “Yes, you had certain... difficulties as a child, but you got over them. Your mother and I worried when you moved away that perhaps you'd have too much time to think, to pick over everything. Have you considered speaking to a doctor? Maybe there's someone who can help you.”
“I'm fine,” I tell him, keen to get the call over with. “Just get Mum to phone when she's home, okay? I really need to know that she's okay.”
Once the call is over, I know that I should go back through and help with the dirty sheets, but for a moment I can barely bring myself to move at all. For the first time in ages, I'm thinking back to the day at the zoo, to the horrific things that I saw. It's almost as if, on that day, my eyes were opened to something completely new, something that nobody could ever truly forget. In which case, is it possible that everything Hannah told me is true?
Chapter Fourteen
15 years earlier
“So what do you think?”
Stepping past Mum and Dad, I look out across the zoo and feel a rush of happiness. I've wanted to come to a zoo for as long as I can remember, and now I've finally made it. I can see animals in their pens in the distance, and every few seconds I hear a screech or a toot or a howl or some other noise. I knew this day was going to be good, but I honestly never quite realized that it would be this amazing.
A small bird lands on a nearby bench and looks at me.
“What do you want to see first?” Mum asks.
“I...”
For a moment, I don't know what to say, but finally I turn and look up at her.
“I want to see everything!”
***
“Look!” I shout, letting go of Mum's hand and racing into the crowd. “An elephant!”
I slip between the various people ahead of us, and finally I reach the metal railing at the front. Just a short way ahead, there's a set of thick bars and then – beyond that – several elephants are slowly going about their business. For a moment I can only stare, enthralled by the sight of these amazing creatures, and I swear I could just stay here forever and never get bored.
“They're beautiful,” I whisper, as I see one of the elephants wandering past. He's so close, I could almost reach out and touch him. Looking up, I get a brief glimpse of his eye before he turns away. “I knew they were big, but I didn't know they were this big. I wish we could ride on them!”
As the elephant moves out of view, I excitedly push past several people and run around the side of the enclosure. I don't want to miss one moment of this, even though I know I'm having to be slightly rude as I struggle to find the best place to stand and watch. I can just about make out one of the elephants again, although all I can really see is his tail until, suddenly, another elephant comes lumbering into view from further back in the enclosure.
“There you are!” Mum says, finally reaching me and putting a hand on my shoulder. “Would you mind not running off like that, Stephanie? There's time to see all the things you want to see.”
“They're amazing!” I gasp, watching as one of the elephants comes closer and closer to the fence.
“They're definitely pretty cool,” Mum says.
The elephant is almost right at the fence now, and I can see one of its eyes. I know elephants aren't supposed to be as intelligent as people, but as I look at the eye I can't help but think that this particular elephant looks really sad and lonely. It has other elephants around to keep it company, of course, but maybe it wants to live in its natural place rather than in a zoo. As it comes closer, not even stopping for the fence, I can't help hoping that this elephants and all the others can be happy.
Suddenly the elephants steps straight through the fence, not even knocking it down, and I gasp as I step back.
“It got out!” I yell, as the elephants walks right past us and heads through the crowd. “Mum! Look! How did it get out?”
“What are you talking about?” Mum asks.
“Look!” I point past the crowd, toward the rear of the elephant as it stops near the gift store. “It's walking around with people!”
“Honey, why don't we look at the elephants some more,” she replies, tugging on my arm. “I thought that's what you wanted to do?”
I stare at the elephant, and after a moment I realize that no-one else seems to be paying attention. It's as if I'm the only person in the whole zoo who's excited that one of the elephants has managed to get out of its enclosure, although after a moment I turn and see that there doesn't seem to be any damage to the fence at all. It's almost as if the elephant walked straight through.
Turning, I see that the elephant is still near the gift store, and that there's still no sign of anyone else noticing.
“Stephanie, come on,” Mum says, sounding a little annoyed as she takes my hand. “What animal do you want to see next? They've got lions and tigers!”
Too confused to reply to her, I let her lead me back through the crowd. I wat
ch the stray elephant as we get closer and closer, and I'm surprised that Mum doesn't mind us walking almost right past the spot where it's standing. I look up at the elephant's face and see its sad eyes again, and then I watch as the trunk swings down and almost hits us. I feel a flash of cold air, and a flickering sense of fear, and then Mum leads me over toward another path.
I turn my head to look back at the elephant, and I can't shake the feeling that something seems to be really wrong.
“Okay, we're just going to wait for your father right here,” Mum says, stopping suddenly. “He sent me a message. He's coming now.”
“Mum,” I say, looking up at her, “why was that elephant allowed out?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why is that elephant allowed to walk around with people?”
“Hmm?”
She's checking her lipstick now, and not even paying attention. I hate when she's like that, but I know there's no point trying to get her to listen to me.
Spotting movement nearby, I look over at a nearby wooden fence and see a small bird hopping along. I smile, but then the bird turns and I see that one side of its head has rotted away, revealing maggots wriggling in its brain.
“Mum,” I say, pulling hard on her arm. “Do you see that bird?”
I point, and then I tug again.
“What bird?” Mum asks.
“That one right there!”
“I don't see a bird, honey,” she replies, as the bird hops closer with the maggots still wriggling. “You're acting kind of strange today, Stephanie. Are you sure you're not -”
Before she can finish, I scream as I see the bird's dead eyes staring directly at me.
***
Racing through the crowd, I suddenly trip and fall, landing hard on my hands and knees. My palms scrape against the rough ground, cutting the skin, and I feel a sharp pain my right knee. As I stumble to my feet, I'm finding it harder and harder to keep from crying.
“Are you okay?” a woman asks.
Turning, I see her leaning down and grinning at me. A fraction of a second later, however, I hear a rasping sound and I turn just in time to see a tiger coming this way. Gasping, I step back, horrified by the fact that nobody else is reacting to the tiger at all.
“What's wrong?” the woman continues. “Have you lost Mum and Dad? Shall we go and find them?”
Too scared to even speak, I raise my right hand and point at the tiger.
The woman turns and looks, but she's still grinning as she turns back to me.
“Is Mum over there?” She reaches out and takes my hand. “Why don't you show me, just so that I know you're going to be okay. We wouldn't want you running off and getting lost at the zoo, would we?”
The tiger takes another step toward us.
I pull back, but the woman keeps a tight hold of my hand.
“What's wrong, honey?” she asks, even as the tiger comes even closer. “You're acting very scared. Nothing bad happened to you, did it?”
I freeze, too scared to move, as the tiger passes. The great big tail swishes in the air, but the tiger seems very calm as it makes its way off into the crowd, and I still don't understand why nobody else seems to care. I studied tigers at school and I remember we were told that they can be very dangerous. I thought zoos always kept dangerous animals in cages, but they seem to be wandering around all over the place.
“Where's Mum?” I whisper, as I feel a growing sense of panic in my chest. “I want Mum.”
“What's your name, honey?” the woman asks.
“Where is she?” I ask, craning my neck to try to see Mum in the crowd. It must be five minutes since I got scared and ran, but I thought Mum was right behind me. “I can't see her.”
“Hello there,” a man says, coming over and smiling at me. He's wearing a zoo-keeper's uniform, with a logo on the front. “You look a little lost there, young lady. I bet you've got a mommy or a daddy who's trying to find you. How about we go to one of the stations and look after you until they arrive?”
“Where's Mum?” I whimper.
“You can't stand here all alone,” he continues, reaching past the old woman and grabbing my hand.
The same hand that the woman is holding.
Suddenly my hand feels fuzzy, and I pull away as the old woman leans closer.
“You don't want to go with him,” she says, and now her smile is getting wider. “He has lots of friends. Why don't you come with me instead? I've been all alone here for years now.”
Screaming, I turn and run, pushing once more through the crowd and desperately looking for some sign of Mum. Why isn't she looking for me? I bump into several people as I turn and look in all directions, but now I'm starting to worry that maybe Mum went and found Dad and then they went back to the hotel without me? They might have decided to leave me here forever, and I don't know how to get home.
Someone asks if I'm okay, but I don't dare stop. It might be someone like that old lady from before, and there was something really scary about her.
After a few minutes I reach the edge of the crowd, and I find myself on a lawn near one of the main buildings. I step back and look around again, hoping that maybe I'll see Mum, but all I see are lots and lots of strangers. Some of them look happy and they're laughing and talking, but a few of them are simply staring at me. A moment later I spot the old lady again, limping this way, so I turn and run across the lawn and then I duck down and squeeze through a gap in the railings.
Once I'm on the other side, I find myself in a section of the zoo that looks completely different. There aren't so many people here and there are lots of signs saying things like 'No Entry' and 'Staff Only'. I make my way out across the concrete yard, but I can already tell that I'm not really supposed to be here. At least there aren't any more crowds, but I'm starting to think that maybe I should have spoken to that zoo-keeper who tried to help me. Maybe he'd have helped me find Mum and Dad by now, and I could be on my way home with them.
Sniffing back more tears, I head past some large, closed metal doors. I can hear voices in the distance, but this part of the zoo seems to be completely deserted. I should probably turn around and try to go back to where all the people are, but instead I walk all the way to the far end of this yard area and then I stop to look around the corner.
All I see is a narrow path with a high metal fence on one side.
I pause for a moment, wondering what I should do next, and then I turn to go back the way I came.
Suddenly I let out a gasp as I see that there's a large black bird sitting on a wall nearby, just a few feet away. It's much bigger than most birds, it might even be something like a raven or a crow.
Before I can work out what to do, the bird turns and opens its mouth, letting out a loud cawing sound. As it does that, I realize that the area around the top of its beak and its eyes seems to be rotten, and I can see all the way through the gaps. The bird's eye flickers in its sockets, and I take a step back until I bump against the side of the building.
The bird turns and looks the other way, and now I can see through a small hole in the side of its head.
Suddenly the bird spreads its wings, and I'm shocked to see that there are feathers missing in places. It's as if parts of the bird have rotted away and, as it takes off and flies high into the sky, I hear the bird's cries echoing all around. And then, after I blink, suddenly the bird has completely disappeared.
Feeling something hot and wet on my nose, I reach up and touch my face. When I look at my hands, I see that there's blood on my fingers, which means I must have another nose-bleed.
I take a step forward, but I'm getting dizzy now.
“Mum?” I whisper, and now I feel really heavy. I try to call out again, but instead I simply fall forward and slump down against the rough concrete ground.
***
“Okay, steady now,” a voice says, drifting into my mind as I start to open my eyes. “Everything's alright. You're safe.”
Turning my head, I look up and
see the zoo-keeper crouching next to me. He has a happy, friendly face, and after a moment he reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder.
“What are you doing here?” he asks. “This part of the zoo isn't for normal visitors. Did you sneak through a door that was supposed to be locked?”
“I want Mum,” I reply, sitting up and checking my nose.
I can feel sticky, half-dried blood on my upper lip.
“You look like you've been in the wars,” the zoo-keeper says. “I saw you earlier, didn't I? Out there near the giraffe enclosure. What happened, did you get scared?”
“Where's Mum?” I ask, and I can feel myself starting to cry again. I don't want to cry like a little girl, but I can't help myself and finally I start sobbing. “I want Mum!”
“And we're going to find her,” he says, getting to his feet and reaching a hand out toward me. “My name's Peter and I work here at the zoo. I look after the elephants. You're lucky I came by, I'm on my lunch break but I left something in one of the old stables. Now, if you come with me, I promise – hand on heart – that we'll find your parents. They must be very worried about you by now.”
For a moment I'm not sure what to do, but then I remember how bad things got after I ran away from this man earlier. I still hesitate, but then finally I take his hand, and I'm relieved to find that his skin is warm.
“Up she comes,” he says as I get up, and then he starts leading me back across the yard. “Now, I don't think you told me your name, did you?”
“Stephanie,” I say, sniffing back more tears. “Stephanie Lawson.”
“That's a very nice name, Stephanie.”
“Some people call me Stephie,” I tell him. “Or Steph. I don't mind which.”
“Well, I think you have some very good options there,” he says. “Like I told you just now, my name's Peter, but sometimes people call me Pete. Never Petey, though. Not since I was about your age.”
As we walk past one of the big doors, which is open now, I look inside and see that there's a large elephants standing inside. I can't see him properly, because it's so dark in there, but he's staring out at us and I stop and look as his trunk sways slightly.
